Keiki Ke'ehis
by Bugsbunnyaloha
Summary: An innocent trip to the North Shore becomes a life-altering event for Steve when he becomes involved with a beautiful girl that not only leaves him emotionally wounded at the end of the torrid affair, but also sets him up for a dynamic event that even he can't control.
1. Chapter 1

Steve heard the dial tone and slowly put the receiver back on the hook. He sat at his Father's desk using the 'old fashioned' telephone that had been there for as long as he could remember. He thought about upgrading once, but kept it for nostalgic reasons. It just felt like it was apart of the house, and now it had just brought news that was going to change the existence of that same house forever.

He glanced around the room in utter shock, still reeling from the phone call. He was trying desperately to let it soak in but the bombshell that had just been dropped on him was hindering any future plans that he desperately needed to consider as his thoughts drifted back to the past. The past that had put him on this path heading to a life that he had absolutely no idea how to live in. It was so foreign to him that he felt nauseated as he sat there staring off into space, but it was here and there was nowhere to escape from it. Although many had walked away and refused to be accountable, he couldn't, he knew it, no matter how badly he wanted to hide away; he just couldn't do it.

"How could she do it?" he asked himself, "How could she just pick up and leave?" That thought barely had time to cross his mind as another one consumed him. "Why hadn't she told him? Why now? Why did she lie to him? Why didn't she come to him for help?

His conscience flared up as he recalled the way in which they parted ways. His departure didn't actually scream out for an invitation for a reunion anytime soon, or anytime at all for that matter. Even so, under the circumstances she should have told him, another life was in the mix now and her irresponsibility was just par for the course. It was one of the reasons he had parted ways with her in the first place. But he couldn't help but smile at what they had shared in the beginning, it was completely out of the ordinary of any relationship he had ever had with a woman, but Tracy was different, even now thinking back he really didn't regret what they had in the beginning, he only regretted the way in which it ended, as turbulent as the beginning.

* * *

Steve came in through the front door behind Chin and Kono carrying two six packs of Long Board beer while each of them carried a dish of prepared food and a bag of chips. They were all greeted with open arms and Steve was quickly introduced to unknown family members that were standing in the kitchen while the majority of the guests and family were outside mingling in the yard. Kono stayed to help her cousin while Steve and Chin made their way out back, dropping the beer into the ice chest and taking two fresh ones off the bottom.

It was early April and the event was a BBQ to celebrate Chin and Kono's cousin and his wife who were visiting from the mainland. Steve tagged along, never having met the cousin, but the other relatives he'd gotten to know over the years, so his presence wasn't that unusual. The North Shore was never a place that Danny felt comfortable inhabiting, so his lack of presence wasn't missed. It was a place of great ancestry and the bloodline of most who lived there could go back generations, more so than just about any of the other islands, except of course Ni'ihau, the forbidden island located off the west coast of Kauai. Only native islanders were allowed there. Chin and Kono had ties to that place as well but hadn't visited it since they were young.

If you had ties or lived on the islands for an extended period of time you were considered kama'aina. And on Oahu the North Shore was the best place to live if you were native, but if you weren't it could be intimidating by the locals. Steve never thought twice about being there, after growing up on Oahu, he might not have looked the part, but he was kama'aina to most everyone there.

They walked up to the group of Chin's male cousin's that consisted of the guest of honor and greeted them with 'bro' handshakes and taping of the beers.

The conversation quickly went to sports and U of H's current football standings and the new local high school quarterback that had been recruited by the Oregon Ducks, the number one college ranked team in the nation. Everyone had an opinion.

The afternoon turned into evening and they eventually ended up down by the water where the property ended and the Pacific began.

Steve sat in the sand drinking a beer with a full belly and a relaxed attitude. It had been a great Saturday. No stress, no calls from the office and no paperwork, just sun, good food, good drinks and even better company. He laid back bracing himself on his elbows, looking out over the water as the sun set over the horizon, turning the sky purple and pink for as far as you could see. The waves rolled over each other as if fighting to get to ashore.

The breaks weren't considered big by anyone this time of year except the tourists who came out to gawk at the infamous North Shore legendary surfing beaches. Steve felt pretty confident he could master these waves, but in the winter he wouldn't go anywhere near the water on this side of the island. It would have meant death for sure, and he respected the ones that did, admiring many of his friends, including Kono who could ride them, and rode them well.

He looked over at a group of people who joined the party. They came from down the beach instead of from the house where the party originated. Neighbors he guessed. There were five of them, four men and one woman. Their backs were to the sun and he could only make out silhouettes at first. Kono jumped up and greeted one of the men with a hug and then stood off to the side speaking with him and a couple of the others. The girl sat down in the sand sitting back on her hands. Her sun streaked blond hair was up in a loose wad on her head, being held by a thick black band that wove in and around the wad. It looked a mess, but then on the other hand it looked stylish, like she had meant for it to be in disarray. She glanced over in his direction, making eye contact with him. He smiled at her but didn't get the same reaction from her. She turned away, but not before he had a chance to evaluate her appearance. He was a quick study when it came to people. He attributed that to his job, which he was grateful for at the moment, because this was one appearance he was happy to assess.

He guessed her to be in her mid to late twenties with the most beautifully and exotic shaped eyes he'd ever seen. It was what most women would have spent thousand of dollars to achieve under the knife. She had been blessed naturally. He was too far away to get a color, but if he had to guess, he'd say blue. She wore a pair of short cut off jeans and a white bikini top. There were no visible tan lines, which informed him that she sun-bathed topless. That little piece of information only heightened his awareness of her and his curiosity. Her Hawaiian home gave her the tanned complexion that made it unnecessary for any kind of cosmetics, but he was pretty sure that even without the tan she would still be stunning. The high cheekbones and full, perfectly shaped lips rounded out the complete package that made it impossible for her to go unnoticed in a crowd. But as he watched her she seemed at ease with her beauty and didn't revel in it, but he also got the feeling by her attitude that she was guarded by it, or maybe it was just him.

She glared at him, giving him a visual memo that he had been looking for too long. She wondered what was with this ha'ole? Did he think it was ok to just stare someone down like that? She'd never seen him before with this group. He didn't look mainland, but looks were deceiving, she knew that first hand. She took a seat next to Brandon her roommate. He was large enough to block her out of viewing distance, and once there in his shadow, she felt relaxed again.

Kono came up and planted a board in the sand, peeling her shirt off, exposing a bikini top. Steve chuckled not sure if he had ever seen Kono with anything under her shirt on her days off than a bikini top. He recalled her once saying that you never know when the surf might be up, always be prepared.

"Hey Steve," she said, "Sammy has an extra board if you want to join?"

He looked over at the sun as it began to make its final departure, "No thanks, by the time you get out there it'll be dark."

Kono laughed at him as the others from down the beach approached, "No, it would be dark by the time YOU got out there."

He leaned forward playfully swiping at her leg as she jumped back, "Smart ass."

He looked around him and it was as if suddenly everyone appeared with a board in their hand and headed to the ocean like they were being called home to the mother ship. He felt a slight jolt of regret, but knew better than to follow. He wasn't experienced enough to surf with them on a night like this and would probably end up hindering them. He didn't belong out there right now. If it had been earlier he would have gone without hesitation, but they all knew going out this time of night they had a chance for one, maybe two good waves before the sun went down. He wasn't about to go out and get in anyone's way. But anytime he could surf with a group from this part of the island was like a gift and a learning experience. Tonight though he would just sit back and watch his mentors perform.

He rested his elbows on his knees, holding the last few sips of his beer in his right hand as he held the bottle by the neck. He looked over at the group that had joined, noticing that only the girl and one other guy with a broken arm remained. He wondered if that new group wasn't the reason that the surfing idea had accelerated. The guy glanced over at him and Steve pointed with his beer toward the water. "Did you break it surfing?"

He shook his head, "Nah Brah, fucking ha'ole clipped me crossing the street." He waved his arm angrily at the water, "Taking me out of the water, fucking ha'ole!" he said even more bitterly.

"Wrap it up in a plastic bag," she said.

"I tried that, but I can't get up on the board! Fucking sucks."

She rolled her eyes at him, "I've seen you surf Brandon, you're arm isn't the reason you can't get up."

Steve kind of bit his bottom lip at that response, '_Cold_,' he thought, but the guy's reaction was the opposite.

Brandon rolled over on her and playfully pinned her on the ground, with his cast up against her throat. "I'll remember that next time you're flapping around like a fish out water, needing a shot of sugar."

The girl laughed out loud and Steve tried to decipher that statement but couldn't.

"Do you surf?" he asked her.

She sat up as Brandon backed off. She braced her hands in the sand behind her looking over at him, wondering if that was a question or some kind of insult. "Do you?" she snapped back.

Steve grinned, "Not very well." He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, surprised at who he saw. "Hey Kiki, what's up man?" he instantly rose to his feet.

"Hey Brah, how's my favorite outlaw catcher?"

They shook hands and Kiki pulled him in, bumping his shoulder against Steve's in a friendly manner. His six-foot four frame seemed towering over Steve's six one and the good seventy pounds didn't help the matter either.

"I'm good," Steve replied.

Kiki pointed toward the waves, "Why aren't you out there hooking up some waves with Kono, Brah?"

Steve laughed, "She'd kick my butt if I tried to muscle in on a wave and then didn't ride it all the way to shore."

He roared with laughter, picturing feisty little Kono doing that very thing. "I don't blame you brother. She scares me too." Kiki walked over to the other two in the sand and playfully smacked Brandon in the head, "I told you to quit leaving your clothes in the washer. They stink because they've been in there for so long."

"Sorry man," he replied sheepishly, "I forgot."

"I forgot," Kiki mocked him, "quit forgetting or your clothes will end up on the porch." He knelt in the sand, kissing the girl on the forehead, "What's up sister?"

"Hi Kiki," she glanced over at Steve, "he's a cop?" she whispered uneasily.

He smiled reassuringly, "He's not here to arrest you," he looked slightly over his shoulder, making sure Steve wasn't in hearing distance, "plus he's a good guy. He's native."

She moved so she could get just small glimpse of him, "He doesn't look native," she said sarcastically.

Kiki leaned down, eye to eye with her. "Neither do you sister."

She rolled her eyes at him, smiling, "I know, I know…it's all in the attitude, right?"

He winked at her, "Not everyone is out to get you."

She huffed and laid down in the sand, closing her eyes, "Only the good looking ones." She turned her head, opening one eye, looking at Steve. "Cops aren't supposed to look that hot. It should be against the law."

"He's not really a cop so to speak," he explained, "he's Five 0."

She opened both eyes, looking up at Kiki. "That's like Hawaii's FBI. How is that not like a cop? That's cop to the extreme."

Kiki shook his head at her. "Maybe because he doesn't act like it." He looked down at her, "Behave yourself. Be nice."

"Don't tell me what to do." She closed her eyes again, shuffling her body in the sand, trying to get a comfortable position. "You're my roommate not my warden."

He loved her like a little sister but also got angry at her like an older brother. He rolled over on top of her, letting all his weight rest on her 5'8", 125 lbs. frame.

"Kiki!" she groaned, trying to push him off to no avail. "Get off!" she laughed.

Steve diverted his attention from the surfers over to them when he heard her laughing. He took the last sip of his beer and held it up. "I'm going for a beer run. Can I get anyone a refill?"

Kiki rolled off of her on his back, holding up his fingers, "Two for me Brah."

She pushed him off the rest of the way, "God, go for a run or something," she moaned. She sat up brushing off the sand from her legs and looked over in Steve's direction. She didn't know what to make of him but she did like what she saw, and she knew he did too. Men always did. She hated the way they would gawk at her. She pretty much hated all men, except for her roommates, Kiki and Brandon. They were like family to her. The only family she had known for five years or maybe ever, before that it was her real family in Colorado, but they couldn't even come close to the two of them. They had saved her life; there was no doubt about that.

She scanned his body once more before making up her mind. He was something you didn't see very often on the north shore. She wouldn't go as far as calling him classy, considering the tattoos on his arms, but he was put together well and clean cut. She bet herself she could succeed before the night was over. She felt like she was already half way there all she had to do now was seduce him the rest of the way and this could be the most fun she'd had in a long time. She hadn't played this game in a while and he was going to be her biggest challenge yet. She licked her lips in anticipation of it, standing up. "I'll go with you," she volunteered her services, brushing off the sand from her body. She started with the back of her arms and slowly made her way down over the back of her legs, bending over and letting her perfectly proportioned breasts dangle within eyesight.

Kiki caught on to her charade and leaned in whispering to her. "Don't do it."

She looked up still bent over, peering at him. "You told me to be nice. I'll be nice."

Brandon went to grab her to prevent her from going but it was too late she had already moved through the sand and was standing next to Steve.

"You could use a hand," she said, "couldn't you?" asking in a way that told him she could care less one way or another.

From a distance he could clearly see that she was beautiful, but as she stood there, looking up at him with those sultry grey eyes, he felt like he'd been punched in the chest. She wasn't just beautiful; she was extraordinarily beautiful, astonishing came to mind. He couldn't ever remember being caught off guard like this. He wanted her help; there was no doubt about that. "Thanks, that would be great."

She grinned at him, thinking to herself that he would be worth the effort, regretting for only a short moment that it would end up bad for him She stuck her hand out, "I'm Tracy."

"Steve," he replied, taking the delicate object extended out to him, "Nice to meet you Tracy."

She followed behind him and smiled over at Brandon and Kiki who just watched her with obvious disappointment in their eyes. She turned away not wanting to see it, feeling resentment for it. She was a big girl, she knew what she was doing and if this Steve guy didn't, then that was his problem, not hers.

They both watched her walk off with him.

"One day that little game she is so proud of is going to bite her in the ass," Kiki announced.

"She'll deserve it," Brandon agreed.

Kiki looked down at him, "She doesn't know any better. You can't really blame her."

Brandon sat back refusing to accept that. "Yes she does. What she did to Tua was heartless."

"Tua knew of her and should have known it wouldn't end up good. I think he just wanted to try to conquer her, which only heightened her pleasure with doing that to him."

He nodded, knowing that was true, but still not agreeing. Tua had been a friend until Tracy got her hooks in him, now he never came around, because of her. Kiki was right though; she acted as if she didn't know any better. He loved her like a little sister and would protect her like one, knowing without a doubt that she would do the same for him. He and Tracy and Kiki, they were Ohana. "What do you know of this guy?" he asked.

Kiki sighed, turning to see his reaction, "You know Kono?" He pointed toward the water.

"Yeah," he squinted his eyes, "she's that cute little bad ass wahine that works Five 0 or something. I've heard of her."

He pointed over his shoulder where Tracy and Steve had departed, "That's her boss. He's head of Five 0."

Brandon's jaw dropped open. This wasn't just some schmuck she was playing with this time. Now he was really worried about her. "What if he uses his badge for pay back? She's fucking up the wrong tree this time."

Kiki scowled at his choice of words, "He's decent." He commented on Steve's reputation, at least that's what he had known of him first hand. He'd never had a run in with him on the police side but they had worked at an annual event together for underprivileged school kids. It was an organization that Kiki had been able to take advantage of when he was a child and one that Steve's father had been apart of as well, so he continued the tradition, but more so because he loved it. He and Kiki had been paired up for three years in a row to host whatever job they were assigned for the day. "I don't think he would use his badge against her."

Brandon huffed, "I also never thought that Tua would go after her like he did." He recalled the night Kiki stepped between his friend and Tracy to prevent a beating that Tracy only encouraged.

Kiki nodded, "She's a good girl, she's just troubled is all."

"I think just plain trouble is more like it," Brandon chuckled. He looked over in the direction they walked, "Poor schmuck has no idea what he's in for."

Steve looked over his shoulder at her as they walked up to the house. "So what do you do Tracy?"

"What do you do?" she countered.

"I'm a police officer." He looked back to see if she had a reaction. She smiled but didn't seem surprised, which he liked, most people had a reaction either good or bad. He liked that she was unaffected by it, not knowing that her reaction had already come and gone before their greeting and it wasn't one he would have liked.

"Were you born here?" she asked.

"Yes. Were you?"

"No, Colorado." '_There,_' she thought, '_that's about all he needs to know about me._'

They stopped in front of the cooler. Steve flipped the top open and reached in grabbing four with one hand and two in the other. Tracy held two in each hand and two pressed up against her chest, purposely letting the cold beer rest against her breasts, trusting the natural response that happened almost instantly. She was pleased with the body she was born with. Her long legs and narrow hips looked good in a bathing suit, but her breasts she considered her greatest asset when playing this game. Men couldn't help but be enamored of her breasts and the perfect nipples that could tease them mercilessly through her clothes. The white bikini top she had on did little to hide what was beneath. She made sure he saw every inch of them too. A little eye contact didn't hurt either. Getting the male libido going and still retaining that innocent charm was never an issue for her.

"How can you carry four in one hand?" she asked, pretending to struggle with the ones she had, purposely dropping one that was pressed against her chest in the sand. "Oh crap!"

Steve went to reach down and pick it up with the hand that held only two beers, when she squatted down to do the same, looking up at him. "You've got talented hands. I bet when you fire your gun you hit the target every time."

He stood up, holding the extra beer, looking down at her as she remained squatted; her knees spread apart and that one lucky beer tucked between the two most beautiful breasts he'd thought he'd ever seen in a bikini. Along with that face smiling up at him he knew he would remember this moment for obvious reasons. She was sexy as hell but he didn't know her well enough yet to be sure if her comment was said to be joking, or if she was blatantly coming on to him. At the moment he hoped for the later. He smiled at her as she stood up, "I've had lots of practice."

She liked that response and let him know it by gently brushing him as she moved on to the beach, "Do you give lessons?"

'_Ok_,' he thought, '_that's a blatant line_,' he felt her playing with his ego. She was subtle but good at this. "Have you ever fired a gun before?"

"No, but I'm always up for new and exciting things." The tone of her voice told him that innuendo could be attached to many things not just shooting a gun.

"There's a firing range out by Koko head. I could take you out there sometime and let you shoot a few rounds."

"Koko head!" she exclaimed, shaking her head, "That's way over on the other side of the island. I was hoping maybe you could teach me tonight."

Steve chuckled at her parody of 'way over on the other side,' it was a small island. "There's nowhere to fire it over here."

She stopped and turned to him just before joining the group that had exited from the water, slowly walking backward as she spoke, the sexiness in her oozing from every pore of that goddess-like body. "If you show me your gun, believe me I'll show you a place where you can fire it." She turned and held up the beers to the group, all of which cheered her graciousness.

Steve on the other hand almost dropped the four beers in his hand. Women had come on to him before. Some blatant as like this, some shyly, but never could he remember anyone giving him such a line with so much reading into it and looking like she did. His ego was off the charts and so was his libido. He watched her walk away scanning that perfectly proportioned ass and fighting with himself on whether or not he should take her up on her offer. Just then she glanced over her shoulder and smiled at him, "Are you coming?" she asked, knowing she had set the wheels in motion, the game was already in her favor. '_Maybe,_' she thought, '_he wasn't going to be as big of a challenge as she thought_.' She felt she was already halfway there.

He came up behind her, handing a beer out to Kono and a couple of others and then twisted the top off of his. He also couldn't remember ever being stumped for a good come back. She had him on the run that was for damn sure. But he couldn't deny that he was attracted to both her line and just plain her. It was flattering that she was attracted to him but he also considered what she was openly offering him. She didn't even know him and yet the solicitation for sex was being thrown in his direction as if she were telling him it was there if he wanted it. He wasn't sure if he was flattered by it, or a little turned off by it too. But the more she captivated his thoughts and his attention the more he was turned on by her. There was something about her that was alluring, more so than any woman he had ever encountered. He wasn't sure if it was her beauty, her forwardness or the self-indulgence he felt of wanting to be with her, but the combination of all three was luring him in her direction.

As the night progressed, the party moved down the beach to Tracy, Kiki and Brandon's house. Chin had gone home and Kono hung with her surfing buddies. The house was an older rental home that was built in the fifties but had been remodeled over the years; the last one was over fifteen years earlier so it was dated, but they liked it that way. It was open to everyone and it wasn't unusual to wake up on the weekend with extra bodies on the couch or floor in the family room. Kiki and Brandon had a wide circle of friends and the house was available to anyone needing a place to crash.

Tracy stood upstairs, looking down in the kitchen as he talked with Kiki and James. She watched him intently, knowing his glances around the room and outside every so often were to seek her out. She smiled every time it happened. He wanted her. He was missing her. She loved this game! She loved the lure of getting them hooked and then taking what she wanted. Cutting the string was never an issue for her. She became bored once the game was over. She didn't want a relationship with a man but loved that it was her decision; they had no control over it. She always made sure of that.

She walked out first. She would never let a man get close enough to give them that power. It had to be on her terms, that was the nature of the game. She didn't care if it hurt them, they would get over it, nothing lasted forever, everyone knew that. She had watched her Mother go through it too many times to let it happen to her. She wasn't a fool like she was. The men that came and went in she and her little brother's life were so many she lost count, only the ones that left an impression are the ones she remembered, and they weren't good memories. Women could play at that game just well as a man, and she was a master. She hadn't lost once.

Steve smiled at something Kiki said and Tracy raised an eyebrow at his charisma and good looks. He amused her, even from this far away. She knew the gun remark had surprised him but it felt good seeing that reaction, hoping she hadn't gone too far with it. He wasn't like other north shore guys whose life revolved around surfing, drinking, sex and telling surfing stories. He wasn't just street smart; he was all around smart. She knew that just from his line of work. She glanced down at her watch and decided it was time. She'd kept him out on the limb just long enough to keep his wonder up but not too long where his curiosity would get bored waiting. Men would only wait for so long before their mind would find something or someone else more pleasurable to occupy their time. She had good timing for her window of opportunity and played it perfectly.

Steve leaned against the counter talking to Kiki and another guy but his real attention was on the room. He hadn't seen her in over half an hour and was wondering if she had changed her mind about him or if maybe he had said something to turn her off. He didn't even know why he cared, but as she suddenly appeared from around the corner with all eyes on him, he remembered why. She had let her hair down and changed into a brown-cropped shirt that hid little to the imagination as it clung tightly to her perfectly shaped breasts that were as natural as the rest of her. He scanned down her body admiring the long white skirt that wrapped around and tied on the side. He couldn't help but wonder if she were just as bare under the skirt as the top. She was even more beautiful than before which he found astounding.

He grinned at her as she leaned against the counter next to him. "Hi officer, I thought for a minute that you left. That was an unsettling feeling." She helped herself to the beer in his hand, taking a drink, "Do you want to grab a couple more and go get some air?"

He liked her boldness and was more than happy to take her up on her offer. "Lead the way."

He smiled at Kiki and James as she turned and went out the back screen door that was next to the kitchen. Kiki grabbed his arm as he went to follow her. "Hey." He liked Steve and wanted to warn him of her, but he loved Tracy and didn't want to betray her either. He looked at him and thought maybe he could be the one to turn things around for her. Steve would be the type of guy that could do it. He wanted that for her so much. He decided to let it take its course, only hoping it didn't turn out like Tua. He changed the concerned look on his face to a teasing one, "she's like my little sister, Brah. Behave yourself."

Steve held his hand up in defense, "I'm an officer and a gentleman."

Kiki let go of him and playfully shoved him out the door, laughing at his line. He watched him join up with Tracy and walk toward the beach. He did like him and hoped more than ever that he could turn her, but also knew the wall that she built up was so high that he'd probably give up before he could reach the top or break through it. He almost had and their relationship was strictly platonic. He couldn't imagine going through all that with her and having the other boyfriend, girlfriend shit to deal with too.

He thought then of her insulin shot and wondered if she'd taken it for the night. He worried about her in that capacity, sometimes he felt she was testing him and wouldn't take it on purpose just to see that worry on his face as he gave it to her, giving her the relief that someone cared for her that much. That broke his heart most times more than it angered him. She was willing to gamble her health and life just to be assured she was loved.

Steve sat down next to her in the sand away from the noise of the party and twisted the top off of a beer, handing it to her. "You never told me what you did for a living Tracy."

She took the beer but refused to take the question. "I know," she said, taking a drink and giving him a side-glance. "Let's just see how good of a detective you are."

He chuckled, surprised by her answer but played along. "I'm pretty good at my job. I could probably figure it out."

"Not if I don't give you any clues," she teased.

"You have to play fair."

"Who says," she braced one of her hands in the sand and shifted so she could see him, "do you always play fair?" she smiled, eyeing him like a piece of candy.

"It depends."

"On what?"

"The situation. I very seldom get into one that I don't know the outcome before hand."

She studied him closely wondering if Kiki or someone had warned him of her tactics. "That's no fun."

"In my line of work, it's smart."

"Do you play that way in your personal life too?" she caught him before he could answer, "Wait, let me guess." She narrowed her eyes, looking at him as if studying him. She tilted her head and a sexy smile slowly emerged on her face. "Yes," she said, "you play safe all the time."

"Why do you say that?" he asked, feeling that she took him for a straight-laced type of guy, which he probably was in most aspects, but didn't want to be that way right here, right now. She made him want to step out of that element more so than anyone ever had.

She shrugged, "I just assumed that all policeman did the right thing and were never," she grinned mischievously, "bad boys."

She was daring him. It was written all over that beautiful face and in the subtle, sexy tone in which she spoke to him, her body language. She had been taunting him all night, even as far as disappearing and then showing up looking even more alluring. He was thirty-five years old and followed the rules everyday, keeping his head in the game not letting anyone pull those strings that could make him turn in a direction that was unfamiliar, but her, she had a hold of something in him that was willing him to make that move and just be 'bad.' It had been so long since he'd allowed himself that undisciplined freedom. Before he could argue his point he took the initiative that was begging for attention and moved on her.

'_Game on_,' Tracy thought as he moved in to kiss her. She let him get just close enough and then slowly lay back in the sand, pulling him down with her eyes as he leaned over her, bracing his hands on either side of her body. "What do you think you're doing?" she whispered, reaching up and touching him for the first time.

She placed her hand on his chest and then slid it down letting it come to rest on his hip. That simple gesture solidified his actions, he was no longer thinking with his head. He wanted this. She wanted this, and at the moment he didn't give a shit about what the outcome was going to be. He leaned down close to her, seeing the look in her eyes change from flirtatious to encouraging. "I'm being a bad boy," he whispered before kissing her.

She liked the sound of that. She took it as meaning he was out of his norm, which she thrived on. She moaned softly, surprised at how much she was really enjoying the kiss. He did have talent. She anticipated the sex, looking forward to getting the bad boy to perform to where she could reel him in emotionally and thoroughly enjoy herself at the same time. Most men she had been with were average lovers; she had to take the reins when it came to pleasing herself, yet somehow she had a feeling he wasn't going to be like that. She was going to enjoy him.

* * *

Tracy closed the door to the utility room behind him as they snuck in from the side yard. She took the beer from his hand, setting it on the washer and cupped the back of his neck, kissing him in the dark, feeling his hands on her lower back and then slowly drift down over her backside as the kiss intensified. She loved the beginning; it was so new and so fresh; the highlight of the game. She broke from the kiss, pressing him up against the wall as she pushed her body into him. "I like the way you kiss," she whispered, brushing her lips over his.

He didn't respond verbally but gave her what she liked. Her skin felt like satin as his hands slid under her shirt and over her back. He moaned softly in her mouth as she guided him to her breast, feeling herself with his hand. The combination of her perfect breast in his hand and her tongue playfully dancing with his was almost more than he could stand. He didn't think the moment could get any more intense without physical sex until she broke once again from the kiss.

She knew what men wanted. She wasn't naïve by any means and knew the act that would make him putty in her hands. She usually waited before offering them this pleasure, using it to her advantage if things began to cool down, but she felt he might be more of a challenge than the others and she wanted to come into the ring swinging. She slid down his body, watching him, watching her. Most men would already have that look of anticipation, begging her to hurry and get on with it, but he was patient and stared at her with a smoldering look in his eyes that made him even more sexy than he already was. She almost felt as though his mind was elsewhere rather than on the pleasure she was just about to bestow upon him. It was a look that was unfamiliar to her, but so was his next move that left her completely baffled.

It wasn't that he didn't want it, he did. But something in him wanted it for her more and knew it was the right move at the right time. He slid down the wall enjoying the look of wonderment in her eyes that she was trying to hide. '_Oh yeah_,' he thought pleased with his timing, '_this was the right move_.'

She was caught off guard by his actions as he took the upper hand from her at that particular moment. No one had ever stopped her before. She wondered if maybe there was something wrong with him. '_Maybe he couldn't get it up'_, she thought, hoping that wasn't the case. He seemed so promising. But as he came to his knees in front of her and his arm went around her, she could feel him and knew that problem didn't exist. But she was still baffled by his intentions until he sat back and pulled her on his lap, straddling him. She thought he was going to have sex with her and she halted that. The condoms were upstairs. "You need a condom," she said, putting an arm around his neck.

He shook his head, kissing her on the lips, "Not for this." He spread his knees apart, opening up her legs. She felt his hand glide up her thigh and under her skirt. It continued around behind and he was pleased to know his assumptions about her underwear attire were correct. He lifted her just slightly and slid his hand under her until his fingers were touching her. She let out a gasp and he kissed her in the middle of it.

The arm around his neck tightened as the movement between her legs became more enjoyable. He was gentle and moved slowly making it almost impossible for her to sit still, but she had to in order for him to gain access and she wasn't about to interfere with his second talent. It was turbulent yet it felt unbelievably good. She forgot all about why he had forgone his own pleasure to please her and just let him perform.

It took everything he had to not lay her back on the floor but he was enjoying it almost as much as she was, just watching her gave him enough pleasure to sustain what he wasn't getting in return.

She braced her hand on the wall and cupped the back of his neck, laying her head back, feeling it fast approaching. The grip around her waist tightened as the movement increased to quick strokes. He knew exactly what he was doing to her and she was more than pleased by that because at the moment it felt so good she felt she might pass out when it hit her. Never had anyone touched her like that.

She let out a gasp and whimpered quietly as her body shuttered in his arms. He slowed the movement, letting it settle. He tilted his head to the side as she laid hers on his shoulder.

She felt completely sedated, not able to use her mind for anything else at the moment except to revel in what she had just experienced.

He held her in place with both arms now, giving her the time that she needed. It felt pretty good to him. He could have waited hours with her sitting there, but she pulled back away from him, slipping off his lap to her knees, her skirt falling back into place. She looked up at him as he sat up, face to face with her. Her hand making its way down his stomach, "I owe you for that," she whispered, the look of wonderment and satisfaction still in her eyes.

Steve reached down, taking her hand, "Not now."

She didn't understand and the puzzlement on her face told him that.

"In a while," he said, stroking her back, "the night's still young."

She almost felt disappointed. She didn't like this. She didn't like how it was changing. He was supposed to want her, not the other way around, but as she knelt there looking at him she couldn't help but anticipate what he had in mind for her next. This was turning out better than she had hoped. She leaned in to him, "You better prepare yourself then, because my appreciation could possibly take all night." With that she kissed him, showing him in the most seductive way possible just what she was capable of with her tongue.

* * *

Tracy stood in the kitchen looking out the window above the sink at him as he stood out back drinking a beer and talking with others. He glanced in her direction and grinned, knowing this time her every move. She didn't return the gesture but felt something stir inside of her. He was dangerous to her. That thought appeared but she quickly pushed it away, believing she still had the upper hand. She just wondered when he was going to let her play it. This waiting game was not apart of her game.

"What happened to the beach, beer and tango, change our mind about him?" Kiki leaned over top of her, getting a bowl from the cupboard.

She looked up and over her shoulder at him, "No, the night isn't over yet."

"Why don't you just let it go, or better yet, let him take you out? He's got money I'm sure. Try dating rather than dumping, you never know what you might find."

"I don't want to find anything!" she snapped. "Why get tied down to all the bullshit when it's going to end anyway."

"It doesn't always have to end," he fired back. "Jesus Tracy."

She looked at him, rolling her eyes. "I guess I'll never know, will I."

"Of course not, because you don't ever let anyone close enough to know you, or if they do happen to catch a glimpse inside that head of yours you turn on them."

"Kiki," she said turning and putting her arms around his oversized body, "you're the only man I ever want inside my head." She looked up and smiled at him.

He couldn't help but smile back. "Did you take your shot tonight?"

"Yes," she reached up kissing his cheek, "thank you for asking."

He wanted to tell her to stop what she was doing with Steve, but knew it would go in one ear and out the other.

She came out of the house, watching him as she made her way across the yard toward him. The closer she got the more he could feel her heat, even from a distance. Christ she was beautiful and holy hell did she know how to move. She brushed past him, not stopping and made her way over to another group. He loved that she was playing him but he also hated it. He knew nothing about this girl except that she had him so wired up he felt like he was standing in a puddle of his own sweat and she had just flipped the switch sending a jolt of electricity soaring through him. He wanted to touch her again like he had before. He wanted all of her. That thought alone left him feeling dazed. This liaison she had going on had to end soon because he wasn't sure he could keep himself at bay for very much longer.

'_Timing_,' she thought. '_It's all about timing_.' She held his gaze from across the way, walking slowly over to the door they had entered earlier. She smiled an invitation to him before she disappeared inside.

He set his beer down on the table as he made his way over to where she was. His mind was reeling over the thought of getting his lips and hands on her again. It took everything he had not to run. He put his hand on the doorknob and for just a spilt second he contemplated this move, but the excitement of what was behind that door turned the handle and led him inside.

She stood in the middle of the room and any doubt he had vanished as she took a step toward him. He closed the door behind him, being drawn to her like a magnet. She didn't hesitate and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

They made it up the back stairs from the laundry room. It took some time but they finally made the last step. He carried her around the waist most of the way, stopping every few feet as her kisses became more aggressive. If he could have been assured that no one would have invaded their space, he would have taken her right there halfway up, but knew her room and the condoms were just a few short steps away and this foreplay was blistering hot.

He was strong. She wasn't even sure she had taken any steps on her own. Her door was closed and she fumbled with the handle as he devoured her neck, making it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand, but she wanted to get him in there. She wanted him in her bed. He was without a doubt what the others had tried to be and what she had always craved from them. He played the part without having to be coached. She was going to enjoy this freedom, knowing he was going to offer her so much more this time than what she had already witnessed earlier. The anticipation of it was just as much of a turn on as his hands on her.

"The door," she panted, "wait, I can't…get it open." She moaned as he kissed her again. She put both arms around his neck and felt him lift her and carry inside the room. His talents never seemed to end. "You're good," she smiled as he reached over slamming the door shut.

"I'm highly motivated," he replied; pleased to finally have her alone. The party went on downstairs but neither one of them noticed anything except what was standing before them.

She slid her hands under his shirt, lifting it over his head. Once off she sighed in the most pleasing tone, getting a look first hand at the strength that she had been amazed by. Once again it reminded her that he wasn't like the others. He was disciplined to have the definition that was beneath her hands as she admired him. She looked up at him as her one hand traveled south and slid inside of his shorts. He also had patients and stamina, something the others never held. Compared to him they were boys, he was a man that knew his body and what it was capable of, that thought alone made her insides light up at the expectancy of what he could do with what she was holding at the moment.

He started to second-guess again what he was doing there. That question of decency came up, and if this was morally right for him to be there? He didn't even know her last name. That thought alone began to swell in his head as he looked at her, fighting with the ethical part of what they were doing and the part that was telling him they were both adults and it was just sex, and from where he stood they both wanted the same thing. Once her hand slid inside his pants and she began to stroke him, he lost his thoughts and could only focus on the woman that was standing before him. Not who she was or where she came from or where this would go in the end. He stood there in the moment and decided to drop his morals for one night and take advantage of what she was offering up. '_Who was it going to hurt anyway_,' he told himself, '_when was the last time you got laid?_' he didn't even bother to answer that question, it was completely rhetorical because the fight was over, it wasn't the last sexual encounter that was in question, it was the last sexual encounter that even came close to this scenario, and that was an easy answer, never. He'd been all over the world and had his share of liaisons, but never did he expect the most erotic to come from the north shore of where he'd lived most of his life. This was without a doubt the most sexually charged experience of his entire life and he wasn't about to just walk away. '_Fuck it_,' he decided as his hands went under her shirt and lifted it over her head. She was like a walking dream and he wanted it, and couldn't think of one possible thing that could make him regret it. With that said he let it go and kissed her.

* * *

Tracy felt a bead of sweat run from her forehead into her hair that was already partially drenched. Her whole body was draped in a mist of sweat, some places more than others. She laid still unable to move at the moment and was pretty sure he felt the same way as he lay motionless with his hand still buried in her hair and his body draped over hers, both of them trying to catch their breath and come down from it.

He was just as sweaty if not more, having done most of the work. She was amazed at his ability to read her; it was as if they had done this a hundred times, knowing when to stay in a position and when to switch it. Not only that but the positions he would get her in that she'd never been before were like a gift. Praising each one as the best until he moved on, it was an endless procession of moves that left her begging for more until the end when he laid on top of her and surprised her by making it the most desirable of all.

She felt his hand in her hair finally move and a slow growl come from him. "God," he groaned, "am I dead?" dragging himself up on his elbow so he could look at her, "Yep," he smiled, kissing her lips that still tasted like a mixture of their sweat, "I'm dead, because you look like an angel."

She laughed, gliding her hand down his back that was wet with sweat, but she didn't care, she had most if it on her body anyway. "That line was so bad you might be dead."

He raised an eyebrow, "You didn't like it?"

"The sex yes! The line, not so much."

He grinned lying his head back down on her. "I'll work on that." His hand came out of her hair, gliding down her body and over her breast, coming to rest on her thigh.

She usually didn't lie here this long with them. She would make an excuse to get up, leaving them wanting her, but she really felt exhausted and didn't want to move, or was it comfortable? She didn't like the sound of the later one but still didn't attempt to move.

She looked at his face from the faint light coming from her bathroom, seeing that his eyes were closed. She had never had so much eye contact with a man while having sex as she did with him. In the beginning it felt too intimate but as they progressed it was a turn on. He was nice to look at and there was something about the way he looked at her that was nice too. It wasn't greedy but more as if he was making sure she was ok with whatever he was doing. She couldn't deny she liked that part. She couldn't deny that she liked all of it. Her expectations were shattered in the first few minutes, everything after that was like a gift. She was right about him knowing his own body and what he was capable of, she just reaped the benefits of it. It was going to be sad to let him go.

He still felt a little surreal lying there. He had only met her maybe five hours earlier and here he was, lying over her naked body feeling his muscles beginning to tighten from the undertaking he just put his body through. It was as if his mind were punishing it for the deed after it lost the battle to walk away. He was more than pleased with his decision to see it through. Regret this, never! On the contrary, it was almost a mixed blessing because he'd be rating it against any other sexual encounter for the rest of his life. She was amazing, but the two of them together were unbelievable. The timing, the willingness, the enthusiasm, it all collided like the perfect storm. He only hoped this wasn't the end of it. He sat up on his elbow, face to face with her. "Are you hungry?"

She looked at him peculiarly, "Is this going to be another 'line'?" she asked.

He laughed, "No. It's a simple question. Are you hungry?"

She narrowed her eyes and shrugged slightly, "I don't know, a little I guess. I'm thirsty."

"I'm both. Lets' get dressed and go over to Macky's."

She went to decline but then stopped when she heard Macky's. It was her favorite shrimp truck and she was sure he was buying, which made it even better. "Ok." She agreed.

* * *

They got there just after it closed but Tracy knew one of the cooks so they were able to muster up two plates of garlic shrimp and rice. They sat at a table furthest away from the truck as the closing clean up continued. Tracy set two beers on the table from home and sat across from him, opening up her Styrofoam container, breathing in the heavenly scent. "I love Macky's."

"Me too," he agreed but didn't wait for the smell to hit him, he grabbed a shrimp right away, biting the meat part and pulling the tail away and tossing it in the empty part of the container, taking another one. The sexual workout had left him famished. He felt like he hadn't eaten in days. "God this is good, " he said, on his third one.

Tracy dragged her first one through the melted butter in the bottom of the container before partaking of the delicacy. She caught the cream substance just before it dripped off the end, taking her first bite. She hadn't realized how hungry she actually was. "Holy shit, this was a good idea." She tossed the tail in the same spot that he had, going for another.

Steve smiled, "And you thought I was just giving you a stupid line."

She looked up from her plate sheepishly, "Angel?" she teased. "C'mon, really?"

"I said I'd work on it," he agreed, taking a swig of beer.

"What makes you think you'll have an opportunity to work on it?" she asked, insinuating there may not be a next time. She put both elbows on the table, wiping her face off with a napkin, watching for his reaction. She loved toying with them. '_Make him beg for it,_' she thought.

"So this is it?" he sighed, "you're kicking me to the curb already?" he shook his head disappointed. "I thought for sure I'd last at least the night." He raised a piece of shrimp, pulling the tail off. "Oh well, I did have incredible sex with a beautiful woman and got Macky's all in one night." He popped the shrimp in his mouth and grinned, "I don't know how it could get any better than that. I think we peaked tonight anyway. It would only be downhill from now on."

Tracy couldn't help but be amused by him, not only was he incredibly good looking, but he had a sense of humor too, a combination that was rare. He was both of those things plus successful, smart and a great lover. Why wasn't he married? It suddenly dawned on her that maybe he really did have no intention of seeing her again. Maybe he was playing the same game with her. She felt out of her element. She'd never been on the other side before. Her attitude changed quickly. "If you want to go, you can go." She pointed toward the shrimp truck. "I can get a ride home from Jake."

Steve was about to pop another shrimp in his mouth when he realized she was serious. He dropped it on his plate and took the napkin, wiping his mouth and hands off. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked, looking right at her. He wasn't sure why all of a sudden she was being so cold, but then again he reminded himself, '_you don't even know her.' _

She shrugged, "If you do, its your choice. I'm not going to beg you to stay."

"I don't want you to beg me to stay. I'm here because I want to be, but if you feel otherwise, then I don't want to stay." He figured he covered every angle and it was up to her to decide.

She shifted on the bench, running her hand over her blond streaked hair, trying to look and feel nonchalant about it. "I just thought," she shrugged, "I don't know, I just thought maybe you wanted to go." She dragged another poor helpless piece of shrimp through the melted butter until it was limp. Her heart was pounding not able to distinguish between him and the game anymore.

He moved the container out of the way and crossed his arms on the table, looking directly at her. "Tracy, look at me."

She did as he asked, seeing his piercing blue eyes even in the faint light. '_God he's gorgeous_,' she thought.

"I don't want to leave yet."

She couldn't believe how relieved she was to hear that, maybe too relieved she scolded herself. "Ok, then don't," she replied casually, scooping up the piece of shrimp that oozed butter, tilting her head back, sticking out her tongue and letting it drip on it and her chin before she put it in her mouth and looked back at him, slowly pulling it out between her lips all cleaned off. She took the trickle on her chin and scooped it up with her index finger and licked it off, never once taking her eyes off of his. "Besides, you told me earlier that the night was still young. I think we have more work to do."

'_Jesus H Christ_,' he thought, envying that piece of shrimp, '_she was going to be trouble_.' Good trouble he hoped, because this whole 'bad boy' philosophy was paying off. He was having more fun than he had in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve came in through the front door and carefully closed it, not wanting to wake up Kiki and Brandon. He made his way up the stairs to Tracy's room, glancing at his watch, 12:34 am. It was the sixth night in a row he had come over and each time it kept getting later and later. His lack of sleep was starting to get noticed at work, but he was still able to hide his drive up to the north shore every night.

He hadn't mentioned the affair to anyone, not even Danny, selfishly wanting to keep Tracy and this time with her all to himself, not sure they would understand anyway. From an outside view he could see how people might perceive it as one way, but he didn't feel that when he was with her. He also wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this up, until he slipped inside her room and saw her lying on the bed naked.

"I heard your truck," she smiled, running her hands down her body and between her legs.

He slipped his watch off, not caring what time it was as his shirt came off next at the same time as his shoes.

She watched him undress, eager for him to hurry. He stepped out of his pants and underwear, crawling over to her on the bed. He went straight for her lips that greeted him with the same enthusiasm. She took his hand, moving it between her legs, showing him how bad she wanted him.

He moved down her body that had become like a sweet delicacy to him. He craved her all day and even when he was here getting his fill he was still famished. He wasn't sure this appetite for her would ever be content. He felt her hands on his back and shoulder, encouraging his motives as he made his way down her body that he had got to know so well.

Tracy looked down at him as he kissed her belly, lifting her around the waist with both of his hands and pulling her up closer to him. She waited all day for this moment, working out her strategy that she would use on him that night, but once she was alone in the room with him her techniques seemed to fly out the window as soon as he put his hands and lips on her. She couldn't manipulate him like the others because everything he did felt so good. Every night he surprised her by making it more and more pleasurable, yet she still refrained from getting involved emotionally with him, it was just sex she told herself, that's all, even when he began to say her name in the sweetest way when he came inside of her. She refused to say his, to her that meant a bond. She didn't want a bond with him, but she didn't want what he was doing to her to ever stop either.

He reached over to her nightstand when she halted him, grinning seductively as she sat up putting the already prepared condom on for him. "Can you tell I was anxious for you?"

He kissed her, laying her back on the bed. "Can you tell I've been anxious for you too?" he commented on his erection.

She clutched the sheets of the bed, gathering the material in a fist as he rose above her plunging himself inside her, repeating it over and over until she became light-headed from the sheer pleasure of it. She bit down on her lip as she screamed his name over and over in her head, afraid it would slip out.

He loved this moment, watching her felt almost as good as the act. She was so beautiful and when he was with her it was like an escape from all the stress around him. He'd drive here every night through a hurricane if he had to just to get to where he was. He laid down on top of her, cupping the back of her neck, wanting to slow it down so he could just feel her and make it more tame rather than the heated sex they always had. He pulled her up to his mouth, kissing her as his pace slowed.

Tracy pulled down on his hips as he moved slowly on her. His lips moved to her neck and she could hear his breathing become steady, not the rapid panting she was used to. She didn't like this; the mood was changing. He was changing. He was trying to make it more intimate. She hated that and told him so by digging her nails into his hips and increasing the momentum. When he didn't respond she pushed back on his chest and squirmed away, rolling over on her stomach so he could take her from behind. To her this would put them back on track.

He did as she asked but he still found a way to make it sensual as he began again with his hands on her; slowly up and down her back, he then reached around and pulled her up to her knees, with her back against his chest, holding her in place, kissing her shoulder.

"Go faster," she ordered him, pulling away until she was back on her hands again, pushing into him, reminding him how it was supposed to be.

She refused to let him get close, especially here. He wanted to know her but she kept her distance and only allowed him bits and pieces of information, even now being with her in the most intimate way possible, she wouldn't give him that insight to her. It was all fast and furious. In the beginning it was hot and the sex was intense, but it began to bother him that she still didn't trust him, or maybe she didn't ever want to and this was really all she wanted from him. He couldn't believe he was even annoyed by it, any other guy would give his left nut to be in the place he was at that second, but he was starting to feel something else for her and found himself demanding more from this relationship. Yet he did as she asked, wanting to please her more than himself.

This went on for another week. She always managed to avoid any intimate conversation with him, turning it into something else, usually sex. He still knew very little about her except what she allowed which was really nothing. He had finally got out of her that she worked at Turtle Bay at the front desk. She proudly let him know that she had just been promoted from working in the gift shop and that it was a big deal because other people were in line ahead of her, but they chose her. He got the feeling that she wanted him to be impressed by that, and he was. He really didn't care what she did for a living, but was thrilled that she had finally told him some detail about herself. It might have seemed like nothing to her, but to him it was a positive step forward.

In the beginning she would ask questions about him, but he made the mistake one night of suggesting that he would tell her something about himself if she would then tell him something about herself. To his dismay, she stopped asking after that.

He didn't know why he kept coming back; at first it was because of the sex, but as time went on it was because she gave him something that was lacking in his life, that freedom to just let caution to the wind. Their conversations were so easy and didn't have to deal with the stress of work or life. They talked about surfing, or the trails they'd hiked on the island, or favorite beaches, or argued about the best place to eat Loco Moco, the local Hawaiian food that had made a couple of places on the island world famous. He could relax with her and leave his life on the other side of the island. It was an independence he'd never shared with another person before.

Any knowledge he did get about her usually came from Kiki or Brandon. He found out that she and her brother had been in Foster Care in Colorado. They wouldn't go into details so he decided to look her up at work. It took him three days of arguing with himself about whether it was ethical or not, but decided that if he really wanted to know her, then this was going to be his only option. And he wanted to know.

She and her younger brother Mark who still resided in Colorado had been in and out of Foster Care since Tracy was twelve. The Mother would leave and then come back for them months later. It was a pattern that repeated itself over and over until Tracy was old enough to be on her own. By her Driver's License it looked as if she had been in Hawaii for almost five years, but he didn't know what had brought her there to begin with. It was just another piece of the puzzle that he was hoping he could put together to form a closer relationship with her.

He realized by that search that she had just turned twenty-seven a couple of weeks earlier. He had even thought about getting her a birthday present, but decided against it. Somehow he got the feeling she wouldn't like a gift from him. She was a hard case to crack, but he kept coming back for more. He couldn't help himself. Not only was the sex phenomenal, but she was the most challenging undertaking he had ever come across. He felt the task at hand would be worth it in the end.

* * *

Tracy sat next to him, curled up in a beach chair down by the water. He looked over at her feeling both elated and rejected at the same time. He didn't really blame her, he knew what he was getting into that first night but his attraction to her now was like a catch-22, he had what he wanted; yet he really didn't have anything at all.

"Lets go out tomorrow night," he said, giving it another shot. "We'll go someplace nice in Waikiki for dinner." They'd never left the house once except to Macky's that first night and she'd never even been to his house.

She looked over at him. "Kiki is having everyone over tomorrow night. I have to be here."

"Why?"

"Because." She shifted uneasily in her chair not wanting to turn him down, but not wanting to go with him either. What could she possibly have in common with him? She was more afraid of sitting across from him in a fancy restaurant and having nothing interesting to say than having to break this off. She stared out at the water knowing it was getting out of her control. She had to end this soon. That thought had plagued her for days. It was time, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Is it because you really don't want to go, or is it because you don't want to go with me?"

She looked over at him. "Don't pressure me Steve."

"All I did was ask you to dinner. Pressure would be asking more than once about your family or about anything at all that didn't have to do with sex."

"Oh," she said, getting a sarcastic tone, "is the sex not to your satisfaction anymore? We can remedy that." She regretted her words and the tone, but he was trying to lead her to a place she just couldn't go.

He knew exactly what she was doing; she was threatening him with it. When they talked about using sex as a weapon, this was textbook and he refused to let her manipulate him that way. "Why can't I know anything about you?"

"Why do you want too?" she snapped. She was angry with him for wanting to know and with herself for wanting to tell him. She could feel her heart begin to race; her thoughts begin to scatter over the idea of revealing herself. Her mouth was dry and she could feel her hands beginning to sweat.

"I don't know what you're so afraid of Tracy," he shook his head frustrated with her. "Sometimes I wish this relationship wouldn't have started in the middle, and we actually had a beginning instead."

"Afraid, I'm not afraid of any…" her voice trailed off as she suddenly felt dizzy and confused. She put her hand up to her face, recognizing the symptoms of an insulin attack. She tried to recall if she'd taken her shot or when the last time was she checked her blood sugar level, but her thoughts were becoming clouded with the lack of insulin needed to maintain stability. She knew it was only a matter of minutes, maybe seconds before it would hit her full force.

"I, I have to go..." she mumbled incoherently, feeling it coming on faster than normal. She tried to get out of her chair and go to the kitchen where Kiki kept a spare needle for emergencies, but her body refused to respond to her efforts and she only fell to her knees and then felt the cool sand on her back.

Steve watched her eyes cloud over and beads of sweat form on her brow. She mumbled something to him as she covered her face with her hands. At first he thought she was going to cry but the incoherent words and the way her body began to twitch he knew what was happening. He reached over as she fell out of the chair and then on to the sand, her eyes wide open yet she stared off into nowhere, her body trembling.  
"Tracy!" he yelled, kneeling down next to her. "Tracy!" She had no more response than a person that was completely unconscious. He scrambled to his feet remembering his lecture from Kiki about her condition. He ran to the house and flew in the backdoor, pushing past Brandon going for the cupboard in the kitchen.

"What are you doing man?" he asked as Steve opened one cupboard door and then another, reaching for the small item that resembled an eyeglass case. He ran past him again out the door.

"Kiki!" Brandon yelled out, the urgency in voice alerting him upstairs, "Tracy needs a shot!" He tore out the backdoor after Steve as Kiki came pounding down the steps.

Steve slid in next to her and took out the needle and small bottle. He glanced down at her as she lay in the same position with sweat dripping down her face. He flipped the top off the needle and stuck it in the head of the bottle pulling in just the right amount of fluid like he had been told. Brandon came up behind him about to reach around and take over when he saw that Steve knew what he was doing.

"Her leg," he instructed, pointing to a spot on her thigh. "Right there!"

Steve stuck the needle in and slowly ejected the medicine into her. Kiki joined them with a bottle of water in his hand. He knelt on the other side of her as Steve dropped the needle and put his arm under her neck lifting her up against his chest. "Tracy, honey can you hear me?" He looked up at Kiki, frightened for her. "We should call an ambulance."

Kiki shook his head, "Just give her a couple more seconds."

Steve looked down at her as she slowly started to come around. "Tracy?" He wiped his hand over her sweaty brow and back over her hair, "you're ok." He leaned down and kissed her forehead, feeling the panic in him begin to settle.

She looked up expecting to see Kiki, but saw him instead. The worry on his face mirrored Kiki's when he was in that position. She was glad he was there and felt calmed.

"Here," Kiki handed him the bottled water, "she always gets dehydrated after an attack."

Steve took the bottle and lifted her up slightly holding it to her lips. "Take a drink."

She opened her mouth letting the cool liquid pour in, drinking down two big gulps before reaching up and putting her hands over top of his, taking in more. She felt like her whole body was as dry as the sand. She finally pulled it away with only a small amount left in the bottom. She closed her eyes, just letting it and the medicine soak in.

"I'll take her upstairs," Kiki said, reaching under her.

"I got her," Steve countered, lifting her easily and standing up. He started for the house with the two of them behind him.

Brandon looked over at Kiki and neither one said a word but they both knew what the other was thinking. He had come through for her, because he cared for her. That was both a blessing and a curse, it meant his time was limited and they both had thought he would have been a good match for her. She needed someone strong to lean on and he would have been that for her, if she would just give him the opportunity.

She was already almost asleep by the time he got her up to her room. Brandon brushed the sand off her back onto the floor before Steve carefully laid her down.

"She'll sleep for a while, it really wears her out, but she'll be ok." Brandon patted him on the back; "Just keep an eye on her. We usually make her sleep on the couch so we can both watch her, but I think you got it covered."

Steve looked over his shoulder at him, "Ok, I'll yell if something happens."

Kiki closed the door as he and Brandon left the room. Brandon shook his head, whispering to him, "She's going to fuck this up, just like the others."

"Maybe not," he replied hopeful. "He's not like Tua or Henry or any of the others, maybe that'll help."

Brandon huffed as he walked toward the stairs, "She'll fuck it up because she's too fucked up to see beyond her own misery."

Kiki grabbed him by the arm, "Hey, its easy for us to stand here and criticize her when you and I both had a decent child hood. We may not have had financial stability growing up but you and me," he pointed back and forth between them, "we were both loved and looked after. She has no idea what that means."

Brandon looked down, ashamed at himself for talking about her like that. He was right. "I just hate watching her do it. I think she likes this guy, but it won't stick. She'll find some way to get out, or force him to make the decision for her."

"Maybe not," he said positively, "maybe not."

* * *

Steve smiled at her as she opened her eyes. "Feeling better?" he brushed away a piece of her hair that rested on her forehead.

She nodded, glad that he was still there. "I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be."

"Did it scare you?" she asked looking up at him.

"Yes. So don't do it again," he smiled teasingly, reaching over her to the nightstand for the bottled water.

She sat up leaning back against the headboard taking a drink and watching him as he braced a hand on the other side of her body, face to face with her. She was really glad he was there. "You really shouldn't have been scared. Kiki knew what to do."

"Kiki was upstairs," he explained, "I gave you the shot."

"You did?" she asked. Her expression confused yet amazed by his revelation. She never would have guessed that.

"Yep, right there." He put his hand on her thigh, gently caressing it. "Does it hurt?"

She looked at him not knowing what to say. He truly was unique in her world. She shook her head, putting her hand over top of his. She wasn't sure what it was but something about this moment catapulted her to a place she was completely unfamiliar with. She felt close to him in a way she never had with anyone else before. She let her guard down for just a moment, and when she did something else happened that never had before. "Ask me anything you want," she said in a soft voice, giving him permission for what he'd been trying to uncover from her. She felt she owed him that.

He smiled, seeing something different in her. The gentle expression on her face made her look even more beautiful than she already was. There was only one question he wanted to know that would answer all the others. "Why won't you let me in, Tracy?"

She wasn't expecting something so broad and personal. She felt her throat close up. She couldn't answer that one. It was impossible. "Ask me another one."

"No. I want to know that one."

"No you don't," she swallowed down the pain that went along with it. She looked down not wanting him to see the tears that were forming. He was getting too close and she was getting too close of needing to tell him all about it. She felt his hand on her face.

He'd asked a loaded question. He scolded himself for demanding too much to soon. He upset her, which didn't sit well with him. "You don't have to be afraid of me, Tracy. You don't have to tell me either." He tried to let her know that he was sorry. "Let's start again. What's your favorite color?" It was such a trivial question but he had to start somewhere with her and if this was his way in, then so be it.

She looked up at him, thankful that he'd let it go. "Blue," she whispered to him. "I like blue."

He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "I like blue too."

She knew it was going to be the only thing she revealed about herself because she also knew it was time to let him go, but not for the reasons that she had with all the others, it was because she was getting too close. She couldn't risk getting attached to him. She was doing it for his own good, not hers. She would end up making him miserable in the end and he would leave her anyway. She had to get out now before she hurt him anymore than she was already about to.

She wanted to be with him one more time and give him what he'd been craving, the real her. She also wanted to feel just this one time what other couples felt when they were together. She wanted to understand the word making love and know the difference between that and sex. She honestly felt he was the closest she would ever come to experiencing it and wanted to know through him.

She leaned in to him, feeling her heart rate jump over the anticipation of it. He was so beautiful it was going to break her heart to let him go. "Thank you for being there for me tonight."

"Promise me you'll be more careful from now on."

She nodded, "I promise." She closed her eyes and kissed him, but in a way she never had before. It was slow and soft, setting the tone. She felt his hand slide into her hair and respond in the way she knew he would, sweet and passionately. He pulled her forward turning her on the bed so she was laid out beneath him, never once breaking rhythm from the kiss. It felt too good to stop. Neither one reached for the bedside table drawer either, too caught up in each other.

She worked just as slowly on his clothes, not rushing the moment and looking at him the way he always did with her. When they were both finally undressed she put her arms and legs around him, not wanting to change positions this time. She wanted to see him and feel him this way.

"You are so beautiful Tracy," he told her for the first time, feeling as if he were seeing her for the first time as well.

He entered her slowly, knowing she liked it by the way she gripped his shoulders. She didn't move like she normally did, letting him take over and go at a slow pace, which pleased him beyond words. It felt even better than it did the first time he was with her.

Her hands roamed over his back and down, gripping his hips, mirroring the movement that had already begun to give her an insight into what she would never have. She looked up into his face as he stared down at her. The look penetrated through her making her fantasy a reality. He always looked at her when they were together, but this was different, it had emotions that carried over to her. She wished she hadn't started this because the combination of the way he was moving on her along with the stare was making her change her mind about ending it with him. She couldn't look at him anymore and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder, but he would have nothing to do with it, seeking out her lips, kissing her in a way that made her appreciate his talents more than ever.

The twisted relationship they had was shifting; he could feel it. He could sense it on her as she reciprocated his motives, not pulling away this time or changing the mood. She felt it too. It only encouraged him, wanting her like he never had before.

* * *

She laid with her head on his shoulder as held her close. Neither one said a word as they relaxed drifting off to sleep. He didn't need to hear anything from her now, he was still reeling over the way she said his name over and over as she came beneath him. She'd never done that before. He smiled recalling it again; enjoying the new direction they were headed. It looked good from where he was. For the first time he could actually envision a future with her at it felt pretty damn good.

Tracy stared off in the dark, knowing that was a huge mistake. She had let herself feel for him, which went against everything she had ever taught herself. And now here she was, lying in his arms and wanting nothing more than to wake up tomorrow in the same position. But she knew that was impossible. She had to end it tomorrow. She told herself it was for her own good, and for his as well, but even as she lay there convincing herself, she had to catch the tears before they fell on his shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve came in the front door, greeted by Brandon and couple of other guys he'd met before sitting on the couch. He reached over the coffee table bumping fists with them.

"What's up?"

"Not much, Brah," Brandon replied, pointing out back. "I think Tracy's out back and beers in the fridge."

"Thanks." He made his way to the kitchen forgoing the beer. He wanted to see her first. He stood at the back door and scanned the small crowd for her, spotting her over by the fire talking with a guy. Her arm was encased through his and it gave him an uneasy feeling as he watched her. If he didn't know her and just saw them for the first time, he would have thought they were a couple, that's how close she stood to him.

She looked over in his direction then, seeing him. He acknowledged her by a slight head toss, but she didn't return the gesture but whispered something to the guy and then broke loose from him, walking over in his direction. He looked past her as she came toward him, seeing the angry glare from the guy.

"Hi," she said, standing on the bottom step, looking up at him. "You're here early. I thought you said you wouldn't make it until after ten." She knew exactly what time it was.

He looked at his watch, "It's ten fifteen."

"Oh," she laughed, "sorry."

He looked past her, "Who's that?"

"That's Tua," she looked over her shoulder at him as he continued to stare at them from across the yard. "He's a friend." She moved past him into the house with not so much as a brush of physical contact.

She could feel the hurt already, seeing that look on his face. She went for the stairs when she heard her name at the bottom.

"Tracy."

She stopped midway up but didn't turn around. She didn't want to see him. "I'll be down in a minute."

"Is everything ok?"

She continued up, "Yes, of course." She turned the corner into her room, leaning back against the wall as the tears came. She couldn't do it to him. She had planned on using Tau to start a fight with him that would force his hand to walk out, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't humiliate him like that in front of everyone.

"Hey," he said standing next to her.

She jolted, surprised to see him; quickly clearing away the evidence of what she was about to do.

"What's wrong?"

"Go away," she demanded.

"Why are you crying?" He touched her on the arm but she quickly moved away from him.

"Don't do that!"

"What? Touch you?" he looked confused, "What's wrong?" He was getting a really bad feeling this was about him.

She walked over to the other side of the bed but refused to look up at him.

"Tracy," he said passively, "did I do something to upset you?"

She shook her head, telling herself again it was the right move. He wouldn't stay in the end and what he felt now would never last, that she knew without a doubt. He would leave her because not only was she not good enough for him, but also he would eventually see the real her and it wasn't pretty in the least.

She didn't know how to give him anything except what they had experienced in the beginning. Just like the others he wanted more, but unlike the others she wished she could give it to him. She couldn't even bring herself to say the word. But knew she could never feel it or God forbid give it. It made her angry that she had let herself fall into this trap. She turned that anger on him, resenting him for making her feel the way she did. It was his own fault she convinced herself. He has only himself to blame for what she was about to do.

"I think you should leave."

He felt the first wave of disappointment, "For now, or forever?" he asked, but knew the answer before she even replied.

She looked at him not prepared for the calm tone of his voice. "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

He sighed; putting his hands on his hips, not really surprised, but not in the least bit pleased either. "Why not?"

"It's just not working out," she lied; it was all he needed to know.

He stared at her and refused to let her get away with that. "It's because of last night, isn't it?"

She shot him a look, "What do you want? What do you think is happening here between us?"

"I thought we had something good going."

Tracy huffed, "Yes! Good sex! That's all!" She came around the bed, wanting out of the room. She was beginning to feel trapped being in the place where she had fallen in love with him and didn't want him to be able to change her mind.

Steve let her walk by but followed her out. "Why can't it be anything else? Why do you have to runaway, Tracy?"

"I'm not running!" she snapped going down the stairs.

"No, bolting's more like it!"

"Go home," she said over her shoulder, glancing over at Brandon on the couch. His steady glare informed her of his anger over what she was doing.

Steve stood on the bottom step, "What are you so afraid of? You think this is easy for me? Hell, I'm scared too, but at least I'm willing to give it a shot. I bet you've never done that."

She turned on her heel, facing him as Kiki came in the house from the back door, "You don't know anything about me!" she said through gritted teeth.

He walked toward her, ignoring the others that left room except for Kiki and Brandon, the two of them hung back quietly. She knew how to push buttons and they wanted to be there just in case.

"And why don't I know anything about you, huh?" his voice was low and controlled, "It's not from lack of trying. You only give out what you feel is safe, which is nothing! So you asked me what I want? I want you! Why is that so bad? What the hell is it that you want?"

She stood before him, glaring at him, "Your dick!"

"You're so full of shit," he huffed, leaning into her, "You're going to stand there and tell me that last night meant nothing to you?" He knew her answer no matter what she said, he could see it in her, and he could see it all over her. He'd interrogated enough people to know when they were lying and even more when they felt backed into a corner and that's exactly where she was. She had no answer for him.

"Get out!" she yelled, furious that he was calling her bluff, "I want you out of here!"

'That's right," he snickered, "just walk away, it's so much easier that way isn't it." He looked her up and down, "What makes you so special, huh? Do you think you're the only one that's had a difficult life? Poor Tracy, she can't love because she was never loved. Mommy and Daddy abandon you so you just spend the rest of your life punishing everyone else for their mistake. But you know what," he pointed at her chest, "you're the only one that's being punished. Everyone that you push away will eventually move on and find someone else to happy with. But you won't."

"Hey!" Brandon went to jump in when Kiki held him back.

"Let him be."

"I don't need anyone," she cried, "I especially don't need you!"

"That's where you're wrong. You may not want me, but I've never seen anyone in my life that was in more need of attention than you are. You're so lonely and desperate for it, you'll do anything, even sacrifice your body to get it."

His words cut through her and she felt the pain as if he'd poured salt in the open wound. She reached up and slapped him across the face, but it was her that was shocked from it, because he never wavered or acted as if it even dazed him. "I hate you," she whimpered, teetering on the verge of crying. "I don't ever want to see you again!"

The idea of that finality was the slap that he felt. "I feel so sorry for you."

She laughed, wanting to cut him down. "You feel sorry for me? You feel sorry for me?" she repeated with even more sarcasm. "What did you do Steve, did you fall in love?" she tormented him, "I think you did, so don't feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for yourself."

He grabbed her arm and pulled her close, speaking through gritted teeth. "It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to throw me away Tracy and you don't have to be afraid of me either. I don't want you to need me, I just want you to have something in your life that you can trust and rely on. That could have been me." He pushed her away. "You'll regret this because deep down inside you know I'm right, but by the time you figure that out, it'll be too late. I'll have already moved on and you'll still be the same lonely, pathetic person you are now." He hated what was coming out of his mouth but he was hurt. She cut him deeper than anyone ever had.

She lunged forward, pushing him toward the door. "Get out!"

"You'll think about me and last night Tracy when you're fucking the next guy!"

He stepped back as she pounded on his chest with her fists.

"Shut up! I fucking hate you!" her voice screaming it out, "I hate you!" Kiki and Brandon both grabbed her arms, pulling her back as she fought to get at him.

"That's a shame Tracy," he said calmly, looking at her with regret, "because given the chance, I probably could have loved you."

He walked out the door, slamming it behind him hearing her screams and rant through the walls and windows, feeling his heart-break over the fear and chaos coming from her.

"You're lying!" she screamed, "You're a fucking liar, Steve! You're a liar! You don't love me! You would never love me!" She growled like a wounded animal caught in a trap. Kiki put his arms around her and hugged her as she started to cry out of frustration, fear and anger. "I hate him!" she said over and over, "I hate him," but every time she said it the tears flowed more freely and the pain in her heart sharpened. "I hate him," she whimpered as Kiki, walked her toward the stairs and up to her room.

Steve backed out of the driveway, his tires barely catching the gravel as he stepped on the gas, just needing to get away from there. He threw his trunk in gear and tore down the street and out onto the main highway toward Honolulu. His thoughts replaying the words they said back and forth until he came to her screams as he walked out. The sound of her voice cut through him and he had to pull over on the dark road. He sat back running his hands over his face, realizing then that he was sweating. He fell forward gripping the top of the steering wheel and laying his head on it. "Fuck!" he growled, "fuck," he said more passively, feeling the effect of losing her hit him.

* * *

It took him several weeks to get over the urge to contact her out of his system. It was one of the most trying times in his life. He eventually convinced himself it was the sex he missed, not Tracy. It was so much easier that way than having to deal with the real truth.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve saw his name next to Kiki's on the volunteer chart. He wondered if they'd be hooked up again, assuming so since they had been the last three years. He made his way over to his station where the two of them would be helping kids build wooden toys from scratch. The machinery was already set up and he saw Kiki talking to one of the other volunteers as he came upon them.

"Hey," Kiki said, not seeing him since that night almost two months earlier, hoping things would be civil between them.

"Hey Kiki, what's up?" Steve replied, shaking his hand gracefully, not showing any kind of resentment against him. It wasn't his fault to begin with.

He had already decided before arriving that he wouldn't mention her at all, even though she had been in his thoughts every single day since that night. He didn't know what it was about that girl, but she continued to have a hold on him even now. He knew if she would have ever called, he would have dropped everything and went. He wouldn't even have thought twice about it. He'd never let anyone take that much control over him, but again, there was something about Tracy that made him do and feel things that were completely out of his character. That was one of the things that he loved about her and missed.

Kiki on the other hand struggled with the news he had. He was torn in so many directions that he wasn't sure where his own integrity began and his loyalty to Tracy ended. He loved her but what she asked of him, he felt she was taking advantage of their friendship. How could he keep quiet about it? He would want to know. He had a feeling that Steve would want to know too but really didn't know him well enough to make that decision, so he decided that he wouldn't be the one to bring her up, but if he asked about her then that meant he still cared and that would be the proof that he needed.

They had four shifts that each lasted an hour as they helped each group of six boys and girls cut, assemble and paint their toys that they created. Each year was a new theme and this year they were making wooden puppets. As the day progressed they kept pretty busy by the continuous stream of kids coming through and creating or picking up their finished project after it had dried.

After the last group of kids came and went, Steve took off the smock he'd had on that was covered in a variety of different colors of paint. He tossed it along with the wood scraps in the bucket and looked over at Kiki as he pounded the paint cans closed with the hammer.

"Pretty good turn out this year."

"Yeah, nice kids too. That helps."

Steve nodded in agreement. He'd put it off all day but now that the day was over he had to ask. He should have known better than to think he could just walk away without so much as a word about her. "So," he leaned back against the table taking a drink from his water bottle, "how is she?"

Kiki sighed, hoping he was going to get through the day without him asking. He set the hammer down and looked over at him, wondering if he asked just out of politeness or if he really did care about her.

"She's ok," he replied.

Steve nodded, picturing her, feeling that hint of regret whenever her name popped in his head. "Is she doing ok with her diabetes, taking her shots when she's supposed too?"

And there it was. He wanted to curse him out for saying that. It would have been so much easier if he were just being polite. "I have to tell you something," Kiki said uneasily, wiping his hands down his face. "I promised her I wouldn't say anything, but…" he let out a deep breath; trying to convince himself he was doing the right thing. He and Brandon both always thought he was a good match for her and she needed him, especially now.

Steve crossed his arms, waiting, trying to read him wondering if it had to do with Tracy. Was she in some kind of trouble or maybe had gotten sicker? He uncrossed his arms fidgeting over Kiki's obvious apprehension. The uneasy feeling over her well being that hadn't flared up in a while was back too. He braced his hands on the edge of the table. "What's up?"

He decided to just tear off the Band-Aid and say it all in one long sentence and after that it was up to Steve to decide what he wanted to do, he would have done his duty and his conscience would be clear.

"Tracy's pregnant. I'm almost positive it's yours. She begged me not to tell you, but I just can't stand here and not say anything to you. I think she's making a huge mistake, but she's scared." He let out a deep breath. "So that's it." he looked at the stunned expression on Steve's face. "I just thought you should know."

It was a good thing he was braced on the edge of the table or he probably would have stumbled and fallen over. '_She's pregnant. She's pregnant_,' was the only thought that was going through his head over and over. The rest of what Kiki said was heard but it was those two words that held his attention. He was stunned, but even that was a minor word compared to what was going on inside of him.

Kiki walked up to him before leaving. "I know she's a difficult person to deal with sometimes, but once you break through all that shit, she really is a sweetheart." He patted him on the shoulder wondering if he heard anything he'd said at all. "I'll catch ya later Brah."  
Steve let out the breath he'd been holding and turned toward him as he walked away. "Hey," He needed to know the one thing that had always bothered him about their relationship. It mattered more than ever now. "Do you think she ever felt anything for me at all?"

Kiki rolled his eyes, he'd already said too much and he was so close to getting away. He threw his hands up in defeat and turned around as he walked backwards away from him. "She cried that whole night and most of the next two weeks, and Tracy doesn't cry…" he turned back around with his back to him as he continued on, "for anyone."

* * *

Steve sat in his truck parked outside the Turtle Bay Resort where Tracy worked. He had called earlier and she answered the phone at the front desk so he knew she was working. Just hearing her voice again brought back so many different emotions; happiness, anger, resentment but mostly regret. To this day he regretted the way they began their relationship. It was the beginning of the end in his opinion.

He parked so he could see her car. The 1993 white Honda Civic had seen better days. The sides were rusted around the wheels, mostly from living so close to the ocean; the saltwater could wreak havoc on any vehicle. The paint was chipping off the hood and there was a crack in the windshield that ran up the passenger's side. He assumed she never had it fixed because it didn't hinder the driver's side at all. '_Still_,' he thought, '_it wasn't safe. And it wasn't safe to be hauling a baby around in either_.'

The baby word pulled him in a new direction, still not sure what he was going to say to her. He hadn't spoken to her since that night and now to blind side her and have to discuss the details at hand was not what he had in mind when considering a reunion. He hoped this wouldn't damage she and Kiki's relationship either.

The word Father hadn't quite made it into his vocabulary yet. It danced around here and there, but all he could focus on at the moment was the word baby, and his was growing inside of Tracy. The inevitable would be here in no time. He wouldn't allow himself to dwell on the negative aspects of it just yet; he wanted to keep a positive outlook for Tracy. Kiki had said she was scared and he wanted to make sure that she knew he was ok with it, because he was. She had his support all the way.

He smiled when he saw her walking out from the service entrance and through the parking lot. She had on a black skirt and white silk blouse with a small scarf that tied loosely around her neck. He couldn't see it from where he was but assumed the name tag on her blouse read 'Tracy'. Her hair was down and she looked even more beautiful now than he remembered. '_Maybe it was that baby glow_,' he wondered, hearing that women got it when they were expecting. Whatever it was, it made him sit and stare at her as if seeing her for the first time all over again. She was fast approaching her car and he wanted to catch her before she got in, afraid she would drive away and refuse to speak to him.

Tracy walked to her car; cursing the shoes she had bought the weekend before. They had already begun to form blisters on her toes. She had read that pregnancy could cause swelling in the feet but didn't think it would happen this quickly. She heard her name and looked over in that direction. Her heart leapt at the same time that her body froze just over the sight of him. He was flawless, just as she remembered. She thought about him everyday and the image was so perfect that she began to wonder if she hadn't exaggerated it some over time, but as he approached her, she decided there had been no exaggeration on her part. He was that good-looking.

Her thoughts then went to why he was there and then quickly to Kiki. She was going to kill him, knowing they had worked together the day before at that charitable event. He had told him, that was the only explanation. "Damn him!" she muttered under her breath as he was only steps away.

They stood before each other neither one saying a word just reveling in the moment, each assuming the other was thinking negative thoughts about the other, when in actuality they were both wrong.

That last night when they had made love came flooding back and she wanted to curl up someplace and cry again. Instead she held her ground, refusing to show any emotion. She needed to get through this and needed him to go away. She was toxic; she knew that now. She could never make him happy and having him involved with the baby would only make it harder than it already was. "Why are you here?"

It wasn't the greeting he was hoping for, but new that's how she was. Keep your guard up at all costs was her motto. "I need to talk to you, and I think you know about what."

She walked past him, hurrying to her car. "No, I don't."

He followed after her, "Tracy!" She only walked faster. "Goddamnit! Don't make me chase after you, just stop and talk to me."

She looked around to see if anyone had heard him. "This is where I work! I need this job so don't come around here causing a scene."

"I'm not," he stepped back remembering how frustrating she could be. "I know about the baby," he blurted out. "We need to talk about it."

She knew it. She faced her car with her back to him. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes there is. I want to help."

She closed her eyes, knowing his involvement would only complicate things. It was her decision to keep it and her decision to do it alone. She didn't need him. She didn't need anyone pointing out her mistakes of being a new mother. She could do this on her own. She told herself he'd make it difficult for her and could potentially try and take it away from her. He was a police officer and she knew first hand what that meant in the world of child abandonment and neglect. At the first sign of weakness he would pounce on her.

She had to get rid of him once and for all, and it had to be done now. She turned around and leaned back against the car. "You don't understand. There is no baby, not anymore."

He was expecting a fight, that was for sure, but he wasn't expecting that. He thought he should feel relieved but he wasn't, he was disappointed. His next thought was her well being, assuming it was a miscarriage. "Are you ok? Did you go to a doctor? Because I'll take you."

She looked at him, wishing she could have met him in another life, but she didn't, it was this life and the way he looked at her and his concern might bring him around in the future and she needed him to stay away. She said the only thing she could think of that would make him stay away and possibly even hate her. "I didn't have a miscarriage. I had an abortion two days ago." She regretted it the moment it passed her lips, but it was too late to take back. The look on his face went from concern to painful in the blink of an eye.

"What?" he felt something this time for sure, it was like a punch in the gut.

She bent her head not able to look at him anymore. The guilt that soared through her was nothing she had ever experienced before. He was so obviously distraught from that that she knew her quest was complete, but she regretted it. "Steve…"

"Shut up!" he growled. "You controlling little…bitch." He spat, stepping toward her, leaving little space between she and the car. "You had no fucking right to do that!"

She turned her head away from him. "You wouldn't even have known if Kiki hadn't told you."

"You think that makes it ok?!" he yelled, "You think that makes it easier for me?!" He bunched up his hands into fists. He'd never in his life wanted to hit a woman before and he was doing everything he could not to right then. "You had no right to make that decision about my life. Regardless of how you feel about me, that baby was just as much mine as it was yours."

"And what?" she said through tears, "What were you going to do Steve, take it and raise it all by yourself?" she huffed. "Think about that!"

He stepped back away from her. "I would have lived up to my responsibility, because that's the right thing to do. You don't just turn and run," he pointed at her. "That's what you do!" he looked her up and down with disgust, "You're a coward Tracy," his voiced filled with hatred. "I can't even look at you. I hope I never have to ever again."

She watched him walk away for the last time in her life. The pain inside of her went beyond guilt, it was paralyzing. She knew he wouldn't have faltered and would have stood up and faced this issue head on. The part that hurt the most was that she couldn't convince herself anymore that he would have made it difficult for her; on the contrary, he would have been a shoulder to lean on.

It was too late now.

She turned around and fumbled with the keys in her hand trying to get the door open. They fell on the ground as she heard his truck pull out of the parking lot behind her. She bent over to pick them up and felt it coming. She clutched her stomach and threw up. The morning sickness had evaded her until that moment, but she knew it was more from his words and the vile way in which he spoke them. He hated her. It was what she wanted to accomplish, but inside her body was rejecting it as she vomited again.


	5. Chapter 5

Tracy stood in the isle of the grocery store, staring at the medicine in her hand. Her daughter Mary lay in the carrier at her feet. She looked down at the sleeping baby, feeling her forehead, knowing the fever was getting worse. She had to have the medicine, but she also had to have the formula to feed her and the diapers to change her, but she only had enough money to buy one. She eliminated the diapers, deciding she could make do with the three cloth ones she had. She would just have to clean them right away after each use so they'd be ready for the next change. But she didn't know what to do about the formula and the medicine.

She looked around her, seeing she was alone in the isle and squatted down next to Mary. She tucked the medicine under her blanket. Her heart began to race as she picked up the carrier by the handle and proceeded to the baby section of the store, glancing around her for anyone that could have seen her deception.

She strapped Mary in the backseat of the car and took out the bottle of medicine from under the blanket. She looked again at her sleeping baby and sat down on the edge of the backseat and started to cry. She never thought it would ever come to this. She was stealing, and worse yet, she was using Mary as a prop.

Nothing had worked out like she had planned. After only four months since her birth she had already blown through all the money she had saved. When the doctor told her she needed to stop breast-feeding because of her diabetes, the cost of milk had drained it all up fast, not to mention the babysitters. She'd already replaced two of them, one for being too neglectful when she picked Mary up and realized she hadn't had a diaper change all day. The second after finding out she was using Mary's formula to feed her own child. The caregiver she had now was expensive, but at least she had peace of mind while she was at work. But it was the formula that was making it difficult. She had been so diligent with her own health before Mary was born, but since the birth it was a whole other issue. She just couldn't keep up with her nutrition plan because of cost and time. She could feel the difference in her health and the cost of her insulin was also becoming an issue. It effected her milk and wasn't healthy for Mary.

She used the blanket to wipe the tears off of her face and leaned over kissing Mary, hoping it would make her feel better but the heat coming from the child only made her feel worse. She opened the bottle of medicine and squeezed out the recommended dosage into the tiny syringe. She held it up to her lips, forcing it inside her mouth.

"C'mon sweetie open up," she said softly, moving it around her lips until the sleeping beauty opened her eyes and gladly took the drink, hungry and thirsty. She sucked on the end as if it were a nipple. Tracy let her indulge for a couple more seconds, knowing she would start to cry once it was taken away. She was hungry and it was a couple of hours past her feeding. "I'm so sorry Mary," she apologized as she took it from her. Right on cue the face contorted and she began to wail. Tracy searched the diaper bag for her pacifier and stuck it in her mouth. It helped for a short time but once Mary realized she wasn't getting the nutrient she wanted the crying resumed.

By the time they got home the backseat was quiet again. Mary was too exhausted from fever and medicine to continue and eventually fell back asleep. Tracy felt like she was at her lowest of lows as she lifted her out of the car seat and brought her inside the apartment.

She came up the stairs of their building with the baby asleep on her shoulder and saw the note on the door, cringing, knowing what it was. She tore it off and looked around hoping no one else had seen it. She crumbled it in her hand, knowing it was a warning from the manager about her rent being over due without having to read it. She tossed it on the table after going inside and went straight to the kitchen and started a bottle for Mary.

* * *

Tracy woke up glancing at the nightstand clock. She pulled herself out of bed, knowing Mary would wake up any minute and want a bottle, surprised she hadn't already.

She staggered across the hallway, hearing the guy on the floor below snoring. She hated this place but at the moment it was all she could afford. She missed the house with Kiki and Brandon but after the landlord decided to put it up for sale and with the baby coming, she needed a place of her own. The tension between she and Kiki hadn't ever been resolved either. She still felt resentment against him for what happened with Steve. She never would have had to put him through that if Kiki just would have kept quiet. The guilt from that still hurt but she didn't have time to feel for anything but what was happening in her life at the moment.

She turned on Mary's bedroom light and saw something move in her crib. She hurried over just in time to see a cockroach crawl across her arm. She dropped the bottle and quickly snatched her up, brushing her off and stepping back away from the crib as another one appeared.

"Damn it!" she screamed, holding her tightly against her as she realized they had been crawling on her maybe every night. Her anger multiplied as every second ticked by. She picked up the bottle and stormed down the hallway. She set Mary down in her playpen after inspecting the contents for bugs and set the bottle in her mouth, bracing it up on a blanket.

She came down the stairs of her apartment and over to the next building, pounding on the landlord's door. Her anger and frustration had reached a level that was off the charts. When it wasn't answered in time she pounded again.

"What?" he bellowed wearing nothing but a pair of old white boxers. He was in his mid fifties and was close to being the vilest man Tracy had ever met. His fat belly hung over the waistband but she didn't care at the moment, she was furious.

"My baby had cockroaches in her crib! I asked you last week to have someone come out and spray!"

"Its 2:30 in the morning!" he shouted back, come back at 10 tomorrow." He went to close the door and Tracy put her hand on it.

"No! You asshole! Did you just hear what I said?!"

"Yea I heard you. If you paid your rent then maybe I would listen better."

"Fuck you! I'm not paying anything until you get those bugs taken care of!" she shouted. "And I'm calling the owners of the building and complaining about your lazy ass!"

He leaned in to her. "Oh you are, are you? Well go ahead and call them. You must have missed the note I left on your door from the owners. You got one week to get out! You've been late with your rent for the last three months and they're done with you. If you want the bugs taken care of tonight, go buy yourself a can of bug spray and pray that I don't throw you out tomorrow!" He slammed the door shut in her face.

Tracy stepped back, pounding her fist once more on the door before stomping back to her apartment. "That fat prick," she growled, feeling the tears approaching. She had one week to get out, but she had no money and nowhere else to go. She climbed the stairs back up to the apartment, having to pull herself up each step, feeling the panic and fear catch up with her. This was her life and this is what she had brought Mary into. The guilt over that was beginning to plaque her.

She came back in her apartment and closed the door, going over to the playpen. She picked her up feeling once again the heat pouring from her babies skin. She felt like she was on fire. She picked up the full bottle from the playpen and tried to feed her, but Mary would have nothing to do with it. She fussed and tried to cry but even that little effort was just too much for her. She didn't have the strength.

"Oh Mary," she pulled her close against her body hugging her as she ran to the bathroom looking for the medicine. She held it in her hands knowing it wasn't working. She needed a doctor.

* * *

The ER nurse took them in right away ahead of the other waiting patients. Tracy followed her, holding Mary in her arms. "She's been sick for a couple of days. I've been giving her this since this morning." She held the bottle of medicine out to her.

"When was the last time you gave her a dose?" the nurse asked.

"Just before we came here."

The nurse entered a small room, pulling the curtains back exposing a bed. "Let's set her down here," she said calmly, taking the bottle from her hand and examining how much was left. "We've had some serious cases of flu coming through here. How have you been feeling?"

Tracy shrugged, "Ok. I'm not sick, just Mary." She set her down on the bed, "She won't eat and she's so weak," her voice on the verge of panic.

"When was the last time she had a bottle?"

"I tried to give her one before we came here but she wouldn't take it and that happened before bedtime too at about 8:30 last night." She looked down, fighting back tears as the nurse put a thermometer in her ear. "I thought she would wake up hungry but she didn't. She didn't wake up at all, I had to get her up." She remembered then the bugs and the eviction notice, trying to push it out of her mind, only being able to focus on one crisis at a time.

The nurse leaned over Mary, "What a beautiful girl you are," she said to her as her eyes flickered close. She looked at the thermometer and immediately went to the door, speaking to another nurse across the way at the nurse's station. "Sarah can you please get me some ice packs and put room four on stat please."

Tracy didn't know what that meant but by the look on the other nurse's face and the way she moved, she guessed it wasn't good. "What's happening?" She put her hand over her heart, feeling a wave of fear hit her. "What's her temperature?"

The nurse put a hand on her shoulder calming her. "Mary has a fever of 104.7. She's at risk of seizures when the body gets this hot, so we are going to cool her down with some ice packs."

"Seizures?!" Tracy practically yelled, "Can't you give her something to make the fever go down?"

"We will, but we have to be careful because we don't want to give her too much medicine. You were smart bringing her in so quickly." She wanted to appease her, knowing that the hysterical mother in her could surface at any moment.

The other nurse came in holding several ice packs followed by a doctor.

"What do we have here," the doctor said in an overly sweet voice as she peered over Mary. She put the buds of her stethoscope in her ears and warmed the other end between her hands. "Hi beautiful," she smiled before setting it against her chest.

Tracy stepped backed and watched as the three of them took over. The nurses took Mary's clothes off and wrapped a thin blanket around her before laying the ice packs along the sides of her body.

The doctor looked in her ears and throat and pinched her skin gently. "This child's dehydrated. Get an IV going with some saline to get some fluids in her." She glanced over at Tracy but her expression wasn't as sweet as it was before. "How long has she had the fever?"

"Three days," she said nervously.

"She's extremely dehydrated. Has she seen her regular doctor?"

Tracy shook her head, "I thought she would get better," her voice breaking as tears filled her eyes. She didn't want to tell them she didn't have the money to go to the regular doctor. She had lost her job at Turtle Bay and was working at a hotel in Waikiki, but the insurance wouldn't kick in for at least another month and the doctor requested payment the same day.

"She also looks under weight. Do you breast feed?"

"No, I have diabetes and the doctor said I should stop because I wasn't producing enough milk for her."

"How long ago was that?"

"When she was six weeks. She's almost five months now."

"Has she seen a doctor at all since then?"

Tracy looked at each one of them; biting her bottom lip as the guilt hit her. She shook her head, "No, I couldn't afford to take her."

The doctor shook her head frustrated. "Ok, we'll get some fluids in her and I want to run some tests to possibly rule out diabetes and to make sure we haven't missed anything." Her voice mirrored her frustration. She wasn't angry with Tracy but she was angry over the situation. She was tired of seeing sick and neglected babies come through the ER. "Is she allergic to anything?"

"No," Tracy answered, "Is she going to be ok?"

"Why don't you go with Karen here," she motioned to one of the nurses, "she'll take you over to admin so you can fill out the paperwork and then we'll talk after I get the test results back."

"I want to stay with Mary," she argued.

The doctor approached her, "What's your name?"

"Tracy."

She put a hand on her shoulder, "Listen to me Tracy. Mary is very sick and I need you to let me do my job so we can determine what is making her so sick. Do you understand?"

She stared at the doctor as tears filled her eyes and dripped down her face. "I love her very much but I'm scared she's not getting what she needs."

"What about the father, is he in her life? Can he help you out?"

Tracy pictured Steve and then looked down at her daughter who was bundled up on the table and covered with ice packets all because she had made the biggest mistake of her life and led him to believe that Mary never existed. She wouldn't be in the hospital if she hadn't been so selfish and stubborn. Mary would be cared for, Steve would have assured that, she just knew it. She looked back up at the doctor, sniffing. "I haven't talked to him in a long time."

She motioned for the nurse to take her out. "Sarah, will you please take Tracy over to see Connie and get her paperwork filled out so we can admit Mary?"

"Sure," she said, taking Tracy by the shoulders and leading her out.

She looked over her shoulder at the doctor, "If something happens, you'll come and get me right?"

"Of course," the doctor replied.

Tracy sat in the chair across from the receptionist and answered the routine questions the best she could, but her mind was on the crippling events of that day.

"Do you have insurance?" Connie asked.

"No," she said somberly.

"Are you a single parent?"

"Yes," she replied, feeling the magnitude of that pound down on her.

"Is the Father able to help pay for any of the costs?"

She shook her head.

"Ok, we can put you on public assistance for now and they'll be in contact with you. What's your current address?"

She shook her head, knowing she may not have one by this time next week. She was suddenly overcome by everything that was happening to her. Where would they live? She had no money to pay for a deposit on a new apartment; and she couldn't let Mary live in that place another day. That thought alone was more than she could comprehend. They would be homeless.

She had tried to be a good mother but was failing miserably. Mary deserved more. She deserved a nice home that didn't have bugs crawling on her. A place where she would be safe and have milk when she was hungry, a doctor when she was sick, diapers when she was wet. She couldn't give her any of that. Her own health was beginning to diminish because she had begun to inject only half of her insulin to make it last longer so she could get Mary the supplies she needed instead. She was constantly worried that she would have an attack and that Mary would be placed in Foster Care. She thought she could hold on until things got better, but that just wasn't happening. She replayed the events from that day and came to the staggering realization that she couldn't take proper care of her anymore. The idea of her going into Foster Care frightened her beyond words. That had been her life for four years and she would never subject Mary to that.

There was only one solution she could think of, but if she did it she had to do it right and let him take her completely, like he wanted to in the beginning. She would have to let her go and let him take over. She had had her chance and failed in every possible way, knowing her involvement would only make things worse for him and for Mary. He hated her, but he wouldn't hate his daughter. Her departure would be her punishment for the rest of her life for what she had done to him and to Mary. She knew he would take her, which was the only thing she knew in life at the moment that was a certainty.

She looked up at the receptionist. "The Father's name is McGarrett," she fought back the tears and the nausea that swept through her, knowing once she moved forward there would be no turning back. She pictured Mary in the bed with the bugs on her and closed her eyes repeating it so the woman understood clearly, "Steven McGarrett. He lives here on Oahu. He'll have insurance and money for the bill." She tried to breathe as her throat closed. "I'd like to see my baby please."

Connie looked at her confused, "I thought you said the father couldn't help financially?"

Tracy stood up, trembling, "If you call him, he'll come."

"Do you have his number?"

She shook her head, "He's a police officer," she said somberly, "he won't be hard to find." She walked off going back to where she last saw Mary.

"Tracy wait," Connie called out to her, "We still have some papers for you to sign."

"I want to see Mary. I'll come back" But she had no intention of going back. She needed to say goodbye to her daughter.

She walked down the corridor as her head swirled hoping she wouldn't pass out.

The nurse passed her as she entered the room, "I'll be back in just a minute," she told Tracy.

The announcement went unnoticed; she was too consumed over the presence of the little angel in the bed.

As she walked over to her she felt as if her feet were weighted down with cement. '_You're doing the right thing_,' she told herself over and over. '_Look at her. Look at what you've done to her. He'll take better care of her.' _

She reached out and touched her little hand that had an IV going into it. She kissed her on the forehead and could already feel the cooling down from the fever, which pleased her knowing she would be ok. She whispered to her softly as she slept, "I love you, Mary. Mommy loves you so much." With that she broke down and began to sob, rubbing her hand over her soft black hair. "I tried so hard to take care of you," she whimpered. "Please forgive me and know that I'm doing this for you, because I love you so very much." She kissed her face over and over, breathing in her scent, not knowing when or if she would ever see her again. Her hands roamed over her little body, down her legs and over her little toes. Seeing her through blurred eyes. "He'll take such good care of you." She kissed her one last time, "he'll fall in love with you just like I did."

The nurse returned and Tracy quickly wiped the tears from her face, "I love you sweetie. I love you." She looked up at the nurse, "She's going to be ok, right?"

She smiled tenderly, "Don't worry, she'll be fine. She'll have everything she needs."

Tracy nodded, looking down at her. "Yes she will. Thank you."

She turned and walked out of the room and down the hallway. Her whole body trembled as she walked out of the ER entrance and toward her car, leaving behind the only thing that gave her life meaning, yet; she kept walking, knowing this would ensure Mary's future, even if it left her without one.


	6. Chapter 6

Steve sat staring off into space after hanging up the phone. He repeated the puzzling words and question from the hospital Administrator over and over in his head, trying to remember what she said exactly, but only bits and pieces were making it through.

"_A baby named Mary Caldwell, abandoned, Mother named Steven McGarrett as the father. Are you that individual?" _She repeated it twice to him before he had finally answered.

He knew Tracy's last name was Caldwell. "_I don't know_," was all he remembered saying to the woman, yet he knew they had a conversation, but couldn't for the life of him recall the details.

He bent over in the desk chair and put his head between his knees, taking in deep breaths. "Ok," he said out loud, trying to calm himself down. "Just relax. Deep breaths." He did as he was told, breathing in through his nose and letting it out through his mouth. He sat up not feeling the relaxation he was hoping for. "Holy shit!" he said in a voice that sounded even more frightened than he was feeling.

"Ok, ok" he said again, trying to ease himself down. He stood up and began pace the room. "She told you she had an abortion. So maybe this Mary isn't even yours." He stopped, feeling clarity, "Blood test! I'll have a blood test done. That will clear this whole thing up."

He told himself that but in the back of his mind two things didn't sit well with him, one; why would Tracy say he was the father if he wasn't, knowing he would get a blood test, and two; maybe she said it in hopes of knowing he would do the right thing and find it a good home. Either one of those scenarios put him in lead contention of having to take responsibility for a baby.

He sat down on the couch, putting his head back down between his knees, "Holy shit!"

* * *

Danny opened his door and looked Steve up and down. "Oh no," he groaned. "Who died?"

Steve looked at him oddly, "Why do you think someone died?"

"Because it's 7:30 on a Sunday night and you're standing at my door with a six-pack of beer. So either someone died or you are in a whole lot of trouble."

Steve leaned against the frame, "I'm in a shit load of trouble and I need your advice." He motioned with his head and spoke as if he wasn't sure he was going to move out of the way. "Can I come in?"

"What?!" Danny said, pretending to be shocked, "My advice? I would feel better if you told me someone had died."

Steve pushed past him, shaking his head. "No one died but there might be a funeral alright, mine." He took a beer out of the container before setting the rest on the coffee table. He twisted the top off and handed it to him, repeating the process for himself, taking a long drink.

Danny sat down on the edge of his couch, "So what's up?"

Steve took a seat on the coffee table, picking away at the edge of the label on his beer, trying to figure out how to explain to him the existence of Tracy.

"You know, we both have to work in the morning." Danny said impatiently.

Steve looked up at him, "Last year about this time, I met this woman up on the North Shore. We hit it off pretty quickly and ended up seeing each other for a couple of weeks." He pictured the first time he saw her sitting on the beach and then their first night together "It was more like we had sex every night for a couple of weeks, and then things kind of came to an abrupt end and we stopped seeing each other." He didn't want to divulge the dirty details of their breakup or the deceptive lie that she had told him; there was no point.

Danny raised his eyebrows, surprised by his confession. "Ok. A long one-night-stand, got it. So what's the trouble then? Did she commit murder or something?" he laughed.

Steve shook his head, not finding humor in anything at the moment. "No, she abandoned her baby daughter at the hospital."

Danny's expression became painful, "Damn. So what does that have to do with you?"

Steve took a drink of his beer and cleared his throat. "She had on the paperwork that I'm the father."

It hit Danny with almost the same impact of shock as it did Steve. He slid off the arm of the couch to the cushion, "Holy shit!" He took a drink of his beer watching as Steve's expression became more worried than anything else. "Wow!"

Steve nodded, "Yes wow, and yes holy shit, which I think I've said about a hundred times over the last two days."

"Two days!" Danny exclaimed, "you've known for two days already?" he shook his head, "You need to get a blood test so you know for sure this kid is yours, otherwise you're doing all this worrying for nothing." He stood up and slapped him on the back, "Don't worry about it, it's probably not even yours."

Steve sighed, "I already had a blood test done. They called me about half an hour ago." He took another drink of the beer and a deep breath, "She's mine." Once again he tried to understand why she had lied to him and why she hadn't come to him for help. The more he thought of her irresponsibility the angrier he became, but the point seemed moot since the child was his and it was now his responsibility to pick up where she had left off. He looked up at his partner's stunned expression, "What am I going to do Danny?" he felt that panic begin to rise in him again. "What am I going to do with a baby?" Just saying it out loud made him woozy again as he bent over, putting his head between his knees. "Oh God, this is so bad."

Danny stared at him not knowing what to say, but no words had ever been spoken more truthfully; what was he going to do with a baby? He had absolutely no idea what to tell him. He was at a loss. This was bigger than both of them. He knew that Steve would never walk away even if the opportunity came up, he couldn't imagine him doing that. But when in this position, fear could change a person's mind. "What do you think your options are Steve?"

He sat up, looking at him. "What do mean?"

"What do you mean, what do I mean?" He raised his hands like it was an easy question. "What do you think your options are? And don't tell me this hasn't crossed your mind. Are you going to take this on, or put her up for adoption?"

Steve slammed his beer down on the table and stood up. "What do you think I'm going to do, just walk out on my kid? Jesus Danny!"

He put his hands up, "No, I don't think that, but you have to realize what you're getting into. This is a baby Steve! Have you ever even changed a diaper?" He laughed, "Hell, have you ever even held a baby before?!"

He pointed at his chest, "I've held a baby! We invaded a village one time that had an orphanage and we had to take care of them until the Red Cross got there."

Danny looked amused, "Really? How long was that for?"

"About six hours!" he said proudly.

He tried to control the smirk on his face, "Oh, six hours. That must have been torture."

Steve knew that was a ridiculous comparison to a full time baby. "I'm just saying. I've held a baby." He sat back down on the coffee table. "I just don't know if I can give her up, but I also don't know if I can take this on." He looked over at him, his eyes pleading with the father in Danny to give him an answer. "How do I know what I'm supposed to do?"

Danny sat down on the couch, knowing this is where the advice he was seeking kicked in. He had no idea what to tell him. It was a decision he was going to have to make on his own. "What's her name?"

"Mary. Mary Elizabeth."

Danny grinned, "She already has a family name. Your sister's going to be proud. Does she look anything like you?"

Steve shrugged, "I don't know. I haven't seen her yet."

That was it, Danny thought. That would answer the question for him. He knew that if Steve just saw her and maybe held her for a while it would either be a hit or a miss, and then the decision would be made for him. He grabbed his keys off the counter. "Let's go meet her."

"Right now?" Steve asked, caught off guard over that idea.

"What, you got something better to do?"

"No," he replied reluctantly.

Danny motioned with his hand for him to get up. "Well then lets go meet your daughter."

He fought the urge to put his head back down between his knees, but got up instead and followed him out the door.

* * *

Steve followed Danny down the corridor of the hospital maternity ward, wishing this were all a bad dream. The thought of trying to hunt down Tracy crossed his mind, but what was the point, he thought angrily, she obviously didn't care. That was a whole different set of emotions that he was struggling with, but trying to decipher Tracy's actions and dwelling over the anger he felt at the moment toward her was just wasted energy. He needed to focus on the mess she left behind instead, still having no idea how he was going to clean it up.

His heart was racing and he felt sick to his stomach. The moment seemed surreal to him. The word adoption floated around him like a dark cloud ready to strike him down with a bolt of lighting for such a devious thought, but he also knew he had to take into consideration the child's welfare, his job, the hours he worked, the lack of experience. The list went on an on. He looked at Danny and knew how good he was with Gracie and wasn't sure he had those same instincts. He certainly didn't have the patience. He'd never strived to be a father and wondered then if maybe those qualities just didn't exist for him. He'd never been face to face with it before, but as he neared his destination that staggering theory hit him hard. Maybe he was never meant to be a father.

They stopped at the door that led to the nursery and Danny gently tapped on the window, alerting the two nurses that were in there.

Steve stood at the large bay window looking in at the five infants that were there. He scanned over each one, wondering if Mary was one of them. He knew she was at least four, maybe five months old and those all looked like newborns. He stared at them not seeing the joy of new life, but only little babies lying in individual cribs. The door opened and Danny leaned in showing his badge and speaking to one of the nurses, motioning to Steve.

She looked over at him and then over her shoulder at the other nurse, "He's Mary's Father," she said to her. They both then looked in his direction. Neither one looked too pleased.

Steve felt the impact of their stare from where he stood, not sure what the hostility was about. He was there. He was doing the right thing.

"Come on," Danny said, entering the room.

He followed behind him as the nurse held the door open for him.

"So your Mary's Father," she said as he walked by her.

He looked down at her scowl, feeling uneasy, "Yes ma'am. I just found out a couple of hours ago. I took a blood test." He reached in his pocket for his phone, wondering if maybe she wanted proof. "I have the results from the lab. They sent them to me."

"What do you mean you just found out?" she asked, glancing over at the other nurse.

"I didn't even know she existed until the hospital called me." He realized then the attitude was because they thought he was a dead-beat dad, that label stung a little.

"Oh, we didn't know that." She smiled then and took him by the arm, leading him over toward the other nurse, "I apologize. We just couldn't imagine why no one was coming for sweet little Mary."

Steve dared not bring up the subject of adoption to them, knowing he might end up a patient there.

Danny looked around the room. "Which one is she?"

The other nurse smiled sweetly at Steve, "Are you ready to meet your daughter?"

He blew out a breath and took in another deep one. "Yeah, I guess," he glanced over at Danny who gave him an encouraging nod.

She led him by the arm over to a rocking chair and he followed her as if he were blind. It was a good similarity because that's how far out of his element he felt. He stood next to it not sure what to do.

"Have a seat," she instructed.

He did as he was told but felt kind of foolish. He wiped his hands on his pants, drying off the sweat that had formed, taking in deep calculated breaths.

Danny leaned against the wall with his arms crossed just waiting to see what his reaction was going to be. It could go either way. Either he felt that bond with her right away, or he didn't. His only concern was that if he didn't feel it, then the task at hand would become even more difficult, more like a burden rather than a fatherly devotion.

Steve watched her go into another room. He shifted his body in the chair to the right so he could see what she was doing. She bent over a crib and picked up the baby that was wrapped in a pink blanket. That relentless nausea set in again as he watched her walk toward him. She stood above him holding the child while he pressed his back into the chair as if trying to get away, but there was nowhere to go.

"Have you ever held a baby before?" she asked.

He nodded, clearing his dry throat, "Yes, but it's been a really long time."

She smiled at that. "Ok, just position your arms like mine and I'll set her in."

He studied the way she had her arms and then looked down as he mirrored it, glancing back up quickly as the baby made a noise. "Is she alright? I know she was sick?"

She smiled, bending over, "She's better now. Not 100% yet, but better. Lucky you, she's also awake. She must have known she was going to get an important visitor." She carefully set Mary in his arms and then backed up, staying close just incase it didn't work out. He was awfully skittish in her opinion.

He looked down at her, getting his first glimpse. The dark blue eyes and jet-black hair was like looking in a mirror, but nothing prepared him for the little face that stared up at him with so much wonderment over who he was. He was sure his expression was the same. He was overcome with one thought. She was without a doubt the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. His emotions got the better of him as he came to the awesome realization that she was apart of him. His blood ran through her. He had helped create this little life. He had no words for what he felt.

He gently touched the face that stared up at him as she grabbed his pinky finger. He laughed and nearly cried all at the same time. The most amazing calm overcame him. Gone was the fear and anxiety, replaced with an overwhelming connection he felt with her. "Look at her Danny," he said, unable to tear his eyes away. He glanced down her little body as her toes curled, making his way back up. He saw what every parent did and could only describe it in two words, "She's perfect."

He lifted his shoulder, drying his eyes on his shirtsleeve as Danny leaned over him.

"Wow! She is a beauty. And look at that grip she has on you. Tough like her old man, huh?"

Steve laughed, bringing his hand up to his mouth and kissing her tiny one that held his finger. "Are you going to give me trouble, or are you going to be a good girl?" he said to her.

"Hey," Danny said, holding his phone up, "say cheese."

Steve looked up, "What are you doing?"

"Taking the first of what will be many, many pictures," he replied, knowing that the bond between them was sealed. Steve would take this on as if it were the most important mission of his life.

Steve lifted his arm so her face was in view of the camera, "Smile for Uncle Danny, Mary." He looked up and grinned like a proud father.


	7. Chapter 7

The nurse handed Steve a list. "These are the basic necessities that you should have tomorrow. You should also start looking into getting a Nanny or some kind of day care. That could take a while, so don't put it off. Oh wait!" she grabbed the list back from him and jotted down another item. Danny and the other nurse looked over her shoulder and both started laughing, agreeing wholeheartedly.

Steve took the note back and looked at what she wrote. His face showed his confusion. "What's a binky?"

Danny slapped him on the back, "It's going to be as important to you as having ammo for your gun, trust me buddy."

The nurses both agreed, nodding.

He folded the note up, sticking it in his back pocket as he walked into the room where Mary was sleeping in the crib. A smile instantly grew on his face when he saw her. He rubbed his hand over her hair, careful not to wake her. "I'll be back tomorrow," he whispered. "I promise." He stared at her a couple more seconds, feeling pretty triumphant that he had fed her, burped her and put her to sleep. '_I can do this_,' he told himself. '_I can do it_.'

The nurses both smiled as he came back out. "You have a lot of work to do before you pick her up tomorrow," one said.

His eyes got big in anticipation of it. "I know! I'm sure I'll be up half the night trying to get things baby proofed around the house and her room set up. I don't have anything!"

She smiled sweetly at him, "I suggest you go home and get a good nights sleep and start fresh in the morning."

Danny agreed, "Good advice. Because it will be your last, especially with a daughter."

"A girl," he smiled uneasily. "Well, at least she'll know self-defense that's for sure."

Danny rolled his eyes, "If you dress her in black ninja gear, I'll file for custody."

Steve raised his hand, "I swear, I'll raise Mary like a girl. If she wants pink tutus then she'll have them."

"Thank you," Danny said relieved.

Steve went over to the two nurses and put his hand out, "Ladies, I can't thank you enough for taking such good care of Mary and," he looked sheepish, "and for helping me through this little transition here tonight."

They both shook his hand feeling confident Mary would be in good hands. "Don't forget to stop by the Administrator's office tomorrow to sign the papers before you come up."

He shook his head, "I won't. Thank you again."

He and Danny walked out and both of the nurses looked at each other and grinned. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" one said to the other.

"Oh my God, they are both so cute? Because that's what I'm thinking."

They both started to laugh. "Yes! That's what I was thinking," she sighed, "If we were only ten years younger…"

"And single!" the other chimed in as they both laughed again.

* * *

Steve slid the dresser up against the opposite wall, making room for a crib. The boxes that had been stored in the spare room were sitting in the hallway, waiting to be carried down to the garage. He sat down on the bed and stared at the vacant spot. Tomorrow a crib would be in that place and tomorrow night a baby would be sleeping there. But not just any baby, he thought, his baby daughter. The reality of that still seemed so unreal to him.

His thoughts drifted to Tracy.

He was still furious and resentful that she had excluded him from the whole process. He missed out on the pregnancy, the birth and the first five months of her life. It pissed him off that she didn't think him worthy enough until her life was obviously too important to take care of Mary anymore, thus making that life changing decision for him once again, without even discussing it; the same as she had done almost a year earlier standing out in front of the Turtle Bay Resort.

He took in a deep breath, growling over the continued frustration he felt over her. But as he stared at the vacant spot all the hatred he had been harboring over her telling him she had aborted Mary seemed to vanish. Not only was he pleased that she hadn't gone through with it, but he understood now that she just wanted him out of the picture. It didn't justify the fact that she had lied to him, but knowing Tracy and how she was, he could somewhat understand her notions. After all, her greatest motto was that she didn't need anyone. Well he proved her wrong there, almost laughing over it; she obviously needed him.

He looked at his watch and decided to take everyone's advice and go to bed early, it was going to be a really long day tomorrow.

* * *

Steve jumped out of bed, hearing his doorbell ring at 7:30 in the morning. He threw on a quick pair of sweatpants and came downstairs, wondering who in the hell would be there so early. He opened the door seeing Danny, Chin and Kono standing there, each one holding an object.

Kono had a large bag filled with items that he couldn't quite decipher. She went up to him first, hugging him, "I can't believe this! This is so great! You're going to be such a great Father!" she said excitedly. "Perfect dad!"

He smiled uneasily at her over enthusiastic display. "Thanks."

Chin stepped up next, setting a large box on the floor, "Congrats Buddy. A little McGarrett keiki, who would have guessed? You're going to do a fantastic job at raising her. You'll be perfect!" he said a little too over the top as well.

Steve eyed Danny who was holding a box of donuts, "So are you the head cheerleader that got the team all fired up at the pep rally?"

"What?" Kono laughed, "We're excited!" she tried to continue to play it off.

Chin swiped his hand in the air, "Give it up Cuz, he's on to us." He patted Steve on the arm as he entered the house. "We are happy for you, and we can't wait to meet the new edition to the team, but buddy you are entering a whole new chapter of life and we just wanted to let you know that we're here for ya."

Kono set the bag down. "To be honest, I'm still stunned but like Chin said, I'm so excited to meet her and I do mean it when I said you'll be a great father." Her eyes got big just thinking about his feat at hand, "But wow! Just Wow!"

Steve put his arm around her shoulder, "That's exactly how I feel. I'm not sugar coating it by any means because I know it's going to be tough as hell." He smiled at each one of them, "But I appreciate your support. I really do."

"Good," Chin replied, taking the donuts from Danny's hands. "Because we're here to help you get set up. Coffee and donuts first and then give us a list of what to do."

Steve grinned, more than pleased for the help. He looked at the items they brought in, "What is all that stuff?"

"Oh," Kono held the bag up. "Chin and I ran over to the store this morning and grabbed a couple of things for you." She walked over to the sofa and turned it over. The couch was littered with baby bottles, two pink blankets, baby spoons, baby wipes, shampoo, pacifiers, bibs and four little outfits. "This outta get you started," she said.

He looked down at all the supplies; marking off items that were on the list the nurse had given him. He put an arm around her shoulder, squeezing, "Thank you!"

"You're welcome." She turned to Chin, "we also got you a large supply of diapers, which we were told at the store should last about a month."

He looked at the box and did the math from how many were in there. He looked over at Danny for confirmation, "That's like fifty a week? That's seven a day? Is that right?!"

Danny laughed, "That's being conservative." He tried to reassure him, seeing that deer in a headlights stare. "Believe me Steve by the end of the first week you'll be able to change a diaper faster than you can change a clip in your gun."

"Ok," he let out a breath, refusing to get hung up on the small things. He reached his fist out to Chin, "Thanks buddy for supplying me up."

They spent the rest of the morning working in the house, deep cleaning the bathrooms, kitchen and Mary's room. Having the extra help was a blessing. He never would have been able to get even half of what they had accomplished done.

He went to the baby store with Kono and picked out a crib, stroller and a car seat among the other items on the list that Kono hadn't already taken care of. By the time the register had stopped adding up the expenses he had a running total over $1600 dollars.

He stood and stared at the total. "Sixteen hundred dollars!" he said, holding his wallet. He looked over at Kono, "Sixteen hundred dollars?"

She smiled, "Why do you think women have baby showers."

Steve shook his head, handing his Visa to the clerk. "I guess I won't have to buy any of this stuff again. It's just the one time start up cost. Only milk and diapers now."

"Right," Kono agreed. "Think of it as when you buy a new gun. You get the extra clips, the case, maybe a holster, the cleaning kit, but then all you have to buy to maintain it are bullets."

"Why does everyone try to explain every scenario to me with a comparison to guns?"

Kono shrugged, "Because we know you can relate. Does that comparison make sense or what?"

Steve looked at the clerk who couldn't help but over hear the conversation and eyed each of them suspiciously. "Don't worry," he said, "we're cops."

She smiled like that explanation really didn't help, handing him his receipt. "Have a nice day."

* * *

Chin picked up the small mattress and set it inside in the crib, "Done!"

Kono scooped up the wrappings and instructions and began to shove them inside the box. "The sheets are in the dryer, they should be ready soon." She looked around, "What's next?"

Chin did the same, "I don't know. I think we're done. All we need is a baby."

"They should be back pretty soon." Kono sat down on the bed, "I can't believe this is happening. I mean I'm really happy for him, but seriously, Steve and a baby all by himself! How is this going to work?"

Chin put his hands up as if that was the question that had been going through everyone's mind. "I don't know, but he really doesn't have a choice in the matter? At least he's stepping up." He sat down on the bed next to her looking at the crib. "Did he say anything to you about the Mother?"

She shook her head, "No, you?"

He did the same, "Nope. I only know what Danny told us. I just can't believe she would dump her like that. No note, no nothing, just see you later."

"Well, she did take her to a hospital and with that new abandonment law, it was totally legal."

"C'mon Kono," Chin huffed, "she keeps this kid a secret from Steve the whole pregnancy plus the first five months, and it sounds like all of a sudden she didn't want the burden anymore and, bam! Dump her off on Dad."

"Wow," Kono stood up, looking down on him, "that's a little harsh. For being a detective you sure are jumping to conclusions without knowing the facts."

"Why are you sticking up for her?"

"I'm not, but I'm also not going to point a finger at someone until I know the facts, or," she pointed down at him, "until I've walked a mile in her shoes. Maybe she felt this was Mary's only hope. Have you thought about that?"

He rolled his eyes, feeling outmaneuvered and scolded by a rookie and a woman. "Yeah, yeah whatever. It's really none of our business anyway. Like I said before at least he's stepping up and that's what we need to focus on."

"Good point. He's going to need help too and I don't mean from just us. I was thinking about giving him Aunt Celia's phone number. I know she's looking for work and he's looking for help, so maybe the timing is good."

Chin narrowed his eyes, "Has she ever been a Nanny?"

Kono looked at him as if he had forgotten, "She was like a second mother to practically every kid in our family. I think she could do this and I think she would enjoy it."

He shrugged, "I would bring it up to her first before you mention it to Steve. Make sure she's really on board and get a price so he knows what he's dealing with."

Kono came off the bed excitedly, "I'm going to go call her right now."

"He's not going to want her right away. You heard him, he wants to take a couple of weeks by himself."

"I know, I know," she yelled back, heading down the stairs. "But by the end of those two weeks you know he's going to be begging for help. Might as well get the ball rolling."

* * *

Steve sat in the Hospital Administrator's office signing form after form.

"You realize Mr. McGarrett that this is just the hospital formality. It would be in your best interest to hire a family lawyer to understand your parental custody rights."

Steve looked up at her, "That's probably not a bad idea." He signed the last one and sat back in the chair. "I'm just curious, did Tracy tell anyone she was leaving, or did she just walk out?"

She picked up a manila folder, "This is a copy of the police and hospital report." She held it out, "You have every right to read it."

He went to take it and then changed his mind. What difference did it make what was in there. It was done. She was gone and his only fear was that if he did read it he would be even angrier with her than he already was. He didn't want that extra emotional turmoil today. He had enough to deal with. He also wanted this to be a good day and one that he would remember fondly, whatever was in that report could spoil that. He shook his head. "No thanks, not today. This is Mary's and my day."

She smiled understanding his motives. "Very well then," she pushed her chair back, motioning to the door of her office. "Let's go get Mary so you can take her home."

* * *

Steve came in the house with a sleeping Mary in his arms. Chin switched the TV off and Kono came out of the kitchen. They both made their way over to him as he smiled. "She slept all the way home," he whispered proudly.

Kono looked down at her and then up at Steve with an amazed expression on her face. "Oh Steve, she is so beautiful," she whispered.

"Nice job!" Chin agreed. "She's a little doll."

They took turns holding her and enjoying the moment…until she woke up.

She opened her eyes and looked up at Chin expecting to see her Mother, or the nurse that had been caring for her, but certainly not him. She was startled at first and then the pleasant moment quickly took a turn. Her face contorted and the beginning of a crying fit emerged.

Chin tried to console her knowing a little about children from family, but quickly became uncomfortable, looking to Steve to take her, who in turn looked to Danny.

"Don't look at me," he motioned to Mary. "Lesson number one coming up."

"She's probably hungry," Steve said.

Danny shook his head, "I don't think so. She just ate before we left. Remember the nurses said they gave her a bottle," he reminded him, seeing the panic begin to set in in Steve's eyes. "Just take her," he suggested. "She might just be scared."

Chin handed her over to him and he put her over his shoulder walking into the kitchen away from everyone. "It's ok Mary," he consoled her; rubbing her back, silently hoping this would work. She pushed off his shoulder not recognizing his voice either and the wailing continued. He switched positions and held her so they could see each other but she squirmed in his arms, wanting nothing to do with him. She missed hear her Mother's presence, the only person she had known her whole life and had had enough of all these strangers. She simply wanted her Mother. The crying turned into a raging fit.

"She's really pissed!" Steve said, trying to hold her as she stretched her body out trying to get anywhere but in his arms. "What do I do?"

"Sometimes there's nothing you can do," Danny explained. "First you check out the obvious. Is she hungry? No." his voice got louder as the crying turned to screaming. "Is she wet? No. Is she sick? I don't think that's why she's crying. She'll eventually wear herself out."

"Eventually?" Steve looked horrified over that because at the moment she was practically hysterical. He held her tighter afraid he would drop her as she fought him. He was becoming exhausted already after only about five minutes. "Hey!" he yelled down to her. "That's enough!"

She startled over the loud noise and froze, looking up at him. He stared down at her just as surprised that it worked. He glanced over at Danny, "What do you know." Before he could revel in his triumph, the crying resumed as well as the temper tantrum. "Shit," he said uneasily.

Kono went to take her, when Chin held her back. "Let him be. He needs to work this out." He motioned with his head toward the door, "As a matter of fact, we should go."

They walked over to Danny as Steve went back into the kitchen, pacing back and forth with her.

"We're going to take off," Chin said. "Unless you want us to stay and help out?"

Danny shook his head, staring into the kitchen. "Nope. I'm leaving soon too. He believes in tough love and this is the epitome of that. He has to learn by doing."

"You guys," Kono jumped in, "we can't just desert him like this." She pointed toward the kitchen almost laughing, "I'm mean look at him. He's drowning." They all watched him switch positions with her for the third time in less than thirty seconds.

"Do you think parents of newborns are any more prepared?" Danny argued, "No. He needs to figure out her needs and personality and she needs to figure out him too, and if we keep jumping in and trying to save the day then its just going to be a longer process." He sighed, feeling for him. "It needs to start right now."

They all three agreed that they would be there for him, but right now the best thing for him, was for them not to be.

Chin and Kono came in the kitchen, but kept their distance, waving to him. He shook his head frustrated and rolled his eyes, talking over the loud noise. "Thanks for all your help today."

He tried to play it off that it was ok, but they could both see in his eyes what he was trying to hide, and when they left and Danny began to give him the same departure speech, Steve's panic showed without any hesitation.

"What do you mean you're leaving?"

"I'm taking off. I'll be back in the morning sometime." He turned toward the door.

Steve held Mary's head against his shoulder as he chased after him. Her little legs kicked out of frustration, anger and fear over being held too tightly and by the wrong person. She didn't like him.

"Danny please!" he begged, "You can't go! You have to stay here and help me! I don't know what to do!"

"You'll figure it out." He grabbed his keys off the table.

"Are you kidding me? You're seriously going to leave me like this? Fuck!"

He turned around pointing a finger at him. "I would watch the language too, you don't want that being her first word do you?"

Steve glared at him, "I can't believe you're ditching me!" He leaned his head back as Mary's little fist hit his chin. He reached up cupping both of her hands with his one, which only made her angrier. "Thanks for nothing!"

"I'm not ditching you Steve. This is your daughter! She's going to be depending on you for the rest of her life. You need to show her, starting right now that you'll be there for her no matter what." He tilted his head. "That is your plan isn't it?"

He saw where he was going with this, and agreed but still didn't like it. He was terrified to be left alone with her for the first night, but knew that first night had to come sometime. "Alright, alright." He looked at her face that had red blotches all over as she began to gag from crying so hard. "She'll eventually stop, right?" he looked almost as bad as she did.

"Just let her cry it out and if it gets to be too much, set her down in her crib and walk away and count to one hundred. That used to work for me." He put a hand on his shoulder, "She doesn't know you. She's just as scared as you are."

Those words hit home for him. It suddenly wasn't about his fear anymore; it was about Mary's. "Ok." He put both of his hands under her arms and lifted her up in the air above his head, looking up at her as she continued the rant. "Hey you, there's nothing to be afraid of. Do you hear me? You can cry all you want. I'm not going anywhere."

She replied by vomiting her last bottle all over the front of him.

* * *

Danny walked out to his car and couldn't help but laugh again over the look on Steve's face as Mary puked all over him. He also couldn't just leave after that incident either with him standing there in utter shock covered in white gook. He stayed until Mary calmed down and Steve finished taking a shower. He warned him again about holding her up over his head or even tossing her up in the air, although it sounded like fun, it was something that should be saved until she was older and never after or during a crying fit. He looked back when he heard his name.

Steve came running out after him. "Hey," he said a little unnerved, "It's ok if I call you right? I mean if something comes up that…" he couldn't think of anything at the moment but wanted that reassurance that someone was just a phone call away. "You'll answer your phone right?"

Danny chuckled at him, "Yes, I'll answer my phone." He backed away from him, "You'll be fine though. Just no…" he pretended to toss a baby in the air.

"I'll never do that again," Steve said adamantly, turning and waving over his shoulder as he strutted back toward the house. "Thanks Danno."

He came inside seeing Mary still asleep in the playpen by the couch. He carefully shut the door as quietly as possible. "Thank you, Danno!" he whispered his praise for him being able to put her down. He made his way over to the kitchen. It had been a long day and he hadn't eaten since that morning. He took a step near Mary on the wooden floor and as he lifted his foot the board creaked and she opened her eyes. Steve froze but it didn't matter, she looked up at him and within in seconds the crying resumed. He let his head fall forward, staring down at that piece of board making a mental note of its existence.

He bent over and picked her up so she was on his shoulder, rubbing her back as she rubbed her face and nose on his shirt. She laid her head down for a moment and he thought she was going to go to back to sleep but it was short lived. He continued into the kitchen trying to remember what Danny had done to calm her earlier, but no matter what position, tone of his voice or soothing antic he tried, nothing was working. His head was pounding and his stomach was growling.

He felt his patience wearing thin so he took the advice that Danny had suggested and pulled the playpen into the kitchen with his free hand and laid her down in it on her back.

"You go ahead and cry all you want. I'm going to eat." He ignored the tirade coming from her and went to the fridge taking down the bottle of aspirin first and popping two in his mouth. He glanced over on his way to the sink as her whole body clenched up in a fit of rage. He bent his head over and drank right from the nozzle, wiping his mouth off. "Boo hoo hoo," he mocked her. "You're just going to have to wait a couple more minutes."

He threw a left over container of lasagna in the microwave and braced his hands on the counter, hanging his head with his eyes closed, counting to one hundred, trying to block out the screaming in the background. He got to about thirty when he began to second-guess his decision. '_What are you doing? How are you going to take care of this little kid? You can't even get her to stop crying. She hates you already. She doesn't want anything to do with you. You're fucked. You are so fucked._' He told himself, feeling it too. It had only been four hours and he was already close to throwing in the towel. The microwave timer went off and he looked up, so deep in his own self-pity that it took him a second to realize it was quiet. He looked over in her direction feeling a wave of fear that she had thrown up again and had choked on it. But as he caught sight of her, he smiled.

She had rolled over on her stomach and was using her arms to push herself up. Her face was still blotchy from the temper tantrum but she had stopped crying. She looked around at nothing in particular and then laid her head down on the mattress. He watched with amusement as she popped her head back up again as if someone had called her name, looked around and then resumed the position. He watched her eyes flicker open and close until they closed for good.

He just stood at the counter and stared at her, forgetting all about his depression from earlier as he reveled at the little beauty that laid just a couple of feet from him. She had worked it out on her own. He wasn't naïve and knew that it would have just been a matter of time, but the fact that she had done it all by herself made him feel proud of her. Even though she had just exhausted herself out, he didn't want to see it that way, he couldn't. He needed something positive to dwell on to carry him over until the next storm erupted, and this was working for him.

He felt he was in the eye of the hurricane and had only a brief amount of time before she woke up again. He took his food and started walking toward the table when another loud creak came from the floor. He stopped mid step and went back on his heel, holding his breath. She fidgeted slightly but didn't wake up. He didn't want to press his luck and stood his ground, eating his food while standing in the middle of the kitchen.

* * *

He shot up off the couch out of a dead sleep, smacking his knee on the edge of the coffee table.

"Ouch! Shit!" he grumbled, stumbling over to the playpen as Mary sang out another song at high pitch intervals, letting him know she wanted a bottle.

He picked her up, which to his surprise pleased her. She gripped onto the back of his shirt with her tiny hand and grabbed a fist full of the front as well along with some chest hair.

"Hey, careful now." He pulled her hand away, making a painful face as well a few groans, positive he was going to have a bald spot there. She placed her now free fingers on his lips as he stood over the sink filling up a bottle. She toyed with his bottom lip gently gliding her fingers over it until it would snap back in place. She did this over and over until he got the bottle made and in the microwave, setting the timer.

He leaned back against the counter looking at her. She went to reach for his lip again and he pulled it inside his mouth hiding it and then stuck it back out. They did

this again and again until to his complete enjoyment, she laughed. He didn't think he had ever heard anything so sweet before at 3:30 in the morning. They played this game over and over until the microwave went off.

He sat down on the couch and tested the bottle on his arm like Danny had showed him. It felt right so he laid her back in the crevice between his arm and body and

began to feed her. She took it happily, sucking on it energetically at first and then calmed looking up at him.

"Is it good your highness," he said smiling.

She smiled with the nipple still in her mouth and reached up for his lip again. He stuck it out for her but she waited, wanting to play the game again. "You like that

game huh?" he blew through his lips making them vibrate, which delighted her even more. She laughed again as milk began to drip out the side of her mouth. He moved the bottle around, reminding her to eat and she instinctively began to suck again, but was enthralled with his lips, putting her whole hand over his mouth as he made them vibrate again, keeping her hand pressed against them. She took turns laughing and eating, not sure which she was enjoying more. He on the other hand was having more fun than he could stand. He needed this so badly. Getting her to laugh was like a gift and every time he heard it he felt more and more at ease. It was an amazing moment that he knew he would remember fondly for the rest of his life.


	8. Chapter 8

Danny peeked his head in through the front door, holding a large cup of to go coffee for Steve, glancing around the family room. He was actually surprised that he hadn't got a late night phone call, assuming all had gone well. He didn't see them but noticed odd tape marks all over the floor, wondering what in the heck that was all about. He started up the stairs, whispering out Steve's name just loud enough that he would hear him but not enough in his opinion to wake the baby.

"Danny," Steve whispered behind him.

He turned around toward the kitchen seeing Steve lying on the floor with a couch pillow and Mary sleeping in the playpen. He re-thought his assumption of the night, deciding maybe it didn't go so well after all. He went to make his way over when Steve sat up and put his hands up for him to stop. "Wait!" he whispered. "Don't step on any of the boards that have tape on them," he pleaded.

Danny looked down; trying to make out a path to him amid the 'x' marks on wood planks, feeling like he was in the middle of an Indiana Jones movie and if he took the wrong step the floor might disappear beneath him. He looked back up at him confused. "What?"

Steve carefully pushed himself up off the floor, motioning for him to join him out back. "Just be careful," he mouthed.

Danny stepped over boards as Steve stood at the backdoor, not watching him but intently watching Mary and any slight movement from her.

He moved out of the way to let Danny pass and carefully closed the door, still watching her, leaving it open just enough so he could hear her if she woke up.

They moved away from the house and out to the lawn.

"Good job, Danno." He took the coffee that Danny held out to him. "Thanks."

"What was that all about?" he asked, looking him over. He didn't think he'd ever seen Steve so awake yet look so exhausted.

"Those boards with the tape on them creak when you step on them. I woke her up twice last night because of that, so I marked them until I can get them fixed."

"That was smart. Time consuming, but smart."

"Worth it," he said taking a drink of the coffee.

"So overall, how did it go?"

"Hard, stressful, painful," he smiled, "but worth it." His smile widened, "She laughed at me."

"She laughed at you?"

He held his arms out, showing himself off, "I'm a funny guy; even the babes think so."

"You're funny alright. Sleeping on the floor in your kitchen, now that's funny."

"I was afraid to move her. I set her down after changing her to make a bottle before I went upstairs just incase she woke up again and she fell asleep."

"You couldn't have slept on the couch?" Danny inquired.

Steve shrugged, "I was a little worried she might spit up and then choke on it. What if I didn't hear her? It made me a little nervous being in the other room."

Danny lifted an eyebrow, amused that the fatherly worry had already kicked-in, but also scolding him on that theory, "I wouldn't make a habit of sleeping in the same room with her," he pointed with his thumb over his shoulder toward Mary, "it could put a damper on any future 'babes' if you know what I mean."

Steve huffed, "I'm trying not to think about that aspect of my life right now, too depressing."  
Danny got an uneasy look on his face, "You know, there's a question I've been meaning to ask you."

"What?"

He looked at him as if confused, "Why didn't you use any kind of protection against this? I mean, it's not as if you haven't been in that position before."

Steve ran his hand over his hair. Thinking about he and Tracy's last time together. He knew it had to be that night, because it was the only time they had been together that he hadn't used anything. "It was kind of spontaneous and the circumstances were…" Steve shrugged, "right. I guess." He didn't want to tell him that the experience had been the best he had ever had and that even though the relationship between he and Tracy was provocative in the beginning, it grew to be more than that, at least for him. He had felt something genuine for her that night. It also gave him peace of mind to know that Mary was conceived in that way, regardless of how things ended up. If Mary ever asked, he could tell her truthfully that he did care for her mother very much at one time.

"Well I guess what's done is done," Danny said. "What about the Mom? Have you tried to find her at all?"

"No," he sat down in one of the lawn chairs, "I'm not going to try to either, not now at least."

"Yeah," he agreed, "that could end up being a bad thing. She sounds like a mental case, dumping her kid like that."

"Hey, you know what," his voice a little perturbed over his assumption of Tracy, "after last night I can understand the frustration, and that was just one night. Tracy isn't a mental case. She has some serious issues. She was abandoned as a child over and over again by her Mother." He didn't know why he felt the need to defend her, it just came out. He was beyond angry with her too, mostly for lying to him and for keeping Mary from him, but hearing someone else criticize her even though he agreed, just didn't sit well with him. He attributed it to the fact that it was Mary's Mother he was defending, and that was the only reason.

"Then how could she do this to her own kid?" Danny argued.

He didn't have an answer for that. "I don't know. I just can't imagine her doing it without a good reason, you know?" he wondered if maybe her health had something to do with it. He thought about the hospital report the Administrator offered him, knowing he could easily obtain a copy of the police report from work. "She could have dumped her anyplace and just walked away, but she didn't. At least I know she loved her enough to bring to the hospital, knowing she would be cared for, and she gave them my name. So she must have known I would step up and care for her." He looked over at him, "So she didn't really abandon her after all."

Danny hadn't thought of it that way. He was right. Still, he couldn't imagine walking away from Gracie no matter what the circumstance. Whatever this Tracy persons issues were he was pretty sure Steve was better off on his own.

They both looked toward the door when Mary let out a squeal, letting someone know she was up and ready to go.

Steve hung his head, feeling the lack of sleep from the night before catching up with him. "At least she's not crying," he said positively.

"Exactly, and just think she'll be ready for a nap in only," Danny looked at his watch, "four or five hours."

"One day at a time," Steve said out loud, more as a lecture to himself than just a statement to Danny. "One day at time."

"Well at least you'll get time to adjust. You get about what," he asked, "four to six weeks of that FMLA pass? Not to mention it's a paid leave."

"It's not like I'm on vacation Danny," he replied sarcastically. "This is hard work! This is harder than late night stakeouts, hell, this is scarier than being shot at!"

Danny grinned at him, "One day at a time, buddy. One day at a time." He pointed toward Mary, "You better move it or she is going to start crying."

He jumped out of the chair over that thought and ran toward the house.

* * *

Steve came flying out the backdoor; slamming it open so hard it almost came off the hinges. He lifted his third shirt of the day over his head, trying not to get the spit up on his face. He crumbled it up in his clenched fists and growled like a bear, "Son of a bitch!" he cussed. "Will you ever shut up?!" He walked away from the house and the crying baby inside. He got to the edge of the water and just wanted to keep going. He figured swimming out to nowhere would be a better place than back in that house. After almost two weeks he was beginning to feel suffocated.

"What do you want from me?!" he roared, wanting to be angry with Mary, but knew that was ridiculous. He turned his frustration toward the person that deserved it. "Goddamn Tracy!" he growled, pacing up and down the beach. "Lies to me up and down and then takes off, not giving a shit about me or her!" he pointed toward the house. He could hear Mary crying and twisted the shirt in his hands with his fists, wishing Tracy were standing in front of him. "God I hate her! I swear to God if I ever see her again!"

He bent over bracing his hands on his knees, still holding the shirt. "One, two, three, four…" he counted off like he had done several times over the past week. He stood up and took in a deep breath not feeling the relief from that strategy anymore. It had worn out its use two days before. "What is wrong with that kid?" he began to pace back and forth on the beach again, "She doesn't have a dirty diaper!" he angrily counted off with his fingers the main questions he was supposed to ask himself when she cried. "She's not hungry." He held up his dirty shirt, "Obviously! She doesn't want the binky! She doesn't want to be held! She's not sick!"

He suddenly stopped pacing, contemplating that last question. What if she was sick and he didn't know it? What if she had some baby disease thing that he didn't even know existed? She could be crying this whole time because she was in pain or something even worse. He felt a cold shiver run down his spine and began to run back toward the house. The guilt of leaving her soared through him like nothing he had ever experienced. He came inside and the screaming wasn't as maddening now that he feared something was physically wrong with her. Her scooped her up and looked at her face that was red and blotchy, a look he had become accustom too. He scanned her body that was only covered with a diaper, looking for a rash or anything out of the ordinary as she continued to rant.

Danny picked up the phone in his office. He heard the screaming in the background and put it on speaker, "Hey, everything ok?"

"No!" Steve replied. "I think there's something wrong with her Danny."

His expression turned to concern, "What do you mean?"

"She's crying a lot. I mean a lot! I think she might have some kind of baby sickness or something, you know. She's not hungry, she's not dirty."

Danny had to stifle his laugh over Steve's 'baby sickness' theory. He cleared his throat, "Does she have a fever?"

He put the phone on speaker and set it on the counter. He felt her head and put the back of his hand on her stomach like Danny had showed him, "She's a little warm, but I don't think so." He watched a line of spit come out of her mouth and dangle off her chin. "She's drooling a lot too."

The crying and the age as well as the drooling gave Danny another idea. "Put your finger in her mouth and see if you can feel any teeth coming in."

"What?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed, "Take your index finger and feel around on her gums and see if she has a tooth coming in somewhere."

Steve wiped his finger on his shorts and stuck it in her mouth. "God, she's drooling buckets." He carefully glided his finger over her gums.

Danny grinned knowing they were all signs of teething, feeling pretty confident that he would feel something.

He scanned the top, feeling nothing out of the ordinary when his finger bumped something on the bottom in the front. "Hey, right there. I feel something." He rubbed his finger back and forth over it. "I think she has a tooth coming in," he said excitedly. "That's awesome!"

"Yeah well it's a catch-22. It's awesome she's getting teeth this early, but not so awesome that she will cry her ass off too because of it."

He bounced her on his arm as her crying ceased some do to the fact that she was chewing on his finger. "What do I do?"

"Do you have any french fries in your freezer?"

"How is making her french fries going to help?" If he wasn't confused before, he was even more confused now.

"Don't cook them, just give her a frozen one to chew on. Gracie used to love that and it helped."

He opened the freezer, noticing how bare it was. He hadn't gone to the grocery store for himself in two weeks. He grabbed the half empty bag dumping it out and taking one. "Just put it in her mouth?" he asked, thinking it odd.

"Yes and let her hold it and she'll chew on it on her own probably."

He rubbed it on her bottom gum, and just like Danny had described she took it in her hand and began to suck and chew on it at the same time. The crying halted all together. The silence was music to his ears. "She likes it," he leaned back against the counter suddenly feeling exhausted, watching her gnaw on it like it was a piece of candy. It was only ten in the morning but he felt like he had already had a full day. "I need to get out of this house Danny. I'm going crazy here. I can't leave because it takes an hour just to get her ready to go anywhere and by the time were ready she either needs another bottle or a changing. It's like this vicious cycle and I'm loosing my mind."

"Jesus Steve," he laughed, "you sound like a housewife."

He found that neither amusing nor helpful. He'd been locked in that house for two weeks and all the help that everyone had offered in the beginning had seemed to vanish out the window. "Thanks for the teething advice. I'll talk to you later."

"Hey Steve," he laughed over his pouty attitude, but heard the line click.

Steve pushed off the counter and took Mary over to her playpen and set her in as he plopped down on a chair. He stared at her wondering if this was how it was going to be from now on. He felt like his life ceased to exist anymore. It had been such a short time and he already hated what was happening. He thought he was organized and was getting into a system with her, but that really wasn't true. New things popped up constantly and he felt he had no structure to his life at all anymore. Everything revolved around her schedule and the worst part was it seemed like she hated him. He couldn't find a way to comfort her most days if his life depended on it.

"It wasn't my fault you know," he said to her as she chewed on the fry. "She left you, I didn't! I dropped my life to stay here and take over where she left off. The least you could do is show me a little appreciation. You think this is easy for me? You're a pain in my ass." He looked over on the counter as his phone rang, seeing Danny's name come up. He let it go to voice mail, pissed off at him too, only not sure why. He was just pissed in general.

It rang again and he finally reached over putting it on speaker. "What?"

"Hey, I'm sorry man," Danny apologized. "Wrong thing to say at the wrong time."

Steve wiped his hands over his face, groaning. "You were right. I sounded like a cranky wife. I had to check inside my shorts to make sure my dick was still there."

That made them both laugh, cutting the tension in the air.

"Listen," Danny said, "I was talking to Kono and Chin. They have an Aunt that's looking for work right now. Kono mentioned your situation to her and she might be up for it."

"Up for what?"

"Helping you out babysitting, being a nanny to Mary. You're going to need someone when you go back to work, and remember what the nurses said, don't put off finding someone."

"I was going to take her to this child care place I found online. What did you and Rachel do with Gracie?"

"I was lucky. Rachel stayed home and if we needed a babysitter, my mom was around." He made an uneasy groan, "I don't want to tell you what to do, but I think it might be wiser to have someone come to your home rather than dropping her off everyday. Easier for you, and Mary would get better attention."

He was beginning to like that idea, knowing it would be more expensive than Day Care though. "How much is this going to cost?"

"I don't know, but maybe you guys should meet first, you know, to see if you two get along and if she gets along with Mary. We thought tonight would be good. The four of us could go out and shoot some pool, have some beers and she could come over and watch Mary. What do you think?"

His eyes lit up over that idea, "Seriously? That would be great!" he reached in the freezer getting out another french fry as the one she had began to turn to mush. He leaned over to give it to her when he heard that sound that made him cringe. "Shit," he groaned, "diaper time." He sighed heavily into the phone, "I don't care what you have to do make tonight happen Danny, just make it happen. I have to get out of here for a while. I'll pay her $500 if she'll come over for a couple of hours."

"Hell, I'll come over for $500!" he volunteered.

"No way, you're Uncle Danny. Uncle Danny babysits for free," he grinned.

"Free! Are you kidding me? I charge by the diaper, and by the sound of that kid of yours I could be living on easy street."

"How many times have I watched Gracie for you?" Steve countered.

"Watched Gracie?" he bellowed. "You're idea of watching my daughter is letting her try on fatigues and then playing super seal in the backyard with night vision goggles."

"It was hide and seek," he laughed, remembering the water guns they used, "and if you ask her I bet she had a blast. She learned self-defense, including how to get out of a chokehold. I've taught her some valuable lessons. You should go to her for training." He smiled, enjoying the banter between them. It made him feel like his old self again.

"If she ever comes home talking about joining the Navy, you better move away buddy."

They both got a laugh out of that as Mary diverted his attention again. She had been in the dirty diaper too long and let him know it. "I got to go," he said somberly.

"I'll have Kono give you a call about tonight."

"You better, because I'm not kidding you, I have to get out of here. This kid hates me and that whole counting to one hundred thing sucks!"

As Danny hung up, he could hear the desperation in Steve's voice. In the beginning he thought he could handle this, but after only a couple of weeks into it he was already showing signs that he couldn't. The worst part was that he was literally trapped in that relationship, he only hoped the bond between he and Mary had stuck, because if he started to resent her, things could get ugly.

* * *

"Oh my God!" Steve stepped back away from the bed after opening up her diaper. At first he thought for sure she was sick again, but she didn't look it as she held on to a little white rabbit that Danny had brought over, happily chewing on the ear.

"What did you get into," he yelled, "the tequila and a burrito?!"

She lifted her legs in the air and grabbed her toes as if pleased to finally have that diaper off. She went to roll over since he had hesitated in his job and he quickly grabbed her.

"Hold on, Speedy Gonzalez," he said, flipping her back over. "Crap," he sang out, getting it on his hands and realizing most of it was on her back as well. "I mean literally, crap!" He couldn't help but laugh over their situation or he honestly thought he might cry. The smell finally caught him and he turned his head. "Jesus! I spent time in the Navy with guys that didn't smell this bad."

She on the other hand was as comfortable as could be, not annoyed in the least.

He held her legs up trying to determine how many wipes it was going to take to clean that up. He thought about a bath, but didn't want her to sit in it either. All was silent in the room when he heard the waves on the beach come crashing in from high tide. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Have you ever been in the ocean Mary?"

He removed the dirty diaper; tossing it in the trash bag by the bed and wrapped the blanket she was lying on around her body and scooped her up.

He didn't bother to change into board shorts or even take his new clean shirt off. He let the blanket fall on the beach and held her naked body out at arms length as he walked straight into the water until he was waist deep. He turned to the side so anything that came off of her would be diverted way from him and into the wave toward shore. He saw one approach and dipped her down into it.

It came at her from behind and the shocked look on her face from the gentle force and warm water hitting her was about the cutest thing he'd ever seen, wishing he'd had a camera. "Take that princess," he teased her. "I've got a few tricks up my sleeve too."

He turned her, evaluating her cleanliness and decided one more would probably do the trick and grinned as it approached. "You ready? Here it comes!" He dipped her again and this time she squealed, kicking her arms and legs. He laughed with her and pulled her into his arms, making sure to keep her above the waves. "You like that huh."

He walked toward shore and knelt down with his chest and her lower body under the water. He turned her around so she faced the beach, using his body to block the

power of the waves from hitting her.

She slapped her hands in the water, splashing the salty liquid into her face, not sure at first if she liked it or not.

He wondered if this was really the first time she had been in the ocean, but quickly decided that he didn't care, it was her first time with him so that was all that mattered. He turned her around and walked further in on his knees where the waves had already broken and were more civil. He stood her up in the water so her feet touched the bottom, watching her dig her toes into the soft sand. He studied her face as she looked down feeling the new sensation. He would have given anything to know what she was thinking at that very second.

"Feels weird huh?" he said to her.

She bounced up and down like she was doing a dance, splashing herself in the face again. She looked stunned, but quickly forgot about it, resuming her enjoyment.

"You like the water don't you?" he said pleasantly surprised by her demeanor, but also thrilled that he was learning something new about her. He decided to go one further and stood up, holding her in his arms and walked further out until he was in up to his chest. He kept her close, holding her with both arms to keep her secure and slowly started to go under. He had heard that it was a natural instinct for babies to hold their breath and hesitated halfway down but thought he'd do it quick, just once to see what she thought.

He ducked down with her and then shot back up again just as fast, the whole act was less than two seconds.

Her eyes were as big as saucers and at first he thought she was going to cry, but she quickly recovered and started to laugh as if she were being tickled mercilessly. It was a great sound he had begun to think he would never hear from her again. He dipped down again and she came up with the same stunned expression and then looked at him as they both started to laugh over their new game. He did it two more times, having just as much fun as she was. He decided not to push it and started back toward the beach. She laid her face against his shoulder and wet shirt, wiping her nose back and forth on it, before lying her head down.

He scooped up the dirty blanket and walked back toward the house, dropping it in the laundry basket inside. To his greatest pleasure she stayed in that same position with her head on his shoulder all the way up the stairs. He sat down on the bed, not wanting to move her. She had never done that before for this long without getting impatient or without crying hysterically. It almost felt as if she were putting her trust in him and finally accepting that he was the new person in her life, and that it was ok by her.

He reached over for a blanket, hoping she wouldn't move and carefully covered up her bare little body. He scooted back on the bed against the pillows, wet clothes and all, rubbing her back as she rested from their playtime. He didn't care that she didn't have a diaper on, she could pee, poop, throw up, whatever she wanted; he just didn't want her to move from that position.

It had been a long two weeks, but they had made it through together. He looked down seeing that her eyes were still open; she was just as comfortable as he was. This was what he had been waiting for. He needed something to help move him on to the next level. It was as if she had sensed that he was on his last leg, and she came through for him this time.

"Thank you Mary."

He kissed the top of her forehead, hugging her a little tighter. "Daddy loves you."

It was the first time he had said it to her and were the most powerful words he'd ever spoken, knowing at that second that he would walk through fire and sacrifice his

own happiness and even his life to keep her safe. He never knew he was capable of this kind of love, but it was unstoppable.

It was the best and also the scariest moment of his entire life. He realized he had officially become a Father.


	9. Chapter 9

Tracy laid in her bed staring at the digital clock on the nightstand. She was already ten minutes late for work but hadn't even got out of bed yet. It was four-ten in the afternoon and she couldn't think of one good reason to get up. Her depression ran so deep that the only thing that would make her happy at the moment was if the earth opened up and swallowed her whole. She knew they would be forcing her out of the apartment the next day. She had nowhere to go and nothing in her life to look forward to.

She closed her eyes again, picturing Mary. It was the only thing that gave her any kind of peace at all, but even that was small. She missed her so much there were no words to describe what she felt inside. The pain that she had brought on herself was almost unbearable. She couldn't even bring herself to get out of bed most days. Simple tasks such as eating had even become a burden, not that she was ever hungry. She had to force herself just to keep her blood sugar up, but lately she didn't care and hoped she would fall into a coma and then it would all be over. The only thing that kept her going was Mary and maybe the hopes of someday being with her again.

Even that thought brought on the paralyzing guilt over what she had done. She left her behind just like her Mother had done to her so many times. It was a shame that cut deep into her soul and knew she would never be able to forgive herself for, but the worst part was that Mary would never how just much she really loved her.

She buried her face in Mary's baby blanket and sobbed.

* * *

Steve wiped the drool off Mary's face with a towel as he held her on his hip with his left arm. He scanned the house one last time, making sure it looked somewhat presentable to Kono and Chin's Aunt. He had had a difficult couple of weeks but didn't want it to seem that way. He really wanted this to work out. The more he thought about it the more sense it made. Who could he possibly trust more to take care of Mary than Kono and Chin's Aunt? He had met her a couple of times over the years but as coincidence had it, he hadn't seen her since the party a year before where he had met Tracy.

He heard Chin's car pull up and looked at Mary, "Please, please be a good girl for Daddy. I really need a break and a night out."

She stared at him and then smiled, bouncing up and down on his arm as if sensing his nervousness and the anticipation in the air.

He smoothed down her jet-black hair and then smiled back at her. "I don't know why I'm trying to butter you up. She's going to love you." He buried his face in her neck and blew, tickling her. She squealed, grabbing onto his shirt with both hands and laughed.

Chin knocked once and then peeked his head in the door, hearing the laughter. "Hey, sounds like fun in here. Can I join?"

"What's up buddy," Steve said, walking toward him. Kono came in behind him and held her hands out to Mary.

"Hi sweetie!" She took her from Steve as Mary stared at her as if trying to decipher whether or not she liked her. Kono spoke to her in an overly sweet voice. "I've been dying to come over and see you."

"You have?" Steve said surprised, since he hadn't heard from them at all.

She kissed her cheek and pretended to nibble on her fingers as she spoke to him. "Yes, but Danny said we shouldn't because you needed this time to work things out on your own." She looked over at him, "It was really hard to stay away."

Steve shook his head, "Let me guess, he used the words 'tough love'?"

Chin laughed, "You nailed that one."

"That little shit," Steve growled. He looked up just then seeing Aunt Celia come through the door. He was amazed every time he met her. The only way he could describe it was like seeing Kono in thirty years. He walked over to her with his hand extended. "Hi, it's good to see you again."

She grinned at him, taking his hand, "Hello to you too, and congratulations!" she said extending a look over toward Mary. "And this must be the little prize you won."

She reached over, taking her from Kono. "Hello little keiki, what a beautiful little kaikamahine you are."

Mary looked at her with the same wonderment on her face as she did with Kono. She hadn't met so many strangers at one time before. She quickly looked over her shoulder, making sure Steve was still there. She went to reach out for him when Celia made a clicking sound with her tongue, getting her attention back almost immediately. Mary stared at her mouth as she walked over into the kitchen, continuing the strange chant.

Steve raised an eyebrow in Chin and Kono's direction. "So far so good."

Celia stood at the entrance to the kitchen, "You can all go if you want. I think Mary and I are going to have a wonderful time together." She bounced her up and down on her arm, "Aren't we pretty girl?" She looked over at Steve. "If that's ok with you?"

Mary bounced with her and reached up touching her mouth, wanting to hear the sounds again. He was convinced she was happy. "You two look pretty content."

"Let's go," Chin announced. "Danny's meeting us there." He went to the door, holding it open for everyone.

Steve took a step toward him thrilled to be getting out and then turned, "Her room is upstairs on the right. There are a couple of bottles in the fridge already made. I usually put them in the microwave for about forty-five seconds. Any longer than that and they get too hot. If she starts to get cranky, it's probably because she has a tooth coming in," he pointed at his bottom teeth, "the bottom front. I just give her a frozen french fry and she's happy. I just changed her not too long ago so she should be ok, and I fed her about," he looked at his watch, "half hour ago."

Chin and Kono looked over at each other in complete wonderment over his instructions. It just seemed surreal to them the words that were coming out of his mouth, never thinking they would experience it.

"Let me think what else…" Steve pondered. The excitement of getting out the house suddenly turned to an uneasy feeling now about leaving her.  
Celia walked over to him, smiling at his concern, "Maybe a kiss goodbye for Mary?" she suggested, letting him know she had it under control.

He leaned over facing Mary, "You be a good girl. I'll be back in a while." He kissed her forehead as she reached out, grabbing onto his shirt, trying to get back into his arms. He pulled away and peeled her fingers off which made him feel guilty for some reason.

She leaned toward him with both arms now and whined just before the tears began to form.

He walked backwards toward the door but before he could even get there the panic in her cry let him know he was going in the wrong direction. "It's ok sweetie," he tried to console her. "I'll be back in a little while." He felt that wave of guilt soar through him over leaving her. He couldn't believe how hard it was to walk out. He'd been with her day and night for the past two weeks and with the huge breakthrough they had earlier in the day he was literally torn. He stood his ground looking at her as she screamed and reached out for him, wanting that security. He could only imagine what was going through her mind, the panic maybe that someone else was leaving her again. It showed all over her terrified face. He couldn't do it to her.

He walked back over and took her from Celia's arms. "I'm not going," he said walking into the kitchen. She calmed almost immediately, laying her head on his shoulder, her little body still quivering over her fit. He leaned against the counter, rubbing her back as the three of them followed him.

Kono smiled, agreeing with him.

Chin shook his head. "She's going to cry when you leave. You have to do it sometime."

"I know," he agreed, "but not so soon after she just lost her Mother. I just can't do it." He let a low growl come from his throat, frustrated over it but positive he was making the right decision. Celia came up to him and he looked at her feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

She touched him on the arm in a motherly way, "Don't you apologize for anything. You are her Father and it is you who decides what is best for her welfare. No one else."

"I got an idea," Kono blurted out. "Why don't we just stay here? Chin and I can run up to the store and get some stuff for a BBQ and we'll hang out in the back instead." She held her hands out as if asking for a yeah or nah on that idea.

Steve shrugged, "That would work for me."

"As long as there's beer," Chin agreed. "I'll call Danny and let him know."

* * *

Kono bent over and carefully laid a sleeping Mary in Steve's arms as he sat in the chaise lounge. She fidgeted for a second and they both held still, holding their breath. She slid her arm out and kissed her on the forehead.

"She's like a little angel, Steve."

"Believe me, looks are deceiving because she has some devil in her too."

"Good," Celia said, stroking Mary's black silky hair. "There's nothing better than a girl with some spitfire in her." She nudged Kono; "I used to tell your Mom that same thing about you."

Steve agreed with her about Kono but couldn't help but think about Tracy too. He looked down at Mary seeing the first sign of her Mother's personality in her. It made him wonder how and where she was or if she were even on the island anymore. He wasn't sure how he felt about either of those questions. His feelings about her changed with his mood; when things were turbulent with Mary he resented her for leaving him alone to care for her and would curse her name; it was easy to be angry at Tracy because he couldn't blame Mary. But when things were good, like now, he thought how hard it must have been for her, knowing first hand the difficulties of raising a baby all on your own. He knew she struggled financially. The hospital told him she had no insurance and couldn't afford to take Mary to the doctor. That alone would double the stress of being a parent.

It still bothered him immensely that she never came to him for help. He would have got her out of whatever financial burden she was in, she had to have known that, or maybe he had been wrong about her all along and she just didn't want the burden of being a parent anymore. He hoped for Mary's sake that that wasn't the case. He saw what it did to Tracy. He looked down at his daughter and silently promised her that she would never, ever feel that emptiness. That she would always know that she had him no matter what. She would always be loved.

He waved over his shoulder as Chin, Kono and Celia all left to go home. While the others were at the store earlier getting supplies for the BBQ, Steve and Celia discussed the details about her watching Mary once he went back to work, which was approaching in the next couple of weeks. He'd taken a month off and couldn't believe that two weeks had already gone by. She had agreed to his terms and he had compromised with a couple of hers, but in the end they met on a common ground and they both were happy with the outcome.

"I like her," Danny said, sitting in the chair next to him, speaking of Celia.

"Me too. She'll be good with Mary."

"So what happened to the whole, '_get me out of here Danny or I might got out a window'_ attitude?" he laughed remembering the call from Chin earlier about how Steve wouldn't leave Mary.

He moaned, looking at him out of the corner of his eye, not wanting to see the face that was surely going to give him shit over that move. "I know. I know." He let out a slow, deep breath, "It's the whole woman thing again, right?"

Danny laughed, "I can't believe I'm going to let you get away with this, but I understand. It happened to me once too." He held his finger up, "Don't worry, my dick didn't fall off so you're safe."

Steve tried to stifle his laugh so as not to wake up Mary. "Knock it off Daniel," he scolded him, still chuckling, "you can't make me laugh when I'm holding a sleeping baby."

He stood up and leaned over him, "Those are words I never thought I would hear coming out of your mouth." He carefully slipped his hands under Mary, taking her from him. "Come see Uncle Danny for a while."

They both laughed as her body tensed and her arms quivered as if she were having one of those dreams that she were falling. She quickly recovered and resumed her sleeping pattern.

Steve stood up with him, looking down at her. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

He hesitated, wondering if he would think the question was bordering the feminine side again, but it was one he really wanted to know.

"What?!" he repeated impatiently.

"When did you know…" he started and then rephrased it, "I mean, when did you feel like a real Father? Was it when you first found out Rachel was pregnant? Or was it after Gracie was born?"

"Hmm," he pondered the question, trying to think back. No one had ever asked him that before, but coming from someone in Steve's position he could see him wanting to know. "Umm, geez," he shook his head, "I guess it would have been this one time right after she was born. Rachel was asleep and I got up really early with her. Up until then it was all pretty much just trying to find a routine. It was scary and hectic, never knowing if I was doing the right thing. You know?"

Steve nodded adamantly, "Yes, I know."

"But that morning after she ate, I put her up on my shoulder to burp her and she just laid her tiny little head down and just sat there, perfectly content. She didn't cry, she didn't sleep she just sat there for the longest time. I guess it was then that I realized I was doing the right thing and she was happy."

Steve stepped back pointing at his chest, "That happened to me today! That same thing!"

"Whoa, settle down," Danny laughed. "It's not a big coincidence you know. I think it's like a right of passage. It's not the action that makes the moment what it is, because they are just doing what they do. But it's the way us as Father's feel that this little person lying on my shoulder is so innocent and needy and," he shrugged, "I don't know about you, but I felt like the responsibility of the world on my shoulders but it wasn't a scary feeling, it was good, it felt very, very good."

Steve sighed, "Is it bad that I'm scared?"

"Of course not. I was lucky. I had Rachel. If I were in your shoes, I'd be scared shitless. As a matter of fact I'd be a little concerned for you and for Mary if you weren't scared." He sat down on the end of the lounger still holding her; "I remember one time you telling a rookie cop before we went in for a bust that being over confident in an unfamiliar situation could be deadly." He looked up at him; "Don't lose sight of your best advice now when you need it the most."

Steve sat down across from him, taking Mary's little foot in his hand, rubbing his thumb over her toes. "I won't. I honestly think that she's going to be the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"She is," Danny said confidently. "And don't worry, you're doing great."

He nodded his appreciation, "Thanks Danny."


	10. Chapter 10

Steve rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed, reaching over and shutting the alarm off. He stretched his arms out in front of him and then brought them up above his head groaning at the same time. He stood up, wiping his hands over his face and proceeded into Mary's room.

She was already sitting up in her crib as if she had an alarm as well. Her black hair was in disarray and her little face still showed signs of weariness, but when she saw him she let out a happy squeal, leaning forward grabbing the bars of the crib, trying to pull herself up.

"Good morning princess," he smiled, picking her up. "I'm so glad you're a morning person."

She held on around his neck as he bent down grabbing a diaper and the box of wipes. He laid her out on the bed and they began their morning ritual.

They had been together for almost two months and Steve was just beginning his third week back at work. The transition had gone better than he expected. Mary had adapted well to Celia only giving him three days of stubborn crying before she finally understood he'd be coming back. Which was the best part of his day. Walking through the door and seeing the excitement on her face when she saw him was like a priceless gift that he would never get tired of receiving.

Celia had worked out like a dream as well. She was there every morning at 8:00 just in time to take over so Steve could get ready for work and out the door by 8:30. She was a blessing and he already had made plans to give her a raise if the pattern remained the same for another month.

He slipped the pink shirt over Mary's head and pulled her arms through. He bent over blowing on her stomach before he put on the matching bottoms. She giggled, smacking him gently on the head as he did it one more time just because.

"Come on silly girl." He scooped her up, dropping the dirty diaper in the garbage by the door. They came down the steps and he walked over unlocking the door for Celia and then headed straight for the kitchen.

He set Mary in her high chair and moved the tray up in place. She watched and waited patiently as he reached up in the cupboard for the box of cereal and then shook out a generous amount on the tray. She didn't wait for him to finish before she trapped one with her fingers and popped it in her mouth.

As she entertained herself he took a prepared bottle from the fridge and put it in the microwave and then poured himself a cup of coffee and put a piece of bread in the toaster. He made a habit of getting her a bottle ready the night before at the same time that he got the coffee pot ready. It worked out and saved time in the morning. He was readily finding all sorts of tricks to make their life easier.

He walked by the chair and set the bottle on the tray as he sat at the kitchen table with his coffee and toast, checking through his phone for any missed calls or emails.

He looked up as she reached her hand out with a Cheerio in it, offering it to him. He leaned forward taking it from her with his mouth, "Thank you." He returned the gesture with his toast, giving her a little taste. "Pretty soon and you'll be eating what I eat."

She reached for her bottle with his help and he held it up for her to drink. He waited until she got control and then slowly let go, pleased that she had finally learned how to hold it on her own.

He looked over his shoulder as Celia knocked once and then came in. "Good morning!" she said cheerful as usual.

"Good morning," he replied, taking one long drink of coffee and then standing up heading for the stairs, right on cue.

They had settled in and all was well. The papers from the lawyer had arrived at his office the day before and all he had to do was get them notarized and Mary's last name would officially be changed to McGarrett. He had already received full custody of her in the family courts after going in front of a judge with a signed letter from the Governor, which moved things along faster than normal. The lawyer had tried to find Tracy to serve her with papers but she was no longer living at her last known address and she had been fired from the hotel job in Waikiki a couple of weeks before. Steve just assumed she had left the island and maybe gone back to Colorado. He couldn't worry about her anymore and put all his focus on Mary now.

Their life wasn't perfect by any means, taking care of a baby was a full-time job and even harder after coming home from working a regular one everyday. She had her moments when he swore she turned into a she-devil, with no other purpose than to terrorize him. He had to admit though that he had his moments as well where she probably looked at him like he was being a selfish prick. He didn't always want to play and sometimes set her in the playpen by the TV just so he could relax, but even then the guilt would eventually get to him and he'd end up on the floor with her or on the couch with a book.

The more comfortable he became with her the more they began to venture out around the island. It wasn't so much of a hassle as he had thought and actually enjoyed a couple of their outings more than he thought he would. He purchased a backpack that she could sit in and they took their first hike up Diamond Head, just to see how she would do and they both enjoyed it.

He was also amazed at the attention he got from women; it was outstanding. Everywhere they went people commented on how much they looked alike and how cute she was. '_How could you not love her,_' he thought. '_She's adorable!_' Not taking into consideration that most of the admiration was to get his attention not Mary's. He caught on a couple of times, but dating right now seemed so far out of reach that he didn't even bother to think about it. Although; being thirty-five, single and a male had its moments when he wished he could just make one of those infamous phone calls from his 'little black book,' but he didn't feel comfortable in that position with Mary yet. He understood Danny's dilemma now when he dated. He couldn't just find someone he liked; he had to find someone that Mary liked too. But for right now he was content with it just being the two of them.

* * *

Steve filled Mary's diaper bag with extra diapers and wipes. He zipped it up and turned to her as she sat on the floor dressed in a pink and blue bathing suit.

"Are you ready yet?" he teased her.

She fell forward on her hands and knees and began rocking back and forth.

Steve squatted down in front of her, "Come on you can do it," he said enthusiastically, "hand, knee, hand, knee. You're almost there! Just make the connection." He scooted around behind her and helped, trying to show her how to crawl. He lifted her hand setting it forward and then pushed on the back of her foot, moving her opposite knee in the same direction. "Just like that."

She fell forward and he caught her before she did a face plant, "Whoa! Not like that!" He tucked his arm around her waist and lifted her up as he grabbed the diaper bag. He carried her downstairs still in that same position tucked securely under his arm and against his side. Her arms and feet kicked cheerfully.

He set her back down on the floor on her hands and knees as she instantly began to rock back and forth again.

"Keep trying, you'll get it, and then God help me after that because you'll be mobile." He looked out the window seeing Kono's car, and then her throwing her stuff in the back of his truck.

She came inside and stopped in her tracks, "Oh my God, is she crawling?"

"Not yet, but almost."

She knelt on the floor, holding her arms out. "Hi Mary! Come see me."

Mary rocked back and forth excitedly at the sight of her. She had got to know each one of the members of the team to a point where she felt comfortable with them. She sat back on her butt and held her arms up, just wanting to be picked up.

"Ok, ok," Kono obliged, not able to refuse her.

"Sucker," Steve laughed. "She's got you wrapped around her little finger."

"Look who's talking," she laughed.

"She's going to be so spoiled," Steve admitted, walking past them to the door.

Kono looked at her as she chewed on the whale tooth necklace around her neck, "Don't listen to him. Boy's call it spoiled but it really means you're strong and independent."

"Let's go," he said, standing outside the door, holding her diaper bag and an ice chest, "or we'll never get a parking spot."

She came out and walked past him to the truck, "We're going surfing today, Mary? It's going to be so much fun!" She bounced her up and down excitedly until she got the same response from her.

"Last one holding her has to put her in her car seat," Steve announced, going around the other side.

"Did you put sunscreen on her?" Kono asked, setting her in her car seat.

"Not yet, its in the bag."

"Does she have her life vest?"

"Yes, in the bag."

"What about the umbrella?"

"Yes!" he said annoyed, "I got your list and everything on it is somewhere here in the truck. Hurry up and lets go," he laughed. "You're like the nagging wife I don't want."

"You couldn't handle a woman like me," she huffed, climbing in next to him.

"You got that right," he agreed sarcastically. He braced himself as she reached over and smacked him on the arm.

* * *

Mary laid on the surfboard as Chin stood next to it in about five feet of water with his hand on her back, moving the board back and forth. She slapped her hands on the board, splashing water up in her face, laughing and having the time of her life. They both were.

He looked over his shoulder as Steve, Kono and Danny all came gliding up behind them after being out in the waves. Steve slid off his board and came up next to them.

"Look at you, pro surfer." He ran his hand over her wet hair, "Do you want me to take her?" he asked Chin.

"Beat it Dad, we're having fun."

He liked the sound of that and pushed his way through the water, holding his board under his right arm.

Kono ran up past the group and grabbed her towel hanging from a tree and wiped her face off. She glanced up toward the road where the trail from the parking lot led down to where they were and noticed a woman standing behind a tree, watching the others. She wouldn't have thought anything of it at first, except it seemed odd, as if she didn't want to be seen. She followed the direction of her eyes that focused on Steve.

"Hey Danno, nice job today," Steve said.

Danny collapsed on the beach; "I need a big fat steak and an ice cold beer after that."

Steve leaned over the ice chest, reaching inside, "How about some bananas," he held up one of Mary's jars of food, "or maybe some strained carrots?"

"Funny. Just give me a beer please."

Kono came up behind him, "Hey, behind you up on the ledge by the parking lot. She's been checking you out since you got out of the water."

Steve tossed a beer over to Danny. "Really? Are you sure she's worth looking over my shoulder for, because I have a lot going on right now." He motioned with his head over to Mary and grinned at her.

Kono casually looked up, "She looks pretty good from a distance, and if I went that way, I think I'd be interested," she chuckled. "She's pretty."

Steve had to look now. His curiosity got the better of him. He stood up and looked up the fifty or so feet to the road where Kono had said the mystery woman was. "I don't see anyone."

Kono laughed, "Behind that tree right there. She's playing shy."

The second he saw her he felt as if his whole body went into shock. It had been well over a year but even from a distance he recognized her in an instant. He took a step in that direction and realized then that she wasn't looking at him, she was looking at Mary. "No," said almost breathless.

She looked down at him just then making eye contact. Her expression was just as shocked when she realized she'd been caught. She disappeared behind the waist high wall that separated the trail down to the beach and the parking lot.

Steve looked over his shoulder making sure Mary was still safe with Chin before he started for the trail.

Danny stood up just as confused as Kono, "What's going on?" he asked as Steve came running toward him.

"It's Tracy," he blurted out still in shock, running past him.

He looked up to where he was headed, trying to get a glimpse of her.

Kono came up next to him. "Who the hell is Tracy?"

Danny stood there just as stunned but understood now, watching Steve sprint up the trail. "That's Mary's mom."

Tracy ran as fast as she could back to her car. She had parked on the other side of the road so he wouldn't see it if he came back to his truck. She ran out into the street and stopped in her tracks. The white Mustang honked and swerved out of the way, just missing her by inches.

Steve ran up the trail in record time, hurdling the wall without breaking stride. He stopped in the parking lot, turning in either direction trying to pick up her trail. He heard the car horn and saw her across the way in the street.

"Tracy!" he yelled, but she didn't look back. He ran after her but she made it to her car before he could get across the parking lot. He watched her pull out into traffic, almost causing an accident to get away from him. He stood on the edge of the busy road and stared at her as she drove by. It was her, clear as day, but as he got a good look he couldn't help but notice that she really didn't look the same at all. She was pale and thinner than before.

He walked back over to the trail still reeling over the sighting. How did she find them? It couldn't have been just a coincidence. If she was following them, how long had it been going on? He assumed she had trailed them here from his house, so she knew where he lived. That piece of information sent a warning to him, wondering if she had been watching him come and go. But as he came down the trail and saw Mary in Chin's arms it sent a whole knew wave of alarms off in his head. He knew this was all about Mary and not him. What if she wanted her back? That thought alone crippled him with fear.

He walked straight toward her, ignoring the questions from Danny and Kono, needing to get her safely in his arms. He took her from Chin and walked out to the edge of the water with his back to them. He looked at her face as she bounced on his arm happily; it was a good day in her opinion. When she smiled he caught a glimpse of the two little bottom teeth that had broken through. He remembered the agony they both went through for that. At the time he thought he might go out a window, but thinking back now, it was a memory that he would cherish. It was the beginning of her firsts and he was there to experience it, anticipating the other firsts to arrive; her first step, her first word, her first day of school. He wanted to be there for all of them. The thought of losing her put a grip so tight around his heart he felt tears sting his eyes.

Danny came up behind him, "You ok?"

He held Mary just a little tighter, "She's not getting her back." The idea of Tracy taking her and maybe leaving the island to go back to Colorado terrified him. He thought of what Danny had gone through with Gracie and looked over at him. "I won't let her take her from me."

"She can't, you told me yourself that she's not working, she got kicked out of her apartment. You have full custody. A custody battle is expensive."

He understood all that, but a legal battle isn't what he was worried about. "She's been following us and watching us. How else would she know we were here today?" The panic in his voice was unmistakable, "What if she's got some crazy plan to try and take her?"

Chin came up behind them, "Then we would hunt her down before she got off the island." He put a hand on Mary's back, "Besides, she'd have to get her hands on her first and I can't see that happening. Especially now that you are aware of a potential threat."

Kono pictured the girl behind the tree innocently watching them and didn't know why but felt the need to defend her. "Maybe she just wanted to see Mary and nothing else." She looked at Steve, "Maybe she just misses her."

That statement forced him to take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. The issue at hand just took on a whole new meaning. What if he actually had to share her with Tracy? If her reason for re-appearing was to see Mary then he needed to prepare himself for that. The challenge could be just as great as if she were there for malicious reasons.

He looked at Mary and the selfishness in him battled with the part of how could he deny his daughter the right to know her Mother? He knew that pain first hand and even now as an adult he knew he had missed out on something special, but this scenario was completely different than the one he grew up with. His Mother had been taken from him, she hadn't walked out. If Tracy wanted to see Mary again, then it was going to be under his terms, his rules. He wouldn't subject Mary to a relationship like Tracy had with her Mother. The pattern had already begun, and if Tracy wanted any kind of association then she needed to break that pattern or he'd put a stop to it with no remorse or guilt whatsoever.

* * *

Tracy looked in the rear view mirror making sure she was out of his reach. She turned down a side street and parked. She clasped her hands together, trying to stop the shaking. She hadn't got that close to them before and could still feel the overwhelming desire she had to run down and just touch her. She looked so happy and so healthy. She couldn't believe how big she was and when she heard her laugh it was like a gift that made her heart soar.

He was doing such a good job with her, it broke her heart to think she would never get as close to her as she was today. She felt she had no right. Steve had stepped up and taken over where she had failed. She had no right to interfere with his life, or Mary's. Seeing him only made her feel that same heartache that was almost as painful as the one she felt for Mary.

She hung her head down, feeling the tears drip on her legs one after the other. She felt the car sputter and shut-off from lack of gas. She didn't care anyway, after being that close to both of them and yet still feeling a lifetime away she had finally reached her breaking point. She laid the seat all the way back and turned to the side curling up in a ball. She had no money, nowhere to go and no desire to remedy either of those problems. She knew with the lack of insulin and no food in her body that it would only be a matter of time. She reached over in her purse and took out the picture that a nurse had taken of her holding Mary in the hospital right after she was born. She pressed it tightly against her chest and closed her eyes, imagining a perfect life in that perfect little white and red house by the beach with both of them. It gave her the comfort she needed to just let go and die in peace.


	11. Chapter 11

The Police car slowly passed by Tracy's Honda on the lookout for some vandals in the neighborhood. They flashed a light in the window not seeing anyone at first.

"Hey, go back," the officer said to his partner.

He put the cruiser in reverse and backed up.

He shined the light in the window again, sitting up in his seat. "There's a woman in there sleeping." He looked over at him and they both said simultaneously, "DUI."

He pulled in behind Tracy's car and turned his lights on, warning approaching vehicles during the early morning commute to be aware. They both got out and approached her car on either side, each with a flashlight in hand.

The officer on the driver's side tapped his flashlight against her window. When she didn't respond he repeated it. He looked over the roof of the car to his partner, "She's really out of it."

He pulled up on the handle of the driver's door and opened it. He put a hand on Tracy's shoulder and shook her. "Ma'am."

The other one shined the light on her face as he tried his door as well. He noticed right away the white pasty complexion that just wasn't associated with someone sleeping off a drunken night. His door was locked and he came around the other side. "I don't think she's drunk," he said concerned.

The other one shook her again with a little more urgency, "Ma'am!" He put his hand on her throat, barely able to feel a pulse and became alarmed over the chill of her skin. He looked over his shoulder at his partner, "Call for an ambulance."

* * *

Steve came down the corridor of Five-O headquarters as Chin came out of his office.

"Hey. You got a visitor from the North Shore." He pointed toward his office.

Steve glanced over in that direction and saw Kiki sitting in a chair across from his desk. He hadn't seen him since they volunteered together a little over a year before. The same day he had told him about Tracy's pregnancy with Mary.

"Did he say what he wanted? Is it about Tracy wanting Mary?" His heart rate accelerated just over the thought of that. It was all he had thought about over the past week after seeing her at the beach. He had kept a close eye on the house for her; even going as far as having Celia set the alarm when he wasn't home. He felt like he was just waiting for the bomb to drop, constantly walking on pins and needles. He had even considered putting out an APB on her car and having HPD pick her up if they spotted her, but he knew that was going too far. She really hadn't done anything threatening and that proposal from Kono was still floating around as well, maybe she just wanted to see Mary because she missed her. He wondered again if that's why Kiki was there. Was he delivering the bomb?

"He didn't say what he wanted," Chin replied. "He just wanted to talk to you."

Steve took in a deep breath and let it out. "Ok, thanks."

Chin patted him on the back, "It'll be fine. Whatever he wants you know we're all behind you 100%."

Steve nodded his appreciation over that, "Thanks Buddy." He sighed loudly, "I guess I better just rip the bandage off."

He came inside his office as Kiki turned to him and stood up.

"Hey," his greeting mirrored the uncomfortable expression on his face.

Steve held his hand out, "Hey Kiki. How are you?" He took the seat behind his desk, trying desperately to read him.

"I'm doing ok," he replied after shaking his hand and sitting back down, filling the large chair with his body. He gripped the arms of it with his hands, "I think you know why I'm here. It's about Tracy." He wanted to avoid the small talk and cut to the chase. He wasn't sure how much time she had the way her situation was.

Steve nodded, "I figured. What does she want?"

He could tell from the tone of his voice that what he was requesting may not get fulfilled. He sensed bitterness in his tone, which was no surprise to him. He felt he was out on a limb with this request anyway. "Nothing. She doesn't want anything. She doesn't even know I'm here. It's what I want."

Steve narrowed his eyes, looking at him questionably, "What can I do you for?"

Kiki pictured the frail girl in the hospital bed that used to resemble the strong-headed beautiful friend he used to know. It had almost broken his heart when he found out what had happened to she and Mary. He wanted to yell at her for not coming to him for help, but that didn't matter anymore, he would do what he could for her now. "She's really sick. She's in the hospital. The police found her in her car early last Sunday morning. She'd gone into a diabetic coma. She'd stopped eating and taking her insulin. She told them she didn't have money to get food or medicine," he swallowed down the lump in throat, "but I think she did it on purpose."

Steve sat back in his chair, stunned over the news; it wasn't what he was expecting to hear at all. "I don't understand. I mean I know why she wouldn't come to me for help, but you," he held his hand out, motioning in his direction, "and Brandon, why wouldn't she go to you for help?"

"I haven't spoken to her since right after Mary was born. Neither has Brandon. She never really forgave me for telling you she was pregnant. That caused a big riff between us and when Brandon agreed with me, it carried over to him. He lives over on Maui now. I called him and he said he would do what he could to help, but she really only needs one thing," he looked Steve directly in the eye, "Mary."

Steve's face turned angry, "If you think I'm giving up Mary you're crazy!"

"No!" Kiki held his hands up in defense and hoping to calm the sudden angry outburst. "That's not what I want. Tracy's in no position to take care of herself, let alone a baby." He felt a wave of sadness float through him over her dilemma. "She misses her so much. You have to know how hard it was for her to give her up? It's literally killing her."

"She would have never had to give her up at all if she just would have come to me! I would have given her money…anything she needed." He shook his head frustrated; "Instead she lied to me in the very beginning. Did she tell you that when I confronted her, she told me she had an abortion?"

Kiki closed his eyes, shaking his head, "No, she said that she told you and you said you would help her out, but she never heard from you again, and that you wouldn't return her calls."

Steve stood up and came around the desk, "And you believed that?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, but this was the first thing in her life that was all hers and she was so excited. She took really good care of herself while she was pregnant. She ate well, she exercised, she had regular doctor visits," his eyes showed his sadness, "I think she wanted this all for herself because she knew a baby would love her unconditionally, and she'd never had that before. She was scared to share it with anyone, even me and Brandon," he looked over at him, "and especially you."

Steve sat down on the couch running his hands over his hair, "It's doesn't make it right what she did."

"No, it doesn't," Kiki agreed, "and she knows that now. She knows the mistakes she's made and she can't take them back. She's having a hard time living with that. That's why she's in the situation she is now. All I'm asking is that you recognize that. I'm not asking you to forgive her, but to just…" he sighed, "understand her."

Steve looked over at him, "She was always so afraid to need anyone else." It broke his heart all over again realizing why she really kept him away. "She never trusted me, no matter what I did, she would never trust me." He also felt the frustration, "She was so goddamn adamant on never needing anyone!"

Kiki came over and sat down next to him, "She needs someone now. She needs to see Mary." He wiped his thumb and index finger over his eyes, clearing away the mist, "I really don't know what else to do for her. She just lies there in bed and wants to die, and she won't reach out to you because she feels like she has no right. She failed Mary. She failed you. But more than anything else she failed at the one thing she wanted more than anything, she failed at being a Mother. She knows what she did was wrong, all of it, but mostly what she did to you." He quickly swiped away more tears; "She's paying the ultimate price for her mistakes."

Steve felt his throat close up. This conversation brought back so many raw emotions that he felt during and after they were together. But just like before he couldn't quite decipher what power existed in her that had so much control over him, that he would even consider seeing her, and bringing Mary.

Kiki stood up and reached in his pocket. He pulled out the information of where she was at and held it out to him. "After everything that she's done to you," he paused, "I don't blame you if you tell me to fuck off, but you should know that when I asked her why she gave up Mary, she said that she deserved a better life than what she could offer her and she knew that you would love Mary, because you had loved her once."

Steve tried to fight off the truth to that. He had never wanted to admit it to himself but it was true. He had.

Kiki set the piece of paper on the couch next to him. "You do whatever you think is right, but just don't wait too long. She's doesn't eat. They have her on an IV feeding her. All her will and strength is gone. She doesn't know I'm here," his voice choked up, "but that little girl is all she has."

Steve didn't look up, but saw him leave. He glanced over at the piece of paper next to him. He hated the thoughts going through his head, but a part of him wished Tracy would have just vanished and he could keep Mary to himself, letting her into their lives was a risky move he wasn't sure he could do. She wasn't asking for him, nor was she asking for Mary. It was completely his decision whether or not to take Mary to see her. She had cut him twice; he wasn't so sure this next one he'd be able to recover from.

* * *

Mary splashed in the tub while Steve sat on the edge with his feet in the water. He poured some baby shampoo in his hand and lathered it up before rubbing it over her head. "In coming," he warned her.

He started at the top over her jet-black hair and moved behind her ears and under her chin, tickling her.

Her little body clenched up and she giggled so hard she almost fell over.

"Whoa!" Steve laughed, grabbing her under the arms and steadying her. He couldn't help it and wanted to hear that sound again, so he tickled her under her arms.

She squealed and laughed even harder as her little butt slipped on the bottom of the tub. "Ok, ok," he cracked up. "I'll stop." He couldn't believe how just hearing her laugh could make him feel. It was like a drug that gave him so much happiness. He thought about Tracy then, and how he would miss Mary's laugh by the end of the day at work, she hadn't heard it in two months.

He took the plastic cup, filling it from the nozzle and dumped it over her head, rinsing her off.

Her eyes got big and then blinked over and over, stunned by the sudden flood, but she didn't cry. She liked being in the water, whether it was the bathtub or in the ocean, Steve had made it a place where she could have fun and play. She wasn't afraid of it.

"You're a tough girl aren't you?" he said to her.

She looked up at him with a big smile, holding on to a rubber elephant and then bringing it up to her mouth, chewing on it.

He just sat and stared at her, thinking how perfect she was. She had his hair and eye color, but her nose, her lips and the shape of her eyes were all her Mother. She was beautiful just like Tracy was. He thought again about Kiki's visit that morning. He'd been rolling it over and over in his head all day.

The one thing he couldn't get away from was his last statement. She had given up on everything, even life. He was still angry with her for keeping him away for so long and for lying to him, but she was still Mary's Mother. He had to put his own bitterness aside to give this opportunity to his daughter. She deserved it more than Tracy did. He knew it would eat at him if he didn't. He also couldn't deny the pity he felt for Tracy. He hated it, but it was there, and his conscience was beating out his anger.

* * *

He didn't wait until morning, taking into account Kiki's advice not to wait. He came down the hospital corridor holding Mary as she slept peacefully on his arm.

He stopped in front of room 318 and stood outside the opened door. The light was on but it was quiet inside, no talking, no TV, just silence. He looked down at Mary, praying he was doing the right thing by helping Tracy and not opening a door that would ultimately close in his face with Mary on the other side; that thought almost made him turn around and walk away, but he had to trust his instincts that he had always relied on before.

He went inside and there were two beds but only one was occupied. She was lying on her side facing the window.

He came around the side and stood next to the bed looking down on her. The initial shock wasn't because it was Tracy he was finally face to face with after so long, it was her appearance that left him stunned. He winced over the woman lying there that was hardly in comparison to the Tracy he once knew. She looked so frail and ghostly, even the pretty long blond hair was straggly and lifeless. There was no way this person could hurt he or Mary.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him standing there. Her confusion turned to wonderment as she recognized him through her haze of medication and depression, not sure if she was dreaming or not. She wanted to reach out to him but was afraid it was an illusion that would disappear. She focused on the blanket in his arm and gasped, knowing it had to be Mary. She looked back up at him, whispering quietly. "Are you real?"

Her voice was so small he barely understood and the expression on her face told him she was asking because she really wasn't sure. He moved closer to the bed as her eyes focused on the blanket. "Yes Tracy," he replied softly, "we're real."

He leaned over and carefully set Mary down on the bed next to her, opening the blanket so she could see her face.

Her eyes instantly filled with tears and her hand with the IV in it trembled as she went to touch her, making sure she too was real. She kissed her forehead over and over, breathing in her scent that she had missed so much. "Mary," she cried, "my little Mary." She looked up at Steve as if he had just given her the greatest treasure that had ever existed on earth.

He wanted to be angry at her but just couldn't feel that emotion as he watched the joy on her face over holding her daughter after so long. He reached over to the table above her head for some tissues and squatted down so he was eye level with her. He wiped the tears from under her eyes, knowing he had done the right thing. She took his hand, squeezing it. "Thank you," her voice shuttered as fresh tears streamed down her face. "Thank you."

He wrestled with his own emotions looking into her striking grey eyes that had once been able to level him. It was the only part of her that was familiar, but even they resembled someone who seemed lost and so tired. Reprimanding her for what she had done to he and Mary wouldn't give him any satisfaction at this moment. It just wasn't in his nature to berate someone when they down like this, no matter the circumstance. He had loved her once and even if it weren't the ideal love he had hoped for, he'd felt it and tried to focus on that to help get him through this.

Mary opened her eyes and looked at him and then over at Tracy, blinking sleepily and then closed them again as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

He wiped away her fresh tears, "Isn't she beautiful, Tracy?" he smiled.

She nodded unable to form a word as she pulled her closer against her body and began to sob.

He smoothed her hair back away from her face, "She has a couple of teeth that just came in."

She looked up at him, "She does?"

He carefully pulled down on her bottom lip, exposing the two white nubs.

Tracy laughed and then started to cry even harder. "I've missed…" she shuttered, "I've missed her so much."

"I know. I want you apart of her life. She needs you." Those words were the hardest he'd ever said to anyone.

She kissed her again and again. "She looks so wonderful." She clasped his hand again. "I knew you would take care of her." Her eyes showed so much regret in them. "I'm so sorry Steve," fresh tears spilled out, "I'm so sorry for everything."

He wanted to believe her, but still didn't trust her. "Are you Tracy?" he asked, still afraid she would turn on him again. "Are you really sorry?"

She knew then just how much she had hurt him. "Yes."

He pulled his hand away from hers and set it on Mary. "Don't ever take her away from me. Don't put me through what you did to yourself."

"I won't," she looked pained over his statement, "I swear to you, I won't."

Every part of him wanted to believe her so badly but her deception in the past and her ability to turn on him to fulfill her own selfish needs were still so raw. He stood up and knew at this moment he had nothing to fear from her and just let her have this time with Mary. He walked over to a chair and sat down, watching her talk to their daughter and wondering if they could have had a life together if she just would have given him a chance. He felt that resentment build once again over the lie she told him, unable to comprehend how she could have done it. Their way of thinking was so far apart; he could never have done that to another person. He decided then that the likelihood of a relationship with her was not probable, in the past or now.


	12. Chapter 12

Steve walked past the gift shop on his way up to see Tracy. Mary sat on his arm looking around the busy lobby at the people, completely fixated on all the strangers coming and going. He stopped, seeing the flower display in the window and thought of Tracy's new hospital roommate that had three bouquets delivered on just her first day and Tracy had been there for over a week and hadn't a one.

He stared at the pink and white hibiscus' that were mixed in with a variety of other brightly colored flowers in a glass vase, wanting to go inside and buy them for her out of pity, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Seeing her again only brought up anger that he thought he had resolved, but over the course of the last four days he had only found that he had buried it. He was good at that. He had become a master at even hiding it from himself. She had broken his heart, not once but twice and owning up to it was the hardest part of this whole ordeal. But even so, there he stood in front of the gift shop contemplating on buying her flowers.

He kept on walking, not ready to forgive and forget just yet.

* * *

Tracy sat up, pushing the tray of food away from her as they entered around the corner of the divider curtain. She smiled brightly, holding her arms out to Mary. "Hi sweetie!"

Steve walked to the side of the bed and leaned over, letting her take Mary. She had been getting steadily better over the last four days since their first meeting. They hadn't discussed it, but they both attributed it all to Mary. She had literally been like a lifesaver to her Mother.

Tracy looked at him as she pulled Mary on to her lap. "Thank you for coming." The gleam in her eyes showed every bit of her appreciation. The first time they showed up was like a precious gift, but she was still amazed every time he walked through that door unannounced, not ever expecting it and never once taking it for granted. She knew she had no right to ask it of him and never did; he took it on his own accord. She was more than grateful for his generosity.

He nodded and reached over pulling the tray table back in front of her, "You should finish this," he said unemotionally. It was probably the only communication they would have during the visit, besides goodbye. She had been getting better but the reminisce of her illness was still very much apparent. He wanted her healthy for Mary's sake. She was still too weak to get up and walk around with her but could hold her on her lap.

She didn't argue with him, not wanting to make him angry in the least, afraid he wouldn't come back the next day. She pushed herself up and picked up the fork, cutting off a piece of ham.

Steve walked over to the window, pulling out his cell phone. He sat down in the same chair he did everyday with his back to them and just let them have their time together, but he still couldn't bring himself to leave them alone. He knew she was too weak to go anywhere but he wouldn't leave Mary unattended with her either. He checked over his messages and then glanced out the window seeing the sun beginning to set over the horizon. The sky turned pink and purple right before his eyes. It oddly enough reminded him of the sunset on the night he first met Tracy.

He focused on the reflection in the window, seeing she and Mary on the bed. He was glad to see his daughter so happy, what father wouldn't, but he couldn't help but feel that jealousy over the bond they shared. He had had to work so hard to gain Mary's trust and acceptance, but even after everything that Tracy had done, Mary picked up with her like she hadn't missed a beat. He stared at Tracy, angry with her over those feelings because he couldn't possibly hold that over a seven month old.

The last couple of days coming there he had been fighting it, but the more he saw them together the angrier he got over his willingness to share Mary when she wouldn't even let him know she had existed. There was still that part of him that wanted to hurt her as much as she had hurt him. The silence between them was loud and clear. She was constantly on edge around him, it was plain as day. He knew if he told her to jump she'd ask him, 'how high' just to please him. She was petrified of his ability to take Mary away at any second. It didn't make him feel powerful in the least, on the contrary he felt it was beneath him to use Mary like that, but he didn't want to make conversation with her either to rectify it. So he just sat in silence and let them have their moment.

He looked down at his phone as it began to vibrate, glad now he hadn't got her the flowers after all. He hated the anger that he harbored, it was such a wasted emotion, just like the jealousy he couldn't get away from either, but it was real, it was all too real.

He stood up facing the window and answered his phone. "Hello."

"Steve," Kiki said, "its Kiki."

"Hey, what's up? Mary and I are at the hospital right now."

"I figured," he smiled, "I've been coming during the day to see her and she told me that you had come everyday now. That's great!"

"How did you get my number?" he asked him.

"Tracy," he replied.

Steve thought that odd since he'd never given it to her. He looked over at her as she played Itsy Bitsy Spider with Mary. "Ok. What's up?"

"I talked to Tracy's doctor today. If she keeps getting better, and I think she will, then they are going to release her on Friday."

"Friday, that soon? But I guess that's good."

"I talked to my roommate and he agreed to let Tracy come here to stay with us until she can get on her feet."

"Ok, good." He knew she was living in her car when the police found her on the side of the road, so the fact that she had someplace to go was a relief. He didn't want that responsibility of trying to find her a place to live.

"I think there's something you should know about my roommate though." Kiki hesitated not sure how this would go over. "He spent time in the state pen."

Steve was surprised by that, "Really? For what and for how long?"

"Grand theft and drug possession and I think for about three years. But he works with me. We work opposite shifts but I can vouch for him. I just thought you should know with Mary and all."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. Does Tracy know?"

"Yes, she seems ok with it. But I guess she really has no choice."

"Guess not," he replied. But he was more worried about Mary than Tracy not sure that was a place he would ever take her.

"I was hoping that maybe you could bring Tracy over on Friday when they release her. My roommate needs my car for work and Tracy's isn't running. It needs a new alternator among a thousand other things," he moaned. "But it won't start."

"Sure," Steve replied. "Just text me your address and I'll let you know when we're on our way."

"Ok, great. Thanks, I appreciate it." He hesitated before ending the call, "She's so happy. I really think you saved her life by going there."

"No I didn't." he corrected him, wanting no acknowledgment for that. "It was Mary not me." Somehow saying that he helped her in any way was like a betrayal to himself.

"Ok," Kiki said it as if he was just agreeing with him but didn't believe it. "Mary couldn't have got there without you. I just wanted to say thanks for that. And for the record, Tracy's just as happy to see you everyday as she is Mary."

That he really didn't want to hear. "Why?" he vented, "So she can remind me every time I look at her that she screwed me over, not once but twice!"

Kiki shuttered at his tone, if he had known it was going to upset him like that he wouldn't have said it. "I'm sorry Brah, I didn't mean to piss you off. I was just saying."

"Yeah, I know," he said apologetically. It wasn't Kiki he wanted to say it too. "Just text me your address and I'll talk to you on Friday." He hung up looking over toward the bed as Tracy stared at him, hearing every word he'd said. The pained look in her eyes almost made him feel sorry for her, almost.

"I'm so sorry Steve," she said genuinely.

He put his phone in his pocket and walked over to her, reaching for Mary. "We should go."

Tracy cringed over the short visit but again didn't want to upset him anymore than he already was. It was her own fault. "Are you going to come back again?" she asked, holding her breath over his answer, praying it was a yes, knowing how angry he was.

He held Mary, looking down at the frightened look in her eyes. If he wanted to hurt her like she had hurt him this was his opportunity, all he had to say was no and he knew the blow would be devastating to her. But he just wasn't the type of person that could kick a person when they were down or want to see them in pain. He'd spent the majority of his life trying to shield people from it. "Tomorrow," he replied coolly.

She reached out, grabbing his forearm, "Please," she begged. "Please try and forgive me Steve. I'm so sorry," she pleaded.

He eyed her, never knowing her true intentions. "Where did you get my number to give to Kiki?"

She let go of his arm. "You gave it to me."

He shook his head, "No I didn't."

"Yes you did, last year."

"Last year!" His built up anger finally exploded, "So you had my number memorized this whole time but still never bothered to call? You want forgiveness from me Tracy?!" He paused gritting his teeth, trying to control the level of his voice, "What if I walk out that door and never come back?!" The panic in her eyes showed that he had made his point. "It hurts doesn't it? How long would it take you to forgive me? Think about that!"

"I was so afraid of you," she blurted out, "I was afraid you'd take her away from me."

Mary fidgeted in his arms. "Can you hear yourself Tracy?" he shook his head in wonderment over her confession, "You were afraid I would take her from you? But you turned around and did the exact same thing to me!"

"I know, and I know how wrong I was." She fought back with everything she had not to cry. She didn't want his sympathy. She didn't deserve it anymore than she deserved his forgiveness. "I know the mistakes I've made and I probably don't deserve forgiveness, but please believe me Steve that I am sorry for them. I am!" The tormented look on his face was heartbreaking knowing how much he hated her. "You didn't deserve any of it. You were good to me." She looked down so he wouldn't see the tears that flooded her eyes. "I have to live with what I did to you for the rest of my life." Her voice broke and she tried desperately to hold it together. "I'll never…" she shuttered, "I'll never forgive myself for the horrible choices I've made and the people I've hurt, especially you and Mary."

He couldn't see her face, but saw the tears drip on her arm. She had finally admitted everything he had wanted to hear from her, hoping that she meant every word of it. There was a side of him that wanted to reach out and comfort the woman, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd seen people try to make amends of their life when they were faced with that hard climb back to recovery, but he'd also seen them revert back to their old ways once the crisis was over. He wanted to believe her, but for Mary's sake he had no choice but to remain weary of her too. Still, he couldn't help but feel for her, he realized then that his anger was just that, anger. He didn't hate her. After everything that had happened, he never had. They still had one thing in common that they shared, and she was sitting on his arm.

He stared down at her bent head as her trembling hand reached for the napkin on her plate to wipe her eyes. Somehow the pain he wanted her to feel wasn't as gratifying as he thought it would be. He just wasn't built that way. "We'll be back tomorrow," he said calmly, not verbally forgiving her but letting her know she was heard.

She nodded, still unable to look up at him. The shame she felt couldn't be distinguished with just a few words to him that she was sure he didn't believe anyway. She would have to prove it to him, but even then she wasn't so sure she was even worthy of his attention. She waited until they left the room before she rolled over on her side and let herself cry.

He came out of the elevator with Mary on his shoulder, almost asleep. He replayed Tracy's words over and over in his head and the way in which they were spoken.

She sounded sincere and the tears were real, that was the part he had the hardest time with. He'd been in so many battles and seen things that could scar other men for life, but nothing was more heartbreaking to him than seeing a woman cry. It was difficult for him no matter how angry he was at her to see her sitting in that bed, so fragile and weak, begging for his forgiveness.

He passed the flower shop and stopped, seeing the bouquet he had been admiring earlier, picturing her again in that room, all alone with nothing but herself for comfort. It was he that had ultimately invited her back into their lives four days earlier when he brought Mary to see her, and it was him who encouraged the relationship when he showed up everyday since, unannounced. He knew if he was going to do this then he had to forgive her. He couldn't forget, but he had to forgive, it was the only way he could find any peace and move on. He needed it not only for himself but for his daughter as well. Tracy was after all, he reminded himself, Mary's mother.

* * *

Tracy opened her eyes after crying herself to sleep and the first thing she saw was a beautiful bouquet of brightly colored flowers sitting on her bedside table. She saw the card tucked inside and smiled over the signature, '_To Mommy, from Mary'_. She didn't even have to think about who they were from, she knew. She had made so many mistakes in her life, but she knew now the biggest one she had made was letting him go. She knew rekindling their old relationship with him now was out of the question, but if she could just get him to forgive her and trust her, it would give her the peace in her life that she needed so badly.

She hugged her pillow and relaxed, not able to take her eyes off of the flowers. She grinned even wider as the wonderfully fresh aroma from them hit her. They made her feel better than any medicine ever could. She felt so blessed to have them both back in her life. It was a gift that she would cherish and never take for granted. She knew the dreaded feeling of loneliness and it was an emotion she never wanted to experience again.


	13. Chapter 13

Steve opened his truck door for Tracy and took her by the elbow, helping her in. She had been up and around the last couple of days but was still pretty fragile in his opinion. He was even going as far as second-guessing her release from the hospital.

"Be careful," he instructed her.

"I'm ok, really." she assured him, flattered by his over protectiveness, but knew it really wasn't about her; it was just in his nature.

He closed the door and she watched him walk around the front of the truck to his side, admiring as always his good looks and once again scolding herself for taking advantage of him in the wrong way when they were together. She should have let him date her like Kiki had suggested, but instead she played that stupid game with him that only backfired on her. She was paying the price for it everyday, and it hurt. She tried not to think about the future, knowing he would find someone to spend his life with and she would have to watch that woman live in the spot she could have acquired. That would hurt more than anything else.

He pulled out of the parking lot on the way to Kiki's apartment when he glanced over at her. "Are you hungry? Do you want me to get you something to eat before we go over there?"

She would have loved to go to a place and sit down with him for an hour or so with no interruptions, but shook her head. She didn't want to impose anymore. He was already doing this and it was beyond his duty. "No, I'm ok. Thank you though." She fidgeted with her hands in her lap wanting to talk about Mary and when she could see her again, but not sure how to broach the subject with him. She wasn't so sure the daily visits would continue now that she was out of the hospital and going to Kiki's. She glanced over at him as he did the same. She went to say it but backed off, turning her head. She stared out the passenger window.

If the moment wasn't difficult enough he could tell she was even more uncomfortable than he was. They usually had Mary around to break up the awkwardness but he had left her home with Celia. He glanced over at her again and used their daughter as usual to break the ice. "I was trying to come up with a time that you could get together with Mary."

She quickly looked over in his direction, "You were?"

He nodded, getting off the freeway as his GPS instructed. He looked over at her obvious surprise over it. "Of course. I told you before Tracy, I don't want to keep you from her. I won't do that. No matter what happened between you and I, Mary's your daughter too. I know what it's like to not have your Mother around and so do you. I don't Mary to ever have to go through that." He wanted to say, '_as long as you respect the role_,' but he kept silent. It would have been uncalled for. She was trying.

She stared at him, stunned that they had this awful similarity in common about their Mothers, never knowing it before, mainly because she had never bothered to really get to know him. She wanted to ask him about his Mother now, but knew it was too personal, and reluctantly let it go. But she wanted to hug him she was so happy to hear that he still wanted her to be apart of Mary's life. He had said it before but hearing it again now was the assurance she needed to know it was true. "Ok. Thank you, Steve." She turned in her seat, "I'm going to get a job as soon as I can too, so I can help pay for the things she needs."

Her enthusiasm caught him off guard. "She's ok for right now. She has everything she needs."

"I know," she quickly explained, "I didn't mean to imply that you weren't giving her what she needed, I just…" she hoped she hadn't made him mad. "I just want to help too."

He hated the way she always seemed to be walking on pins and needles around him. "You need to get on your feet Tracy and get yourself healthy. Get your own place, that's what Mary needs from you right now. Nothing else."

She nodded her understanding. "Do you think I can see her today or maybe tomorrow?"

"Sure," he agreed. "Let's get you settled first."

He pulled in to Kiki's parking lot and scanned the buildings. He knew this apartment complex first hand. They had made busts here. If not leaving Mary there alone without him because of the roommate wasn't a good enough reason then that certainly was the deal breaker. He parked in the first open spot and turned to Tracy as she looked around at her new home as well. The place that she and Mary had been evicted from was a nice compared to this place.

She looked over at him. "I don't want Mary coming here."

He was relieved that she had brought it up before him. "Me either."

"Do you know about Kiki's roommate?" she asked.

He nodded, "Yes. I have to admit I was a little worried about you staying here too."

"I trust Kiki's judgment," she quickly replied.

"Me too."

She smiled at his confession about worrying about her, but again she knew it was just Steve being Steve, but it still felt nice. "Well, let's go see my new digs."

He grinned at her, knowing she was just trying to make the best of it. He hoped it would only be temporary and she'd find her own place.

Steve knocked on the door and Kiki opened it with a wide grin and open arms. "Welcome home little sister!" He stepped out over the threshold and gave her a hug. She returned it, feeling secure like she used too.

"Thank you so much Kiki for letting me stay." She pulled back away from him. "I promise I won't be a burden to you or your roomy." She looked past him into the apartment. "Is he here?"

"No, he's at work. You'll meet him later."

"Are you sure he's ok with this?" Tracy asked.

"Oh yeah, sure. He'll be fine." He tossed his hand in the air like it was no big deal but his words seemed as if he wasn't completely on board with it.

Tracy looked over her shoulder at Steve to see if he had caught the same meaning. She could tell by the expression on his face when he looked back at her that he had. She smiled, reassuring both of them. "It's only for a little while. I'll get a job and be out on my own quickly, you'll see."

Kiki stepped back inviting them both in. He shook Steve's hand and thanked him again for bringing her over.

Steve scanned their living conditions. The living room of the apartment was about half the size of his and the furniture looked clean. The kitchen was small and ran parallel to the family room with two bar stools that sat below the counter that ran along the length of it. The eating area was only big enough for a small table but they had converted it into an office area with a desk and computer. He looked down the hallway assuming there was a bathroom and Tracy's bedroom down that way. He pointed toward it. "Is Tracy's room down there?"

She looked over that way as well.

"Actually," Kiki announced, looking sheepish, "we tried to get a three bedroom but there weren't any available right now. So…" he pointed toward the couch. "It pulls out to a decent bed. Sorry Tracy."

It wasn't what she was expecting, but she was still grateful for the place to stay. "That's ok," she quickly assured him. "It'll be fine."

He walked over to the patio and motioned to a dresser on the deck. "I picked that up at a garage sale the other day. I put your clothes that you had in your car in there."

"Thank you," she smiled. She looked up at Steve's obvious unimpressed expression, knowing he was thinking about Mary and that her coming there was completely out of the question.

He on the other hand wasn't thinking about Mary at that moment but how in the heck all three of them were going to live in that little apartment, and the fact that Tracy would have no place of her own, no privacy, especially with two guys. He smiled at her, trying to hide his concern but knew he wasn't doing a very good job, but she seemed ok with it, so he figured it wasn't his concern. She did need transportation though for a job and mainly to get back and forth between here and his house to see Mary. He didn't want to make this drive every time.

"Is Tracy's car here?" he asked Kiki.

"Yes, I got it out of impound at the police station and they towed it here. It's downstairs."

"So you think it's just the alternator?"

Kiki shrugged, "Needs a tune up, oil change, new battery. Those are the things that come to mind, but it won't start and I think that's from the alternator."

"It's out of gas too," Tracy chimed in, remembering her last day in it. The day she had decided to die. It was the lowest point of her life and at that moment she truly believed there was no way of climbing out of the hole that was her depression, it just got deeper and deeper as the days without Mary went on. Until that day Steve walked into her hospital room with her. She hadn't looked back once after that, feeling as if by some miracle she was given a second chance and she would do whatever it took to claw her way back up.

"Ok," Steve said, "I'm going to call a guy I know that does good work. He's honest. I'll have him tow it over to his garage and fix whatever needs to be done to get it running back to normal."

"I'll pay you back," Tracy promised.

He grinned at her, but didn't reply to that. He was mainly doing it for himself. He looked at her as he made his way to the door. "I'll pick you up tomorrow at 10:00 to see Mary. Is that a good time for you?"

"Yes," she said happily. "I'll be ready."

He reached in his back pocket for his wallet and took out five twenties handing them to her. "Here just incase you need some stuff." He knew she probably had no money at all.

Tracy stepped back, refusing to take it. "No, I can't but thank you."

Steve reached out with his hand, "Just take it."

She shook her head and put her hands behind her back. He'd already done so much she couldn't take money from him too, no matter how badly she needed it. "Steve please, I can't."

He rolled his eyes slipping the cash inside the front pocket of his jeans. "Hey Kiki, will you show me where the car is so I can tell the tow truck?"

"Sure," he followed him out the door.

Steve turned to Tracy; "I'll see you at ten tomorrow morning."

She stood at the entrance leaning against the door frame as they started down the steps. "Thank you Steve for today. For everything."

Her last comment sounded so sincere he had to turn around. She smiled down at him and lifted her hand, waving good-bye. The sight of her standing there reminded him of a time he left her house once before as she stood at the door seeing him off. It had been the morning after their last night together and he remembered thinking how beautiful she looked. It was like a flash back in time the feelings that suddenly devoured him, but he quickly recovered, reminding himself of the past year, not letting himself get sucked into the innocent charm that oozed from her at that moment. That's what had got him in trouble the last time. He turned away, knowing she wasn't doing it on purpose but he still cursed her for having that power over him. He hated it.

They stood next to her car and Steve reached in his pocket and gave Kiki the money. "Here, take this and use it toward her medicine or whatever she needs."

Kiki looked down at the wad of cash and then back up at him, grinning. "She can be pretty stubborn." He took the money knowing as well as Steve that she needed it and he wasn't financially able to care for her too much. "I can also see a huge change in her. Do you see it too?"

Steve huffed, "I certainly hope there's some change in her, let's hope it sticks."

That comment irked him some but he couldn't blame him for it either, Tracy had really worked her magic on him and the result was a bitterness that came from a guy who Kiki knew probably never held a grudge in his life, and was fighting desperately with himself over this one. The wad of cash in his hand proved it.

* * *

Tracy glanced up as Aolani came in through the door. The two looked at each other with totally different expressions. Tracy stood up and smiled, coming around the coffee table having never met him before. She reached her hand out to the man that looked the complete opposite version of Kiki. He was slightly younger but he was fit and lean compared to Kiki's oversize frame. He had tattoos that covered his arms and up his neck, but they weren't the typical Hawaiian native tattoos that she was familiar with. Some of them represented his time in jail.

"Hi, you must be Aolani? I'm Tracy. Thank you so much for letting me stays here."

He took her hand and smiled, "Hi Tracy. Always happy to help out a friend."

"I appreciate that. It'll only be for a little while and you won't even know I'm here."

Aolani laughed, "A girl in the apartment? I'll know."

She looked over at Kiki who winked at her, letting her know all was well.

* * *

Tracy pulled the cushions off the couch and set them on the side. She grabbed the handle to pull out the bed when Aolani came up behind her. He put his hand over top of hers. "Let me get that for you."

Tracy glanced over her shoulder only to be face to face with him as he grinned at her. She knew he was just trying to be nice, but the lack of personal space made her uncomfortable. She moved to the side, out of his way. "Thank you."

He easily pulled it out with one hand and flipped the mattress down. "There you go."

She ended up on the opposite side of the bed, "Great. I've got it from here. Thanks again."

He pointed to the sheets next to her. "Come on, I'll help you make it."

She hesitated at first but didn't want to be rude; he was her new roommate after all. She unfolded them as he reached across taking a corner.

"So Kiki tells me that you have a daughter," he looked up, "Mary is it?"

"Yes, she's a little over seven months." She wondered what else Kiki had told him. She hoped not too much. She wasn't too proud of her life up until then.

"She lives with the Daddy, right?"

Tracy nodded as they adjusted the fitted sheet.

"He told me what happened, with you having to give her up and all."

She didn't say anything, what was there to say. She had abandoned her child because she had failed as a Mother. She wanted to crawl under the bed and hide.

Aolani stopped what he was doing, "He also told me how you are trying to get your life back together." He put his hand on his chest, "I for one can relate to that. And believe me, I don't judge people for mistakes they've made in their life. I made a lot."

"It was the hardest thing I ever did, and yes, I'm trying desperately to rectify that. It's just a slow and lonely process."

He nodded, "I can relate to that too. It's hard when the world turns against you." He pointed toward Kiki's room, "It's also nice to have ohana that will stand behind you."

"Yes it is," she smiled. She had been a little intimidated by him but the uneasiness was wearing off. He had made mistakes just like she had. She had no right to judge him anymore than she would want to be judged. "Life is hard enough, but without friends it can be a nightmare."

"And we can all use new friends," he said, tossing her pillow up on the bed.

"Lots," she responded.

He reached his hand across the bed, "Friends?"

Tracy chuckled, taking his hand, "Friends."

He sauntered down the hallway, "Good, now I have two. I'm on a roll. Good night friend."

"Good night," Tracy called out smiling. She waited until she heard his door close before she crawled under the covers of the bed. She reached over turning the light off and settled in. The next day was going to be the beginning of her new life. She was going to work on getting back on her feet just like Steve said. Her biggest motivation was Mary and making Steve proud of her for getting back on track. She needed that more than anything. She needed to prove to him that she was strong and could make it on her own. She thought about the money he had offered her earlier and it just reminded her again what a good man he was. She couldn't have asked for a better Father for Mary. She felt a jolt of excitement over seeing her the next morning. She closed her eyes, picturing she and Mary playing together.

* * *

Tracy opened her eyes seeing that it was still dark outside. She went to roll over when something blocked her way. It was then that she realized someone was in her bed and his hand was on her thigh. She threw the covers off and tried to move away when Aolani grabbed and moved his body over her, placing his hand over her mouth. "Shhh, don't scream," he whispered.

Tracy squirmed below him but his grip just tightened around her as his leg wrapped around both of hers.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said.

Her heart was racing and she looked toward the hallway for Kiki.

"I'm going to take my hand away now," he said calmly, "don't yell. Ok?" he asked, but it was more of a demand than a question.

She nodded, afraid to disobey him.

He slowly removed his hand away. "Don't be scared Tracy. I'm not going to hurt you."

"What are you doing here," she said almost breathless. His body weight on her was crushing and she couldn't move, but was too afraid to anyway.

"I like you. You're a lot like me. Couldn't you feel the connection?"

Tracy shook her head, "No."

He stared down at her, "You don't even remember me do you?"

She looked up at him then, trying to place him, but couldn't. "Who are you?"

"We met before Tracy, about five years ago at a party up on the north shore." He smiled but it wasn't calming in the least.

"I've never met you before," she insisted.

"Oh we met, you may not remember me but I remember you." He stroked her hair back.

Tracy squirmed to get away from him, "You're lying, get off of me or I'm going to call Kiki!"

He grabbed a clump of her hair. "You teased me that night too, strutting around in that little bikini, flashing your titts, flirting with me and then taking everything back when I tried to make a move on you." His voice became deep, "shutting me down in front of everyone like I wasn't good enough for you." She could feel his breath on her face, "Oh I remember you."

She felt paralyzed afraid he was going to either rape her or hurt her or both. She thought if she could just talk to him as a friend that maybe he wouldn't do anything. "I'm sorry Aolani. That was a long time ago. I was young and immature." She swallowed, trying to wet her dry throat. "Maybe we are similar in trying to get our lives back on track. I'm not ready right now, tonight for what you want. I just need a friend."

He held steady, staring down at her and then slowly released his grip on her. "I understand that." He kissed her on the forehead. "I was young and immature then too. I'm more patient now." He let his hand glide down her arm and grinned at her as if their feelings were mutual. "This will be our little secret. Kiki doesn't have to know about this. He wouldn't understand our feelings and you wouldn't want anything to happen to your living arrangements."

She knew then he was threatening her, if she kept her mouth shut and did what he wanted then she could stay. She felt trapped. She didn't want to tell Kiki, knowing he would throw him out and he couldn't afford this place on his own, and she was no help financially right now. She felt if she could just keep Aolani at bay until she could get a job, then she could either move out or they could kick him out. She nodded, not able to say anything to him. She cringed as his hand glided back up her arm.

"I'll see you in the morning." He kissed her once more before scooting back off the bed.

She couldn't move. She didn't think she'd ever been so afraid before in her entire life. She feared his return and got up quietly going to the kitchen, taking a knife out of the drawer. She lay back down, holding it under her pillow, staring at the hallway.

The entire night all she could think was if she would ever be able to escape her past.


	14. Chapter 14

Steve was there the next morning five minutes before ten, which pleased Tracy immensely. She jumped up off the curb where she had been waiting when she saw his truck pull in, not wanting to be in that apartment one second longer than she had too. She hadn't been able to go back to sleep at all the night before and it showed on her. Her eyes had been focused on the hallway for the remainder of the night; afraid he would change his mind and come back. She knew Aolani had to work that morning so she hid in the bathroom, pretending to take a shower until she was sure he had left.

She came up to Steve's truck before he had a chance to park. "Good Morning," she smiled, putting her hands on the driver's side door and peeking in the backseat at Mary. "Hi sweetie." The fear she had been harboring suddenly vanished now that they were there.

"Good Morning," Steve said, looking over his shoulder at Mary. "She was sound asleep a couple of minutes ago."

Tracy looked up at him. "Did you have something planned, because there's a park not far from here? I thought we could go there."

He looked down at her and could tell right away she hadn't slept well the night before. He'd been on enough stakeouts and late night raids to know when someone hadn't slept. She was textbook. "Sure. That's fine. Hop in."

She came around the front of the truck and he reached over, opening her door for her. She pulled herself up and leaned over in the backseat, giving Mary a kiss. She sat back in her seat, fastening her seat belt and looked over at him. "It's over off of Molokai Street."

"I know where that is." He looked over at her. "You ok?"

She smiled at him, trying to hide her weariness. "Yes, of course."

He let it go, assuming it was just from her being in a new place, and that hide-a-bed couldn't be the most comfortable place to sleep, but at least it was warm and safe.

* * *

Steve sat at a picnic table and watched Tracy and Mary play on the swings. She held Mary on her lap and they glided back and forth slowly. They both looked like they were enjoying themselves immensely. He could hear Mary cooing and talking gibberish like she always did when she was content; almost as if she were speaking in her own language and just assumed everyone understood. Her little legs kicked up and down excitedly and he couldn't help but laugh at her. He wished he could join them but decided it wouldn't be fair to Tracy since she only got this one-on-one time with her for a short while.

They came off the swing and moved over to the slide. Tracy stood next to it and set Mary down halfway up and then would slide her down while holding her, making 'weeee' sounds as she did. He also couldn't help but notice Tracy as she yawned continuously; wondering again if the foldout couch she was sleeping on wasn't as comfortable as Kiki had said. He didn't even know why he cared, except that he could see the changes in her that Kiki had mentioned and Mary was so thrilled when she was around. He began to think maybe he needed to lighten up on her, and that maybe she was going to turn over a new leaf. It would certainly make his life easier having a co-parent.

He looked down at his watch, knowing Mary was going to be getting hungry soon. He stood up and searched through the bag for her bottle, suddenly realizing he'd left it sitting on the bed upstairs at home when he was putting in the diapers. "No, no," he groaned. "Damn!" He looked over at the two of them and didn't want to cut the day short for either of them because of his mistake. He remembered passing a grocery store and walked over to them.

"I forgot Mary's bottle," he said irritably. He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. "I'm going to run over to the grocery store. I'll be right back."

Tracy nodded her understanding. "Ok, we'll wait here." She slid Mary down the slide again and then lifted her up in the air toward Steve, "Give Daddy a kiss." She laughed as they touched lips and Steve wiped off the saliva from his lips.

"Drooling baby. She must be hungry. I'll hurry so she doesn't get antsy. Her diaper bag is on the table."

"Ok, bye, bye," she held Mary's arm and helped her wave to him.

Steve started to back out of the parking spot and stopped, considering for a second on leaving Tracy alone with Mary and whether he could trust her or not. They had resumed their playing and he thought again how hard she'd been trying to show him she was different. He backed up and continued on, not giving it another thought.

* * *

It took him no longer than fifteen minutes and he was back. He'd hurried as fast as he could, just getting the essentials, not wanting to return to a screaming baby. He parked in the same spot and was surprised at the number of people that had showed up since he'd left. He counted five kids and three adults, but his heart skipped a beat not seeing Tracy and Mary amongst them.

Tracy snapped the bottom on Mary's onesie together and pulled her pants back up over them. "Feel better now?" She spoke in an overly sweet tone to her daughter. "Daddy should be back soon with lunch." She picked her up and grabbed the diaper bag, putting it over her shoulder.

Steve pulled his phone out as he walked the trail around the park about to call Danny when he saw her coming up the pathway holding Mary. He ran up to them, not even thinking about where they were but only furious with Tracy for putting him through that fear.

Tracy froze in her tracks over his expression, frightened that something bad had happened. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"Where were you?" His voice shaky, taking Mary from her, "Where did you go?" he asked irritably.

"She had a smelly diaper and others had showed up at the park and I didn't want to change her front of everyone." She followed behind him as he made his way back to the park, "Why, what happened?"

He didn't respond but slightly glanced over his shoulder at her, knowing now he had overreacted.

"Steve," she said, "what's…" and then she stopped, suddenly realizing that he had thought she had kidnapped Mary. All her joy and happiness from being with them vanished. All she had done was gone and changed her. She wasn't even trusted alone with her daughter. She knew then that he would never trust her and he would never forgive her. She went to bed the night before with the great expectations of beginning her new life, but that new life was just a harsh reality of what she had made of herself in her old one. She wasn't sure the stigma from it would ever go away. This was proof, and so was Aolani's threat. She had brought it all on herself and the idea of changing who she was although doable in her mind would not be so acceptable in everyone else's. She was who she was. Aolani saw her a sexual object because that's how she had always presented herself, she began to fear that maybe she had led him on in some way without even knowing it. She felt sick and never would have imagined it to be true but Steve's actions spoke the loudest to her. She was tainted and no matter how hard she tried, her past would never let her forget who she really was. She started to back up away from him as he walked toward her. He said something but she couldn't hear him, her head was spinning over the awful truth.

"Tracy," he said regretfully, knowing what a huge mistake he had made just by the look on her face. "I was just startled when I didn't see you." He began to walk back to her but every step he took she took one back away from him. "Tracy, please."

She shook her head, just needing to get away. "Its ok," she mumbled, "I…I understand." She couldn't be trusted. "I'm going to go," she dropped the diaper bag off her shoulder to the ground and turned around walking away from him so he couldn't see her tears.

"Tracy!" he said, trying to hold Mary who had become fidgety wanting her bottle. "Just wait a second. Come back!"

"No, I should go," she almost stopped and went back wanting to give Mary a kiss, but it was too late. The tears were already falling.

"Come back to the truck and I'll give you a ride."

She picked up her pace, hoping he wasn't following her. "It's not far. I want to walk."

He stopped at the diaper bag as Mary began to cry, hungry and sensing tension in the air. He put her over his shoulder, comforting her. "It's ok honey." He bent over picking up the bag, watching Tracy disappear around the corner of the park. "You're Daddy's just a big idiot!" He realized then he had never even said he was sorry to her, and he was. He hadn't even given her the chance to explain herself before he automatically assumed she was doing something devious, and that wasn't like him. She looked so heartbroken. That's what he couldn't get out of his mind. No matter what had happened in the past, that look told him she was trying to move forward and he'd just basically told her by his actions that it was impossible.

Guilt was never an emotion that he liked hanging over his head. The faster you resolve the situation the better for both parties involved.

* * *

Steve knocked on the apartment door with Mary sitting on his arm. They'd spent the majority of the last hour driving around looking for Tracy. He hoped she'd made it home by then.

Aolani opened the door, staring at the two of them wondering if they had the wrong apartment. "Yeah?" he asked.

Steve looked past him inside, hoping to see her. "Is Tracy here?"

He moved to block his view assuming then that this must be her baby and that was the dad. "No, I haven't seen her."

Steve assumed this was Kiki's roommate. "Is Kiki around?"

"No," he put his hand up bracing himself on the doorframe, looking Steve up and down. "You must be the cop that got Tracy knocked up." He disliked him for two reasons, one he was a cop and two he was standing there, looking the way he did asking for Tracy.

Steve was caught off guard by the brass description that this guy portrayed of their relationship, wondering where in the hell he got off saying that to him. If he hadn't had Mary in his arms the conversation wouldn't have ended there, but this guy was obviously unpredictable and Mary's safety was his first concern. But the look on his face told Aolani that he had stepped over the line with that remark. "Tell her that Steve stopped by."

"Sure thing," he closed the door in his face before the words had barely even passed his lips.

Steve breathed out through gritted teeth. '_What a prick_,' he thought. He couldn't believe Kiki was rooming with this guy. It made up his mind that Mary wasn't stepping a foot into that house as long as that guy was around. He couldn't help but attain an uneasy feeling about Tracy living there, which was the cop in him, but quickly disregarded that, knowing she was safe around Kiki. This guy probably just didn't like the police. He was used to that.

* * *

Tracy stood on the bottom step and dreaded going up stairs. She had ended up walking until later in the afternoon around the vicinity of the park and home, not wanting to come back here until she knew Kiki was home from work. The idea of being home alone with Aolani was unsettling, but she had no other choice. This is where she lived for the time being and if he tried anything with her again, then she'd tell Kiki.

Aolani was sitting on the couch when she came in and smiled at her, but even a smile from him now seemed creepy in the way it was displayed. She went straight into the kitchen for water and needed a shot of insulin. She could tell she was low and the long walk hadn't helped her situation either. "Where's Kiki?"

"He had to work late," Aolani said, taking a seat at one of the bar stools.

'_Great_!' she thought, not imagining this day could get any worse. She finished the glass of water and went out on the deck to her dresser where she kept her medicine. She filtered through her drawers not seeing it when Aolani whistled, standing at the sliding glass door, holding her case that held a needle and vile of insulin. "Looking for this?"

"What are you doing with that?" she snapped. "Did you go through my things?"

"What do you suppose that Daddy cop would say if he knew you were shooting up?"

"It's not drugs! It's insulin!"

She went to grab it out of his hands when he quickly moved it out of her reach, "No, no…" he teased. "Possession is nine-tenths of the law."

She stepped back, wanting to get away from him. "Give it back to me." She was even more frightened of him now than she was the night before, at least then Kiki was there. The situation all around was making her nervous and she was beginning to feel the signs of an insulin attack, afraid she would pass out and he wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do, or worse yet, what he would do to her if she passed out. She looked over her shoulder at the drop off the balcony, wondering if she would get hurt if she had to jump.

"It's because I was in prison wasn't it?" he scoffed.

"Aolani, I just need my medicine, please."

He watched the beads of sweat begin to form on her brow, feeling he really had the upper hand. "I allow you to stay here for free, but nothing is free. Don't you know that? Even when I was locked up I had to pay for things."

She put her hand on the metal railing, bracing herself. "Kiki is paying my way here."

"Only because I allowed it." He stepped out on the lanai, "I think I should be compensated for my good deed." He looked her up and down. "All I wanted last night was a kiss, but since you're being so ungrateful and teasing me again by having that guy show up here, I think a blow job would be worth my effort today, and if you want the medicine then you'll spread your legs for me too." He moved closer, glaring at her. "And if you breathe a word of this to Kiki then I'll do to you what used to happen to me when I misbehaved." He jerked his body toward her, making her jump, enjoying the fear he was instilling.

"I thought we were friends?" she shuttered.

He grinned at her, "We are, and friends do things for friends. So which will it be first," he held the medicine out, "on your knees or on your back?"

She looked around as tears stung her eyes and panic set in. "Fuck you!" she spat, going for the railing. She felt his arm go around her waist and pull her back as he shoved her against the dresser. She held onto the railing and tried to scream as he cupped her mouth and pulled her from behind, trying to drag her inside. She scanned the area below for anyone and felt everything begin to spin. She looked down and saw the hypodermic needle for her injection and reached out as he dragged her across the tracks from the door.

"Fuck!" he bellowed, as she stabbed him over and over in the hand.

She took advantage of the moment as he released her and got to her feet, jumping over and out of his reach. She ran for the door and flung it open tearing down the stairs having no idea where she was running too. She tripped on the bottom step and fell hard on all fours, not feeling the pain from it but just the panic of wanting to get away. She scrambled to her feet just as she felt a grip on her arms.

"Tracy!" Kiki yelled, holding her by the biceps as she screamed frantically.

She looked up at him and then to his left at Steve. She had to blink through her panic just to be sure it was really them. Her head fell against his chest as she reached over grabbing Steve's arm, on the verge of hyperventilating. "St…Steve," she murmured, wanting to tell him what happened because he was the police, but just too shaken to get it out.

Kiki pushed her back still holding her by the arms, "What's wrong?" The fear in her was unmistakable.

"You fucking bitch!" Aolani came down the stairs and stopped halfway, seeing them. He stood his ground and stared at all of them.

Tracy instinctively moved around behind them for protection.

"Jesus," Kiki shuttered, stunned by Tracy's obvious fear as she huddled behind them both.

Steve looked up at Aolani and didn't have to ask, he put the pieces together in a matter of seconds. His hand print was still visible over Tracy's mouth. His anger exploded. "Hey!" he yelled up to Aolani as he ran to the stairs, "Come here!"

Aolani turned and ran back up the stairs, slamming the door shut behind him.

Tracy stood where she was and watched Steve take the stairs three at a time as if he were chasing the devil himself.

"Stay here," Kiki said, following Steve up the stairs.

Steve pushed on the locked door once and then stepped back and kicked it in on the first try. She heard a commotion in the apartment as Kiki reached the last step.

"Steve!" Kiki yelled and then entered the apartment.

Tracy ran up the stairs afraid something had happened to him. She stood outside the door watching in shock as Steve kneeled over Aolani and punched him repeatedly in the face.

"What did you do to her?!" he screamed. "I'll fucking kill you if you touched her!"

Kiki reached over behind him and grabbed his arm as he went to hit again. "Enough!"

Steve stopped as if he suddenly awoke from a trance and stared down at Aolani's battered face, moving off of him. He too was shocked over what he had just done. He could only remember loosing his temper like that a couple of times in his life, and both were because he was defending people he cared about. He looked at his knuckles that were beginning to bruise and swell as if they belonged to someone else. He glanced over at Tracy who stood in the doorway staring at him like she had no idea who he was. He quickly turned away from her as Kiki put a hand on his shoulder. "You ok?"

Steve nodded, picking himself up off the floor with the help of Kiki. He walked into the kitchen and turned the cold water on, putting his hand under the faucet, trying to come to terms with what he'd just done.

Kiki didn't move, but just watched him, not sure what to do as Tracy walked by him into the kitchen.

She looked at his damaged hand under the running water and immediately opened the freezer taking out a handful of ice. She laid it in a towel by the sink and wrapped it up, reaching over and shutting the water off and taking his hand, carefully setting the ice pack over his knuckles.

She looked up at him as he stared at her. She could see the expression in his eyes turn to concern.

"Did he hurt you Tracy?"

She knew what he meant by 'hurt' and she shook her head. "He was going to, but I got away from him."

He let out a sigh of relief over that and reached up tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear, "Tough girl. Good thing that didn't changed," he smiled.

She smiled back at him still reeling over what he had done. She looked over at Aolani as he still laid knock out on the floor. "Are you going to get in trouble over this?"

Kiki stood on the other side of the bar and looked at his hand. "I'll say I did it," he said to Steve.

He looked over at him, "What? No you won't." He pulled the ice pack off his hand and reached in his pocket for his phone. "He assaulted Tracy and he resisted arrest. He shouldn't have put up a fight." He looked at Tracy again as he called in for backup. "Are you sure you're ok?" The tone of his voice became professional as the cop in him appeared.

She nodded, wiping the back of her scrapped up hand over her forehead. "I need a shot though and he ruined my needle."

That sent off alarms to both men.

"They'll bring an ambulance for him, and they'll have insulin too." Steve studied her trying to see signs of an insulin attack like the last one he had witnessed, not wanting to go through that again. "Can you wait?"

She reached in the fridge for some orange juice. "Yes. I'll be ok. I'll have some of this in the meantime."

"Put that ice on your hands," he said.

His hand glided over her shoulder in a comforting way as he walked out of the kitchen and spoke to dispatch. She knew he was just doing it because he was just as relieved as she and Kiki that nothing had happened to her. Still, she'd never had anyone stand up for her like that before. It felt pretty good.

She glanced over at Aolani as he slowly began to wake up. She chuckled as Steve put his foot on his neck, holding him down while still talking on the phone. She couldn't help but think he looked like Captain America standing there. She may have made some terrible mistakes in her life, but the one thing she did do right was give her child a father that was as close to Super Hero status in her eyes as if he had just jumped out of a comic book.

She patted herself on the back for that, thinking how lucky Mary was.


	15. Chapter 15

"I'm so sorry Tracy," Kiki sat across from her on the coffee table after the ambulance had come and taken Aolani away. Steve left with the other uniformed officers after taking her statement so he could file the police report.

"Kiki please," Tracy sighed, repeating it for what seemed like the hundredth time, "it wasn't your fault."

"But I let you believe he was safe. I thought he was."

"See!" she pointed out. "You thought he was. You can't control other people's actions." She reached over taking his hand, "Besides, you were there to protect me anyway."

"You mean Steve was," he huffed.

She shook her head. "You were there too. I was so relieved when I saw you because I knew I was safe."

He rolled his eyes modestly. "Well I'm glad you're ok." He looked around the apartment. "The only bad thing about him being gone is that without his money this place is going to get spendy. Rents not due for a couple of weeks and I have enough to get us through the next month, but that will cut back on other expenses like food and gas."

Tracy nodded her understand, "First thing Monday morning I'll hit every hotel in Waikiki until I find a job."

He pointed down the hall. "Well at least now you'll have your own room. By what Steve said, he'll be going back to prison for violating his parole and assault."

"Good!" Tracy exclaimed, "I hope Steve broke his nose and his jaw."

Kiki shook his head, still amazed over Steve's thrashing on Aolani. "Man, I never would have thought he would lose it like that. He was pissed!"

"I know," she agreed with the same astonishment, praying this wouldn't backfire on him. The last thing she wanted or needed was to cause him any more grief. "It was amazing how he just went from Steve to Police Officer in a matter of seconds. He's very good at keeping them separate."

Kiki stared at her like she was crazy, "What are you talking about? He was so pissed off because he thought Aolani had hurt you. That's what set him off. It wasn't his job," he chuckled at her for being so naïve.

Tracy narrowed her eyes, shaking her head, "No it wasn't. Well," she corrected, "maybe a little because I'm Mary's mom, but it was because a crime was being committed. It wasn't about me," she explained with her hand on her chest.

Kiki stood up laughing, "Ok, so that's why he was screaming at him, and I quote, '_I'll fucking kill you if you touched her_,' while he was beating his face in."

Tracy rolled her eyes. "You're the crazy one if you think for one second that it was all for me. I mean, I appreciate that he was standing up for me, but you make it sound like he was defending me, 'Tracy', when he was really defending me, 'the victim'."

"Ok," Kiki said giving up. "Whatever."

Tracy didn't believe it for one second, especially after the incident at the park earlier that day. It made her wonder why he was even there. She yelled down the hall to him, "What was he even doing here?"

Kiki came out of his room and stood at the end of the hall with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall. "He came to apologize to you because I guess he was a dick or something to you at the park?" he questioned.

She stared at him, surprised over that. "He was going to apologize for that?"

He nodded, "Why, what happened?"

She shook her head, not wanting to relive it. "Nothing, just a misunderstanding."

"Well whatever it was, he felt bad enough to come all the way back over here to apologize for it." He grinned as he walked back down the hall. "But I guess that too was just for the 'victim', and not 'Tracy'."

She ignored that last comment from him, but couldn't believe Steve had come back to say he was sorry for that. She hadn't needed nor expected an apology from him. She had come to the conclusion as she walked home that she didn't have a right to be angry or feel sorry for herself over it; he had every right to feel what he did. She had instilled that fear in him, so she had no one to blame but herself. Still, she couldn't help but feel a slight shift in her disposition if he was coming back to apologize. It made her feel almost as good as him hitting Aolani for what he had done. She tried to incorporate the two into what Kiki had said, but still couldn't bring herself to believe it. '_It was just a coincidence_,' she thought and left it at that.

* * *

"How's the hand?" Danny asked, sitting on the edge of the couch in Steve's office.

He continued to type out the report on his laptop using his left hand, "Fine."

"Did you have someone look at it when you were at the hospital?"

"No."

"Maybe we should run over there and get an x-ray."

Steve finally looked up at him. "What? Why?" he lifted his hand and made a fist for him, but couldn't control the wincing that was caused by the pain due to that action.

"That's why," Danny grinned knowingly.

"It's just from the cuts."

"Jesus!" Danny groaned. "It's like talking to a little kid." He leaned over pointing at his hand, "You can barely see your knuckles from the swelling."

Steve glanced down again with an annoyed look on his face. "Maybe I should get it looked it."

"Brilliant idea. Why didn't I think of that?" he snatched the keys off his desk, "Oh look at that?" he said sarcastically, "I get to drive since you're crippled."

"Shit," Steve groaned, staring at the mess on his right hand, "God I hope it's not broke. I've got too much going on right now for a busted hand."

"You'll manage."

"I'll manage?" he mocked him. "How do I manage a seven month old who's just days away from being mobile with a busted hand?"

Danny shrugged, "You'll find a way, I have no doubt in my mind."

* * *

Steve moaned as he walked out of the ER with a cast running up his forearm and a bottle of painkillers.

Danny smiled over at him, clicking the button on the keys, releasing the alarm on the car.

"I swear to God Danny if you say I told you so…" he laughed, pretending like he was going to backhand him with his cast.

"I wasn't going to say anything, but you do realize you're out of commission until you get that thing taken off."

"I can still work I just won't be able to go out on any runs with you guys," he pouted, "The way this thing is put on, I can't hold a gun. Shits going to hit the fan when the Governor finds out."

"At least you did it at work. Well, technically not at work but he'll get the idea." He glanced over the top of the car at him as he opened the driver's side door. "What were you doing over there anyway? When I talked to you earlier you said you had just got back from there."

Steve opened his door and leaned on it, "When we were at the park earlier I was kind of an asshole and I just wanted to tell her I was sorry."

Danny raised an eyebrow, "Tell her you're sorry? I doubt you owe her any apologies. I think it'll be years before you owe her anything."

Steve gave him a snide look, "Maybe so, but it still doesn't give me the right to treat her like that. When I'm wrong I admit it."

"Wait, wait!" Danny quickly reached in his pocket for his phone holding it up to him. "Ok, can you please repeat that so I have it for the record?"

Steve lifted his busted hand and gave him the finger. "For the record…with you I never have to admit I'm wrong, because I'm always right."

Danny lowered the phone, "I hope Mary starts crawling the second you get home."

Steve let out a long sigh; "Celia's going to make a fortune in overtime this next month."

"Trade off with Tracy. Let her take her."

"I don't want to drop her off over there."

"Then have her come to the house. Unless you still don't trust her? Which I can understand."

He thought about that question which of course ran into the situation at the park. "I kind of ran into that scenario at the park. I forgot Mary's bottle so I ran to the store and when I came back they weren't there."

Danny looked surprised, "Holy shit, you must have gone insane! Where were they?"

Steve's expression turned uncomfortable, "I did almost go insane. I almost called you, but then I saw them walking back. She had just taken her to the restroom to change her. I jumped down her throat without even waiting for an explanation."

Danny shrugged, "Ok, I see where the asshole comes into the play, but she really can't blame you. I mean her history isn't exactly trustworthy."

"I know, but you should have seen the look on her face." The guilt returned. "It was obvious that she has no intention of taking her, then or ever."

"If you're sure about that, then use her. Save yourself some money. Besides," he pointed toward the cast, "she owes you for that broken hand." He was about to get in the car when he stopped and looked back over at him. "Which brings me to an interesting question." He eyed him suspiciously, "I've seen you take guys down before that are twice your size with little effort, yet this guy you pummel until you break your hand."

Steve shrugged, "So where's the question?"

"Why?"

"Why what?" he asked annoyed, knowing where he was going with this but really didn't want to tread that water.

"Why did you keep hitting him until you broke your hand? I'm assuming that's how you broke it because I'm pretty sure I saw teeth marks on your knuckles." He exaggerated.

Steve stared at him. He'd been avoiding that question to himself all afternoon. He knew why, but the answer was unsettling. He gave Danny the textbook answer. "She came down the stairs running for what seemed like her life. She still had his hand print on her mouth where he had tried to muffle her screams." He glared at him. "What would you have done?!"

Danny nodded like his explanation was suitable but knew it wasn't the whole truth. "I would have apprehended him just like you did if I saw a some woman being assaulted."

Steve put his hands up, "See!"

"No, no," Danny argued. "I said I would have apprehended him if it was just 'some woman', but," he declared, "if it was say Rachel, or someone I cared about, I probably would have pummeled them until I broke my hand." He stared back across at the uneasy look on Steve's face. "You know what I mean?"

Steve had no vital response to that so he tried to play it off by laughing. "So what are you saying, that I still have feelings for this girl that lied to me, deceived me and totally turned my life upside down?"

"Yes," he said bluntly, "I think you do."

Steve started to laugh again and then stopped.

He looked across the car at Danny as his expression became serious. "I don't know what happened to me Danny. I was so pissed. I just kept hitting him over and over all because I knew he had put his hands on Tracy in that way." He closed his eyes, shaking his head like he couldn't believe it himself, "What is wrong with me? I don't know what power this girl has over me, but…"

"Are you still in love with her?" he asked shocked.

"No!" Steve said adamantly, "No!" he repeated more forcefully. "Maybe it's because of Mary, I don't know, but she's in my head and ever since I met her I've done things that are completely out of my character."

"Well you can't blame her for everything since you are the one that beat the shit out that guy. She didn't encourage it, did she?" he asked, knowing that would really be out of his character.

"No. She wasn't even in the room."

Danny chuckled but wasn't laughing by any means, "You better be careful. Whatever 'power'" he used imaginary quotation marks, "she has over you, you better get it under control because she's not going anywhere for about the next fifty years."

"I know," he groaned, "I know."

* * *

Steve laid on his bed with Mary lying next to him, tucked under his arm sucking on a binky. He had the Dr. Seuss book '_Hop On Pop'_, propped up on his chest as he read to her.

"You must not hop on pop!" he read, elaborating by making the bed bounce, which she found just as entertaining.

She looked up at him as he made a funny face and jiggled the bed again. She laughed so hard the binky rolled out of her mouth.

He set the book down on his stomach and reached over with his cast hand and tried to grab it before it fell on the floor. "Darn it!" he said, missing it.

Mary laughed again, thinking he was still playing.

"You think that's funny silly girl?" He rolled over and sat up so he was kneeling on the bed. He shook it again with his knees as she lay before him bouncing slightly up and down. Her laughs turned to an outright giggle fit that was worthy of video so he reached over on the nightstand, grabbing his phone.

He turned it on and shook the bed again, catching her laughing like she was.

He found it difficult to hold the camera steady with one broken hand and shaking from laughing so hard. He laid back down next to her and held the camera out in front of him and laid his head next to hers, getting them both in the frame. "Smile for Daddy." He took one of the two of them.

She lifted her feet and grabbed her toes, speaking to him in her language as if he understood.

"You think so, huh?" he replied. "Let's look and see."

He pulled the picture up on his camera and held it up so they could both see it. She ignored it, pulling her big toe to her mouth and chewing on it.

"It is a cute one," he said, admiring it and then noticed something else about it too. He set the phone down and rolled over sitting up on his elbow looking down at her. She let go of her feet and reached up for him speaking in gibberish again.

He shook his head at the comparison. "God, you look exactly like your Mom. I swear I see it more and more everyday." He took her hand and kissed her little fingers. "I bet she looked just like you when she was a baby and I bet you are going to look just like her when you grow up." She stared at him as he spoke to her. "You're very lucky, because your Mom is very beautiful. I'm going to have to put up a bigger fence to keep the boys out, aren't I?"

She answered by repeating the sound bah, bah, bah," over and over, each one with higher pitches.

"Really?!" he said as if it were some big secret she just revealed in baby tongue. "How about this?" he made sure he had her attention. "Dadda, Dadda, Daaa…Da." He repeated.

She stared at his mouth as he made the sounds and then reached up and touched his lips. He swore he could see her trying to imitate the words but the only thing that came out was a high-pitched squeal over what she assumed was a game they were playing. He knew she was too young, but kept it up anyway. "Ok, how about Momma, Momma, Momma," he said, slowly trying to get the same reaction. When it didn't come he just sat and looked at her, thinking of Tracy again, wondering if she had any old photos of herself, but guessed not since the only thing she had in her possession when she moved in with Kiki were clothes and a couple of pictures of Mary. It made him think of her childhood and the turbulent upbringing she experienced at the hands of her Mother. He knew very little about it but what he did know was tragic from an outsider's point of view. It gave him somewhat of an insight to her actions, and her lack of trust in people. He could relate to that. He had trust issues of his own, '_who didn't_,' he thought. There was a time when you had to stand up to it though and say enough, and let the cycle end. She had taken that turn in the road that led her away from her Mother's actions. He had to remind himself that she was trying and who was he to stand in her way.

He ran his hand over Mary's black hair and smiled down at her. "You think I should have Mommy come over and help me out?" He held his broken hand up. "This can make it very difficult to change a dirty diaper." He knew he could probably manage but felt it would be a nice gesture on his part to make up for the park incident. The earlier conversation with Danny hovered over him but he ignored it, only taking into consideration the comment from him stating that Tracy would be apart of his life as long as Mary was, and that was a lifetime. He decided he'd better establish a co-parent relationship with her now or it would only become more difficult as Mary grew and once they both started bringing outside parties into the mix, it could get really complicated if they didn't have a good relationship. That last thought left him torn, knowing he would have to share Mary with not only Tracy, but another man, but the part that surprised him the most was the idea of Tracy with another man. It had never crossed his mind until that moment. He couldn't believe the reaction he felt.

He tickled Mary's toes as she started to get antsy from just lying there for too long without any kind of stimulation. She was getting bored.

"I think your Dad needs therapy," he said to her.

She responded by laughing at him as he tickled her again.


	16. Chapter 16

Tracy came out of the Hilton hotel and breathed a sigh of relief, grinning from ear to ear. It had been three long days of scouting hotels from every block up and down Waikiki. "Yes!" she exclaimed. "Finally!"

She smiled at a Japanese couple as she walked past them, wanting to share the joy she felt. "Aloha!"

They both repeated it back to her in a heavy Japanese accent.

She ran to the trolley as it was about to depart and jumped on, feeling better than she had in a long time. She took a seat across from a gentleman that looked to be in his early to mid forties. He was well groomed with sandy blond hair and his tasteful attire was unusual for the trolley that normally consisted of tourists in Hawaiian shirts and the occasional local like herself. "Aloha," she said.

"Aloha," he said back. "Another beautiful day in paradise. Wouldn't you say?"

She nodded, "I would! Everyday is beautiful here but some days are just exquisite."

He raised an eyebrow, "Very true, and just my luck I get to ride the trolley with someone who's just as exquisite."

Tracy chuckled, "Why thank you."

"You must be having a lovely day by the looks of that smile. It can't all be from paradise."

"I just got a new job," she confessed proudly. "I'm very excited!"

"Congratulations!" he said enthusiastically.

"Thank you again."

He pointed back toward the hotel. "I couldn't help but notice that you came out of the Hilton. Is that where you got the job?" he quickly put his hands up in defense. "If you don't mind my asking?"

Tracy smiled, "No I don't mind, and yes it was the Hilton. It's a beautiful hotel."

"I know. I'm there quite frequently."

"Really? Well then we'll probably run into each other again some time." She reached her hand out, "I'm Tracy Caldwell, your friendly housemaid. If you ever run out of towels or need some extra shampoo, you'll know who to call," she chuckled.

"Greg Mitchell." He took her hand and gently squeezed it. "House maid?" he said shaking his head. "I don't think so." He stood up as the trolley stopped and pulled out his wallet, handing her his card. "This is my stop. I'm having lunch with some friends at the Paradise Hotel." He winked at her, "Don't tell anyone."

She looked at the card that read his name and the title after it that stated '_General_ _Manager, Hawaiian Hilton Village, Waikiki, Hawaii'_. She looked up at him stunned. "Wow! You're my new boss!" she laughed.

He stepped toward the exit, "And you do not belong hiding behind some cleaning cart." He stepped off, "You come see me tomorrow morning and we'll find a better job for you that will utilize that wonderful smile you have."

Tracy stood up as the trolley began to pull away. "Thank you! It was nice meeting you Greg."

He pointed at her. "You come see me tomorrow," and then waved as he walked toward the Paradise Hotel.

Tracy sat back down in her seat and was floored by her luck of the day; not only had she gotten a job, but she had just got an even better one. She was sitting on that trolley but in her mind she was sitting on top of the world.

* * *

Kiki came in the door and breathed in the wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen. "Ah man!" he called out, "I forgot what a good cook you were."

Tracy came out of the kitchen and raised her hands above her head like she might do a cheer. "I got a job!" she shouted.

"Right on!" he shared her excitement. "Where at?"

"The Hilton, but wait until you hear this!" She told him about her encounter with the manager and how he was going to recruit her for a better job than she was hired for.

"That's great! I'm happy for you." He leaned against the counter, genuinely happy for her, but just didn't have the heart to tell her his news. She had been determined to find a job and finally got one on the same day that he lost his. He couldn't believe the timing, but he was relieved that she had one and hoped it paid well because if he decided to go ahead with the plans he was considering, she would need her own place.

"Sit down," she ordered. "I made you spaghetti and meatballs."

"I thought you were going to see Mary tonight?"

"I am, but not until six, so we have time to eat. I miss her so much. I haven't seen her since last Saturday." She rolled her eyes, "A day I would just as soon forget."

The last they heard Aolani was denied bail and waiting to see the judge again for his sentence. Steve had assured both of them that he'd be going back to jail and not to worry about seeing him again.

She set the food on the table and looked over at Kiki as he stared at his feet. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he looked up and forced a smile, "I'm just hungry and tired.

"Well you can eat and then relax on the couch. I don't need your car either. They drove mine over today from the shop." She scooped up some food on his plate. "I'm glad I have that job. I want to be able to pay Steve back for that and for some of Mary's things. I'll hopefully be able to do that with my first check."

Kiki pushed his food around on his plate and had yet to take a bite.

"Do you not like it?" Tracy asked disappointingly.

He set his fork down and sat back in his chair. "I lost my job today."

She felt her appetite quickly dissipate. "Oh Kiki, I'm so sorry." She looked at him sympathetically, "And here I was going on and on about my new job. I'm sorry. But you'll find another one quickly," she reassured him.

"Don't be sorry," he waved her off, "I'm happy for you." He looked at her sheepishly, "I'm also relieved because…" He reached over picking up his glass taking a drink of water to clear his dry throat over his next piece of information. "I did find another job."

She sat up, "Oh, good! That's good news!"

"On Maui," he said, breaking the bad news.

She slouched back down in her chair. "Oh."

"It's with Brandon's company. They have steady work over there. It's slowed down so much here and it's booming over there." He saw the uneasy look on her face, knowing exactly what she was thinking. "You can come with me you know. Brandon has a house. You could get a job there."

She shook her head not even considering it. "I can't leave Mary."

"I know. I knew you were going to say that too, but I wanted to let you know that the offer was there."

They both sat in silence, contemplating their future.

"I'm sorry Tracy. I'll help you out all I can."

"Stop it!" she scolded him. "It'll be fine. I'll find a place, or a roommate. I'll manage. At least I have a job."

He held his glass up to her, " That's half the battle."

She forced a smile for him so he wouldn't know just how worried she was about her new problem. '_Geez_,' she thought, '_why is it that when it rains on me it's more like a hurricane?'_

* * *

Tracy knocked on Steve's door and was greeted by Celia. "Hi, I'm Tracy. Mary's mom."

Celia smiled curtly at her. "I know," she moved out of the way letting her enter. "Steve's not home yet, but he told me you would be coming by."

Mary was in her playpen and she went right for her. "Hi Sweetie!" She bent over picking her up and kissed her face repeatedly. "I missed you."

It was Tracy's first time to actually be in the house. She'd only seen it from the outside. She scanned the living room that looked inviting with the soft brown leather couch and the big screen TV that sat on an entertainment center, which matched the coffee table. Beyond the living room were a dinning table and the kitchen, and to the left was the stairs that led up to the bedrooms she assumed. It wasn't large and with Mary's playpen and scattered toys it was crowded, but it still managed to look homey and comfortable.

She looked over her shoulder at Celia. "You must be Celia. Steve said that you do a wonderful job with Mary. Thank you for that." Celia nodded her response and Tracy was getting the awful feeling she wasn't welcome. "Has she eaten yet?" she asked, knowing that this person probably knew of her abandoning Mary and once again she was going to be faced with her past mistakes.

"She had a bottle about half an hour ago." Celia went to walk past her and then stopped. She stood still for a moment and then turned to her. "I have to get this off my chest and then I won't say another word."

Tracy saw the determination in her eyes. She knew Hawaiian women; they were strong willed, fiercely protective of their family and friends and had no problem voicing their opinion if they felt either of those was being threatened. She swallowed hard; knowing whatever it was she had to say, it wasn't going to be pleasant. She wondered how many other people on this island she was going to have to prove herself too. She kissed Mary on the cheek and set her back down in the playpen, handing her a stuffed rabbit that she'd seen her play with before. She stood up and held steady before this woman, just as determined to take whatever she had to say.

"You don't know me and I don't know you, however I know of you." Celia looked her directly in the eye, "Tau is the son of my best friend and he spoke of you." She could see the stunned look on Tracy's face that appeared over that name being thrown out there. "By that expression on your face, everything he has told me must be true."

Tracy stared at her; there was nothing she could say to defend herself, so there was no point in saying anything. She just nodded, feeling her body begin to quiver.

"He has a beautiful wahine now. He doesn't seem to hold any ill will against you anymore, but…" she took a step toward her, "this home is filled with a very loving Father and very happy little girl. I'm going to have my eye on you and if you try to disrupt this family or try to come between what he has built with his daughter…" she took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You will have to deal with me. Do you understand?"

Tracy nodded, knowing this woman meant every word she said. "Yes Ma'am," she said barely above a whisper. "I swear to you that I won't do anything to hurt either one of them. I just want to be apart of my daughter's life."

Celia felt she had got her point across. "Ok, that's all I had to say."

They both turned as Steve came through the front door.

"Hi," he waved with his cast hand.

Tracy went from the shock of Celia's words to the shock of seeing a cast on his arm, but before she could get any words out she heard Mary behind her squeal with excitement over seeing him. She grabbed the mesh lining of the playpen as Celia picked her up.

"Hold on Daddy," Celia said, setting Mary down on the floor on her stomach. "We have a new move."

Tracy stepped back and she and Steve both watched with amusement as Mary sat up on all fours and rocked back once and then put her hand out in front and then pulled her back leg forward and then stopped as if forgetting what to do.

"Oh my God!" he yelled, dropping down to his knees, holding his arms out. "Come see Daddy, Mary."

She let out an excited screech and got up on all fours again, getting the momentum she needed and crawled over to him until she was close enough for him to scoop her up with one arm. "That's my girl!" he cheered, holding her and kissing her bulging cheeks that swelled from the smile on her face. It was exciting for both of them.

"Good girl Mary!" Tracy clapped.

He looked over at her and set Mary back down on the floor. "Go to Mommy."

To Tracy's disappointment she lay back down on her stomach and shifted so she could see her Father again. She was more excited to see him than to crawl over to her.

Steve lifted her up and pointed her in that direction again. "Go see Mommy." But she shifted once more, and this time her frustration mounted, angry that he wasn't picking her up like he did everyday when he came home.

"That's ok," Tracy said standing back up trying to hide the painful disappointment. "Maybe later. She's so happy to see you."

Steve smiled uneasily, lifting her up with his good arm. "We just have this ritual we go through everyday," he explained, trying to make light of it. "If I don't bow down to her terms," he grinned, "all hell breaks loose." He bounced her on his arm. "Isn't that right Queenie?"

Celia broke up the uncomfortable situation by making her departure. She picked up her things that were already gathered by the front door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Tracy approached her with her hand out, "It was very nice meeting you Celia." She looked the woman right in the eye telling her she held no grudge over what she had said to her earlier. She was actually pleased over her protectiveness of Mary, knowing she was in good hands. "Thank you again for all that you do for Mary."

The pleasant farewell not only surprised Celia but also the way in which it was delivered told her she had been heard. She didn't see resentment in Tracy, only a smile, reassuring her she had nothing to fear from her. She looked down at the extended hand and took it, "You're welcome Tracy."

She closed the door as Celia left and smiled over at Steve. "I like her."

"Me too."

Tracy pointed to his arm. "Please don't tell me that's from the other day?"

He lifted his hand and examined the cast as if seeing it for the first time. "Oh, this ole' thing. Nah. I beat up a guy on Sunday too, that's what this is from." He winked at her as he walked over and handed Mary off to her.

"Yeah right," Tracy groaned, "I'm so sorry."

"Why? Isn't wasn't your fault."

She took Mary from him and followed him into the kitchen, as he went straight for the fridge. He examined the contents and looked over his shoulder at her. "Are you hungry?"

"No, I already ate, but I'll make you something though," she said, feeling bad about the cast.

"No you won't. You're here to visit with Mary not wait on me." He pulled out a container and put it in the microwave. "Her room is upstairs to the right. She has some books and toys up there if you want to go up."

"Steve, please." She went to argue with him and he turned around, leaning against the counter.

"She likes Dr. Seuss books. _Hop on Pop_ is her favorite."

She gave him a stern look but couldn't help but smile as he pointed playfully up to Mary's room.

"First door on the right."

* * *

Tracy came down the stairs a couple of hours later and stopped halfway, seeing him asleep on the couch. She quietly made her way down and picked up the remote, switching the TV off. His expression looked peaceful as if he had just closed his eyes and drifted off.

She stood next to the couch and watched him, remembering how it felt to sleep next to him. She remembered how he always slept with his arm over her but it never felt crowded like she thought it would. It was nice and she wished now she would have appreciated it more and let him do it more often. She was always rolling away from him, uncomfortable in that intimate position. She was such a fool.

He stirred and opened his eyes, looking up at her as if surprised he had fallen asleep. "Hey," he said sitting up trying to shake off the sleepiness. "I took a couple of those pain pills and they knocked me out."

Tracy pointed toward the stairs, hoping he didn't know she had been staring at him. "I put Mary down."

He yawned, covering his mouth with the back of his cast hand. "Ah man, sorry." He pushed himself up off the couch. "Did she go down easy?"

Tracy moved out of the way as he walked toward her. "Yes. We read a couple of books and played with that ball that has the different shapes on it that you have to match up."

Steve smiled over his shoulder at her as he went in the kitchen. "She loves that thing."

"She's so smart. I can tell that you play with her a lot."

He took a cup from out of the cupboard filling it from the sink. "I try to play with her every night, but sometimes it's really hard. I at least read her a book."

She glanced around his kitchen wondering if Celia cleaned too or if he had someone extra do that because it was really spotless for a guy. She then noticed his dish from earlier was already cleaned and in the drainer air-drying. "You're so organized." She rolled her eyes, "My place was never this orderly with Mary around."

He took a long drink looking at her from above the rim of the glass. It dawned on him then that it was the first time she'd ever been in his house. He'd tried to get her to come over when they were together but she always refused. He hadn't understood it at the time but now knew it was because she liked being on her own territory where she felt safe and in control. It felt kind of odd the relationship they had now. They shared a child together but she was really like a stranger to him and he to her.

"It's a Navy habit." He wasn't even sure if he had ever told her he was in the Navy.

"Discipline," she nodded. "That's a good trait to have." She remembered him telling her once that he was in the Armed Forces, but she hadn't remembered which one.

He shrugged, "Sometimes it's a curse."

She chuckled over that, "How long were you in the Navy for?"

"A long time, about 15 years."

She knew enlisting was a standard four years, but anyone that stayed after that was voluntary and that was only if you really loved it, or if you were really good at it. She was intrigued. "You must have traveled a lot."

He chuckled over that, "Yeah I did travel a lot."

"Where did you go? What kind of places?"

He shrugged it off like it was no big deal. "All over."

She remembered then some of the scars on his body wondering if they were from that time in his life. Beforehand she had just assumed they were from life in general. "Did you ever have to fight in a battle?" Her curiosity over this new found topic was off the charts.

He nodded. "A few," he confessed modestly.

She was beginning to see him in a whole new light. "What did you do in the Navy for that long?"

He wasn't one that enjoyed talking about it, others he knew bragged about their time and the battles they were in. He found nothing heroic or courageous about taking another life, no matter the circumstance. "I was in regular military and then the Seals for my last six years," he said matter-of-factly as if every Navy man had gone through it.

She knew very well what that meant. He'd seen plenty of battles and most of them probably secretive that no one knew of but maybe a handful of people in the world. "I've seen movies about that and you have to be someone very special to be able to go through that."

He grinned over that statement, recalling a couple of movies that he'd seen about the Seals and both of them were nothing compared to what he had experienced. "Hollywood and reality are very far apart."

She understood what he meant even though she could have taken it as meaning that the movies portrayed it to be more difficult, but she didn't. "I know what you mean. I once saw a tragic movie about a girl in Foster Care and I laughed through the whole thing." She wasn't laughing or even smiling when she said it. She knew exactly what he had meant by Hollywood and reality.

He was floored by her confession. It was the first time she had ever mentioned anything so personal about herself. "It's different when you experience it first hand, isn't it?"

She nodded wanting to change the subject before he began to ask her questions. She was trying to escape her past and that didn't mean just go back a few years, she wanted out of all of it. She looked up at him smiling, "Guess what?"

"What?" he smiled back at her enthusiasm.

"I got a job today."

"You did?" He wasn't surprised at her changing of the subject. "Where at?"

"The Hilton," she replied proudly, "but that's not even the best part. Afterward I ran into the manager of the whole Hilton village and we started talking and he offered me something better."

"I know him," Steve blurted out.

She looked at him oddly, "Who, the manager?"

"Yes." He motioned with his hand, trying to remember his name. "Tall guy, blond hair."

Tracy nodded, "Greg…" but before she could get it out Steve finished it for her.

"Mitchell! Greg Mitchell."

"How do you know him?" she asked, wondering it he had something to do with their greeting.

"We've had to do a couple of surveillance cases in that hotel. We had to go through him."

She eyed him suspiciously, "You didn't have anything to do with me getting that job did you?"

He was taken back by her accusation but more so over the way it was delivered. "No." he looked at her the same way. "Why?" he huffed, "You make it sound like that would have been a bad thing."

"I just don't want you having to do anything like that for me. I know of the money you gave Kiki and the car. I'll pay you back for all of it."

And there it was, he thought, that same old Tracy that would rather crawl on the ground than to take his hand for help up. "Jesus," he snapped, "what is it about me that you find so…" he felt frustrated with her, wanting to grab her and shake her, "incredibly distasteful that it would be a horrible tragedy if I helped you out even a little bit?!" He walked past her into the family room.

"Steve," she tried to explain, "that's not what I meant. I just want to do things on my own."

"On your own?" he mocked her, "You let Kiki help you out! You let Brandon! You let the Manager of the Hilton. Hell!" he practically yelled, "You even let that piece of shit Aolani help you out!" he pointed at his chest, "but me!" he huffed, "God forbid should I be allowed to step up!" he shook his head at her, "Jesus Tracy, deep down inside you must really fucking hate me!"

She stared at him stunned over his outburst. "No!" she said hoarsely. "That's not true."

"You should go," he said irritably, afraid he would say something that he'd later regret. It was just like before, he felt that rejection all over again.

"Steve," she said breathless.

"Mary's asleep," he said bitterly, "there's no other reason for you to be here."

She didn't know what happened as she gathered up her purse and walked toward the door. She looked back over at him as he glared at her. She remembered that look from the night she broke up with him; it was as if they were standing in her living room all over again. She went to leave and then stopped, not wanting to turn around and see him because she didn't think she would have the nerve to say what she did.

"I don't have to prove myself to any of those people, but with you…" she paused. "I don't even belong in the same room with you. It's not that I don't want your help, it's just that…" she paused again, biting her bottom lip, "you're the only person I've ever known that I actually wanted to prove myself too." She closed the door behind her and walked to her car.

He just stood there and stared at the space that she had just vacated completely blown away by that reply. His insides were churning and his head was spinning as he sat down on the stairs. "Great Steve," he scolded himself. "Real smooth. You are such an idiot!"

He dropped his head in his hands wondering when and if he was ever going to get a handle on this girl, and his big mouth.


	17. Chapter 17

Tracy sat outside Greg Mitchell's office rubbing her hands together nervously. She smoothed down her skirt for the third time in less than a minute, but didn't want it to have crease marks when she stood up. The last time she'd worn it it was slightly tighter, but with the weight loss it was almost too big for her.

"Hi Tracy," Greg greeted her pleasantly, standing at his office door. "Come on in."

She stood up, smiling brightly as she approached him. "Hi Mr. Mitchell." He looked more casual than he did the day before. No suit and tie but dress slacks and a nice button down oxford shirt. He still looked every bit the professional but more comfortable.

They shook hands and he scolded her for being so formal. "Please, no one calls me Mr. Mitchell except for my credit card company. Please call me Greg."

Tracy laughed. "Ok." She followed him in and took the seat that he motioned to her as he went around his desk. She glanced to her left at the stunning view of Waikiki beach all the way down to Diamond Head from his office window. "Wow! That's a nice view."

He admired it himself. "Thank you. Yes it is. Sometimes I find it very difficult to get anything done if I start staring out there." He put his hand up playfully blocking it. "I need blinders." He sat back in his chair and propped his foot up on his knee, "So you didn't tell anyone about my little secret did you?"

Tracy narrowed her eyes. "You're little secret?" she asked unknowingly.

"Yeah, about me having lunch yesterday with the enemy," he leaned in whispering to her, "the Paradise Hotel."

She chuckled, playing along with him. "Well I have to admit that I did tell one person."

He acted shocked by that. "What?"

She held her hand up, "Don't worry. It was just my daughter and she can't talk yet so your secret is safe." She tilted her head, "Well at least for another year maybe."

Greg laughed, "I'll have to start bribing her before she can make full sentences."

"She likes stuffed bunny rabbits," Tracy said, "just an FYI."

He liked her. Not only was she beautiful, she had a sense of humor. "How old is she?"

"A little over seven months. Her name is Mary."

He quickly glanced at her wedding finger, noticing it was vacant, wondering if she was a single Mother. "I looked at your resume and saw that you used to work the front desk at the Turtle Bay up on the north shore."

She nodded, hoping if he had called over there that he had talked to someone who would give her a good reference. "Yes, for two years. I liked it there."

"Can I ask why you left?"

"I had Mary and it was really difficult with my schedule. Plus the roommates I was living with kind of split up and so Mary and I moved to Waikiki."

That answered his question about a husband. He couldn't deny that he was pleased with that. Ever since he'd seen her the day before he couldn't get her out of his head. He actually made a point of cancelling all of his morning appointments just to make sure he was in the office when she came by so he wouldn't miss her.

Tracy hoped the gap in her employment wouldn't come into play. She didn't want to lie but she also didn't want to tell him the truth. "I took some time off and now I'm ready to get back to work."

"Well you came to the right place. I feel pretty lucky running into you on the trolley yesterday. You might have ended up in the wrong part of the hotel and I would have lost out on a new concierge. I think you would be perfect for that job. You've lived on the island for some time so you know the customs and the area. At first I was going to put you behind the front desk, but now after talking with you, I've changed my mind. What do you think?"

She was stunned. She knew a concierge made more money than a front desk clerk, especially at the Hilton, plus there was a potential for big tips. "If you put me in that position I promise you that I will do a really good job for you."

He nodded, pleased with her enthusiasm. "I know you would." He stood up and leaned across his desk with his hand out, "Congratulations Tracy!"

"Thank you so much Mr. Mitch…" she caught herself and then corrected the error with a smile that was more stunning than the office view in his opinion. "I mean Greg."

He liked the sound of that and if she wasn't in his head already from the day before, now he had a new dilemma, wondering how long he would have to wait until it was proper for him to ask her out.

* * *

Tracy came home from her first full day of work and immediately got on Kiki's laptop, searching for apartments. She had no desire to stay where she was and with the money she was making, she could afford a place of her own. Their rent was paid up and Kiki was leaving the next day for Maui to work with Brandon but the idea of staying there alone for the rest of the month wasn't very appealing. She wanted out sooner rather than later. She wouldn't be able to get a two bedroom but with Mary being so young she figured she could sleep in her room when she stayed over, knowing that would be a possibility now. She'd find a place that Steve would approve of.

She thought about their conversation a couple of days before and wished now she wouldn't have said what she did, but then again if she hadn't things between them would be back to square one. Still, she was slightly uncomfortable with the confession of wanting to prove herself to him and decided that from now on, conversations with him would revolve around Mary and nothing else. She just seemed to find trouble when it came to their relationship when she tried to venture out of the comfort zone. Mary was her comfort zone with Steve and that's as far as she was going to travel from now on.

She clicked on an apartment that wasn't far from where they were, only a few blocks, but being across the canal toward the beach in Waikiki could mean a world of difference when it came to neighborhoods. The price also jumped considerably, but '_location, location, location_,' Tracy thought. She reached over for the phone, anxious to see it before it was snatched up.

* * *

Steve pulled Mary's dress down over her diaper and slipped on a pair matching red socks. He'd fed her, changed her and made sure Celia had given her a nap before he got home from work. He wanted her to not only be ready for Tracy when she got there but happy too, wanting it to go nice and easy, still kicking himself over the last visit. He rolled his eyes, '_and the visit before that_,' he thought. He still hadn't apologized for the 'park incident', for which he was now labeling it. His mouth was getting bigger and bigger from sticking his foot in it so may times.

He heard the doorbell and looked down at his watch. "Mommy's early," he said to Mary, picking her up off the bed. He came down the stairs and straight to the door. Greeting her with a bright smile and a pristine baby, trying his best to be as pleasant as possible. "Hi." Mary reached out for her to Steve's pleasure.

"Hi beautiful!" Tracy giggled, pulling her into her arms. "Mommy missed you too."

Steve moved out of the way. "Come on in."

She shook her head, standing in the doorway. That would breech the contract she had made with herself. She didn't need to go in, there was no point. "Actually I'm supposed to be meeting Kiki, so we're just going to take off." She looked at him for just a second before diverting her attention back to Mary. "Thanks for letting me take her out to dinner. I don't know when Kiki will get a chance to see here again."

Steve shrugged like it was no big deal. "Of course." He felt so bad about their last encounter he would have paid for dinner and driven them if need be. "Tell Kiki I said goodbye and good luck." He had hoped that maybe an invitation would be thrown his way, but knew now that wasn't going to happen. He didn't blame her.

He reached down behind the door and grabbed the diaper bag, putting it over her shoulder. "You have a car seat right?"

"Yes, I still have Mary's old one. It's safe," she reassured him.

"I know," he quickly let her know he wasn't checking up on her. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't need mine."

She stepped back away from the door. "I'll have her back in a couple of hours. We're just going over to Dukes to eat and then maybe down on the beach for a little while."

"No rush," he smiled. "Take your time."

She turned and started toward the car when Steve called out. "Hey Tracy," he leaned against the door frame looking apprehensively at her, "I'm sorry about the other night."

She turned around but kept walking backwards, "Don't apologize Steve. It wasn't your fault. You have every right to feel what you do."

"That's not true Tracy. I jumped the gun, just like I did at the park. I didn't give you…" he tried to rectify it when she stopped him mid sentence.

"Please!" she said almost begging him. "Just let it go." she squeezed Mary. "We're blessed with this little girl together and maybe we should just focus on that and just let the other part go." she kissed Mary. "This relationship is so important," she made a circle as if including all three of them, "the one between you and I, I just think there's so much baggage there and I don't want it to effect our relationship with Mary. I don't think that's fair to her. Don't you agree?"

He didn't, but at the moment he couldn't argue with her because he felt it was his fault it had come to this. "I guess."

She smiled, "It is." She knew it was going to be hard for him to let go the anger that he had with her so the best way to keep the peace was to avoid the war.

He closed the door and leaned back against it.

He didn't know what it was that made him so angry at her one minute and then feel so disappointed as if he were missing out on something special the next. What he did know was that she had hit the nail on the head. It was about Mary not the two of them, and maybe he just needed to focus on himself for a while. For the past few months it had all been about Mary and now that Tracy was back, it was all about working around she and Mary. It was time he gave himself a break.

"I need a night out," he said sighing, wanting to get out of the rut he was in. He recalled hearing that Cory was in town. Maybe that's what he needed. She was an ex-girlfriend that lived on the mainland now but was back and forth a couple of times a year on business. He'd got an email from her the week before informing him of her arrival in the next couple of weeks and hopefully a potential dinner date if he was available. The last time he'd seen her there was no such thing as Mary, and Tracy was just a bad taste in his mouth. "Cory," he said out loud, "you just might be the therapy I'm looking for."

She was the only person he'd been with since he and Tracy's break up. He remembered back to her last visit, not wanting nor desiring the company of anyone since Tracy, but when Cory had called him and said she was in town, it was kind of a relief.

They had parted on good terms when she moved to the mainland and when they reunited there was never any of the awkward first date or trying to get to know the other person antics that were always involved. They already knew each other quite well, and the night eight months before had ended with her sleeping over at his house, which he thought would help ease his transition over Tracy, but on the contrary it didn't turn her into the ghost he was hoping for.

That last night he was with Tracy when Mary was conceived still haunted him. The experience was like nothing he had ever had before. He'd been with women that he cared deeply for, Cory being one of them, but he'd never made love to a woman and truly been in love like he had with Tracy, and yet the relationship was completely dysfunctional from the beginning, but he couldn't deny the love was there, regardless of how it began and ended. It was there; '_maybe a little bit of it still was there_,' he thought as he contemplated calling Cory; a decision that normally wouldn't be thought out at all.

He walked over to the couch and sat down, pulling her name up on his phone. He held it in his left hand looking at her number displayed, his thumb hovering over the send button. Somehow it felt devious, these plans he was making. "_You need this_," he told himself. "_You need a taste of your old life to get your head back on straight. Cory's the answer_." But he couldn't make his thumb move. He closed his eyes shaking his head, wondering what he was even holding on too to begin with. Tracy had even made it clear they needed to focus on Mary and not themselves, but nonetheless, his thumb wouldn't move. "_You don't love her anymore. It's in the past_," he said to himself. "_Get on with it_." But even saying those words out loud stung more than he thought they would.

He set his phone down watching the lighted display turn dark as he slouched back in the couch. He scanned the surroundings of his house that was quite without Mary there. It was still early and he could have gone anywhere he pleased with the free night, but he sat there alone in the silence. There was only one place he wanted to be, sitting at Dukes having dinner with them. He felt he was missing out on that family time that he didn't even know he wanted until that very second. He missed Mary already. He missed the pleasant chaos she brought to his life. He didn't like the silence, it was depressing and it was lonely. Tracy's comment on keeping their relationship separate was also a blow that he didn't think would hurt so much. He couldn't get a piece of his old life back because it didn't exist anymore. He decided that maybe he needed to work on the one he was living in now. There were two people living in it with him that deserved more than what he had been contributing so far. He needed to step up if he wanted to be included in their world and not left behind.

He scanned the empty room once more, deciding that being left behind sucked.


	18. Chapter 18

Tracy stood up from behind her desk that was off the lobby in the main entrance of the Hilton Village. She reached her hand across it greeting the gentleman standing before her. "Mr. Lekas. I'm sorry that you and your family will be leaving us today."

"Me too," he replied, dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a Ralph Loren shirt that probably cost more than Tracy's whole outfit. "Back to reality."

"We'll miss you and hope you come back soon."

"That's kind of why I'm here. This is my fifth trip to the Hilton Village but my family and myself agreed that it was the best trip we have ever had. Mainly due to your expertise and careful consideration of our agendas. You did an outstanding job accommodating my kid's activities and that sunset cruise that my wife and I went on was exceptional. Just the fact that you took the time to check the whether and make sure the sunset would be spectacular, and you were right, was just the proof that you take your job seriously. In light of that, my company is hosting the annual managers convention this year and we've decided on Hawaii for the location. I requested that you be in charge of our leisure activities and overseeing the group Luau. I know that if you are in charge that my worries about the events here will be one less thing I'll have to worry about."

"Thank you so much Mr. Lekas!" Tracy boasted, "I would love to be able to host your visit and I look forward to it."

He nodded his appreciation over that. "Excellent! My people will be in touch with you." He reached in his back pocket and took out an envelope, handing it across to her as he shook her hand again. "This is just a little thank you from the whole family."

"Thank you Mr. Lekas." She took the envelope, assuming it was a tip. "I look forward to seeing you and your family in the future. Have a safe flight and thank you again for staying with us."

He waved one last time as he walked out of the office.

Tracy waited until he was gone before she opened up the envelope. She stared down in shock at the check for five hundred dollars. "Oh my God!" she whispered, falling down into her chair.

"I think you just muscled up about fifty thousand dollars worth of business from that man," Greg stated, leaning against the glass wall of her office. He'd held back in the lobby waiting for Mr. Lekas to leave.

Tracy looked up at him. She stood back up and held the check out to him. "Look at this!"

Greg smiled at the beautifully stunned expression on her face as he walked toward her. "Is that his tip?"

Tracy didn't reply but just shook it for him to take.

"He had some very nice things to say about you." He took the paper from her hand and looked at it. "Wow!" he handed it back to her. "Congratulations!"

She plopped back down in her chair. "You have no idea how much I needed this right now."

"You have no idea how nice it is for me to hear the praises of our hotel from a guest. He went on and on about you." He took the seat across from her desk. "Big plans for that money?"

"I found a condo that is just perfect for Mary and I but I needed a deposit." She waved the check. "Home sweet home. Plus I want my brother to come and visit for Christmas. So this will help pay for his ticket."

"Where does he live?"

"Colorado. I haven't seen him in a long time. I miss him, plus he's never met Mary."

"Well I'm glad you got that check. You earned it. I just stopped by to say that you are doing a great job! I couldn't be happier with you."

"Thank you. I couldn't be happier working here."

He wanted to ask her to lunch but just couldn't muster up the courage, afraid she'd say no, or make it uncomfortable for her and then ruin her happy moment. It had been two weeks since she started and he still couldn't find the nerve to ask her out. The idea of crossing that line and having her reject him was something he wasn't so sure he wanted. She was great at her job, but he couldn't help but consider how great she would be for him as well. They just seemed to mesh in his opinion.

"Do you have plans for the holidays Greg?" she asked, tucking the check inside her purse.

"I usually go home to Oregon to see my Mom and Dad."

"I bet it's pretty there. I grew up in Colorado, so like Oregon we get the seasons, unlike here where it's summer, summer, summer." She held her hand up, "Not that I'm complaining. I love it here."

"I do too, but sometimes I miss the hustle and bustle of LA. I lived there for ten years before I got this job." He knew he was late for a meeting with his assistant manager but was enjoying this one on one casual conversation with her too much to tear himself away. "Have you ever been to LA?"

"No, just on a layover from flights."

He leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees, "So you're telling me you have never been to Disneyland?"

She shrugged sheepishly, "Nope. I'm probably one of the last ones in the country that hasn't been."

"It's the happiest place on the earth," he grinned.

Tracy laughed, "That's what I've heard. Maybe when Mary gets a little older I'll take her."

"She'd love it. You would love it." _'My God you're insanely beautiful_,' he thought. He felt the timing was finally in his favor and rubbed his hands together nervously. "I was wondering Tracy if you…" he stopped when she looked over his head.

"Hi Chase," she grinned at the front desk clerk, standing at her door.

"Hi Tracy," he focused his attention on Greg. "Barry is looking for you. He said something about a meeting you two had at eleven in your office?"

Greg nodded but wanted to fire him on the spot, not that he would have, but he wanted to for interrupting his proposal that he finally had managed to 'man up' too. "Ok, tell him I'm on my way up."

Chase looked over at Tracy. "There's a couple out here too that are needing some advice on a fishing charter."

Greg stood up, knowing it wasn't going to happen today. "Back to work."

Tracy couldn't help but be relieved over that interruption. She had a feeling that Greg's lingering in her office was going to end with an invitation for a date and she just wasn't sure she was ready for that yet, and even more so with her boss. She loved this job and just couldn't risk the chance of loosing it. But as she waved goodbye to him she also couldn't help thinking about Steve. She wanted so much to have that second chance with him, but her gut was telling her that it wasn't going to happen. Nonetheless, she just couldn't let go of that tiny thread of hope that she clung too. The vision of all three of them being together as a family felt too good.

* * *

Tracy lay down on the floor of her new apartment and spread her arms and legs out wide. "Mine!" she cheered. "All mine!"

She sat up and looked around at the vacant space, feeling slightly jilted over it. All her furniture was left at the last place she lived with Mary. She'd called to see if they still had it but the manager that had thrown she and Mary out had refused to give it back, stating he was getting prepared to sell it with some other items that were left from other tenants to make up for the lost rent money. She offered to make up the difference, knowing it would be cheaper to pay the last months rent she owed than to replace all the furniture she had left behind. Still, he refused. There were some choice words between the two of them before he finally hung up on her.

She would manage though she decided. She would just save and buy what she could bit by bit. But she missed Mary's crib most of all. She had saved for five months to get the one she wanted and now it was gone, with all her other memories. She could have kicked herself for letting it happen, but it was done and there was nothing she could do about it.

* * *

Steve looked down at the piece of paper in his hand and glanced over at Danny. "This is it." He pointed to the walkway beneath the stairs. "Apartment 122."

They both stood in front of the flimsy door as Steve raised his hand and pounded on it with his cast hand.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Danny asked.

He looked down at it, "Nah, makes a good intimidating knock though."

They both looked up as the fat man who had denied Tracy her belongings answered.

"Yeah! What?" he eyed them suspiciously.

Steve showed him his badge on his hip. "Commander McGarrett," he motioned to Danny, "Detective Williams. Five 0. We've got a complaint that you have some stolen property stored on the premises."

He stared at them shocked. "What? That's a lie!"

Danny leaned over to Steve. "Did he call you a liar or me?"

Steve shrugged and then looked at the manager. "Did you call him a liar or me?" he cringed a little, "I hope me because Detective Williams doesn't like being called a liar." Steve held his cast up. "I accused him of that the other day and look what it got me."

"What?" he said confused. "Who said that I have stolen property?"

"Tracy Caldwell," Steve said, "a former tenant of yours claims she moved out…"

"Thrown!" Danny corrected him, "thrown out."

"Oh yeah, thanks," Steve continued, "she said she and her baby were thrown out, and then when she tried to recover the contents of the apartment she occupied with her daughter, she was denied those items."

The man's face grew bright red with anger. "That lying, no good whore! She didn't pay last months rent so those items are now going to be sold to pay for the rent!"

Steve glared at him, his expression void of any kind of emotion except for a cold-blooded stare.

Danny cringed this time, "Wow!" he leaned in to the guy, "Bad choice of words. You see the little girl who occupied that apartment it turns out, that's his daughter."

The guy looked up at Steve and Danny could see fear take place of the cockiness.

Steve took a step closer to him, speaking with a calm intensity in his voice. "This is what you're going to do. You're going to get on the phone and call a moving truck and then you're going to gather up every piece of furniture, clothes, picture and crumb of food that you took out of that apartment and you're going to load them into that truck and have it delivered and unloaded to this address." He stuck the paper with Tracy's address on it to his sweaty forehead with his hand, pressing it there while continuing his threat. "You have until the end of the day to get this done or I'm going to come back here and arrest your fat ass for possession of stolen goods, and not to mention the other warrants you have out for your arrest." He shoved his head back before taking his hand off. "Do I make myself clear?"

He pried the paper off his brow and looked at it. "Yeah, yeah ok," he said hoarsely.

"Good," Steve smiled kindly. "I'm glad we got that straightened out."

Danny lifted his hand and pleasantly waved at him before leaving. "You have a nice day now."

They walked side-by-side back to the car when Danny nudged him, "I didn't know you checked the guy out. What kind of warrants did he have?"

Steve shrugged, "I don't know. I didn't check him out. I was bluffing, but it worked."

Danny nodded his approval, "Slick move, but what if he was straight and narrow and would have called your bluff. What would you have done then?"

"Nothing," he looked at him, "that's when you would have jumped in."

"Me?"

"Yeah you! Jesus Danny, do I have to do everything," he antagonized him, grinning as he turned away to get in the car.

"How was I supposed to know you were going to play the fake warrant card?" Danny yelled. "What was I supposed to come back with, liar, liar, pants on fire?"

Steve laughed, "I love yanking your chain."

Danny got in the passenger side, "Here I am out of the goodness of my heart helping you get Tracy's stuff back and you repay me by slinging me shit."

He looked over at him as he started the Camaro, "Think of it as an early Christmas present to me."

"Ok, then I guess I can send back that monogramed six pack of grenades I ordered for you."

"Let's not do anything hasty now," he teased. "But, thanks for helping me out partner." He put the car in reverse, "but for the record, we were getting Mary's stuff back, not Tracy's."

Danny shifted in his seat, looking at him like he suddenly sprouted flowers from his head. "Seriously? That's what you've come up with?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I told you to get a handle on this relationship and so you just decide to use Mary as your scape goat now?"

Steve stepped on the brakes before exiting the complex. "I don't use my daughter for any excuses, Daniel!"

"Then don't pretend that we're here for Mary. Why can't you just say you did it for Tracy?"

"Fine!" he shook his head. "Then 'yes' I did it for Tracy. She needed a crib to sleep in and a dresser for her baby clothes and oh yeah, all those baby toys that she likes to play with," he said sarcastically. "Doing for Tracy is the same as doing for Mary. They're one in the same." He looked over at him. "Ok?"

"Ok." He held his hands up in defense. "I'm just saying, after meeting her I can see where a man would get confused. She's beautiful and by your previous experience with her she seems to be able to control you pretty well." He put his hand on his chest. "Which I have to say is a quality I greatly admire in her."

Steve looked over at him like angrily. "She didn't talk me into this. She doesn't even know I'm here. As a matter of fact she has told me that we should focus on our relationship with Mary and keep hers and mine separate." The disappointed expression on his face over that couldn't be missed. "So I did do this for Mary."

"C'mon," Danny laughed, "don't bullshit me. I've been in your seat before, so tell me why are we here again? Only this time don't sugar coat it."

Steve stared at him, wishing he could push a button that would eject Danny through the roof so he wouldn't have to answer that question or see that knowing smirk on his face. "God you're annoying," he huffed.

Danny grinned, "I know. That's the quality I admire about myself when dealing with you. So," not letting him stray from the subject, "you're helping out Mary in order to get in good with Tracy? Am I right or am I wrong?"

He growled under his breath, "Ok, you're right, but not in the way that you think." He shook his head, "I don't know what it is Danny, but I can't stand being on the outside. Every time she comes and picks up Mary and takes her, I swear to god it kills me."

"I know that feeling," he sympathized. "I went through it with Rachel. It was tough." He squirmed in his seat, wanting to warn him of the shock when another guy enters the picture, but that would just be cruel.

"I've been a such a prick to her and I feel like I've built up this wall between us on purpose, but now here I am sitting on the other side all by myself and it stinks. That's why I'm here today. I just want to let her know that I see that she's been trying, and I want to do something nice for her." He turned to him wanting to convince him as well. "She has been. She's been trying really hard. She has a good job now and she got this apartment. It's not that bad either," he was surprised as she was over it.

"Well, people deserve a second chance," Danny agreed, but he knew very well why they were there. He was so stubborn that he wouldn't even admit it to himself that he wanted to please her. He wanted her. It was written all over him; in the way he admitted about being left behind, in the way he boasted about her accomplishments, it was so obvious he had to hold back from laughing in his face. "I'm sure she'll appreciate this."

Steve nodded, "She deserves a little appreciation from me."

"I guess the past really is in the past now huh?"

"I guess so," Steve agreed, admitting to himself for the first time that he was finally able to forgive her for everything. It felt pretty good.

* * *

Tracy closed the door to her apartment as the movers left. She leaned against the door and admired most of her belongings that she had left behind. The one box that she was most thrilled to see was the one that was filled with pictures of she and her brother Mark, her Mother, and her cell phone that had pictures of Mary on it. They had since shut it off for non-payment, but she still had the pictures in the memory. It was really all she had of Mary after her birth.

With her next paycheck, she decided she would get it turned back on. She wanted the pictures but also needed a phone.

She sat down on her couch and spread her hand over the cushion. The movers hadn't known any details about the delivery except that they were instructed to bring it to that address and unload ASAP, but she knew who had lit a fire under the manager's butt. There was no doubt in her mind.

She sat back and sighed, enjoying her new place even though it was in complete disarray with all the furniture scattered. She didn't care; she was home. She thought about Steve and knew it had to be him that had talked to the manager. She wished she could have been a fly on the wall during that conversation.

There was a knock at the door and she grinned, knowing it was probably him. He was going to bring Mary over that night to see her new place. She opened the door but was surprised to see who was there.

"Hi Greg!"

"Hi," he said, holding a large yellow and white Hibiscus plant in his arms. "I brought you over a house warming gift."

She stood back letting him come in. "It's beautiful. Thank you!"

"I hope you don't mind my showing up like this? I was going to call but I couldn't find a number anywhere for you."

"Well, actually," Tracy said, slightly embarrassed. "I haven't had a chance to get my house phone connected yet and I lost my cell," she lied; too humiliated to tell him they shut it off.

He nodded his understanding, putting his hand on his chest. "I'm the poster boy for cell phone replacement."

She led him over to a table where he set the plant down. "I like what you've done with the place," he teased.

Tracy laughed, "Yeah, it's the new feng shui," she spread her arms out at the chaos, "relaxing isn't it?"

Greg couldn't help but feel enamored of her. She made him laugh and smile more than anyone he knew and with his busy and stressful job, it was always a pleasure to be around her. The fact that her equally beautiful smile could level him was just icing on the cake. He picked up the end of the couch. "Where do you want this?"

Tracy motioned for him to put it down. "You don't have to do that."

He pointed with his head to the other end. "Yes I do, but it would be a lot easier if I had some help."

She playfully growled at him but was more than pleased to have the help. "Ok," she agreed, grabbing the other end. "For your good deed, if you find any change under the cushions, you can keep it."

He laughed out loud at that, looking across at her. The way she smiled back at him sent his pulse racing out of control. She was special there was no doubt about that.

He helped her arrange the living room first and then set up her bedroom and he even put Mary's crib back together. Tracy came in the bedroom and sat down on the mattress, handing him a glass of water.

"I'm sorry I don't have a beer for your hard work."

He sat down next to her, taking the glass. "The labor is free of charge today."

"I really appreciate it, Greg." She wasn't a fool by any means and knew his showing up there was more than just a casual acquaintance call. He was her boss and she liked him very much but hoped the attraction he felt for her wasn't going to affect the job she needed more than the friendship. "It's no wonder everyone speaks so highly of you at work. You're very good to your employees, even when they're off the clock."

He took a drink and chuckled at her analogy of him showing up at her new apartment. "I'm sure you are well aware that I don't usually help my employees move, nor do I show up at their homes unannounced."

She nodded, looking straight ahead as he fumbled with the glass in his hand. She hoped she hadn't made him mad or embarrassed him. "I figured that."

"I hope I haven't over stepped my boundaries here Tracy."

"Boundaries," she teased him, nudging him on the arm, "you have boundaries?"

She made him feel like he was sixteen years old sitting on the bleachers next to the prom queen. "How is it that you can make me blush?"

She leaned forward looking back at him. "You live in Hawaii, I thought that was just a sun burn."

He wanted to kiss her so badly. "I'm going to make a broad jump here Tracy and just say that I find you incredibly charming, from the first time I met you on that trolley all the way up to the this moment right here. I know you have a child and I don't want to put any pressure on your life," he turned to her, making sure she heard him loud and clear, "or your job. I think you are doing fantastic as concierge and I would never want to make you feel that your job is in jeopardy, but I have to admit that I have a crush on you, and I would like the opportunity to pursue that outside of work." He let out a deep breath after finally getting the chance to give that speech. "If you want? I mean if that would be ok with you?" he huffed, knowing he probably sounded like an idiot. "What I'm trying to say is…"

"Greg," Tracy said, flattered over his stumbling for words. This accomplished, handsome, successful man who was trying his best to ask her out without it effecting the awkward position they were in as boss and employee was flattering but Mary came first in her life. "I do have a daughter and I do have a complicated life right now. I'm really trying to get back on track from a year that…well, it wasn't a good year, let's just leave it at that," she sighed. "But I am flattered by your attention. I really am. Is it ok, if we just take this slow and see what happens from there?"

He nodded, more than willing to do whatever it was that made her comfortable. "Of course. I think that's a great idea."

He was attractive, she thought, there was no doubt about that. He wasn't Steve attractive she corrected herself, and then quickly wondered why she was even comparing him to Steve. He was her past and she needed to get on with her future and she was sure that the only way Steve would be in it is with Mary. She looked at Greg again and wondered if this was fate knocking on her door, finally giving her the green light to move forward. She wasn't so sure now if she shouldn't accept his inquiry and let fate take its course.

She confirmed her suggestion to him, "Slow as being that if by chance we ended up alone at the same restaurant on the same night at the same time," she grinned over at him, "it would just be odd to not sit together."

A plastic surgeon couldn't wipe the grin off his face at the moment. "After all, it would be like fate," he declared, "just like the trolley ride."

She was amazed that he used that exact analogy that she had only seconds before. With that thought still dancing around her, fate once again sprang into action as it knocked on her door.

Mary sat on Steve's shoulders and gently banged her hands on his head. He had put her up there the day before for the first time and she had become thrilled with the new ride, being able to see everything.  
Tracy opened the door and laughed at the display. "Oh my gosh," she put her hands up to her mouth. "That is adorable."

Steve shifted his head so he could glance up at Mary, holding onto her legs with both hands. "She loves it."

Mary responded over seeing her Mother by squirming on his shoulders, her little butt bouncing up and down and pounding her hands even harder on his head.

"Hey," he scolded her, "I'm not as hard headed as everyone says I am."

Tracy reached up taking her off his shoulders. "Come here you."

Steve bent over slightly, "I have to stop reading her 'Hop On Pop' so much. She's starting to take it literally."

Tracy lifted Mary over her head like she was flying, twirling her around, showing her their new home. "What do you think Mary?"

Steve stepped inside, looking around, grinning at the furniture that was in place. "It's nice."

She stopped twirling and set Mary on her hip. "Thank you. The furniture…" she was just about to confront him and thank him for the that when Greg came walking out from the bedroom.

Steve stared at him as if he was an apparition that just suddenly appeared from a puff of smoke. The shock he felt from this man coming out of Tracy's bedroom was just as equaled as if had seen a ghost.

"Hi," Greg said, not thinking anything of it. It was innocent as far as he was concerned. He looked from Steve to Mary, not recognizing him right away. "Wow, is this your daughter, Tracy?" He took Mary's hand and rubbed his thumb over her fingers. He spoke as if amazed, "She's beautiful."

"Thank you." She glanced over at Steve and couldn't quite decipher the expression on his face as good or bad, but it was clear to her that seeing Greg was a shock. She didn't know why but she felt the need to quickly rectify the situation. "Steve," she pulled on Greg's arm, leading him over to the door. "Steve, you know…"

"Greg Mitchell," he finished her sentence for her, recognizing him.

Greg looked at him again and then it hit him all at once. "Hey!" he stuck his hand out. "Commander McGarrett!" he looked at Tracy. "You two know each other?"

Tracy bounced Mary on her arm. "Steve is Mary's Father."

Greg couldn't hide his surprise over that piece of information. "Really?! Well…" He stumbled for something to say. "That's…" he looked back at Steve. "She's adorable," was all he could come up with.

"Thanks." He looked over at Tracy feeling his mouth go dry, dropping the diaper bag off his shoulder. "I'll be by tomorrow at about…umm," he lost his train of thought, looking at the two of them standing next to each other resembling a couple. The whole scene seemed so surreal to him it was staggering. "I have to go," he said uncomfortably, "I've got this thing." He turned to leave talking over his shoulder just wanting out of there. "I'll pick Mary up tomorrow morning at about ten."

"It was good seeing you, Commander, or uh, Steve." Greg said. The tension in the air was unmistakable. He'd never seen anyone try to get out a room so fast that wasn't on fire.

"You too. I'll catch ya later," Steve replied raising his hand in a pleasant gesture but didn't look at him or Tracy as he walked out closing the door behind him.

"Wow," Greg said, "that was weird." He wondered if there was more to this relationship than he knew.

"I'll be right back," Tracy said, going to the door and then out into the hall still holding Mary. "Steve!" she called out as he pushed the button on the elevator.

'C'mon,' he silently begged the elevator to hurry. He tried to focus on Mary and not her. "Oh hey," he took a step toward them. "I forgot to give you a kiss." He did his Fatherly duty and then ran over as the elevator opened.

"Wait!" Tracy practically yelled as he got on. She reached her arm in, preventing the doors from closing and his hasty getaway. "I'm sorry about that back there."

"About what?" he tried to act nonchalant about the whole thing. "You mean Greg?"

Tracy practically laughed in his face, "Well yes, it just seemed really uncomfortable. I mean, Greg just stopped by for a minute, but he ended up helping me arrange my furniture."

Mary reached over for Steve with both arms as Tracy leaned in letting him take her.

"You don't owe me an explanation Tracy." He bounced her on his arm with the cast. "It's none of my business."

Mary was already bored with him and reached back over for Tracy. She leaned back against the door jamb as the door tried to close again, taking Mary from him. "I knew you were coming over. I actually was waiting for you so I could thank you for getting my things back and then Greg showed up. But I told him I'm not really ready for that." She wondered why she was telling him this, or if he even cared. Mary reached back over for him, seeing a game evolve. Tracy obliged her.

He took her back, neither one paying attention to the switch-a-roo that was going on with their daughter, but too preoccupied with the conversation at hand. "Maybe you should go out with him, you know. He's a nice guy. He's well off." He couldn't believe those words just came out of his mouth, wishing he could suck them back in, but it was too late.

"You do?" Tracy didn't know whether she was relieved, disappointed or hurt, maybe all three.

He was trapped now and couldn't think of anyway to backtrack so the drivel just kept rolling off his tongue. "Well yeah, I have a date tonight and so why shouldn't you?" _'Holy shit,' _he thought_, 'just stop talking!'_

She was just as stunned by that statement as he was about seeing Greg. "You do?" That ache she had dreaded of knowing he would find another was presenting itself sooner than she thought it would. She wasn't over him yet. She needed more time, but fate wasn't going to allow her any. "You have a date," she said as if confirming it to herself that it was really over with him.

He looked at his watch for a distraction, but if she would have asked him the time, he couldn't have told her. "Yes, and I really need to get going." He wanted out of there so bad he was considering climbing up through the ceiling and scaling the cable of the elevator.

She stepped back, knowing now it was hurt that she felt more than anything else, "Ok, I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning. Have fun," she said over enthusiastically, but secretly she hoped it was a disaster. _'Have fun?' she thought, 'what are you saying? You hope she's a troll.'_

He forced a smile as the doors closed between them.

He leaned back against the wall groaning as he banged his head on it over his foolishness when he realized he was still holding Mary.

"You got to be kidding me! How did I end up with you?" he said to her, completely baffled. He moaned over the idea of having to face Tracy again and feeling even more stupid than he already did.

Mary kicked her legs, knocking one of her shoes off.

Tracy stared at the doors where he'd been standing. She'd been harboring a fire for him that was slowly but surely dying out. He basically told her to her face that she needed to move on, encouraging her to be with Greg. She knew then that if he had any romantic feelings for her whatsoever he never would have encouraged that relationship. It was a horrible, painful feeling that made her wince, but she knew it had been a long shot with him anyway, too much water under that bridge for her to stay afloat and hope for any kind of romantic hand out from him. She glanced down the hallway as she heard her name and at the same time she realized she didn't have Mary.

"Oh my God," she held her hands out, looking at the elevator doors and couldn't help but laugh. "He has Mary."

Greg came up, standing next to her, "I should go."

She turned to him, knowing how awkward this whole thing must have been for him. "I'm so sorry for making you wait."

"It's ok." He looked at the elevator door too, knowing Steve wasn't just Mary's father; he was his competition. "I think you're right though and maybe we should just take this slow, or maybe just let it go all together. I don't want to complicate things for you Tracy and I think my coming over here maybe wasn't such a great idea."

She thought about Steve's encouragement to her about Greg and decided that maybe it was time she put all of her past to rest, including him. Standing before her was someone she felt that maybe she could do that with. "Actually, I'm kind of hungry. Would you like to go get something to eat?"

The disappointment he felt vanished, replaced with a hopeful one. Maybe he misread their relationship. "Sure. I'd like that," he smiled.

Steve pushed the button for Tracy's floor again and bent over picking up Mary's shoe. "How do I get myself into these situations with her," he said to Mary as if she understood. "I swear to God your Mom has got me scratching my watch and winding my butt. I don't know what the hell is coming out of my mouth half the time." He struggled to put her shoe on with his cast hand, but gave up, feeling frustrated and not wanting to take it out on Mary's poor foot. He looked up at her as she grabbed a clump of his shirt, trying to hold on to him but staring at him as if listening carefully to what he had to say. "I know what you're thinking?" he said to her, "but she's made it clear that you should be the focus of our relationship and nothing else, besides, I already told her she should go out with that Greg guy." He looked up at the floor light display and then back down at his daughter who continued to stare at him as if she were confused. "What? Ok," he confessed. "Yes, that was a stupid thing to say, I know that. You don't have to remind me."

He smiled over their one sided conversation, kissing her on the forehead, "Has anyone ever told you that you are a very good listener?" She laid her head down on his shoulder, getting tired. He stroked her back with his fingers. "I love you. It breaks my heart the thought of another man in your life."

The doors opened and there he stood face to face with Tracy and Greg. She grinned at him over Mary but he couldn't stop the thought that exploded inside his head. '_Or yours_.'

* * *

Steve hesitated before the door, but the image of Greg coming out of Tracy's room encouraged him to knock.

The door opened and he smiled at the familiar face. "Hi."

Cory instantly moved toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Hi! I didn't think you were going to call."

He responded happily to the warm gesture forgetting how much he missed her and how easy it was to be with her. "I know, sorry about that. It's been crazy."

She pulled away and took his hand pulling him inside the room. "Work?"

He admired the one-bedroom suite that overlooked the ocean on the fourteenth floor. "Yes," he lied, "and life in general. You know how it is."

She rolled her eyes, "Hell yes. This trip alone has been chaotic. So when you called and said you wanted to go out tonight it was a huge relief." She smiled, "Thank you for that."

He admired her next, scanning her five foot seven body that looked fit as always and her hazel eyes that always seemed to be smiling. "You look good." He touched the ends of her dark brown shoulder length hair with his fingers. "You cut your hair."

"It got to be a pain in the ass." She ran her hand down his arm, "You look good too."

He shrugged.

She tilted her head just slightly, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," he smiled, trying to shake Tracy off his mind. "I'm fine." He wasn't sure what he was trying to prove by coming there but was still glad to have Cory's company.

"Are you sure you're up to going out? We can order a couple bottles of wine and some steaks from room service and just hang out on the lanai."

He shrugged, "Whatever you want."

She crossed her arms, looking sternly at him. "What is going on?" She knew him too well to know when he wasn't himself.

He nervously laughed at her, "Nothing! Come here and I'll prove it." He moved toward her, cupping the back of her neck and kissed her. It felt familiar and safe but it felt nothing like it used too.

She responded happily but still felt something that was just not right with him. She knew him for too long and too intimately to not notice, but decided it must have been work like he said. She knew his job and what it entailed, knowing her bad days at work were nothing compared to his. "I think we should just hang out here and relax."

He nodded his agreement, kissing her cheek this time. "I'm glad I called." She always had a way of relaxing him.

"Me too."

* * *

They came in off the lanai, leaving their empty dinner dishes on the table, but bringing in the wine and glasses. Steve sat down on the couch as Cory reached over and poured him the rest of the second bottle of wine.

"Whoa," he said. "I have to drive home."

"What?" she rebuked, feeling slightly intoxicated. "You aren't driving home." She scooped up a piece of key lime pie that came with their dinner off the plate sitting on the room service table and straddled him, holding the fork between them. "You haven't even had desert yet and you're already thinking about going home."

He grinned up at her, feeling that second bottle of wine hit him. "I can't eat that. I'm full."

"Open up," she teased, "You're going to have dessert." He started laughing and squirming as her other hand moved down his body and she started to tickle him in a spot that she knew would make him laugh.

"Tracy stop!" he laughed, grabbing her hand.

She stopped playing and stared at him. "Who is Tracy?" she asked surprisingly.

He held her hand and looked up at her confused. "What?"

"You just called me Tracy," she said, slightly amused.

"No I didn't."

She nodded, grinning at his stunned expression. "Oh yes you did."

He didn't know what to say. He couldn't argue the fact since she had used Tracy's name and the only way she would have known it is if he had indeed said it. He had yet to tell her about Tracy or Mary. He tried to read her wondering if she was mad or not. "I'm sorry," he said, mustering up the first excuse that came to mind. "She was apart of this case that Danny and I just wrapped up. That name has been embedded in my head for the last week."

There were two things she knew for sure about him, one was how consumed he could become in a case. She had lived that while dating him. Two, was that she knew when he was lying. He was very good at a lot of things, but lying wasn't one of them. He couldn't look at her in the face when he said it, which told her he was probably lying. She wondered then who this Tracy person was, perhaps a woman who had hurt him over the last eight months since she'd seen him last. That hurt her. Their relationship was in the past, but her feelings for him hadn't changed all that much. She also knew that if he were there with her then whoever this Tracy person was, was also in the past. She wondered if maybe that was the hesitation in him contacting her. But he had, so maybe he needed this encounter with her for healing purposes, or just to be with someone familiar. Either one of those reasons were acceptable in her opinion. She did love him even if it wasn't enough to sustain a lasting relationship. She did. She would be there for him knowing full well he would do the same for her.

She continued to straddle him, but leaned back and set the fork down on the plate and then faced him again. Her hands rested on his shoulder, "You must be exhausted if you don't even know who I am," she teased.

He laid his head back on the couch, looking at her. She was a cross between a delicate Audrey Hepburn but had the spice of a modern-day Selma Hayek, which is what had attracted him to her in the first place. She was driven like he was, but that was also what had broken them up. He ran his hand down her arm, "I know who you are."

There it was again, she thought, that wandering look in his eye. He was there, but he really wasn't. She could see the torment whether it was from this mysterious girl or actually from his job, whichever, he came there to escape it and be with her and she would do whatever she had too to give him that peace he was looking for.

She scooted off him and stood up holding her hand down to him. "C'mon."

"Where are we going?" he asked with a slight grin, but knew what she was insinuating.

"To bed," she said without any hesitation or awkwardness.

He wondered if Tracy was in bed with Greg at that moment, if he was kissing her or if he had his hands on her body. That thought alone made him reach up and take her hand.

She pulled him up off the couch and led him into the other room. She wanted him. She always wanted him. They never had an issue in the bedroom; it was once they left the bedroom that the problems in their relationship faltered. He was good for her too. She could escape her stress in him, and he never let her down, not one time. She pulled up on the bottom of his shirt, lifting it over his head and let it fall to the floor.

He wanted this, he told himself, he needed this. She was with Greg right now, he just knew it. The wine kept talking and convincing him, making him angrier by the second. He put his arm around Cory and kissed her, laying her back on the bed at the same time.

She wrapped a leg around his, pulling down on his hips as his kiss intensified and then moved to her neck while his hand moved over her blouse, undoing the buttons at a rapid pace. He was rushing and angry, she could tell. This wasn't the normal pace he had with her, alcohol or not. He accomplished the last button and opened her shirt, sliding his arm underneath her body and lifting her up as he kissed the top of her breast that was exposed from her bra.

She felt good and he was becoming lost in the moment enjoying her hands stroking his back when he moved up on her again and consumed her lips, '_God Tracy, you feel good,_' his thoughts taking president over his enjoyment. He stopped and pulled back, looking down at her, cursing himself for thinking that. "Cory," he said out loud to her, getting himself back on track.

He was thinking of her, she knew it, and worse yet he felt guilty over it.

He kissed her again, moving his body over her, wondering again if Tracy sent Greg home or if he was doing to her what he was doing to Cory. Or was Tracy actually sleeping alone, or with Mary next to her. He saw himself on the other side of them, with his arm over both of them.

He pulled away from Cory and rolled over on his back, running his hands over his face and through his hair, "Shit!" he yelled, growling like a bear. "Ahh shit! I can't do this," he said more passively, looking to the side at her. "I can't do this." The guilt over trying to use her hit him hard and he looked back toward the ceiling not able to face her. "I'm sorry Cory. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be here."

She closed her blouse, trying to work her way down from the moment. She was ready for him, regardless of what he was thinking. "Who is this Tracy person?" she sighed, looking over at him as he shook his head, obviously disappointed with himself. "Steve?"

He looked over at her feeling even guiltier. "I'm so sorry Cory for dragging you into this."

She rolled over and sat up on her elbow, putting her hand on his chest. "I knew it the second you walked in here tonight. So who is she?"

He put one arm under his head and the other hand over top of hers on his chest. "She's Mary's mother."

"Mary's mother?" she questioned. "Ok…you're starting to creep me out, please don't tell me that Mary is some girl you were seeing and now you want the mother, who is Tracy?"

"No!" he laughed and then looked at her out of the corner of his eye, squinting, not sure how she would take it. "Mary's my daughter."

"What?!" That got her attention. She sat up, "How old is she and why am I just hearing about her now?"

"She's nine months and because I just found out she existed about four months ago."

She smacked him on the stomach, not hard enough for it to hurt, but hard enough to make him wince. "I can't believe you've been here this long and have not told me that yet! That pisses me off."

"What?!" he sat up on his elbows, laughing at her. "I can't believe that not only do I call you by another woman's name and then get within minutes of having sex with you and then stop because I can't go through with it because I can't stop thinking about the other woman, and the only thing your pissed about is because I didn't tell you about my daughter?!"

"Yes, I thought we were friends first."

Steve plopped back down on the bed laughing. "Well, I'm sorry. I swear to God I'll never be able to figure out the female mind if I studied it for a hundred years."

"Huh," Cory huffed, scooting down to the end of the bed. "You're lucky in that aspect." She went in to the other room.

"Where are you going? Are you pissed now?" He sat up on his elbows again; looking to the door she just exited through. "Do you want me to leave?"

She appeared again with several small bottles in her hand and kneeled on the bed, dropping them on the mattress. "No, this calls for some stiff drinks, because I want to hear about Mary," she questioned, "and Tracy, is it?"

He sat up and leaned back against the headboard. "Are you sure? I feel kind of funny talking about her to you."

"Why?"

He looked at her like it was obvious, "Why do you think?"

She screwed off the top of a tiny bottle of tequila and handed it to him. "Drink this and you won't feel that way."

"Cory," he took the bottle from her, "why do you want to know?"

"Because…" She opened the other bottle of tequila and scooted closer to him. "I think you're a good guy, and I always knew you wanted a family even though you tried to convince yourself you didn't." she felt a wave of disappointment over missing that opportunity with him. "You like being a father don't you?"

He thought of Mary and how much she had changed his life, and only for the better. "Yes. I love being a father."

"See, I knew it."

He reached over and touched her on the arm, "Where did it go wrong for you and me?"

She pulled his hand down, but held it, "I hate living in Hawaii and I hate your job," she reminded him.

"Oh yeah," he agreed, "I hate LA and I hate your job."

"Plus, I never wanted kids and I always knew you did."

"I never pressured you on that," he quickly defended.

"Oh please Steve!" she rolled her eyes at him. "You love kids. I could see it whenever we were around them. Look at you and Gracie."

He squeezed her hand, "Well if you take all that out of the equation, we would have been great together."

She leaned in and kissed his cheek, "We had great dates and great sex, that was about it."

He laughed knowing she was right, it never would have worked out, and the way it ended left them as friends, which he was grateful for at the moment.

Cory grinned and held her bottle up to him. "Bottoms up and then start from the beginning."

* * *

Steve stood at the open door as Cory leaned against it. "Thanks for the steak and wine last night," he smiled.

"Thanks for the tease," she teased.

He playfully jabbed at her stomach. "Meany."

She giggled and reached up giving him a hug. "I want to know what happens so call me."

He held her tightly, grateful for her just letting him talk about it. He loved that she kept an open mind through the whole thing and didn't judge Tracy on her mistakes. "Can we have dinner tonight?" he kept both arms around her waist but leaned back so he could see her. "I promise I'll buy, and no surprises."

She looked disappointed. "I can't. They're taking the crew out to some hideous Luau."

He hugged her again. "Don't worry, you'll be back to the hustle and bustle of LA tomorrow."

"Thank God. Give Danny a kiss for me." She squeezed him one last time. "I love you, everything's going to work out. You just keep on being a good Daddy and everything will fall into place."

"I love you too." He let go and started to walk backward toward the elevators. "So you don't think I should put a fake warrant out on this Greg guy?" he winked.

"No, but I do think you should talk to her before things get serious with this guy and that door closes forever." She pointed at him, waving her finger. "Don't put it off."

He smiled at her before disappearing around the corner. "I won't. I'll call ya."

"Don't put it off!" he heard her yell out before he jumped on the elevator.

"Don't put it off," he said to himself, leaning back against the wall, wondering how in the heck he was going to tell her and what was he was going to tell her. That he couldn't be with another woman because he kept thinking about her. That seeing her with another man about tore his heart out. "Yeah that's good," he huffed, "that's real smooth. Scare the hell out of her why don't you."

* * *

Tracy set Mary down on the floor and ran over to the door. She opened it smiling at Greg. "Hi, come on in." She stepped back letting him enter. "I'm running kind of late."

"Good morning. I'm so sorry about this Tracy. I can't believe I did that last night."

"That's ok," she said, laughing over it.

"I never leave my wallet anywhere, ever."

She walked toward the counter to retrieve it for him. "Didn't you say you were the poster boy for lost cell phones?" she teased, holding it up. "I bet you leave this all over the place."

He came inside and squatted down as Mary started to crawl over to him and then stopped, realizing it wasn't her Father. She sat back on her butt and stared at him. "Hi Mary," he said and then looked up at Tracy. "You're never going to let me live this down are you?"

She walked over to him as he stood back up. "I think you're blushing again."

He took the wallet from her and opened it up, pulling out a hundred dollar bill, handing it to her. "Here, for picking up the tab at dinner last night."

She held her hands up, "That's ok. The first one is on me, besides it wasn't close to being a hundred and I don't have change."

He reached for her to take it, "Take it and keep the change for my stupidity."

"Greg please!" she pointed to the door, "You're going to miss your flight."

He let his hand fall to the side, "Ok, but when I get back I'm taking you to the nicest restaurant on the island." He walked over and bent down touching Mary on the head. "You get to come too."

Tracy smiled at his gesture and how nice he was to Mary the night before. It seemed genuine and not put on just trying to please her.

Mary crawled away from him toward Tracy, forgetting the night before and who he was.

He went by her toward the door, touching his hand on her back, "Have a good day at work. I'll see you in a couple of days when I get back?" He said it in the form of a question and she knew he didn't mean work.

"Sure. Have a safe flight." She smiled as she closed the door, leaning back against it. She wasn't sure how she felt about him yet. Dinner the night before had been pleasant. The conversation flowed nicely, but her thoughts consistently drifted to Steve and the date he was on, wondering who she was and if he was serious about her. But more than anything else whether or not he had slept with her.

Mary grabbed onto the bottom of her skirt, pulling it down as she tried to lift herself up. She was on the verge of taking that first step as soon as she found her balance. "Hey you!" Tracy said, bending down and scooping her up. "What are you doing?" She hoisted her skirt back up. "Daddy's going to be here in a minute to pick you up and you aren't ready yet."

* * *

Steve pulled into a spot directly in front of Tracy's building. Being a Honolulu cop had its perks, including free parking wherever and whenever need be. He didn't take advantage of it, but on occasions like this when he was going to be in and out, he did take advantage of it.

He reached over for his cell phone to check for any messages when a black BMW pulled out of the parking garage. He glanced at it for a split second and then down at his phone and then quickly looked back up noticing something catch his eye. He caught a glimpse of Greg as he drove past him. He turned in his seat to get a second glance but knew what and whom he saw. There was no mistake. He stared out the windshield, knowing he must have spent the night. He told Tracy he would be by to pick up Mary at ten in the morning so he also assumed Greg was getting out of there before he arrived. He looked at the clock in his truck that read 9:45. He was fifteen minutes early, but by his estimate he was right on time.

He stood in the elevator and crossed his arms, still envisioning Greg pulling out of the garage. The more he brewed about it the more his blood began to boil over it. He had forgone the night before with Cory because he was so concerned about Tracy. Yet, just as he had imagined, she was with Greg. She hadn't wasted anytime jumping in bed with him, he thought angrily. Maybe it was his money; maybe it was how she had even gotten that job. He wondered then if she was back to her old routine again. The doors opened and he stormed down the hall to her apartment.

Tracy opened the door and smiled at him. "Hi, sorry I'm running a little late. I have a bottle for her." She went into the kitchen and didn't even notice the silence from him.

Mary exclaimed her excitement over seeing him and crawled quickly over, grabbing a hold of his pants leg and pulling herself up as he reached down and picked her up under the arms. He held her and scanned the living room for any evidence of Greg, glancing down the hall and into her room at the unmade bed, picturing the two of them in there having sex. '_No wonder you're running late_,' he thought bitterly. The same tone came out of his mouth as he confronted her. "I saw your boyfriend downstairs."

Tracy looked up from filling Mary's bottle. "What?"

"I saw Greg leaving."

"Oh," Tracy smiled, measuring out some formula; "He forgot…" she started when he interrupted her.

"You know if you're going to have guys spend the night just tell me and I'll take Mary with me. Where did she sleep anyway, on the floor? I can't believe you had him over with Mary here!" he ranted.

Tracy came out of the kitchen, feeling humiliated and scolded like a child. "Are you done? Because he didn't spend the night, you jerk!" she'd had just about enough of him, "Greg forgot his wallet yesterday when he was helping me and just came by to get it on his way to the airport!" she walked toward him shaking the bottle, looking him up and down. "Who are you to judge me anyway you hypocrite! Look who has the same clothes on from last night." Her voice grew angrier by the second. "You haven't even been home yet from your date and you're accusing me!" She grabbed the diaper bag and tossed the bottle of milk in it, zipping it up angrily. "I have been bending over backwards to try and please you," she felt tears of frustration and anger sting her eyes, "but nothing I do is good enough for you!" She pushed the bag into his chest and shoved him on the arm that wasn't holding Mary out the door. "I have to got to work now and smile and be happy. Thank you so much for ruining my morning!" she slammed the door in his face.

He stood staring at the door as Mary started to cry over the loud outburst that scared her. He turned and walked slowly toward the elevator, recalling the anger and hurt in Tracy's voice. He couldn't believe that he'd done it again to her. Mary gripped his shirt and wailed in his ear, but all he could hear was his unforgivable tirade toward her.

He saw her then, storming toward him, holding Mary's rabbit.

"Tracy," he begged, "I'm sorry!"

She gave the rabbit to Mary, glaring at him. "Sorry! You should get THAT tattooed on your arm! It would save a lot of hot air." She didn't want to hear anything else from him.

"I was jealous," he said as she walked away. "I was just mad that he was there."

"I heard what you said Steve! Loud and clear." She irritably brushed away a tear that fell and ran her hands down her body furiously as if showing herself off. "Once a whore always a whore right?!" she spat. "Well for your information, not that it's any of your business, you were the last person I was with! And still after all this time, I'm still labeled a whore!" She walked in the apartment and slammed the door, leaning back against it fighting the tears.

Mary was practically hysterical at this point. The elevator opened and then closed, leaving them still standing there. He started to walk back to the apartment and then stopped, having no words this time to repair what just happened. This was all on him. He had no excuse for his action except plain old-fashioned jealousy. An emotion that he always categorized for the weak-minded, a waste of time in his opinion, but yet here he stood having been a victim of that emotion and letting it control him to the point that he brought the only two woman he had ever truly loved to tears, and there was absolutely nothing he could say to take it back.

He had sunk to one of the lowest points of his life.


	19. Chapter 19

Tracy felt his hand move up her back and then slowly down again as they broke from the kiss. They stood outside her apartment door saying goodnight.

Greg opened his eyes and smiled. "If I don't say goodbye right away, can I have another one of those?"

She nodded and they leaned in together at the same time locking lips. He pulled her closer this time, making it more intimate.

She wasn't sure how she felt about the intensity of this one. It was almost as if he was coaxing her to let him in, which she wasn't about to do, but as he broke away from her she was surprised that he had no intention of looking for an invitation, on the contrary, he kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye. His patience with her was beyond anything she could ask for. Most men would have become frustrated and angry after almost four weeks of still only getting a kiss, but she felt no pressure from him.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He didn't let go right away, letting his hand slide around from behind her as he backed up, waiting until the last second to pull it away.

Tracy nodded, waiting until he was almost at the elevator before she went inside. She closed the door and set her purse and keys on the small table next to it and sat down on the couch, putting her hands over her face and shaking her head. "Oh God," she groaned. She liked him so much. He was handsome and generous to she and Mary, but she just couldn't bring herself to let their relationship go beyond a kiss, and she knew why.

"Damn you!" She tightened her hands into fists and shook them as if she were about to hit someone. "God, you are so frustrating and arrogant and stubborn! How could I be so angry with you and be so in love with you at the same time! It's not fair!" She stomped her feet over and over like she were a child throwing a temper tantrum, growling. "I don't want to feel it anymore! Why can't I feel this with Greg instead?!"

She fell over side ways on the sofa, staring off into space. It had been almost three weeks to the day since they had had a conversation. The only words spoken were about Mary but even those were few and far between. She knew he felt bad about the accusation of Greg spending the night, and they had made their peace with it, but the relationship changed after that. It was almost as if they had made a silent pact to just say only what was needed to be said in each others presence and anything beyond that was too risky, so they said nothing at all. The silence hurt worst she thought than his accusations. At least then she knew he cared. She'd never known anyone who could shut down so quickly and hide inside himself so deeply…that thought took on a sudden realization, "besides me," she whispered, closing her eyes wondering if she would ever feel about Greg, or any man for that matter, the way she did about Steve.

* * *

Steve slammed on the brakes of his truck and jumped out, running to the front door of the house. Danny climbed out at a slower pace, talking on his cell phone.

Steve burst through and stopped with a big grin on his face. "Did it happen yet?"

Celia laughed at his enthusiasm, holding Mary as she squirmed in her arms, crying. "No, I won't put her down and she's very angry about that."

He held his hands out as he walked to her, "Thank you. Come here sweetie."

She held her out to him as Mary gripped angrily onto his shirt and voiced her opinion to him about Celia's mistreatment, slowly calming down now that he was there. He rubbed her back, waiting for Celia to get the video camera prepared. He looked over as Danny came in the house, slipping his cell phone in his pocket.

"Chin and Kono are heading over there now. I told them the situation and they said they'd get things started and you'd better get it on video for them to see." He clapped his hands together at the big event, "So, is she running marathons yet?"

"Not yet," Steve laughed.

"Ok, ready," Celia announced with the camera pointed at them.

"What about Tracy?" Danny blurted out. "You should have called her. She should see her daughter's first step."

Steve shot him an annoyed look. "Did she call me when she was giving birth?"

Danny didn't reply but gave him a look like '_c'mon man, really?_'

He knew that was uncalled for too and also knew that she did deserve to be there, she had after all missed it when she first crawled. "I did call her, ok? She can't leave work, so I told her I'd tape it for her."

He looked over at Danny who just silently stared at him. "What?" Steve exclaimed, "What do you want me to do? She can't make it!"

Danny shrugged.

"Does Mary have to take her first step here?" Celia blurted out.

"Alright, alright," he whined, not annoyed with having Tracy involved, but that he'd have to wait even longer for the moment he'd been waiting for for almost a month. Mary had finally learned to pull herself up and hold on to things as she walked, but had yet to let go and do it on her own. She was right there and by Celia's frantic phone call for him to get home, she was even closer.

* * *

Tracy smiled at the group of people as she made her way through the room, making sure no one needed for anything. It was her first large gathering and she wanted everything to go just right, so far so good. She was focusing on them but her thoughts were with Mary and couldn't help but smile when picturing her staggering across the floor at Steve's house. The timing was so bad. She had tried to get away but the client was being so needy and she feared for her job if she left. So here she was, missing out. She couldn't wait to see Mary that night and watch the milestone for herself.

The phone on her hip vibrated and she looked at the text from Chase the front desk clerk, stating she had an urgent matter in her office that needed her attention ASAP.

"Oh no," she groaned, scanning the room once more, seeing Greg across the way as he quickly made his way over to her. His presence and the urgent matter in her office sent a chill down her, wondering what had happened and if she was in trouble for something. "Hi," she said almost hesitantly. "What's up?"

"There are some very important people in your office that need some attention."

She looked at him oddly, "Now! Can't Georgia take this one."

"They asked for you by name and believe me when I say you don't want to miss this opportunity, the payback is going to be worth it." He motioned with his head for her to go. "I'll stay here and make sure everything is running smoothly. Which I'm sure it is."

"Greg…"

"Go quick so you can get back. I have a meeting with the President of the West Cost division in about twenty minutes and he flew in from New York, not sure he's the type of guy I want to keep waiting." He walked off before she could argue the point anymore, knowing where she needed to be at that moment, watching Mary take her first step.

She quickly made her way over to the elevators not understanding who could have been so important that she had to be summoned away and that Greg was willing to be late to his meeting for. She came out of the elevator and as she approached her office she stopped, seeing the four of them in there.

It all came together then and she couldn't have been more thrilled.

"Hi," she smiled brightly, kissing Mary as Steve held her. She looked up at him. "Thank you. Did she do it yet?"

He shook his head, "Nope." Glad then that they had come.

"I'm ready," Celia announced with the camera ready as Danny leaned against the wall, silently watching.

"Should I just set her down?" Steve asked, looking for some kind of guidance.

Danny pushed off the wall, "Give her to me. You two kneel down over there." He pointed to the other side of Tracy's office. "Come see Uncle Danny," he said to Mary, taking her from Steve's arms. She fussed for a second until he set her down on the floor and then stood her up, holding on to her body until she caught her balance and then just followed her as she began to take steps, he moved with her for about three steps and then just like he taught Gracie to ride a bike her carefully let go as she staggered with her arms stretched out as if she were on a tight rope and wobbled over to Steve and Tracy.

She took two steps on her own before she fell down on her butt.

"Good girl!" Steve and Tracy both boasted excitedly.

"Wow, nice for the first try," Danny said, picking her back up and bringing her back and repeating the same routine, only this time she took four steps, almost falling down on the second as everyone encouraged her to hold on. She caught her balance and continued on until she was close enough for each one of them to grab a hand.

The room erupted in cheers as Steve and Tracy hugged her and kissed her cheek.

Tracy stood up holding Mary's hands as she directed her toward Danny. "Go see Uncle Danny."

She staggered and squealed over the unmistakable excitement in the room and staggered over to him. He scooped her up and held her above his head, shaking her back and forth. "You're a pro already!"

Tracy turned without even thinking, too overcome with the joy she felt over watching Mary take her first step and hugged Steve tightly around the neck. "Thank you so much for bringing her here." He returned the gesture, feeling her happiness.

"That was great!" he rejoiced. "It was better than I thought it was going to be."

They released the hug but he kept an arm around her waist, holding her close against his body. "Six steps! Did you get it all?" he asked Celia.

She gave him the thumbs up. "Every second." She motioned to the camera for them to come watch the replay.

They all gathered around the small screen, laughing and cheering once again.

Tracy backed up, realizing the time. "I have to go. Greg is upstairs watching things until I get back." It dawned on her then that he must have been apart of it. "He knew about this didn't he?"

Steve nodded, not wanting to give him any credit, but he had been adamant on Tracy seeing Mary walk. He knew he cared for her. "We ran into him when we were looking for you and he said he would send you down." He saw a look of appreciation in her eyes, knowing it was for Greg. They were getting closer and he knew they were spending more and more time together. Greg had been at the apartment on a couple different occasions when he dropped Mary off and he'd seen him in the car, waiting for Tracy when she had picked her up at his house. How far the relationship had gone he wasn't sure and tried not to dwell on it, but he couldn't help feel that stab of regret over not voicing his feelings to her when he had the chance. He should have taken Cory's advice that morning instead of letting his jealousy get in the way. It was too late now, she seemed happy and he had no right to step in and take that away from her. So he kept quiet and watched painfully as she fell in love with Greg.

"Thank you again." She said to him. It was really the first pleasant exchange between them in some time.

"You're welcome," he replied sincerely, knowing she would go up and thank Greg in the way that he wished she would have thanked him.

She went to leave and then turned back, "My brother gets into town on Tuesday and will be staying until after New Years, so we should talk about Christmas tonight when you drop her off. I was thinking you could have her in the morning and I'll take her in the afternoon?"

Steve nodded, "Sure."

She acknowledged Danny and Celia on her way out. "Thank you so much!"

* * *

Greg walked the Hilton Executive to his office door and shook his hand. "It was good seeing you again Jim. I'll see you at dinner tonight."

"Good meeting Greg," he replied, squeezing his hand. "You think about what I said."

"Yes sir, I will." He glanced over and saw Tracy sitting in a chair, smiling over at him. "Jim," he guided him over to her. "I'd like you to meet Tracy Caldwell. She's our new Concierge. She been with us a couple of months now and is doing a fantastic job. Tracy, this is Jim Blankenship, the President of the West Coast division of Hilton."

She stood up, shocked and a little overwhelmed to be meeting him. "It's a pleasure Mr. Blankenship."

"Ms. Caldwell," he said shaking her hand. "Thank you for doing a great job."

"Thank you too for doing a great job, so I can have a one."

The two men looked at each other, both surprised and charmed over her reply. It wasn't the normal mundane response they were used too.

He pumped her hand once more before letting go, "Well the pleasure is all mine." He turned to Greg. "Dinner at six?"

"Yes sir, see you then."

Greg turned back to Tracy all smiles. "How can I help you Miss Caldwell?"

She looked out of the corner of her eye at his assistant, "I was wondering if I might have a moment of your time?"

He held his hand out, motioning to his office. "Of course. Come in."

He followed behind her and as soon as the door was closed she turned around and put her arms around his neck, still glowing from seeing Mary take her first step. "Thank you for what you did."

It was the first time she ever really took the initiative with him in a romantic way. He was beyond pleased by it. "You're welcome. So did she do it?"

"Yes she did," she snuggled closer to him, "and thanks to you I got to see it."

He really didn't deserve the credit, it was Steve who had made the decision to include her, but he wasn't about to object and say that. If she wanted to credit him over Steve, then so be it. It was never declared between he and Steve, but he always felt a hidden rivalry for her and anything he could do to one up him was a plus. He ran his hand down her hair, "It was important to you. I knew that."

She reached up and kissed him for that. He let her take the lead, not wanting to make her uncomfortable in his office by trying to advance it into something else, but when the kiss didn't break right away and turned passionate, he couldn't stop the momentum. He slid his hand into her silky hair and held her head, wanting nothing more than to drop on the floor right then and make love to her.

For the first time while kissing him, she didn't think of Steve.

They finally broke and Greg playfully moaned. "Tracy, Tracy."

She held on tightly to him, "Can we have dinner tonight?" She wanted to thank him for what he did.

"Yes," he said, brushing his lips against hers.

"About six?"

He nodded and then groaned angrily, "I can't. I have to have dinner with Jim Blankenship." His voice sounded just as disappointed as he felt.

Tracy let her hand slide down and rest on his chest. She looked at him knowing it was time to move on. She needed to let go of Steve and give Greg a fair chance. The timing was right. "Why don't you come over after dinner. I'll have Steve keep Mary for the night."

He knew very well what she was insinuating. He tried not to show too much of the excitement he was feeling. His patience had paid off. "I'd like that," he scanned her beautiful face, anticipating the moment.

He kissed her again expressing his pleasure in the invitation.

'_You're doing the right thing_,' she told herself. Steve has moved on with other women, recalling the one night she knew he stayed out on that date, not sure how many others he had. Even though he didn't seem to be seeing anyone, or he hid it very well. '_Stop it_,' she scolded herself, putting both arms around Greg's neck. '_This is the man you want.' _

She broke away from him but held his hand; "I'll see you tonight."

He nodded, leaving her with a smile that spoke volumes to her. He was good to her. He was good to Mary. After a lifetime of uncertainty and insecurity, she was ready for some stability. She wanted to break out of that mold that her Mother had created and live a better life. She wanted her brother Mark to have the same chance, hoping his visit to the island would become permanent. He was a good man and their conversations recently had focused around family and forgetting their Mother and moving on. If she didn't want them, then why should they waste their time wanting her. She realized now how important family really was and he was her family. She couldn't wait until he got there. Mary was going to love her Uncle Mark as much as anyone.

* * *

Steve knocked on Tracy's door and playfully rubbed noses with Mary. She shook her head and wiped her face on his shirt, giggling and then stopped moving, showing it to him again so he could repeat the game. He did it again and she squealed with delight, rubbing her face on his shirt once more.

He knocked again, checking his watch, grinning at the spot on his wrist that used to have a cast attached to it, after two days he was still getting used to it being gone. He glanced up at the door, knowing he was on time, wondering what was up. If she was going to be late she always called. He knocked once more. "Tracy," he said loud enough for her to hear inside but not enough for the neighbors too.

He heard movement on the other side and then the lock come undone. A thought flashed through his mind, wondering if Greg was in there with her. '_Oh shit_,' he thought, '_please don't be in there._' But when the door opened and he saw the look on her face, all thoughts of Greg vanished.

"I'm…" she wiped her nose with the dish towel in her hand, turning her head away from him. "I'm sorry." She moved away from the door and over to the couch and sat down, not acknowledging he or Mary, which he found even more odd, not so much him, but Mary.

"Are you Ok?" he came inside and sat down next to her, setting Mary on his knee, trying to get a look at her face. His thoughts drifted to Greg again, and with her hiding her face, he felt a wave of anger soar through him that if he touched her, he'd kill him. "Tracy? Look at me," he said in a firm tone.

She slowly looked up at him as fresh tears began to spill out of her eyes. To his relief he saw no sign of abuse.

"What's wrong?"

She used the towel again to wipe her face. "Mark," she started and then broke down.

He put his arm around her knowing something bad had happened. "Your brother?"

She nodded, "He was," she gulped in air and struggled to get it out, "he was…he was killed in a car accident this morning." She began to sob even harder as he pulled her against his shoulder.

"Oh Tracy," he almost cried with her just from the sounds of her grief, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He held onto her as tightly as he could and Mary at the same time. He could feel her pain through the heart wrenching sobs that came from her. It was literally breaking his heart knowing all he could do was just hold her. He couldn't imagine losing his sister Mary. It would be like a nightmare. He knew what her brother Mark meant to her, all that they'd been through together. Everything in her life was coming together for the better. She was so happy and she had been so excited to see him, and now this.

"I need…to go…there. Colorado." She gulped, "I need to go."

Steve nodded, "Ok, we'll get you there." He squeezed her, "Whatever you need. I'll take care of it." He kissed the top of her head, "Anything you need."

Mary stood at the coffee table watching in amazement as her Mother cried, a sight she'd never seen before. Steve didn't falter and just held still until she was ready to calm. He knew this was going to be devastating for her.

"What's going on," Greg said standing at the door that Steve never shut. The sight of them together was like a stab in the back, and chest.

He looked over at him. "Her brother Mark was killed in a car accident this morning."

Greg winced from the news, coming inside and sitting on the other side of her. "I'm so sorry, honey." He tried to rub her back and looked over at Steve whose arm was in the way. "I got it now," he said to him, letting him know right then and there that she was his. He and Tracy's relationship had taken a turn that morning when she invited him over for the night and even though the event had yet to take place, he felt his significance in her life had evolved beyond just friend. Steve was sitting in his spot.

He got the hint and let go, reaching over and picking up Mary. He pulled his cell phone out and walked into the kitchen, watching Greg comfort her as she sat on the couch. He set Mary down on the counter and she picked up a spoon, instantly putting it in her mouth, chewing on the steel. He turned his attention away from Greg and to the phone when the friend he called answered. "Hey Tim. It's Steve McGarrett, I need a favor."

"Hey Steve, what's up buddy?"

"How soon can you get a flight booked to Denver."

"What are you going to Colorado for? Don't you know it's winter there?"

"It's not for me. It's for a friend. She needs to get there, ASAP."

Tim pulled up his flight info for Hawaiian airlines. "We don't fly into Colorado but I can get you to LA and then on another airline to Denver."

"Ok, when?"

He was silent for a moment, "I can get you on a flight tomorrow morning at 7:00 that arrives in LA at 2:45 and then an hour layover with an Alaskan flight getting into Denver at about six that night."

"That's good, book it." He gave him Tracy's information and his credit card number.

"I'll email you the itinerary."

"Thanks Tim. I appreciate it. I'll let you know about the return flight when I know." He hung up and scooped up Mary going back over to them. Tracy had calmed some and was sitting back into the sofa still holding the towel. Steve sat across from her on the coffee table seeing the anguish in her eyes. He set Mary down on her lap, knowing that would cheer her up some.

She instantly put her arms around her, pulling her close. "What are you eating with that spoon?" she said to her, but the pain in her voice was still so apparent.

He looked at Greg, motioning for him to follow. They stood off to the side as Tracy spoke gently to Mary.

"I got her booked on a flight out tomorrow morning. Can you set her up in one of your hotels there?"

He nodded, "Sure, of course."

"I can send you the flight info if you want to book the same flight or maybe go later in the day." He just assumed he would go with her, but the uneasy expression on his face told him otherwise.

"Yeah, Ok, let me look into that."

"Tracy's a strong girl," Steve said, "but this is going to be hard on her." He wondered then just how close they were. "You do know about her childhood, right?"

Greg wasn't sure what he meant by that but he pretended like he did anyway, "Sure, of course."

He saw the confusion on his face before he lied. He knew nothing about her. He wondered then where his responsibility of helping Tracy through this was supposed to end, not sure if Greg was going to be able too.

* * *

Greg held her hand before she went through airport security. "I'm sorry I can't go with you," he said regretfully.

"It's Ok," she squeezed his hand reassuring him. "Really, I understand."

"I can't get out of this thing in Phoenix. The CEO is heading there now to have a meeting with me."

"Greg," she hugged him, "It's Ok." In a way she was relieved he wasn't coming. She had so much stress on her shoulders and she didn't want to have to go through all this and have to worry about him being there too. They were too new in their relationship and she felt he would just be a burden, an added stress, especially under the circumstances of her family. She wasn't sure she was ready to let him see that side of her yet and her brother's funeral was the last place she wanted to divulge her past. She had yet to hear from her Mother and the pain from that was just making it all the more tragic. She needed to do this alone and not have any distractions. She was used to doing things on her own and this was no exception. It was better this way.

"Call me when you get there," he said before he kissed her.

She nodded, appreciating his concern. "I will."

She picked up her carry-on and forced a smile for him. She was relieved he wasn't coming; it was hard enough as it was, putting on this charade for his benefit. Inside she felt like she was dying, but she hid it from him. She was good at it. She had had a lifetime to perfect her work. She thought again of her Mother and wondered if she was even going to show up.

* * *

She came out of the skywalk at the Los Angeles airport and her phone buzzed, catching up with the messages while it was turned off during the flight. She had two, one from Greg, telling her to have a safe trip, which he must have sent after she turned her phone off, and another one from her brother's roommate replying to her earlier text, asking him if their Mother had been in touch with him yet. To her dismay, his reply was 'No'. She was going to have to do all the arrangements on her own, not knowing the first thing of how to prepare a funeral. She started to feel the sadness and tears again when her phone buzzed. It was a new message sent at that very second.

She opened the text from Steve and up came a picture of Mary sound asleep in her high chair with Cheerios stuck all over her face.

She busted out laughing catching a couple of glances from nearby passengers. She moved to the next picture and Mary was standing in the kitchen, wearing one of Steve's white T-shirts that hung on her like an oversized gown. He had written, 'I love you Mommy,' in black marker on it and somehow gotten her to laugh.

Tracy stared at the picture and felt none of the sadness that had begun to engulf her. His timing was impeccable. Just seeing Mary somehow gave her a renewed strength. She pulled up his number and called him.

"Hi," he answered, knowing it was her.

"I got the pictures," she smiled, "thank you."

"I figured after that long flight of having nothing to do but think, that you might need some cheering up."

"It worked. How in the world did she get so many Cheerios on her face?"

Steve laughed, "She fell asleep and did a face plant on the tray and turned her head. She woke up for just a couple of seconds and then fell back asleep sitting up. It was hilarious."

"I like the shirt too. How did you get her to laugh?"

"She still loves peek-a-boo."

Tracy chuckled, "I miss her."

He heard the tone her voice change. He knew she was struggling. "How are you holding up?"

"Not good. I'm scared to get there. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I guess I just don't know where to start."

"Greg will help you."

"He's not coming."

Steve shook his head, angry over that, but didn't let her know, not wanting to give her any more grief.

"Talk to the hospital where he was brought," he advised. Not only had he been through this with his Father but also in his line of work, he unfortunately knew the routine. "They'll have someone who will help you. They'll work with you on finding a funeral home for him and then from there it's just deciding how and what you want to do."

She knew he'd have the answer. He made it sound so simple and stress free, but she knew it was going to be none of that. "Can I call you if I have any questions that they ask that I'm not sure of?"

"Of course. You know you can call me for anything."

That gave her a feeling of relief, knowing there was someone out there she could turn too. She wasn't surprised either that it was him. "You've been very nice through this whole thing. I know we've had our differences in the last month, but…" she felt herself beginning to break down again. Her emotions were all over the place. "I haven't heard from my Mom yet and I don't know anyone there." She started to cry.

"Tracy," he said calmly, "it's going to be ok."

She dug through her purse looking for a tissue to wipe her nose. "I know. I'll be ok." She finally used her shirt cuff. "I can't believe I have a baby and no tissue in my purse. I look like a mess," she halfheartedly laughed.

"No you don't," he assured her. "You're beautiful. You always look beautiful no matter what the situation."

She smiled at that, using her shirtsleeve again. "I don't know who you think you're talking too, but it's Tracy."

He chuckled, "Yes I know, and I know you."

She thought how natural that sounded, coming from him, it was true, he did, even though it wasn't to the extent that she wished. He really did know her better than just about anyone. "I have to go. I have to find the gate for my next flight in this gigantic airport and clean up my so-called beautiful face. Will you give Mary a kiss for me?"

"Yes." He hesitated before hanging up. "You know Tracy, I have connections and people who can locate your Mother for you. It probably won't take very long. Would you like me to do that?"

She thought about his offer but declined. "No, she was never really apart of our lives, why should I think she would want to be apart of our deaths too." It hurt to say it but it was true. "Thank you though Steve."

That was hard to hear coming from anyone, but from her it was especially painful. He heard that sorrow return to her voice, remembering when his Father died, wishing he had his Mother there to help him through it. It was awful being alone and the way Tracy had to experience it was even worse. She had a Mother. She just didn't care. "If you need anything…" he left it at that.

He hung up the phone and wanted to call Greg and tell him what a heartless bastard he was for not being there. He was able to be there on the couch for her and claim his stake on her, but when it came to the true test of really being there for her when it was an inconvenience, well then he was just a pussy, Steve thought. He could tell she was barely hanging on.

Tracy boarded the plane and looked at the pictures of Mary one last time in her phone before shutting it off. They came in the nick of time and would help sustain her through this next flight. She focused on Mary instead of the grisly deed ahead of her. Her thoughts drifted to Steve and how lucky she was to have him in her life. She couldn't help but think how much Mark would have liked him; they would have got along beautifully. They both had that tough guy persona on the outside, but inside they were kind and gentle. She had been lucky enough to witness both of their tender sides; it's what made her love them both so much.


	20. Chapter 20

Tracy sat in her car in the parking lot of the Hilton hotel with the engine still running. The view in front of her through the windshield was pretty with the Rocky Mountains in the background, but the neighborhood was unrecognizable. The hotel was built close to where she and Mark had grown up, but the landscape was different now. It was just another city attempting to upgrade a run down part of town into a workable tourist destination.

She glanced over at the funeral home material sitting on the passenger seat. The forms needed to be filled out, information on costs and a burial plot needed to be chosen. She didn't know that the price of a burial plot was decided on the location in the cemetery. It seemed odd to her as they explained it; a nice view was almost a thousand dollars more. She wondered why that would matter, maybe if people visited a lot that would be inspirational to them, she thought, but she wouldn't have that opportunity.

She needed to go inside and think things through but she just couldn't bring herself to gather up the material that read like a horror story and take it up to her room. She realized then that she hadn't eaten all day either and it was almost five thirty. She wasn't hungry anyway, being too overwhelmed from the events that had taken her from one depressing place to another throughout the course of the morning and into the afternoon.

Other than the day she left Mary at the hospital, this was the single worst day of her life. The only relief of the whole ordeal was that she didn't have to identify the body. Mark's roommate had done that already. She was afraid that if she saw him that way then that's how she would always remember him.

She took a deep breath and turned the car off, feeling the tears fast approaching. "Stop it!" she scolded herself. "You need to get ahold of yourself and get through this. No more crying!" She zipped up her jacket, preparing herself for the arctic chill outside the car.

She walked to the hotel entrance, holding the folder tightly against her chest as the wind picked up. The radio had predicted snow that night and she could feel it in the air, reminding her of a time when she and Mark had built a huge snowman when their Mother had locked them out of the house for being too noisy.

The sliding doors opened and she felt the blast of warm air hit her face. It was comforting, but her thoughts went to Mark in the cold hard ground, her little brother she used to take care of. She kept moving; feeling the chill from the outside hit her again, even though the doors behind her had closed.

The fancy lobby resembled a snowy lodge complete with scruffy looking leather chairs that probably cost more than a week of Tracy's salary, and a real log fire in the oversized fireplace. She made her way toward the elevator when she heard her name.

Steve stood up when he saw her come in.

She looked so torn down. She had no visible makeup on and her hair was up in the same mass as the first time he saw her sitting on that beach. Even under the circumstances you couldn't help but be awed by her beauty. He wasn't sure if his presence was going to be good or bad, but he just felt the urge to come. He figured he'd know in the first few seconds of their meeting.

"Tracy," he said as she walked by him as if in a trance.

She turned in his direction, recognizing the voice before seeing the man. The sight of him coming toward her was like an apparition. She was sure her face showed the same stunned expression that the rest of her body did over his presence. She was beyond thrilled that he was there and wanted to tell him, but she couldn't find her voice. The day had been like hell and she wanted to tell him that too, but again she was just too overwhelmed.

He stood in front of her, "I thought I'd bring you some tissues for your purse," he joked, trying to lighten the moment.

She started to laugh but was quickly overcome by everything she was feeling; stress, fatigue, grief, but above all she just missed her little brother. She didn't realize just how much she needed someone there with her until he was standing before her.

She dropped the folder in her hands, covering her face and fell into him, letting out what she'd been holding in all day. Just like the picture he had sent of Mary, his timing was not only perfect but so was the embrace that gave off so much warmth, shielding her from that cold chill.

He didn't care that they were standing in the middle of the lobby. He didn't move and held her as close as he could as she buried her face in his neck. He stroked her back, just letting her cry, knowing he had made the right decision by coming.

He bent his head down, whispering to her. "You'll get through this. I'll help you."

They were the most comforting words she'd ever heard spoken, knowing they were also truthful words. He never lied. She nodded, gulping in air, remembering where they were. She sniffed, wiping away the tears under her eyes with her fingers. "Do you really have tissue?" she asked.

He reached in his coat pocket and took out a small travel size pack and pulled one out. He put it against her nose like he had done to Mary so many times. "Blow," he instructed.

She laughed and took it from him, cleaning herself up. She took another one and wiped her eyes clean, feeling better. She looked up at him through clear eyes always considering him the most attractive man she'd ever known, but at that moment he was like something that walked out of a dream. "I can't believe you're here."

"I wasn't sure if you would be happy or not."

She nodded enthusiastically. "I am." She put her arms around his body and hugged him. "I am."

He hugged her back, kissing the top of her head. "Have you had dinner yet?"

"No," she looked up at him, wiping her nose again. "I haven't eaten all day."

He gave her a concerned look over that statement, but tried to make it come across as stern, but she knew better. He was concerned.

"Well, let's start there," he said bending over and picking up the folder. He glanced at the cover, knowing what it was. He held on to it with one hand and put his arm around her waist with the other, "There's a bar over here. We can go in and get a drink and have something to eat and talk about your options for Mark."

She walked with him and then stopped, "Is Mary here?"

"No. I left her with Celia. I didn't think it would be a good idea."

She thought about that for a second and then agreed with him. "You're right."

* * *

She didn't realize how hungry she was until she finished her first drink, hoping her burger would hurry and get there. They sat at a table that looked out on the same view she had seen from her car. The server set down her second rum and coke and she took a drink, feeling more relaxed and ready to talk about what needed to be talked about. "There's so much to decide on. The casket, the plot, the headstone." She sighed, "I don't know what to do about all that. I feel like I'm leaving him behind here all alone."

"Have you thought about cremation?"

She shrugged with a squeamish look on her face. "I wouldn't want to hold on to the ashes."

"Bring them back to Hawaii and we can spread them in the water off your favorite beach. That way you really wouldn't be leaving him behind."

What he said made perfect sense. It was the answer she had been searching for but just couldn't find. "I like that. I think Mark would have liked that too. He was so excited about coming." She smiled over at him. "That's what I'm going to do."

He saw the first real smile on her face since he'd got there. "Good." He leaned back as the server came up and set their food down. "Now eat something."

She picked up a french fry and bit the end off, watching him cut into his steak. "I think you and Mark would have got along really well. I told him about you."

"You did?" he asked and then took a bite.

"Yes, well you're Mary's dad," she quickly explained. "He wanted to know about you. He was impressed that you were a Police Officer."

"Even with all the stupid shit that's come out of my mouth, he still liked me?" He grinned at her, taking a drink of his beer.

She rolled her eyes, "Well I didn't tell him everything."

"What was Mark like?" he asked, knowing that talking about that person was also a part of the healing process. It drove him crazy when friends who had known his Mom and Dad treated the subject like it was taboo.

"He was sweet, kind hearted, forgiving but on the outside he was tough, rugged, adventurous." She lifted the bun on her burger and peeled the pickle off. "You know, I didn't realize it until just yesterday, but he was just like you." She picked up her burger and took a bite, moaning at how good it was.

He stopped cutting into his steak and looked up at her in awe. She had no clue that what she just said to him was probably one of the best compliments he'd ever received. Only because he knew how much she respected and admired her brother. He had no idea she saw him in that way.

"Have you got a room yet?" she asked him, wiping her mouth off with a napkin.

He just stared at her, thinking over and over how he could have let her slip through his fingers. Greg didn't deserve her.

She took a drink of her rum and coke, waiting for his answer. "Steve?"

He shook his head. "What?"

"Have you got a room yet?"

He went back to cutting his steak, "No. I was going to get one after dinner. I wasn't sure I'd be staying," he winked at her.

Tracy leaned back in her chair, looking out at the view that was just a silhouette now against the setting sun. "It's a nice hotel. It's expensive." She huffed, "You should see my room." She shot a look over to him. "Actually, you should see my room," she grinned. "It's huge! There are two bathrooms. You should just stay with me."

He wasn't sure if he should accept that.

"Seriously, it's like having two rooms Steve. Greg gave me the deluxe suite. There's a bedroom plus a couch that has a pull out queen size bed."

It was the mention of Greg's name that made him consider it.

"Plus the rooms here start at about two hundred a night. That's ridiculous for this part of town."

"I don't know," he tried to play it off but had already made up his mind to accept, chuckling to himself over the idea of Greg picking up the tab while he spent the night in the same room as the woman he was so adamant over claiming as his own.

"It's no big deal and it's only for a couple of days." She spoke as if it was already set in stone.

He didn't respond and used the silence as his response to her invitation as a yes. "So what do you have to do tomorrow?"

She played with another fry on her plate, dragging it through the ketchup, "I have to go over to his apartment."

"Do you want me to go with you or would you rather do that alone?"

"I want you to come with me."

"Ok. Have you heard from your Mom yet?" He regretted asking that question the second after it came out. He saw the sadness reappear.

She shook her head, dropping the drowned fry on her plate, "I don't think I will."

He reached over taking her hand that rested on the table. "Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

"Why?" she leaned forward on the table, gripping on to his wrist. "Don't be sorry. You're here and she's not. I don't need someone here to tip toe around me. I need someone who will say what needs to be said." She squeezed his wrist, "I'm glad it's you and not someone else." She didn't say it out right, but she meant Greg, knowing he would be too sensitive and too helpful. She knew Steve would be both of those, but not to the point where it was overbearing, and he wouldn't be afraid to make her feel and talk about things she would try to hide from, like her Mother's absence. In just the last hour that he'd been there, she could already feel his strength pass over to her.

He was exactly what she needed.

* * *

Steve set his duffle bag on the floor and laid the garment bag over the chair. He whistled at the sight of the room, "You were right. We may not even run into each other at all in here."

"I told you, its huge. Way too big for one person."

He walked over to the bay window that went from floor to ceiling; "I bet this has a nice view in the daylight."

"It does. The Rockies." She sat down in the oversized chair and pulled her legs up close to her chest. "Have you ever been to Colorado before?"

He turned around and took a seat on the couch across from her, "Nope, its' fricking cold though."

Tracy laughed, "I know! We're not in Hawaii anymore."

"How did you survive winters here?"

"Layers of clothes. Lot's of layers." She laid her head on the chair, looking at him. "I miss Mary."

He displayed the same furlong expression as she did over hearing that name. "Me too." He looked at his watch; "It's a three-hour time difference from Hawaii so she should be in bed by now."

"Hugging that little rabbit," Tracy gushed.

"She loves that rabbit," Steve agreed.

"Can I ask you something?"

Steve relaxed into the couch, "What?"

"The first time you met her, what happened?"

He grinned, remembering he and Danny in the hospital nursery. "First of all, I have to admit that I was scared to death. I had no idea what to expect. I was kind of walking in this fog."

She squirmed a little in the chair, knowing he must have been cursing her name then.

"The nurse set me down in a rocking chair and she brought out this little bundle of pink." He laughed, "she had to instruct me on how to hold my arms."

Tracy laughed over that too, biting her bottom lip, knowing how out his box this must have been.

"And then she set her in my arms and Mary and I looked at each other." He hadn't thought about that moment for a long time, but remembered it so vividly. "I just remember being so completely overwhelmed by the fact that she was apart of me. She reached up and grabbed my finger and I almost lost it." He shook his head, smiling, feeling those same emotions creeping up on him. "She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I fell in love with her on the spot."

Tracy saw on his face that he meant every word, "She's perfect isn't she?"

He nodded in agreement, "She is." He huffed, "But I tell ya, it scares me a little because she's got my number already."

Tracy rolled her head back, "Oh God! Me too!"

"That's not what I wanted to hear!" he blurted out. "You're supposed to be the tough one. I'm the big sucker."

"No way," she countered, "you're the strict one! I'm the softy."

He sighed loudly, "You do realize she's going to play us like a fiddle."

"Yes," she grinned, "but I think if we work together we can raise a sweet, intelligent, beautiful young woman."

"I agree."

The conversations they shared between them in the last two hours were the longest they had ever had, even when they were together. Tracy was loving every minute of it. She felt comfortable and safe with him there. The night before had been awful. She had nightmares and slept horribly, but somehow she knew that even with him just in the next room, she would sleep like a baby. It was hard for her to imagine that they were the same two people who had had an affair over a year before. He was the same but she was different now. They were different together. She wasn't afraid of the feelings he gave her anymore, she embraced them, she craved them. She loved him. Not only for being Mary's father but for being just who he was.

"Thank you for coming," she said sincerely.

"You're welcome."

He wondered how deep her relationship with Greg went; because being there was more than he had bargained for. He flew here for her, knowing she needed support, but he also couldn't deny that he wanted to help her because he loved her. He'd made a fool of himself over and over because he didn't know how to respond to that feeling, but sitting across from her now it seemed so simple. All he had to do was just talk to her. It was so easy he almost laughed. He also knew that it wasn't the time or place to act on it. She needed him there for support, not to confuse his intentions on why he was there in the first place. He also couldn't deny the fear of rejection from her; not knowing if she was even on the same page as him, or if he missed his opportunity and Greg had already settled that claim. He'd had regrets in his lifetime, but none would hurt as much as this one if he missed out on it.

He looked over at her all curled up in the chair, looking as beautiful as ever. If he lived to be a hundred, he swore he would never find anyone who could drive him so completely mad, both in life and in love as she did. It was amazing. She was perfect for him.


	21. Chapter 21

"Steve!" Tracy yelled out before she even got to the door to her room open. "Steve!"

He came out of the other bathroom with shaving cream covering his face and a pile of it still in his right hand. They met in the middle of the room.

"What?!" he replied, not sure if her tone was good or bad.

She held her cell phone up, breathless, "My Mom just called me. She wants to meet tonight! Here! Downstairs!"

He could feel her excitement, "That's great Tracy!"

"She wants to see me," she repeated joyfully.

That beautiful smile on her face is what made his morning.

She tilted her head, admiring his appearance with the shaving cream. "I don't know why but I always took you for an electric razor type of guy."

"No way," his voice becoming tough, "Most times I just pull out my knife and use that."

Tracy laughed, walking back into her room. "You might want to keep a little scruff. It's going to be cold today."

Steve looked at the shaving cream in his hand, contemplating that piece of advice.

Tracy couldn't believe her Mother had finally called. The conversation on the phone was quicker than she had hoped, but her Mother had assured her they would catch up that evening. Tracy didn't mind; she was just glad she had actually called and wanted to meet. She hadn't seen or spoken to her in almost ten years. She barely got a chance to tell her about Mary after discussing Mark's situation and his financial status that her Mom seemed more interested in than her own granddaughter, but at least she was willing to meet with her.

She couldn't wait to show her pictures of Mary and for her to meet Steve and tell her about her life in Hawaii. She even wondered if maybe she would come and visit her sometime there. She felt a stab of pain wishing the reunion was under better circumstances and that Mark could be there for it too, but wondered again if it wasn't for his death, would her Mother have even contacted her at all? It was a horrible catch-22 but she tried not to think of the negative sides of the reunion. She wanted to go in with a positive outlook on their future and let the past rest, just as she had done with her own life.

* * *

Steve grabbed Tracy from behind as they came out of the hotel lobby and the cold morning air hit them.

"Holy shit!" he said, wrapping his arms around her and using her body as a shield from the wind.

"You are such a baby," Tracy laughed, trying to walk to the car as he held on with his face buried in her hair.

"Baby my ass! Its cold!"

She undid the alarm on her car, "Get in, it'll warm up quick."

He rested his chin on her shoulder. "I have a car too, do you want me to drive?"

"When was the last time you drove in the snow or on ice?"

"Ok," he let got of her hurrying to the passenger side, "you drive."

She got in the driver's side and closed the door, setting her purse and things in the backseat.

"Turn the car on," he said impatiently. "Get the heat going."

She looked over at him as he blew into his hands. "I thought you were a Navy Seal? Didn't you have to do survival stuff in the cold and heat?"

"Yes and I hated the cold parts! So come on," he whined, reaching over for the keys in her hand.

She yanked them out of his reach, "People break down in the middle of nowhere all the time up here and die in the freezing cold," she teased him, "I need to know that you would know what to do."

He glared at her, "If we break down in the middle of nowhere and I need to pull up my survival skills, believe me, you will be warmer than you were sleeping in that bed last night, but if you don't turn the car on in about two seconds then it'll be every man for himself if we break down."

She laughed at him, "Ok, ok, I'm turning it on." She flipped the heater on full blast. "You do realize its going to take a couple of minutes to warm up so don't blame me."

"I could never live here," he shivered. "I like sun, warm, shorts, beach."

"We are so spoiled in Hawaii," she agreed. "I love it there."

He looked over at her, "What made you come to Hawaii?" he asked as they waited for the car to warm up. There were so many little things that he never knew about her.

"If I tell you, you're going to laugh at me."

He laughed at that, "No I won't."

She looked over at him sheepishly, "I used to work at this little diner not far from here as a waitress. One day this guy and girl came in and sat in my section. They were tan and healthy looking but more than anything else they were so nice and they just had this vibe about them that was so…" she sighed, "relaxed and happy and…" she smiled, "just happy! I asked where they were from and they said Hawaii. They talked about the islands and the people and the lifestyle and by the end of the conversation I was hooked." She shrugged, "I spent every minute online looking at websites of the islands. So I started to save my money and bought a ticket and moved with a suitcase of clothes and the hopes of finding that happiness."

He had forgotten about the cold listening to her. She was so amazing, he thought. "So did you find that happiness?"

"I thought I did in the beginning," she smiled over at him, "but now I know for sure I did." She nodded, "I'm happy, and I'll be even happier if things work out with my Mom tonight."

"That's a great story."

She rolled her eyes, "It's kind of silly."

"No it's not." he said in awe. "Most people think about it and spend a lifetime dreaming about doing it, but you, you did it. It's an impressive story Tracy. I never knew that about you."

She bent her head feeling her face blush over his admiration. She always thought it was kind of a ridiculous story, but hearing it from him made her realize that she really had made a leap of faith into the unknown. She should give herself that credit. She put her hand up over the vent. "It's getting warm."

He knew she was trying to change the subject; it was just the way she was. She had divulged just enough and now it was time to move on. "Thanks for telling me that."

She looked over at him, trying to lighten the moment. "Now you tell me, why did you move to Hawaii?" She assumed it was for the reasons he had spoken of earlier, sun, warmth and beach.

He hesitated for a second, "Because my Father was killed and I came back to bury him and just…never left."

She wasn't prepared for that answer from him, or the sadness that showed in his eyes over it. She should have known that about him. It wasn't something he should have had to tell her sitting in a cold car in the middle of a parking lot. She felt bad for not knowing that about him sooner, but it was her own fault for being so closed off. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It was a long time ago."

She shook her head, "No, I am sorry about your Father, but I'm sorry for not knowing that about you."

The look of regret on her face touched him. "I do know what you're going through here, Tracy. That's one of the reasons I came. I had to do it alone and I didn't want you to have to go through that too."

She looked at him wondering if he could see in her what she was feeling. "What was the other reason you came for," she asked, hoping it was just for her.

He struggled to get the words out, wanting to tell her he really came because he loved her and that's why the thought of her being all alone here was killing him. He opened his mouth to speak when her cell phone sitting between them went off. They both looked down seeing Greg's name appear.

She looked up at him not wanting to interrupt this moment between them.

He wished he'd had two more seconds, but wondered if maybe he would be regretting it right now too. "You should get that. He's probably worried about you." He opened his door, "I'll wait outside."

"Steve," she said as he got out, "it's freezing out there," knowing he hated the cold. She just as soon not answer the call than have him leave.

"It's ok," he closed the door, walking out of hearing distance. The wind hit him and he blurted out several choice cuss words, but he would have rather stood out there freezing his ass off than listen to that conversation.

Tracy ended the call quickly, explaining that she had an appointment and was in the car about to leave. Greg accepted that, especially after she promised to call later. She set the phone down and backed up to where he was standing. "Get in!" she yelled.

He closed the door and put his hands up in front of the heater vents. "Fuck it's cold out there!" He was pissed from the call, but couldn't blame her so he blamed it on the cold.

"You didn't have to get out."

"Does he even know I'm here?"

She backed up and started out of the parking lot. "No."

"Didn't you talk to him last night too?"

"Yes, but I didn't tell him."

"Why not?"

She started to give an excuse but changed her mind, "I don't know, it just didn't feel right." She pulled out into traffic. "I know you think he should have come with me, and he feels bad about that too, and telling him about you would just be like pouring salt in his wound. I didn't want to do that." She looked over at him, "I'm actually glad you're here and he's not."

He liked the sound of that and wasn't as disappointed as he was earlier. "Why?"

"Because," she squirmed in her seat feeling his eyes on her, waiting for an answer, "I think he would have made things complicated, not on purpose, but it would have come out that way. Where as you…" she looked at him for just a second before focusing back on the road, "you make things…uncomplicated."

He couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. "Hmm, I've never been told before that I'm uncomplicated, usually it's the other way around."

She was glad he was making light of it. "Yes, I could see that, but in this situation you are very uncomplicated."

He shot her a look, "Careful now," he teased, "we could still break down in the middle of nowhere."

The day was starting out better than the one before, having him there was like a pleasant break from her somber mood and she had the reunion to look forward too, but when she pulled into the parking lot of Mark's apartment, she was instantly catapulted back to that reality.

* * *

Tracy sat down on Mark's bed and scanned the room. His roommate, Timmy, had boxed up his belongings, minus dishes and normal household goods that Tracy assured him he should keep, along with anything else that maybe he wanted as a keepsake of Mark. They had lived together for almost two years and were probably best friends by her gathering of phone conversations from Mark. He seemed like a good guy, even going as far as trying to help pay for some of the funeral costs. Which was a task that her own Mother had neglected to offer up.

Timmy stood at the door, "Most of this stuff I brought up from our storage unit." He pointed toward the closet. "I wasn't sure what to do about his clothes."

Steve stood off to the side, letting her absorb the surroundings before he asked her what he should do.

Tracy looked up at Timmy who showed every bit of the ruggedness that her brother had. From his shaggy brown hair and scruffy beard, all the way down to his worn jeans and hiking boots that were his everyday attire. "If you want anything out of there Timmy, please, help yourself. I'm probably just going to send the rest to Goodwill."

"Ok," he responded, "why don't you just leave then what you don't want and I'll take care of it." He glanced over at Steve before he closed the door. "If you need anything just holler."

"Thanks man," Steve replied.

"Thanks Timmy," Tracy said appreciatively.

He shut the door leaving them alone.

"He's a cool guy," Steve said of Timmy.

Tracy nodded, "He's a lot like Mark."

He came over and sat down next to her, "You ok?"

She nodded, reaching out and pulling the first box over to her, "I just want to get it done." She flipped the top off and stared at the contents inside.

Steve reached in and pulled out a pile of pictures sitting on the top. "Is this you?" he asked, looking at the first one of a little girl in a pink snowsuit, sitting on a pile of snow.

"Yes," she looked at it with him.

"Geez," he said, "it's Mary."

She looked at it closer, "You think so?"

"Yes!"

He flipped to the next one and Tracy took it from his hand. She glided her finger over the boy in the picture. "This is Mark when he was about fourteen."

Steve leaned over to get a better view and smiled at the resemblance between them. "He's a good looking kid."

"He was so cute. My friends used to tease him all the time that they were going to marry him." She laughed, "He would get so mad, until he started to like girls," she smiled, "and then he would encourage them." Her smile faded, "He had such a hard time in Foster Care. He was so scared that we were going to be separated. He slept with me every night, so he would know that I would be there in the morning."

Steve looked at her, "What about you? Weren't you scared too?" knowing she must have been petrified.

She had never talked about that time to anyone, not even Kiki and Brandon. She had tried to disassociate herself from that part of her life, but it was impossible. "I was scared every second of everyday. But I never showed it. I had to be strong for Mark. If I showed any kind of weakness, it might scare him even more."

"How old were you then, Tracy?"

"Twelve."

He was surprised over the unemotional tone of her voice, as if the whole experience had left no mark on her at all. But he knew better. All the pieces of her character began to slowly fall into place for him. It was no wonder she had shut herself off from everyone, or why she didn't trust people. She made you earn it, like Kiki and Brandon, and he felt like he was finally there, but it had taken him so long and he'd had to climb over countless walls to get there. She was a tortured soul and he knew the issues they were tackling now were just the tip of the iceberg.

She took the pictures from him and set them back in the box and folded it close. "I want this box." She took the marker that Timmy had given her and wrote "Tracy" on the top. "I'll tell my Mom about it tonight. She might want some of the pictures too."

"How many times were you and Mark in and out of Foster Care?"

She ignored the question and stood up, walking over to Mark's dresser. "Hey, look at these." She held a pair of black hiking gloves. "You can have these, if you want." She slipped her hand inside one of them, feeling as if she were holding Mark's, knowing he had probably worn them everyday. She pictured his little hand in hers when they would walk up to a new foster home for the first time. He would grip her hand so tightly sometimes it left red marks, but she never complained, not wanting him to let go for her own well-being. "I wonder what she'll say to me tonight?" she said inquiringly. "Maybe I'll offer her Mark's ticket and she can come back to Hawaii with us." She looked over at him. "I'm sure she'll want to see Mary. What do you think?"

"I don't know Tracy," was all he could say.

"Maybe she just wants to apologize for everything that happened when we were little?" She looked to him for an answer, wishing she could tell him the reason behind the Foster Care, but it was too horrible and too humiliating.

"I don't know, maybe." He wished he could give her every answer she was looking for, and that it would be a cure for every bad thing she had ever experienced as a child. He hoped she would find that closure when she met with her Mother. He wasn't sure what his role was going to be for that meeting, whether she would want him to attend or if he should stay upstairs in the room. He felt a little uneasy about attending, not wanting to see the person who had caused so much pain and conflict in her life, but if she needed him there he wouldn't hesitate.

He stood up and walked over to her, standing in front of her. He moved a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Whatever happens tonight, just remember who you are now. You have a beautiful daughter," he repeated her words, "and a happy life that you built all on your own. Don't forget that."

She nodded, trying again to think of the reunion in a positive way. "I think it will all work out well tonight. Another new beginning for me."

"Me too," he said confidently.

She slid the glove off and took his hand, putting it on him. She quickly looked up at him. "You don't think this is morbid or anything do you, wearing his gloves? You need a pair while you're here. You can leave them in the hotel room when we leave if you want. I just thought they…"

He cut her off, "I want them. Thank you."

She was so glad he was there with her. She could just feel him lifting the heavy weight off of her shoulders every time things began to get to be too much. It was so nice. She glanced around at the other three boxes sitting there. "I need some tape so I can seal these to send back to Hawaii?"

"I'll ask Timmy if he has any," he volunteered.

Tracy knelt down as he left the room and sighed, before pulling the next box over and opening it. Inside were several magazines including Playboy. She laughed, wondering if she should offer these to Steve too.

"Hey Timmy," Steve said, "do you have any packaging tape for those boxes?"

He came off the couch, "I think. Let me check in the junk drawer."

Steve followed him into the kitchen and watched him pull open a drawer that fit its name to a tee. It reminded him of his back home. He handed him a roll that was about half used.

"Thanks."

Timmy grabbed his arm as he turned to leave, "Hey," he looked around the corner to make sure he was out of hearing distance of Tracy. "I didn't want to tell her this, but I should tell someone and I know that you're a cop. Mark told me that, right?"

Steve nodded, wondering where this was going. "Yes."

His expression became mournful, "Mark and Tracy's Mom showed up here last night. I think she was drunk. She wanted to know about Mark's finances. You know, whether he had any money and where he banked."

"What did you tell her?"

"I didn't tell her anything. I said that it was none of my business and that she should talk to Tracy."

Steve leaned back against the counter, rubbing his hand over his mouth, partly angry but mostly concerned, knowing now this big meeting that her Mother wanted was nothing more than for her to get her hands on whatever she could of Mark's money.

"I just thought you should know."

Steve nodded, "Thanks, Timmy. I appreciate it."

"That woman's a piece of work. Mark told me about some of the things she used to do he and Tracy, mainly Tracy. I think they were better off in Foster Care." He wiped his hand under his nose, remembering the stories that his best friend had confided in him, and the pain and anger that came along with them. "She didn't even ask about Mark at all. All she wanted to know was about his money. That's fucked up."

"Do you know how many times there were in and out of Foster Care?" Steve asked, trying to get an insight into her life.

"I think five. It all started because of that fuck head boyfriend of their old ladies. Mark thinks he molested Tracy when she was like twelve or something and that's when they were taken away for the first time."

Steve put his hand over his stomach, feeling like he had just been punched in the gut. He held his breath unable to breathe. It was worse than he thought.

"Mark spent about a year looking for the prick," Timmy explained. "He wanted to confront him and I think he just basically wanted to kick his ass." He shook his head, "But we couldn't find him. Hopefully the fuck is in prison somewhere. Or someone else already beat him to death."

He wasn't hearing Timmy anymore his mind too consumed over that vital piece of information. It was all crystal clear now. The games she played. The way she used men, holding them hostage until she had them so wound up in her web that they didn't realize it until it was too late. It was her own made up form of revenge against men in general he expected, wondering then if her Mother's boyfriend was the only man who had hurt her that way. He remembered trying so hard to know her but she would only fight back just as hard to prevent it. He couldn't even fathom what she felt or the anger she must have been carrying around. But he got a glimpse of it the night she broke it off with him. He would never forget the way she screamed at him as he left the house. The built up anger that just exploded, she was practically challenging him to love her and he just kept walking. He'd regret that night now for the rest of his life.

She would probably still be living like that, he thought, if Mary hadn't come along. She changed her, or to be exact, she saved her.

"I'm sorry man," Timmy said, hoping he hadn't said too much. "Mark was my best friend. We spent a lot of drunken nights talking about this shit. He worried about Tracy. He seemed to be able to function with life ok, but he worried about his sister, especially after she moved to Hawaii." He smiled slightly, "He was glad to know about you though. He thought maybe she would finally find someone to make her happy."

Steve finally looked up at him, not wanting the credit for what she had accomplished over the last few months. "She's doing well all on her own. He would have been proud of her."

Timmy wiped away the mist from his eyes. "He always was anyway."

"I'm sorry about your loss. He sounded like a decent guy."

Timmy nodded, "He was. It sucks." He backed up feeling uncomfortable, crying in front of a guy he didn't even know. "Let me know if you guys need anything else."

Steve took the tape and walked back into the bedroom, but the second he saw her it was as if everything had changed. He thought of her differently now, understanding her more, admiring her even more than that. She was a true soldier in his eyes, battling back from what some would never be able too, and all on her own. The other half of him just wanted to put his arms around her and shield her from any memories that were still haunting her. It was hard to keep a distance and pretend like nothing had changed in the last five minutes since he'd left the room, when everything had changed.

He handed her the tape as she knelt on the floor. "I was thinking about your Mom coming tonight and was wondering if you wanted me to be there with you. I thought maybe it might be helpful." Before he didn't want to be apart of the reunion, but now he was compelled to be there just incase she was blindsided by her Mother, which he was pretty confident would happen.

She smiled up at him, "Thank you, but I think I want to do this on my own." She tore a long strip of tape from the roll.

He squatted down in front of her, "Listen to me." He took the tape from her hand, wanting her attention. "I want this to go well for you tonight. I know how much you want it, but Timmy just told me that she was here last night, wanting to know about Mark's finances and if he had any money." It hurt to tell her, but he just couldn't let her walk into an ambush.

She knew it. She felt that same rejection that she did so many times before at her Mother's hands. She just wanted Mark's money, not that there was any. He had a little over three thousand in his checking and savings account. She gave Timmy a months rent and the rest was going to have to help pay for his funeral expenses. She had told her that when they spoke on the phone that morning, knowing now that's what she wanted. If there was anything left after that, then she could have it. She didn't want his money; she just wanted the things she was boxing up now. She doubted her Mother would ask for any of those. She should have known better than to think otherwise, it was her own fault for falling into that trap with her again.

He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "I just don't want you to get hurt tonight."

She pulled her hand away and resumed with taping up the box up. "I'll be fine." She smiled up at him reassuringly. "Don't worry. She seemed like she really wanted to talk. So maybe that's only part of it." She wanted it to be true so badly. She never really knew just how much she needed her Mother until she became one. She was willing to forgive her for everything, if she would just give her another chance at a relationship.

Steve stood back up looking down on her as she went about the task of writing her address in Hawaii on the top of the box. She had been so excited about her Mother coming that there was no way he believed she was ok with this, but as always, she was the master of disguise.

* * *

Tracy sat at the same table she and Steve had the night before, looking out the window but keeping an eye in the reflection for her Mother. Her cell phone sat on the table in front of her and she checked the time once again. She was only five minutes late, which was nothing to get worried about. She was probably sitting out in her car, nervous about coming in, after all it had been ten years and there was so much that needed to be dealt with. She was nervous too. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly checking her image in the reflection as well, wishing now she wouldn't have put her hair up. She always wore it down when she was little. She also wished she wouldn't have wore the skirt and maybe a simple pair of jeans. She hoped that she didn't think she was trying to impress her, because she wasn't. She just wanted her to like her again. She looked over her shoulder to the lobby, just incase she was waiting there.

Steve switched channels on the TV but really wasn't interested in watching anything. He was more worried about Tracy and how the meeting with her Mother was going. He silently prayed that she'd find the answers she had been looking for and some kind of explanation or even closure from her Mother. She deserved an apology for putting her through so much pain.

The news that Timmy had given him still hurt. It explained so much of her personality and why she had done the things to him she had. It was funny though as he sat there, going over the past year. There really wasn't any more resentment about any of it, mainly because it had brought him to this place right here. He suddenly realized he was happy, probably the happiest he had ever been in his life. He didn't have her, but she was in his life, which was one of the reasons he was so happy. He couldn't deny that.

Tracy quickly looked up as someone appeared next to her. Her heart sank seeing that it was just the waitress.

"Would you like another drink?" she asked sweetly.

Tracy looked past her to the lobby, "Yes please, and would you bring my mom a glass of Chardonnay. She's running a little late." She wasn't sure what she drank but wanted something for her when she arrived. It would be a nice gesture. She glanced down at her cell and saw that she was now forty-five minutes late. She hesitated before she brought up the number from which she had called her that morning. She glanced out in the lobby once more before sending.

The number went straight to voice mail, which told her it was either shut off or dead. She stood up and smiled at the waitress who brought the drinks. "I'll be right back." She went out to the large lobby and looked around, thinking maybe they had got their plans mixed up. But as she walked back to the table, she knew they had said the bar. She had gone as far as explaining where it was in adjacent to the lobby so she wouldn't miss it. She just wasn't there yet.

She sat back down in the chair and stared out the window, beginning to feel like that little girl again who stared at the door of the Child Services offices, waiting nervously for her Mother to come through it so they could all go home, but she never did. She began to think that maybe she wasn't coming tonight either. She looked over her shoulder one more time, hopeful, not wanting to give up. With Mark gone now, her Mother was all she had left. She needed this reunion more than she thought she did. Her nervousness was slowly being replaced by fear as every second ticked by.

Steve glanced down at his watch. She had been down there for over two hours. He took that as a good sign that things must be going well. His anxiety over it began to settle some. He didn't understand the woman who had let those things happen to her daughter, but maybe this was her time to make amends. He tried to see it as Tracy did, with an open mind and an open heart. Maybe she was looking for the same forgiveness and closure as her daughter was.

He switched the TV off and stood up, stretching in front of the large bay window. The snow had begun to slowly fall and he smiled, wishing Mary were here with him. He wasn't sure when she would ever experience snow. He thought about Christmas coming and tried to picture her sitting on Santa's lap, wondering if she would be one of those babies that sat and stared in amazement at Santa or would she cry? Either one would be entertaining he decided.

The snow picked up and so did his boredom, as well as his curiosity over what was happening downstairs. He picked up the room key from the table and thought he would just peek in the bar. He was curious at what she looked like too. He was just glad it was working out. Tracy deserved this. It made him think of his own Mom and wishing he could have had the same opportunity. He was glad though that it was happening for her. The services for Mark were the next day and it would be nice for her to have someone there that was true family. He considered himself her family because of Mary, and because of the way he felt about her. He knew even if it never worked out between them, that he would always be there for her.

He came out of the elevator and walked to the bar, stopping just before the entrance and glanced through some glass panes that ran vertical as part of the wall that separated the bar and the lobby. He saw a couple of the tables occupied and then saw her sitting alone at the same table that they had been at the night before. He looked over his shoulder toward the restrooms, wondering if her Mother was in there, but the restroom was open and un-occupied.

He made his way over to the bar entrance as one of the waitresses was coming out. "Excuse me," he said, motioning toward Tracy. "That woman over there by the window. She's with me, but she was here meeting someone."

She looked over at Tracy somberly, "Her Mother. She even ordered her a drink," she looked back at Steve sadly, "but she never showed up. I stopped bothering her about an ago. She just seemed so…sad over it."

He stared over at Tracy, feeling her heartbreak, her disappointment. It was just another blow to her already fragile existence when it came to her Mother.

"What does she owe?" he asked, pulling out his wallet.

"She reached in her apron pocket taking out the bill, "Fourteen dollars."

Steve handed her a twenty, "Here, keep the change."

She smiled at him, "Thanks." She glanced over at Tracy as he made his way over to her, glad that someone had finally come for her.

He pulled the seat out next to her and sat down. She glanced over at him and forced a smile and then turned back toward the window, but not before he got a glimpse of everything she was feeling. She looked so heartbroken. He reached over and took her hand.

She gripped on to it as if she were in pain. "I keep thinking she still might come," she said quietly, looking over at him. "But I don't think she is." She bent her head down, fighting back the tears.

He put his other arm around her shoulders, leaning in to her. "Let's go, Tracy." He stood up, taking her with him. He let go of her hand and picked up her purse off the back of the chair. She leaned against him as he guided her out of the bar and toward the elevators.

Once back in the room she walked into hers and stood in front of the window, watching the snowfall at an impressive rate now. She saw his refection from the lights in the main room as he stood a couple of feet behind her. "It looks like we might…get a lot of snow." She tried to make light of the situation but halfway through that statement she broke down and started to cry. She covered her face with her hands and felt his on her shoulder, slowly turning her, bringing her into his warm embrace.

"Why does she hate me so much?" she sobbed. "What did I do to make her hate me?"

"You didn't do anything," he said sternly. "Stop punishing yourself Tracy over her mistakes."

"I don't want to be like her," she cried, "ever!"

"You won't be. You're a good Mother. You love Mary so much. You would never let the things that happened to you happen to Mary."

She pulled back away from him, her expression mortified, "But I already did. I abandoned her!"

He gripped on to her shoulders, gently shaking her, "You didn't abandon her! You gave her to me. Her Father. It's not the same."

She wiped her fingers under her eyes, "But what will she think of me when she finds out." She shook her head, dreading that day. "She'll hate me for it."

Steve lifted her chin up so he could see her. "Why does she ever have to know? There's no reason for her to know that."

She stared at him in amazement. "You…you won't tell her?" His loyalty to her was astounding, like nothing she had ever experienced.

He tilted his head, "Why would I tell her? I would never do anything to purposely hurt Mary, or you."

She reached up and held on to his wrist that held her face. "And you never have." Fresh tears welled in her eyes, "I can't say that to you. I'm so sorry for all the things I said and did to hurt you." She felt sick with grief and regret over that, especially now.

He glided his thumb over her wet cheek, "You already apologized for that and I forgave you a long time ago. You need to forgive yourself and just let it go." It hurt to see her in pain at his expense. He wanted nothing to do with that. "You are a good Mother Tracy and you are a good person. Why won't you believe that?"

She did now, but only because it came from him. She believed everything he said because he was the only person in her life that had never lied or betrayed her in any way. "I thought about you everyday," she confessed, "I still do. There isn't a second that goes by that I don't regret walking out on you. It's the one thing in my life that I will never, ever forgive myself for."

It wasn't what he had ever expected her to say, but was everything he wanted to hear. He knew what she was going through at the moment with Mark and her Mother. Her emotions were all over the place and he didn't want to complicate things or take advantage of her in this state, regretting it later, but he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her so badly it was almost impossible to fight it. Just like the first night he was with her. He felt something mysterious in her that drew him in. It was more powerful than his own reasoning, and once again instead of fighting it, he gave into it.

'_I love you,' _is the first thing that came to her mind when he kissed her. She thought her heart might explode in her chest it felt so good. She wrapped her arm around his neck and gripped on to the back of his shirt, afraid he might pull away too soon and she didn't want it to end.

'_That's enough_,' he told himself as he pulled away only long enough to feel the separation from her, which was physically painful. '_One more_,' he granted himself, falling into her again. '_One more and then stop_,' he demanded as he lifted her up and moved her over to her bed, lying her down.

She wrapped a leg around his and was consumed over the physical memories of making love with him before, and the love that she had for him now. Both were equally encouraging her in which she used to encourage him in her kiss and with her hands, moving them under his shirt. She loved him so much she felt delirious, never experiencing such euphoria from another person.

"Tracy?" he panted as he lay on top of her. That one spoken word that held only one question.

She held on tightly to him, "I haven't been with another man since you. I want this. I missed you."

That was what he needed to hear. He pulled his shirt over his head with her help before he kissed her again, falling once again under her ravishing spell that left him helpless. She was the one person in the world that could expose his only weakness, because that weakness was her. He was in love and there was nowhere to run from it.


	22. Chapter 22

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

* * *

Tracy did something she had never done before. She lay still, nestled close against his body, letting him hold her. She smiled, feeling his chest hair tickle her back, and the touch of his hand that slowly glided up and down her thigh was delightful. It was the most amazing place on the planet, and after the challenge they had just put themselves through, it was also the most relaxing.

Steve closed his eyes, savoring this moment that he had tried so many times to achieve with her, pleased that she was letting him now. The last hour had happened so fast his head was still spinning from it. One second he was holding her as she cried over her Mother's rejection and the next they had picked up where they had left off over a year before, with mind blowing sex that left him depleted of any strength, even moving his hand up and down her thigh took effort, but he couldn't keep his hands off of her. She felt different this time, more relaxed, more open and certainly more generous with her affections. It just made everything more enjoyable.

She rolled over, keeping herself close to him and looked up as he smiled down at her. She touched his hand as he moved a piece of her hair behind her ear and then cupped the back of her neck, pulling her up for a kiss. She wrapped her leg around his lower waist, pushing herself closer to him as the kiss intensified because of it.

He felt a renewed strength suddenly soar through him, rolling her over on her back and moving between her legs that she welcomingly opened for him.

He wasn't tired at all he discovered, on the contrary, he felt like he could run a marathon.

* * *

Steve opened his eyes, blinking from the morning light coming through the window. He right away noticed the vacancy next to him. He looked over his shoulder toward the open bathroom door and then out to the living area where his bed was.

"Tracy?" he called out to a silent room. He swung the covers off and leaned over the side of the bed, trying to remember where he discarded his pants the night before.

He came out of the room shirtless, zipping up his jeans. Her purse was still on the chair where he had dropped it the night before, which gave him a sigh of relief. He looked over toward the door when he heard the jiggling of the lock.

The door opened and she came inside holding two cups of coffee and the room card in her mouth, smiling when she saw him. "Hi," she struggled to talk with the card in her mouth, "I know how much you like your coffee in the morning."

He came over and took the card from her mouth and kissed her, "Thank you."

That kiss made the trip down in her sweats and his T-shirt worth it. "You're welcome." She handed him one of the large Styrofoam cups. "Did you think I snuck out in the middle of the night?"

"No," he lied, but that thought had crossed his mind.  
"Liar," she grinned, standing on her toes and kissing his cheek.

"Did you think about it?" he asked, taking the lid off of his steaming coffee and blowing on the top, eyeing her the whole time.

"It never crossed my mind," she smiled, taking a drink of hers.

"Liar," he teased.

She laughed, almost spilling hers. "Not true," she giggled.

He tugged on the bottom on his shirt that she was wearing. "Nice shirt."

She posed seductively. "Oh, this ole thing. Just something I picked up off the floor."

"It looks better on you." But he really wanted it back on the floor and her back in the bed; just the sight of her brought back vivid memories of the night before, enticing him. She looked beautiful standing there in his shirt with her hair up in a ponytail and a baggy pair of sweats. Her flawless complexion was flushed as if she had just come out of a steam. In simple terms, she glowed.

She always knew he was good looking, but with that sleepy look in his eyes along with the stubbly face about sent her over the edge. And just to add fuel to the fire his shirtless body with jeans hanging loosely just below his waist was incredibly gorgeous and unbelievably sexy. She wanted to touch him, but this morning after was unusual in the sense that it had all happened so quickly the night before. They never spoke of it after the first time they made love, falling right back into another liaison and after the second time they both had fallen asleep pretty quickly, again not speaking a word. And now she had her brother's funeral in less than two hours and had to be on a plane for home in less than five.

"I need to take a shower," she said. "I have to be at the funeral home an hour before the service starts."

Steve sat down on the arm of the chair setting his coffee down on the table. He reached out for her, getting a piece of the baggy sweat pants and pulled her over so she was standing between his legs. He looked up at her. "Are you ok?"

She put an arm around his shoulder seeing the genuine concern in his eyes. No she wasn't ok. She was torn in so many different directions it was hard to feel what she felt she was supposed too. The night before had been like a roller coaster. She was devastated by being stood up by her Mother, knowing it was probably the final end to their relationship, yet she was overjoyed over the connection she made with him. Then this morning, to wake up with him next to her but know she had Mark's funeral to deal with only brought on that confusion of emotions again. She felt guilty for being so happy on probably one of the worst days of her life, not to mention the message that Greg had left on her phone, openly concerned from not hearing from her the night before. She was confused and to make things worse, she wasn't sure what would happen when they returned home. She looked down at him, wanting to tell him that she loved him, but wasn't sure if the night before was brought on by the moment that they fell into, or if he truly felt what she did. She wanted to know but right now she wasn't sure she could take another rejection if she said it and he didn't give her the reply she wanted. So instead she did what she did best. She faked it. "I'm fine." But not being able to say it hurt just as bad. She pushed off of him and ran her hand through her hair. "I need a shower and we have to pack before we leave."

Steve watched and listened to her rattle off excuses to avoid the subject that stood between them. He felt like he was back in that same place with her as before. She was standing right there in front of him, but she was completely out of reach. He wondered if maybe the night before was a mistake and if he had taken advantage of her vulnerability, which is what he had feared the most. But looking back on the moment now, even if he relived it a thousand times, he knew it would still come out the same. He was drawn to her and nothing could stop that need once it started, he was helpless.

He watched her walk into her room and his heart sank. '_Jesus Christ_,' he thought, '_I'm right back where I started_.' He wanted to run into the room and shake her and tell her she couldn't do it to him again. He needed answers and he needed them now! But once again she took priority over his own needs, and he couldn't do it to her, not today. She needed him to stand next to her and no matter how much it hurt; he would, because he loved her.

* * *

Tracy hugged Timmy one last time. "Thank you so much for all that you did for Mark and for me while I was here."

He hugged her back, "You're welcome. He was a great guy. It was proof today from everyone that showed up."

He was right and Tracy was equally astounded when the room filled up to standing room only. Several people even stood up and told stories about Mark. Some were funny and some were just about his character. It was a beautiful gathering and helped with the closure that she needed.

Steve reached over next and shook Timmy's hand. "Thanks. He was lucky to have known you. I think I got a hint of what he was like after meeting you."

He shrugged it off, but was humbled by the compliment. "I think he would have said the same thing about you for Tracy."

They both looked at each other and smiled over that.

"We better get going," Steve said to Tracy. "Your flight leaves before mine and we have to get the cars back."

He had tried to get her on his flight, but being so close to the holidays it was booked. She left close to an hour before him but got in to Hawaii almost an hour after him. He was connecting through San Francisco while she went home through LA again.

They stood at the cars in the hotel parking lot as the wind picked up. Tracy looked down at his hands that were covered with Mark's gloves. "You won't be needing those again."

He glanced down, turning his hand over, admiring them. "I think I'll keep them. They were Mary's uncles."

She looked up at him, "I don't think I could have made it through these last couple of days without you."

"I'm glad I came." Her eyes were still swollen and slightly red from the funeral, but her beauty never wavered.

She smiled as he shivered, reaching up and rubbing her hands up and down his arms, trying to warm him up. "You're freezing. Why don't we meet at the airport, we have some time before my flight. We can talk someplace warm."

He wondered if the word 'talk' meant about the night before. "Ok. I'll come to your gate."

She stood on her toes and kissed him on the lips. "Be careful driving." She backed up going to her car. "I'll see you at the gate then."

"You be careful too."

He had to let his car warm up since it had been sitting there for two days, unused. Tracy got the jump on him to the airport.

* * *

She stood at her gate and looked around one last time when her phone buzzed, letting her know she had a text. She glanced at it as she walked down the tunnel to the plane.

'_Got stuck in line at car return. Not going to make it._' Steve texted.

Tracy's shoulders sunk. She texted back after she was in her seat. '_Ok. On the plane and have to shut down soon. Have a good flight, be safe_.'

'_U too_.' he replied, still agonizing over the issue at hand when his phone buzzed again.

'_We need to talk about last night_.'

He smiled, '_Yes we do_.'

'_When we get home. Im sorry I avoided it this morning_.'

'_Don't be. I'll wait for you at bag claim in HI. Need a lift home?_'

Tracy looked up as the flight attendant made her way down the aisle checking for electronic devices. She had time for one more. '_Mine or yours? See u in paradise. If u didn't already know it, I thought last night was amazing. xxxooo Aloha. Gotta shut down._'

Steve got on the shuttle bus and took a seat next to a little boy. He felt his phone buzz again, reading her last text. He re-read it, feeling the same way. He hoped to get his last one in before she shut down. It was to the point. He was tired of tiptoeing around the subject and decided to just lay his cards out on the table and see if she would fold, or up the ante. '_It was, and if you didn't already know it_…_I love you._'

Tracy leaned over tucking her phone inside her purse. She laid her head back and smiled over their conversation and then her smile slowly faded, wishing she had told him she loved him. She looked down at her phone, contemplating it, but the plane jolted and began to move away from the gate. It was too late. She did love him though and she didn't want to keep it from him any longer. She should have told him last night. She suddenly became very aware that she was leading herself down that same path as last time and she had no plans to add another regret in her life when it came to him.

Steve boarded his plane, knowing the text hadn't made it through to her. She would have responded, or would she have. '_I can't do this_,' he thought stubbornly, '_I can't spend the next ten hours on a plane worrying about this. If it happens then it happens. If it doesn't then it doesn't_.' He got over her once before, he'll do it again. He told himself that to get through the next ten hours, but if it didn't happen, he's not all that sure just how easy it would be to get over her this time.

He sat down in his seat by the window, staring out at the cold winter that he was leaving behind on his way back home to the sunshine, but if it didn't work out with Tracy, he felt like he'd be leaving a piece of himself behind here. He thought about the night before and what they had experienced together, quickly switching gears again, feeling that she was indeed on the same page as him. He felt it last night and he sensed it this morning. He pulled his cell out before he turned it off and read over the messages again. He smiled to himself, feeling confident. He shut it off and leaned his head back in his seat, closing his eyes, picturing Mary. He had missed her so much.

* * *

Tracy got off the plane in Hawaii and instantly breathed in the warmth of home. The smile on her face and the urgency she felt to get to the baggage claim was like a little kid on Christmas morning. She wanted to run as fast as she could. Instead, she dodged around people and walked briskly to her destination where he was waiting for her.

She tried her cell phone again, hoping she had maybe a little life left in it, but it wouldn't even acknowledge the turn-on button. She cursed herself again for not shutting it off all the way when leaving Colorado. It was on airplane mode but she had accidentally missed a command to shut it off and it died in route. It didn't matter, she thought, he would be there. He wouldn't leave until she got there. That was one thing she could always count on Steve for, his word.

She came out of the security area as some passengers met their loved ones, but most were just on vacation. Her loved one was waiting in baggage claim. She heard her name and a tug on her arm. She stopped and turned around standing directly in front of Greg. The shock on her face was priceless in his mind; it was painful in hers.

"Hi!" he said happily, hugging her. "I can't believe I found you."

She stood frozen as he squeezed her, unable to think straight. She glanced over at the escalators that went down to baggage claim and then back at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Didn't you get my message?"

She shook her head, still reeling over this moment. She needed to tell him about Steve and was going to right away, but not here, not now in the middle of the airport.

"I just got in from Phoenix and judging by the time you said you'd be home I figured we'd get here at the same time, so I just hung out."

"My phone died. I didn't get your message." She didn't know what to do.

He smiled, brushing his hand over her cheek, "It doesn't matter now. We found each other." He leaned in and kissed her. She barely reciprocated the motion wondering how she was going to get out of this when he put his arms around her. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you Tracy. It was wrong for me not to come." He pulled back and looked at her regretfully. "I swear I'll never put work between us again."

'_Oh my God!_' she thought, '_what am I going to do? I can't do this to him in the airport_.' He was so genuinely happy to see her and all she could do was think about Steve.

"Come on," he said taking her hand. "Let's get your luggage and I'll take you home. There are some things I want to talk to you about."

She felt like she was in a daze, following behind him as he led her over to the escalators. He rambled on about his trip, but she heard nothing he was saying. She stepped down on the escalator step and felt like she might faint as they made their way down to baggage claim. She pulled her hand away from his, "Greg," she said, "there's something you should know about this trip." She looked down and there he was, standing off to the left watching she and Greg come down together. She felt her heart sink to her stomach over the expression on his face. She shook her head at him, wanting him to know it wasn't what he thought.

Greg put an arm around her waist, "What honey? What did you want to tell me?"

She looked back at him. "Steve," she whispered almost breathless, "I'm meeting Steve." She looked back down where he was standing and he was gone.

Steve walked outside feeling the warm Hawaiian air and the scent of hibiscus flowers that he had missed so much hit his senses. But they went unnoticed. He stood on the sidewalk with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder, confused about where he had parked and needing to get to his truck. It was a problem he'd never had before, but at the moment his concentration was being tortured by the image of Tracy coming down the escalator with Greg.

He stepped off the curb and heard a horn and stepped back up, walking down the sidewalk away from the baggage claim. "Fuck," he mumbled to himself, "what is wrong with you! Why can't you see clearly when it comes to this girl?" The phone in his pocket rang and he stopped pulling it out, hoping it was her. He looked down seeing Danny's number on the screen, not wanting to answer but did. "Hey Danny what's up?" he was actually glad at the moment for the distraction.

"Are you back?" Danny's voice was in work mode.

Steve stopped, "Yes, I'm at the airport on my way to my truck. Why? What happened?"

"That case we were working on before you left took a turn today. Chin and I are headed over to a house in Pearl City. We think we found the safe house for the drug run. Can you meet us over there?"

"Yes, text me the address. I'm on my way." He needed this diversion. It helped.

Tracy chased after him down the sidewalk, gabbing him by the arm. "Steve!"

He turned around and looked at her and then over her shoulder at Greg that stood several yards away just inside the terminal. It was like a slap in the face. He slid her hand off of his arm. "I have to go. Danny just called and I have case." he motioned with his head to Greg. "Looks like you have a ride home."

"I didn't call him," she pleaded with him.

"Then why is he here?" he asked coldly.

She shook her head, "I don't know. My phone died. I told him the other day about what time I would be coming home and he just figured it out."

"You're phone died?" he asked quizzically, knowing she must not have got his last text then. He felt his phone buzz in his hand, glancing at the text from Danny of the address to the house.

"Yes, after I left Denver. Greg said he left me a message but I never..."

"Did you get mine?"

"Your what?"

"My text that I sent you?"

"Yes, to meet you here at baggage claim. That's what I…"

"No," he interrupted her, "the one after that?"

She looked at him puzzled, "No. What did it say?"

He felt a wave of relief that maybe it wasn't over just yet, but he still had no idea where he stood with her. He had his heart out on his sleeve but it was hiding at the moment in a text on her phone, just waiting there for her to read. "I have to go." He backed up shaking his head at her. "I've never met anyone in my life Tracy that can turn me in so many different directions and push me over the edge so many times," he looked at her amazed, "but then pull me back up again just in the nick of time as you can. I don't know what I'm going to do with you." He huffed, practically laughing. "I honestly don't."

She stepped toward him, "What did the text say Steve?" She thought maybe she had an idea.

He stared at her, thinking how beautiful she was. "You read it and then you let me know. Not here, not now." He glanced down at his phone. "I have to go." He turned and started jogging to where his truck was parked, turning around once more, pointing at her. "You have been trouble for me since the first time I saw you sitting on that beach." He held his arms out playfully, "What am I going to do with you?" He waved goodbye over his shoulder as he crossed the street to the parking garage.

"Marry me," she whispered to him.


	23. Chapter 23

Tracy unlocked the door to her apartment and went inside with Greg following behind her carrying her suitcase. He set it down as she quickly unzipped it, digging through it for her cell phone charger.

"Can we talk now, Tracy?" Greg asked, still not sure how he felt about Steve going to Colorado, or about her not telling him before now.

"In just a second Greg," she pulled it out and plugged it in in the kitchen. She connected her dead phone to it, and turned it on. The only thing on her agenda in the last hour was to get her phone charged so she could see Steve's text. She could barely hold a conversation on the way home with Greg she was so anxious to see what he had written.

The messages began to pop up on her screen, two from Greg and one from Steve. She scrolled down through their conversation in Colorado until the last text. She stared at the last three words he had written and felt her heart sore. '_He loves me_!' she thought to herself, barely able to contain her excitement. '_He really loves me_!'

* * *

Danny and Chin in the Camaro as Steve pulled in behind them in the dark, shinning the lights of his truck on them. "I'm pulling up behind you right now," he said to Danny as he hung up his phone after getting the details of the house they were going to investigate. They were parked on the next block over. Danny popped the trunk of his car and they both got out as Steve walked up.

"Hey guys. Where's Kono?"

"She's running some ballistic samples over to Fong," Chin answered.

"I was going to ask you on the phone, so how was the trip?" Danny asked as he and Chin reached in the trunk and took out their vests. Chin handed Steve his.

"Good and bad," he replied, slipping it on.

"Is Tracy alright?" Chin asked.

"Yes, I think so. It was a nice service. A lot of people showed up and said some really nice stuff about her brother." He reached in the back of the car and took out his gun, testing the light above the barrel, knowing he would probably need it "Her Mom stood her up at a get together they were supposed to have, so I think that relationship is done for. It was rough on her."

"Man, that sucks," Danny said, slamming the trunk closed. "You said it was good and bad. What was good?" he asked, not sure how a trip to a funeral could ever have anything good in it.

Steve turned and started walking toward his truck, "I realized that I should just probably marry Tracy." He opened the door and stepped up on the side rail, looking back at the two of them as they stood and stared at him. "I'll follow you over." He said of the house on the next street. He climbed in and closed his door, grinning at them. "Hmm, was it something I said?" he said out loud to know one, laughing to himself. He motioned with his hand for them to get going. They looked at each other for just a second before getting back in Danny's car.

* * *

Tracy sat down on the couch with Greg. "Celia is going to be bringing Mary over soon." She held her hands in her lap, knowing she was going to have to do this now. "Greg…" she started when he interrupted her.

"Wait, just let me say this first." He switched positions so he was sitting across from her on the coffee table. "I know I should have gone with you. I'm sorry for that."

"It's ok. You already apologized."

"I know but I want you to know that I did a lot of thinking while I was away, about you and I." He took her hand. "While I was there they gave me a promotion."

Tracy smiled, "That's great, Greg. Congratulations!"

He smiled at her enthusiasm, "Thanks." He looked down at her hand in his, rubbing his thumb over her fingers. "I'm being transferred to California." He looked back up at her. "They're making me head of Marketing for the entire Northwest division."

"California? Wow!" She was sad to see him go from a boss perspective, but couldn't help but think how the timing was good. It would have been awkward seeing him everyday. "We'll miss you."

"That's what I want to talk to you about." He took a deep breath and let it out slow, "I want you to come with me."

Tracy was stunned, not expecting it at all. She was flattered but at the same time she knew breaking it off with him was going to be harder than ever now. "Greg, I can't leave Mary, and Steve has full custody of her,"

"I know. I thought about that. We'll get a lawyer and have that reversed. You can get custody back. You're her Mother." He put a hand on his chest. "I have money Tracy. I come from a very wealthy family. I can give you and Mary everything and anything you need. I want too."

"I can't leave Hawaii Greg," she said, feeling slightly irritated that he would say something so bold to her. "I can't just take Mary away from Steve and move to California." She stood up and walked away form him. "I won't do that to him! I won't take her away from him."

He stared at the seat she just vacated, hearing something in her voice that suddenly turned a light on. "I see." He looked over at her. "Truthfully, I want know, is it that you don't want to take Mary away from him, or is it that you don't want to be away from him?"

She couldn't lie to him anymore and things were getting too serious to let it go on. She didn't want to hurt him but knew it was going to be inevitable.

"Both," she said quietly.

He nodded his understanding, but felt the disappointment that was heartbreaking. "Did you invite him to Colorado?"

"No!" she said adamantly, "No Greg. I swear I didn't. He just came because…" she hesitated.

He looked up at her, "He went because he feels the same way about you." He stood up shaking his head. "I knew it. I always knew he still felt something for you." He picked up his car keys, "Would it have made a difference if I went? Would you have thought about coming with me if I had gone with you instead of him?"

She felt so bad for him, not wanting to hurt him. "Greg, I never meant to hurt you. I really wanted this to work. I can't say if it would have mattered or not if you came to Colorado. I do know that I still wouldn't have gone with you to California. He loves Mary so much, I couldn't do that to him no matter what our relationship was like."

He nodded, walking towards the door. "I think it would have made a difference. I learned a hard lesson and I won't make that mistake again in my life." He looked back at her before he left. "I hope he's good to you Tracy. Please make him be good to you."

She wanted to cry, knowing what he was feeling and never wishing that hurt on anyone. "I'm sorry Greg."

He opened the door, "Be well, Tracy" he said before walking out and closing it.

* * *

Steve took the lead as they made their way up to the house. Danny followed directly behind him as Chin veered off to the right, making his way around the back.

They stepped up on the porch and each stood on the opposite sides of the door.

Steve reached over and banged on it twice with the butt of his gun.

Danny leaned forward and peered inside the window that ran vertical along the door. "Looks empty," he whispered.

Steve spoke into his radio attached to his vest. "Chin, what do you got back there?"

He shined a light through the backdoor window. "It looks vacant. No furniture, no nothing."

He looked over at Danny, "You got a warrant right?"

He gave him a snide look, "Does it matter? But yes, we have a warrant."

Steve grinned, "Good." He stepped back and spoke to Chin first, "We're going in." He raised his foot and kicked the door in. Danny went in first and moved to the left toward the hallway while Steve went upstairs on the right. Chin came in through the kitchen and checked the first door on his left, which led to the basement.

"Kitchen is clear. I'm going downstairs," he spoke to Steve and Danny in his radio.

"Confirmed," Steve replied, "I'm going up and Danny has the main floor."

He made his way down the upstairs hall that had three doors, two on his left and one on the right. He slowly opened the first one on his left, using the barrel of his gun as he stood behind the wall. He felt for the light switch, but it was gone, only a hole remained. He peered inside the room, scanning it with the light on his gun, but it was empty. He sensed they were all going to be vacant and that the search of this house was going to be useless to them. Whoever was here had cleaned it up meticulously, not wanting to leave anything behind, not even the lights.

He made his way down to the next room, finding it odd that the switch was identical to the others.

Chin stood on the top step using the flashlight in his hand to show his way. He shined it in the hole in the wall where the light switch had been, wondering why they would take it. He continued down and scanned the small storage area finding it empty as well. He flashed the light around the base of the concrete floor, noticing a wide crack that ran up the wall and disappeared into the ceiling. It was an unusual flaw. He knew right away it wasn't formed from the house settling, but looked intentional. As he came closer, shinning the light inside, he discovered the meaning behind the crack.

Steve made his way down the hall to the last door. The floor began to creak below him which sent off two signals, one was that he was possibly giving away his position if anyone was behind that last door, and the second was a question of why it didn't creak all the way down the hall. The boards seemed more buoyant on this end of the hallway, which seemed odd. He stopped and looked back over his shoulder, examining the floorboards.

Chin backed up away from the wall, his eyes wide as he spoke into his radio, "Steve, I've got something down here you should see."

He knelt down prying one of the baseboards up with his knife when he heard the request. "What do you got?"

"There's wires running up the wall into the ceiling. I have a bad feeling about this."

Steve lifted the board and felt a shiver run down his spin. "Shit! Chin, Danny, get out of the house!" he yelled with his hand on his radio. He could hear Chin coming up the stairs from the basement.

"What's going on?" Danny yelled from the back bedroom as he came down the hall.

"Get out!" Steve yelled down to him. He set the board in his hand down and slowly stood up, looking down on a pile of explosives hidden under the wood floor. He saw the wires then that came up from below the window at the end of the hall and into the first bedroom he had entered, realizing that if they came up from the basement, then the whole house must be wired. These weren't the only ones. He backed away and made his way over to the stairs, trying to mirror where he had stepped before, not sure how it was triggered.

Chin went out the backdoor and came around the side of the house to the front.

Danny stood at the entrance to the front door as Steve appeared at the top of the stairs. He looked up at the dark figure, puzzled over the intensity to get out. "The house it clear," he said, flipping the light switch up that was by the front door, unaware of the others or that it was the only working switch in the house.

Steve took a step down and felt the force of the blast push him backward before he heard it.

Danny covered his face and stumbled backward out the open door as wood pieces from the stairs came flying at him from all directions. He fell on the porch, feeling like he'd been blasted by a gust of wind. He scrambled to his hands and knees and crawled back inside, looking up to where he last saw Steve and felt a wave of panic. The stairs were gone.

He went to yell out to him but his voice was overshadowed by another loud blast that sounded like a plane had hit the house, which was the only way to describe the noise and the destruction that followed. The interior seemed to disintegrate before their eyes. The back of the house collapsed and fell into the basement as if the ground had opened up and sucked it in. Danny was blown back into Chin by the blast and they both hit the floor of the porch. Smoke filled the room and the deafening sound of the blast turned to creaking and grinding as the upper floor crashed down below the ground.

They both shifted their bodies away from the chaos trying to protect themselves.

Steve lay on the floor in the hallway, trying to regain his sense of balance after being thrown backward by the first explosion. He braced his right hand on the wall and stood up, feeling a wave of pain through his left shoulder, leaving his arm paralyzed.

He heard the second explosion just seconds before he felt the floor beneath his feet rise up and toss him into the ceiling like he was a rag doll. He came down hard on his back and then felt the whole floor give way. He instinctively reached out for something to grab but all he touched was air. He felt himself falling anticipating the impact, knowing it was going to be painful. He hit what felt like a cement floor, feeling the pain in his shoulder and another sharp pain in his back. The armor vest he had on protected his torso from the initial impact, but it was the debris that was falling on top of him that he feared would do the most damage. He caught a glimpse of it before he turned his face, shielding it with his arms. The pain in his shoulder was nothing compared to the hammering of the entire first floor and it's contents being dropped down on top of him. A slab of cement protected him from most of the debris, but the weight of it only made the confines of his space smaller and smaller.

By the time the commotion stopped he was buried under more than ten feet of wood and cement. The heat from the blast burned his lungs as he breathed it in. His first thought was that he was going to burn to death under all that debris as he tried to move his right arm that covered his face. That was the only part of his body that he could move. He held still and to his relief he felt no heat nor did he smell any smoke. He heard ringing in his head from the loud blast and somewhere in the distance he thought he heard Chin, but couldn't be sure. He felt confused in pitch black and the pain in his gut was making him nauseous. He lifted his head; hitting it on something hard and sharp, feeling blood begin to trickle down his face from the impact. He needed a breath, but couldn't get his lungs to open up so he very methodically took small ones through both his mouth and nose, trying to get the maximum. He didn't want to pass out. He needed to stay alert and more than anything else, he needed to stay in control of the panic that was hovering all around him. He was buried alive in the dark and he had no idea how deep or what part of the house he was in, or if anyone even knew he was still alive.

Danny scrabbled to his feet, ignoring the gash on right arm as well as the blood that ran down the side of his face from the piece of wood that struck him on the left temple. He ran to Chin who stood on the threshold of where the entrance had been, shouting for Steve.

"Steve!" Chin screamed, moving left and right, trying to find a way in that wasn't blocked with debris. "Steve!"

Danny came up behind him, grabbing him by the arm. "Where is he?!" he shouted.

Chin shook his head, "I don't," he said breathless, "I don't know!"

"Steve!" they both screamed simultaneously.

"Danny," Steve whispered, hearing him clearly now, but his voice was so small that if he had been next to him he probably wouldn't have heard him.

Danny ran to the left and pulled himself up and through a hole that resembled a window, stepping down on a pile of wood that gave way beneath his feet. He fell to his knees and grabbed the windowsill. His left foot fell through the pile and he hung there, suspended as the floor beneath him vanished into the basement. Chin grabbed his arm and pulled him back up through the window.

They both ran around the back of the house, climbing over wood and broken glass. The wall to the kitchen was still in place but when they entered the backdoor that Chin had earlier, the interior was nothing more than a pile of debris. The floor was half gone and the basement was partially visible. They both heard sirens in the distance but continued to search their surroundings for any sign of him.

"Steve!" Danny yelled, getting on his hands and knees and crawling inside up to the edge of the floor as Chin shined his flashlight in the gaping hole.

He could hear him but couldn't call out to him. The pain was excruciating when he tried and he had to try and stay awake. He closed his eyes, feeling the air return to his lungs, presuming he had just had the wind knocked out of him, which was a relief.

He tried to shift his legs but the pain in his side returned, making him gasp and lose his breath once again. "_It's ok_," he told himself, "_Danny and Chin are here. You're ok_. _Just hold on_." His thoughts went to Mary and then to Tracy. He felt that urgency again to get out, trying to shift the weight off of him. He moaned as the merciless pain in his side intensified to the point he felt he might pass out. He held still again, letting it calm, knowing he was hurt worst than he thought.

His left shoulder throbbed and he recognized that pain, he had dislocated it during the first blast. He could handle that, but the other pain in his side alerted him to something more serious. He carefully wedged his right arm out, scrapping it against the concrete block that was lying on top of him. Once it was free it lifted some of the anxiety of being trapped. He could move his arm; use his hand. He slowly felt his way down his body, searching for the injury when his hand bumped up against a metal rod. He moved his fingers up it about six inches, feeling the cement block and then felt his way back down it as he suddenly realized where the pain was coming from. He let go of it as his hand began to tremble. He wedged his fingers under his back and felt the same rod on the other side. It went through his body and had him pinned there, which explained why even the slightest movement from him or the debris was causing so much pain. He couldn't even yell out. He felt moisture on his fingers, knowing it was his blood.

He thought of Mary and Tracy again. The pain in his side was nothing compared to the agonizing thought of never seeing either of them again. He wasn't ready to die yet. For the first time in his life he was afraid of it, not so much for himself, but for what he would leave behind.

"Danny," he whimpered in the dark, feeling the panic begin to creep up on him, "get me out of her."


	24. Chapter 24

Danny and Chin both ran to the street as the first fire truck pulled up. "It's Joey," Chin said to him.

The Lieutenant got out first, recognizing both of them standing there in the dark. "What the hell happened, Danny?" he joked, looking at the destruction of the house. "Did you and Steve get in a fight?" He stepped down from the truck and got a better look at him, seeing the blood on his face. "Whoa, whoa! You ok?"

Danny grabbed his jacket; pulling on him toward the house, "Steve's in there, Joey!" his voice mirroring the panic in his eyes that was clearly visible now. "He's not answering his radio."

Chin followed next to him with the same concern in his tone. "There was an explosion! We can't find him! "

Joey looked at the house again thinking of his friend and instantly went into work mode and began to bark out orders.

"Get Engine 49 down here! I want a rescue K-9 unit dispatched and a bomb sniffing K-9." He hustled past Danny and Chin toward the house with three of his men tailing him. "Get me the infrared sensor and some hoses down here now! Light pressure, just incase we see a spark; don't disturb the structure until we know what we got. Lights! I want this place lit up as bright as day." He turned back to them, "Danny, Chin, tell me what happened? Where did you last see him?"

Steve gathered up the tail of his shirt that was sticking out below his vest and gritted his teeth through the pain as he pushed the material inside his wound and around the metal rod, trying to stop some of the bleeding. His ears were still ringing from the explosion, which gave him a massive headache. He formed his hand into a tight fist, wishing he could grip on to something until the pain subsided but there was nothing and he was afraid of reaching out in the dark and shifting the debris again. So he clenched his fist until the agony eased into one that he could handle. His thoughts went to Tracy which helped with some of the anxiety and the loneliness he felt lying there, not knowing if his wound was life threatening or not. He knew he was loosing a lot of blood, but it was the internal bleeding that gave him the most fear. He felt clear headed at the moment but knew that could change in a matter of seconds if he had nicked a main organ and was bleeding internally. He'd been in battle with men that he had been speaking with one minute and in the next, they were dead.

He put his hand on the metal rod and tried to keep his breathing at an even pace. He closed his eyes and prayed. He'd found comfort in it before when he was scared and unsure of his outcome and this was one of those times. "Please," he whispered, "don't take me yet. I'm not ready. I have Mary and Tracy now." He felt a wave of regret wash over him. "I should have told her that I loved her to her face." That thought brought tears to his eyes, "Get me out of here so I can tell her." He began to feel weak as his disappointment and fear began to dwindle his strength. "She's had so many bad things happen in her life. I'll be good to her. I'll take her of her and Mary, I promise. I'll be a good to them." He felt guilty over the thought of leaving them alone to take care of themselves. He was the man, the provider and all he could do was just lie there and pray for his survival.

He didn't feel any of the relief that he thought he would, only loneliness and isolation. His spirit and confidence were fading fast. He was alone in the pitch black with nothing but pain and regret over things he had failed to do or had yet to do that seemed unlikely to happen at the moment. "Please not yet," he whispered again, feeling the pain in his side begin to erupt. He was going to die here alone in the dark. "Just one more chance," he begged, but before he could finish that last request the darkness evaporated and the area around him lit up almost as if he were standing in a dark room and someone turned the light on. He opened his eyes and all around him was light cascading down through the debris. It was so bright it actually blinded him at first. He heard a dog bark and his name being called, telling him to hold tight if he could hear them.

His whole body seemed to succumb to the relief. His adrenaline soared and he no longer felt the pain in his side, only peace, wonderful, restful peace. "Thank you," he whispered his appreciation. "Thank you."

Danny and Chin hovered over the area, only because they were being held back from the search and rescue by the other firefighters as Joey and his crew began to work their way down to him. The infrared camera picked up heat coming from several different areas around the house, but it was the dog that gave them the position they centered on now. His adamant barking at one certain spot along with a generous amount of heat coming up on the camera helped them narrow down the space where they believed he was trapped. The body heat showed that he was still alive, but no one knew the extent of his injuries or if he was even conscious. Joey also knew that a body would stay warm for an hour or more after death, so the possibility of finding him dead was still a prospect, but not one that he openly mentioned. Steve was his friend too and keeping him alive in his head only helped with the rescue. They were going to find him that way too. He only wished that he could hear him call out, the silence was what was scaring him the most. If he was unconscious then his injuries could be life threatening, and time was running out.

He could hear them coming, working their way down. The light was getting brighter. He gripped the metal rod, feeling a shift in the debris that sent a jolt a pain soar through him. "Stop!" he groaned. His throat was parched and he coughed as dust and dirt fell on his face, which caused his body to convulse making the pain so much more severe. The material moved again and he gritted his teeth taking a deep breath, "Stop!" he shouted as loud as his body would allow.

"Hold up!" one of the men shouted. He stood up and motioned with his hands for everyone to stop. "Stop moving!"

"What?" Joey said, making his way over to him.

"I heard something," he said, looking down through the debris. "It sounded like it came from over here."

Joey took out his flashlight and shined it down in the space between the wood and cement. "Steve! Can you hear me?"

He looked up, seeing the other light flicker back and forth, recognizing the voice. "Joey," he whispered and then took a deep breath as before and said it again as he breathed out. "Joey!"

He smiled brightly, "I hear you! Just hang tight buddy, we're coming."

Steve gripped the metal bar again. "Stop!" he called out between gasps.

"What?" Joey asked, carefully lying down on the debris so he could hear him. "Say it again Steve."

"Stop moving," he spoke just loud enough to appease the pain, hoping he could hear him.

"Stop moving. I hear you." He flashed his light in the space hoping to get eyes on him. "Is the movement up here causing you pain from an injury?"

Steve closed his eyes, thankful for that question. "Yes," he said clearly.

"Can you see my light movement?" He purposely moved the light back and forth in a small confined area.

Steve opened his eyes and turned his head in the direction of it. "Yes," he felt the sweat dripping off his face from just this simple conversation. The pain from it was excruciating but it was also his recovery. "Two feet…to…your right," he said, holding his breath and then taking a small inhale, not wanting to pass out.

Joey carefully moved over a foot trying not to disturb the debris. He flashed his light back down in the new area and spotted his lower leg beneath the cement block. The rest of him was hidden behind other parts of the rubble. "I see you!" he looked up over toward Danny and Chin. "I see him!" He flashed the light back down, trying to inch his way over to get a better view. He stopped when he saw his hand on the metal rod, getting a clear picture of what they were dealing with. "Oh God, Steve. Ok, I can see it. The rod in your side." He wiped away a bead of sweat on his forehead. "The movement of the debris is moving that cement block right?"

Steve nodded and whispered loudly, "Yes."

"Ok buddy. We'll find another way down there. We won't move it anymore."

He carefully slid back away from where he was and wiped his hand over his mouth, contemplating his next move. He looked over at one of his men. "Get me a demolition man down here. I want to know what the logical outcome will be on debris B if we move debris A. We have to go about this in the opposite direction and come in at him from the side, and get a paramedic over here!"

* * *

Tracy got out of the shower and instantly checked her phone. Her shoulders slouched in disappointment, nothing yet. She had sent a text back to him telling him to come over as soon as he was free because she wanted to tell him something, not wanting to say it over a text. She ended it with a wink smiley face; just so he would know her intentions were good. She knew he was on a case, and also knew with her experience over the last couple of months that sometimes that could take hours, or even a day before she could speak to him if it was a serious one. She didn't want to bother him by sending another message, so she just had to wait it out.

She peeked in on Mary as she slept soundly after being dropped off by Celia. The anticipation of him coming over was crazy in her head. She changed the sheets on the bed, wanting him to stay over and be there in the morning when Mary woke up, hoping she would be excited to see the both of them, but honestly knowing she was too young to understand, but nonetheless, it was going to be a new beginning for her, for all of them. The flutter she felt in heart was indescribable. She was going to do everything and anything in her power to make this relationship work. There was going to be no more holding back, no more secrets. For the first time in her life she actually felt like she had someone she could trust inside and out, someone who wouldn't judge her or use her past against her. He loved her and she loved him. They were going to be a family. She was finally going to have a family.

* * *

Joey crawled on his belly under a wood beam that had once been apart of the support for the house in the basement. It rested against the remains of the cement wall that had collapsed on Steve. He pushed away the loose wood and debris in his way as he made his way over to him. He rolled over on his back as his two men behind him helped move the broken beam so it once again became a support.

He shuffled his shoulders inching his way through the mass of debris and wires, all the while shining his light up into the structure, getting an idea of its stability. The camera on his helmet was taking video that was being relayed to a demolition expert outside the house.

"I'm almost there." He carefully used the heel of his feet to push himself along, not wanting to grab a hold of anything and upset the structure. He reached over his head and examined another piece of wood in his way, making sure it wasn't supporting anything before he carefully slid it down his side to the two men behind him. "Wedge this under that slab of cement right there," he pointed toward his side when he heard a voice, a weak one but it was music to his ears.

"Hey," Steve looked over at Joey that was only about five feet from him now. "Did you bring that…" he took another breath, "twenty bucks…you owe me from poker?"

Joey looked over his shoulder at him as he and his other two men laughed. "Hey Buddy!" he smiled at him, "Sorry but I didn't bring my wallet."

Steve grinned through his pain, beyond relieved to see him. "Steal my money…and my lines," he replied softly, closing his eyes, "You get me out of here, Joey," he sighed, "and we'll call it even, ok?"

"That sounds like a good deal to me." He flashed his light up in his face that was pale and had streaks of blood and sweat running down it. He made his way down his body seeing the blood that had come from his back and ran like a river down the cement block that he was lying on, forming a small puddle on the floor beneath him. His legs looked trapped but he couldn't see from where he was if he had any damage to them.

He called out to one of his men. "Get Trevor in here." He wedged his way up to where Steve was and was able to get on his knees, but still hunched over in the confined space. He took his glove off and braced one hand on floor and took Steve's free one, trying to reassure him. "It's going to be alright. I'll get you out of here ok?"

"Are Danny and Chin ok?" he whispered between breaths.

He squeezed his hand, being a leader himself, he wasn't surprised by that question, wanting to make sure your men were accounted for. "Yeah, they're ok. I had to practically tie them down, they both wanted to get in here and dig. I think they're pretty pissed at me."

Steve smiled slightly, "A beer will solve that."

He moved the light down his body, looking at his legs. "I bet you could use one of those about now."

Steve didn't respond but just nodded. The pain in his side returned and he wasn't sure how much longer he could take it.

"Can you move your legs Steve?"

"Yes, but it hurts my side, so don't ask me too."

"I won't." He put the light on the wound then and winced, seeing the damage it was causing. He spoke into his radio. "Can you see this?" he asked of the men looking at the video from his head camera. It was worse than he thought. He didn't want to say it out loud, hoping they could see what he was.

"We got it," a voice said.

Steve watched Joey as he inspected the structure. He knew him well enough and vice versa to get a read on him. "What do you think?" he asked, not seeing anything positive in his expression, only worry.

He glanced at him for just a second and then back at the rod. "Piece of cake."

"Joey," he said, hesitating so he would look back at him, and he did.

He knew of all people he couldn't and shouldn't hide it from was Steve.

"It doesn't look good does it?"

Joey looked behind him seeing Trevor make his way over to them on his back, the same as he had. He looked back at Steve to tell him meds were on the way, but the way he was staring at him, he knew he was waiting for a truthful answer. "No," he said quietly, flashing the light on the rod and the beam. "That rod is connected to that slab up there, not the one below. If we try to remove the rod then this block is going to lose its stability and come down on you, it's pretty big." He looked back at him. "We can get it off you, I have no doubt about that, but it's going to take time. We're going to need something to lift it off." By the word 'time', they both knew that wasn't what either of them had to spare.

Steve closed his eyes, feeling that relief from earlier slowly dissipate. "Ok, thanks for telling me."

"Trevor's almost here. You'll feel better in a couple of minutes."

"Hey," Trevor reached up above his head, handing Joey and red bag filled with his medical supplies. "Did I hear my name?"

He took the bag and pulled on his arm, trying to get him in and at the same time inching his way back.

Trevor was able to sit down with his head hunched over and scooted over closer to Steve. "Hey Buddy, they said we were settling our poker bets." He unzipped his medical bag. "You got that fifty you owe me?"

Steve forced a smile for him, knowing he was trying to lighten the mood for him, but he just didn't feel it. "Sorry…can't reach…my wallet."

Trevor looked up at him, hearing more pain in his voice than anything else. "Just give me a second Steve and all that's going to go away." He took his hand and began to clean off the area between his thumb and wrist with a moist towel. He looked over at Joey. "You better go back up. Danny wants down here and I don't think the guys up there are doing a very good job at persuading him otherwise." He pulled out a needle from his bag and stuck it in Steve's hand, starting an IV.

"You're partner," Joey said to Steve, "he's going to be a pain in my ass."

Steve swallowed in anticipation, watching Trevor, "He's persistent."

"Ok," Trevor said cheerfully, opening up the line that went from the bag he was holding in his hand down to the tube that was sticking out of Steve's wrist. "Just a few more seconds and you'll be as happy as a little girl." He watched the pained expression on Steve's face. "Wait for it…" Trevor grinned, as the pained look turned relaxed and almost faint.

"Oh man," Steve moaned, "that feels good."

Trevor took out a wad of gauze and carefully lifted his head and nestled it between his face and the concrete slab like a pillow. He moved over as Joey lay on his back and made his way out of the space.

"I'll be back. Hang tight Steve."

"Bring me back a cold Longboard," he smiled lazily, missing the worried look between the two men. They didn't have to say it out loud to know what each other was thinking. Trevor was telling him to hurry and Joey was telling Trevor to keep him alive.

Trevor took his pulse, "Are you having a hard time breathing?"

"No," Steve replied. He lay still feeling the medicine move through him, giving him peace. "I think I dislocated my other shoulder."

"Ok," Trevor said, trying to wedge his hand between the cement slab and Steve's chest, but with his vest still on but it was impossible. He took his hand and moved it over his legs, feeling for any kind of fracture. "Can you move your toes?"

Steve did as he was asked.

"Good, good," Trevor was relieved that there was no spinal injury.

Steve watched him as he began working on the wound. "Joey thinks it might be a while before he can get me out. Do you think I have that much time?"

It was a blunt question. He had waited until the medicine could take full effect before he began to poke around the injury. He tried to get a measure of location to determine if his kidneys or liver had been affected. "Joey has practically the entire island up there working to get you out."

Steve nodded his understanding. It wasn't the answer he was looking for, but he knew his outcome couldn't be predicted and putting that on Trevor wasn't fair. He closed his eyes again, feeling Trevor pull out the pieces of shirt he had tucked in. He winced but the pain wasn't near what it had been before. His thoughts went to Tracy again and he wondered if she knew what was happening to him. He wished he could see her. His eyelids felt heavy and he decided to close them again for just a minute.

* * *

Joey crawled out of the space and was instantly met by Danny, Chin and Kono, who had just arrived.

"How is he?" they asked, almost simultaneously.

He took off his helmet and held it under his arm, "He's wedged in there pretty good. The metal rod through his side is supporting the cement that's lying on top of him, so we can't move him. We're going to have to lift off the slab of cement and cut the rod at the same time."

"Can he survive that?" Danny asked.

"We have good equipment and men," Joey replied.

"Goddamnit Joey," he gritted his teeth, running his hand over his hair. He'd had about enough of the run around, "I want to know what the hell is going on down there! Don't give me some bullshit answer like you're talking to some stranger!" his voice stressing his frustration. "I want to know what the fuck is going on!"

"Just calm down Danny."

"Don't tell me to calm down! And don't tell me either that I can't go down there," he pointed toward the house. "I swear to god if you don't let me down there to see him I'm going to hold this entire place hostage with my gun and go down myself!"

Joey looked over at Chin and Kono, who had the same determined expression as Danny, knowing one of them needed to be down there with Steve and the logical person was Danny. "Ok," he held his hands up, trying to calm the three of them, "it is bad. We don't know the extent of his injuries and time is working against us right now. I'd say he has about a 50/50 chance," he shook his head sadly, "and that's being generous."

Danny felt the air leave his lungs. "Does Steve know that?"

Joey only nodded his response.

Danny knew it was bad but hearing it out loud was like a hard slap, waking him up him up to what he had to do. He also knew that if the roles were reversed, Steve would be down there with him regardless of his own safety. There wasn't a doubt in his mind. "Ok," he ran his hand over his hair again as if it helped him think straight, "get me a coat and helmet, or whatever I need to get down in there."

Joey didn't argue with him but just motioned to one of his men. "Get him suited up and take him down." He grabbed Danny by the arm as he walked by him. "But if I tell you to get out," he pointed at his face, "then you get out! You understand me?"

He nodded, "Alright." He turned to Kono and Chin, "We need to tell Tracy what's going on."

"We'll go get her," Kono replied. "We can't tell her over the phone and then let her drive over here in that state, especially if she has Mary."

Chin agreed, "We'll go pick her up."

* * *

Steve felt a stab of pain and opened his eyes, "Ahh," he moaned, "what is that?"

Trevor pulled back, "Sorry, but I have to stop the bleeding." He knew that it was going to hurt him, but had to get the relentless bleeding under control.

Steve tried to look down his body at the wound, feeling sweat begin to drip down his face. "It's getting worse isn't it?"

Trevor took off the bloody plastic glove covering his hand and reached up, gently lying his head back down on the gauze, not wanting him to see the amount of blood that had begun to drip down on to the floor again. "Just relax Steve, I'm almost done." He pulled out a fresh glove from his pack and slipped it on.

Steve did as he was told, but knew just by instinct that it was getting worse. "Trevor," he panted, "if doesn't…happen to work out in my favor," he said to him passively, "I know you're doing the best…that you can…and I appreciate it."

Trevor looked over at him, amazed that even with the situation Steve was in at the moment that he still felt the need to make sure that he shouldn't harbor any guilt over not being able to save him, if he didn't make it. "Shut up," Trevor said, feeling genuinely scared for him for the first time. "You owe me money. I plan on collecting from you." He noticed then Steve's hand begin to slightly tremble, wondering if he too was scared. He wished he could be anyplace else but where he was at the moment, not knowing how to comfort him without letting him know just how concerned he really was for him. He took a second to let his emotions settle before he resumed inserting the wound with fresh gauze, trying to clot the bleeding. He heard shuffling and looked over his shoulder, glad to see Joey back, hoping he had a solution of getting him out, but when the person wearing the helmet tilted his head back, he was even more pleased to see Danny, knowing it would soothe Steve. "Hey there!" Trevor said relieved, but happy. "Does he owe you money too?"

Danny pushed himself the rest of the way through still lying on his back and looked up at Steve. "I want my hundred bucks."

Steve halfheartedly laughed and fought back the flood of emotions that engulfed him from just seeing him there. It had been good to have Trevor and Joey, but Danny was like his brother, his blood and he couldn't even describe the comforting feeling it gave him from just having him there with him.

Danny shifted on the ground and sat up, kneeling before him, hunched over in the small space and took his trembling hand, careful not to disturb the IV. "Wow," Danny said to him, "for the first time I think I'm actually better looking than you are." He tried to make light of the moment, but couldn't help but be alarmed over his appearance. His face was pale and he looked tired or was it fear that he sensed in him, either one was concerning. Trevor had tried to close the wound above his eyebrow with a butterfly Band-Aid and wipe some of the blood away but he still looked a mess.

Steve squeezed his hand speaking in between the short gasps of breath; "You're the…sorriest excuse…for a fireman I've ever seen."

Danny glanced over at what Trevor was dealing with for the first time. The amount of blood along with the vision of the rod coming out of him was surreal. He couldn't fake it any longer, and didn't want too. He looked back at him unable to hide his worry. "We're going to get you out of here. You just need to dig deep and hold it together for a while longer."

Steve looked him in the eye and knew that his instincts were right and he knew that Danny knew it too. "Mary, Danny," he said breathless, "I need to know…that she'll be looked after."

"You know she will be." He hated the subject at hand, but also knew it had to be said for Steve's own peace of mind.

"Tracy," he shuttered, wanting to talk about her but after thinking about Mary he was afraid he'd break down and didn't want too.

"Chin and Kono went to get her."

"This is going to scare her," he said quietly, finding it easier to speak if he whispered.

Danny scooted in closer to him. "She's a tough girl. You told me that, and I'm impressed with anyone who can keep you on your toes."

Steve agreed with his description of her. "I found out a lot about her in Colorado. Why she did the things she did to me and to others." he squeezed his hand as Trevor removed a bloody gauze and replaced it with a new one. "I understand all of it, and I think I can make her happy, give her some peace."

Danny put a hand on his sweaty hair, "So you want to marry her huh? Idiot," he joked.

Steve chuckled over that, "I know, but she has this power over me…" his voice began to trail off, "that I just can't figure out…It feels good."

"Jesus," Danny huffed, "you are in love. You poor schmuck." He watched with concern as his eyes began to get heavy and flutter on the verge of closing. "Hey, wake up." He gently shook his hand to no avail. "Steve!" He looked over at Trevor. "He's passing out!"

* * *

Tracy heard the knock on her door as she slid her suitcase from Colorado to the back of the closet. She knew it had to be him.

She ran to the bathroom first and checked herself in the mirror, feeling her heart racing with excitement, happiness, but above all the rest, love.

She liked what she saw in the reflection and paused for a just a second longer smiling, "This is going to be the beginning of a whole new life for all three of us."

She came out of the bedroom, hurrying to the door, not wanting to keep him waiting any longer, nor herself for that matter.

She opened it up, surprised to see Chin and Kono, not understanding in the least why they would be there. "Hi," her voice mirrored her confusion. She peeked just slightly around the corner to see if he was coming up the hall. She looked back at them and started to ask but it was then that she noticed the expression on both of their faces. It wasn't a pleasant greeting, nor was it an angry one, they looked somber and Kono actually looked as if she might have been crying. She thought of Celia and hoped nothing had happened to her, but knew that Steve would tell her if…she froze over that thought as her worst fear began to emerge at the same time that Chin began to reveal it.

"Tracy, you need to come with us. There's been an accident."

She felt her head begin to swirl as she wrapped her mind around that word 'accident.' She stepped back away from the door and away from him as he continued to explain the situation. She felt a hand on her arm and followed it up, meeting Kono's eyes.

"Tracy," she said painfully, "we need to get Mary and go."

"Is he hurt badly," she mumbled, wondering how she even got the words out.

Kono looked over at Chin, not sure how much they should tell her.

She saw the glance between them and assumed the worst. Her hand went over her mouth and she stumbled backwards into the couch, using it as a brace as she slowly sunk down to her knees, unable to take in what they were telling her. "No, please," she tried to catch her breath that was becoming more and more difficult to achieve. "Please," she begged to no one in particular but to anyone who could hear and would listen to her pleading.

Chin squatted down in front of her and put an arm around her waist, picking her back up again as Kono went in the other room and got Mary's things together. "When we left he was awake and talking. Danny is with him, but if you feel like you can't go, then I understand."

That statement snapped her out of her trauma and initial shock. "What?! No! I mean Yes!" she gripped his arm, feeling tears stinging her eyes, "I want to go! I want to be with him!" She felt a horrible ache that he might never know that she loved him too. She had to tell him. If anything happened and he died not knowing that, it would break her heart into a million pieces. She clung to him, begging him, "Take me to him!"


	25. Chapter 25

Trevor scooted over as Danny moved out of his way the best he could in the confined area.

"We were talking," Danny explained nervously," and he just passed out."

Trevor put his fingers up to Steve's neck, feeling a pulse but not liking the strength of it nor the heat coming from him. "Shit, come on Steve." He put a hand on his forehead, feeling a fever. "Damnit!" He grabbed his radio off the floor. "Joey," he said into it.

"Yes?" was the immediate reply.

"What's the status on getting him out of here?"

"We're waiting for a lift from a nearby construction site."

"ETA?"

"Half hour, maybe a little more."

Trevor shook his head, "You need to move to plan B. His pulse is weak and his temperature just skyrocketed and I can't get the bleeding under control. We need to get him out of here soon. I mean really soon."

"We don't have anything to keep that slab of cement stable."

Trevor spoke more firmly, "I'm telling you that if you don't figure something out quickly, this is going to go from a rescue to a recovery. Do you understand?"

"Roger that," Joey confirmed. He ran over to the screen that held the video from his helmet camera. He motioned for the demolition expert and another of his men that were experienced in the same field. He played it back freezing on the frame showing Steve's tomb. "What if we wedged some wood in there for stability and used the jaws to open it up just enough to cut the rod and pull him out. Do you think it will hold?"

The two men looked at each other. "I think wood might be too weak and unstable. It could roll," the fireman gave his opinion first.

"I agree," the expert replied, adding his view, "I think if you could open it with the jaws and wedge some blocks in there then it might hold it steady." He held his hands up as if he were only guessing. "It might hold it steady."

Joey looked to his man for a second opinion, "We need to move fast or this whole thing is going to be for nothing."

"Do it," he said, knowing it was their best option against the new deadline.

Joey spoke into his radio to Trevor, "We're coming down, send Danny up."

* * *

Chin pulled up to the site, parking in the same spot.

Tracy slowly climbed out of the back of his SUV, getting her first look at what they had tried to describe to her. The house looked as if something large had fallen from the sky and smashed into the middle of it. The first floor walls around the foundation stood, but the inside was gone. Rescue workers worked feverishly around the site, pulling out debris from the inside. She felt like she was in a trance as she walked closer to the destruction, not knowing how he could even be alive under all that, let alone surviving the blast that caused it. "Oh my God," she mumbled, "Steve. Steve," she repeated breathless. The thought of him being down there with the wound that Chin and Kono had described left her paralyzed with fear and worry.

Danny looked over, seeing her walking closer and peeled off the coat he still had on letting it fall to the ground, running over to her.

"Tracy," he took her by both arms and began to move her back away from the house.

She looked up at him horrified, "Where is he? Is he ok?" She looked over his shoulder wondering how she could get to him.

"Yes," he lied, trying to appease the panic her voice. "I was just down there talking to him."

She grabbed a hold of his arm, "I want to see him," she begged. "Please Danny!"

He held her firmly and shook his head speaking in an even placid tone, "Tracy, you can't."

"Yes, I have too! Please let me go!"

He felt the hysteria in her growing and gently shook her, "Tracy!" he demanded her attention. "Stop!"

She focused back on him as he blocked her path to the house. "It's not going to happen. You can't go down there. It's too dangerous and it would only worry him if you were there." He moved his head to get in line with her eyes, "Do you hear me? You don't want to upset him do you? Not now?"

She slowly shook her head, understanding his point. "No." Her bottom lip began to quiver and the tears erupted as she tried to explain. "I never told him that I love him. He told me…but…"

Danny put his arms around her. "He knows. We talked about it and he knows. Ok?"

"You did?" she shuttered.

He pulled back and put an arm around her as he led her back toward the car where Kono was holding Mary. "Of course we did. You and Mary are the most important things in his life right now."

She stopped and pulled back on her arm stubbornly, "Please don't talk to me like you're just trying to find words to fill the air and calm me." The willful expression softened, "Please Danny. He's also the most important thing in Mary's and my life too. Please tell me what's happening."

With her defiance and Steve's forthcoming, it suddenly dawned on him the magnitude of their relationship, wondering what had actually happened in Colorado that had changed them so quickly. He also realized that he was doing to her what Joey had done to him, and it wasn't fair. He gently rubbed his hands up and down her arms soothingly as Chin and Kono listened too. "He's not doing well," he finally confessed, "they had a plan to get him out but when I was down there his condition worsened, so they're trying something more urgent and risky before he gets any worse."

Kono buried her face in Mary, holding her tighter while Chin put a hand on Tracy's shoulder as Danny hugged her, pulling her head down on his. He looked beyond her to Chin as the two men silently shared a moment of fear and worry over the unknown. It wasn't just their boss down there; it was their friend, their best friend. It would be like losing a member of the family and neither one of them could fathom the toll it would take on their lives if the unthinkable did happen.

* * *

_Steve felt himself falling further and further into the darkness as if it had no end. When he finally landed it wasn't hard and painful like he had anticipated. It was soft and warm. He was on the sand and looked up as the clouds moved rapidly across a blue sky. He turned his head to the side seeing the ocean waves lap up on the shore, but the blue water turned red and he quickly lifted his head looking at his body that felt pinned down as countless metal rods pierced through him. The vision was terrifying and he laid his head back on the rock hard sand and looked up as the sky turned black and everything around him disappeared into the darkness. The isolation that consumed him was like being in a coffin and he wondered if he was being punished before death for all his wrong doings in life._

_ He felt a warm hand in the blackness, sensing the gift of healing they possessed, but not seeing the person. _

"_Mom?" he called out, remembering her powerful abilities to mend all his pain and fears. _

"_I love you," he heard, but the voice that filled the air and the familiar body that lied next to him in the dark wasn't his Mother's, but she held the same powerful qualities that could heal him. He could feel her warmth as she draped her body over his; her hair falling on his shoulder as he buried his hand in it, bringing her in closer. "Tracy," he said knowingly. He could feel her smile in the darkness, holding him tighter. "Don't go yet, ok?" he begged. _

_He didn't hear a reply but did hear voices in the distance and what sounded like chaos. _

Steve opened his eyes, seeing Trevor and Joey. The small space had been opened up and he could see up to the night sky where debris and the ceiling of the house had once been. He blinked his eyes, wondering if he was still dreaming, but it was real. He'd never felt so weak before in his entire life, wishing he could go back into his dream. His whole body felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds. It was a struggle to even lift his head.

"Trevor," he mouthed the name but the voice was silent. Someone had tucked his hand up by his chest again so he couldn't reach out. He watched Trevor and Joey speaking to one another as well as three others who he didn't recognize. There was so much noise around him with the workers clearing the space that no one noticed him. The chatter was becoming more like arguing that it was no wonder he heard it in his dream.

Trevor shook his head in frustration over the discussion of the new plan when he looked back over at his patient. "Hey!" he said, seeing his eyes open. He immediately squatted down in front of him, "I can't believe you're awake. I juiced you up with a lot of meds." He did a quick evaluation of his condition, examining the wound, his pulse and his pupils, knowing the medication hadn't taken full effect yet because when it did, he would be out cold, which is what they all wanted before they started moving him. "Are you in any pain?"

"Tracy," he mouthed desperately. "Tracy."

Trevor moved in closer to him, seeing a look of desperation on him. "Tracy?" Trevor repeated, not knowing her.

Steve nodded, "Tracy."

"Is that your girl Steve?"

He grinned over that description of her, liking it.

Trevor's eyes brightened, "Tracy! Mary's mom, right?"

He nodded, "I have…things I need to say to her," he whispered. "Not sure…I should wait?"

Trevor knew what he was asking. He wanted to know if this might be his last chance to see her. They both knew what he was up against in the next ten minutes and Trevor didn't want to take that chance of not letting him say what he needed too. He scooted back. "I'll go get her. I'll hurry," knowing he'd be asleep soon. He had been faced with this situation once before when a dying man gave his last testimony to him to relay to his wife and he didn't want to ever have to do that again.

He put a hand on Joey's back as he came by him, "We need to get Tracy, Steve's girl down in here for just a couple of minutes. He wants to see her."

Joey looked up as Trevor moved past him to the wall with a ladder on it that was being used to get in and out of the basement now. "Hey!" Joey yelled out, "you aren't bringing anyone down here!"

He ignored the order and began to climb up, stopping when he was level with the first floor, seeing the activity on the grounds in front of him. "Tracy! Is Tracy here?!" he yelled out.

Joey pulled on the bottom of his pants leg. "You are not bringing anyone else down here! We're about to fire up the jaws and get him out!"

"We can't do anything until he's out cold and in the meantime he wants to see her." He kicked his hand off his leg, "Are you going to deny him that? Because I'm not!" He looked back toward the grounds, searching for Danny. "Danny!" he yelled out.

Danny and Tracy both looked in the direction of Trevor's voice. She handed Mary to Chin and followed him as he ran back to the house.

* * *

Danny gripped the fireman jacket Tracy had on as they put a helmet on her head. "Listen to me," he directed her, "don't cry when you get down there. I mean…when you see him. He's pretty messed up and looks it too." He knew he was frightening her with that statement but also knew that Steve would only focus on that and not what he had to say. "It'll upset him seeing you like that, so just hold it together."

She nodded, feeling her hands begin to tremble, "I will." She looked over her shoulder as Trevor stood on the ladder and called for her to hurry. "Thank you Danny." She ran over to Trevor the best she could wearing the thirty some pound jacket. She began the climb down with the aid of him and two other men who assisted from the ground level.

"One more step," he said to her as she took it and turned around facing him. Her beauty stunned him; she was breathtaking, even in the large hat that sat awkward on her head but fulfilled its purpose.

"Where is he?" she asked, knowing it was going to be hard not to cry when she saw him but after what Danny had told her she knew too that it would only upset him. She followed him down a path that resembled a maze, stepping over pieces of wood and debris on the ground, tracing his footsteps as he hurriedly made his way over to her final destination.

She looked up seeing Joey and two other firemen as they stared at her, seeing what Trevor had. She made no immediate contact with them just wanting to get to Steve. She looked over as Trevor squatted down next to a large slab of cement; it was then that she saw Steve's legs, recognizing the jeans he had on the last time she saw him but Trevor blocked the rest of him. She slowly made her way over to them, her insides churning and telling herself over and over, '_Be strong. Don't cry_.'

Trevor stood up and backed away, "He's still awake but not for long."

She looked down at him and felt her heart sink to her stomach. The scene before her was surreal and grotesque in the sense that it was happening to someone who she loved so much. She made eye contact with him as she put a hand on his arm, falling down to her knees. She tried to control her rapid breathing still reeling over his condition and the sight of the rod coming from his side. She focused on him through the relentless tears that filled her eyes, putting a hand on his sweaty forehead and gently wiping away the perspiration. "I love you," she said first and foremost, needing to get it out.

"You're…so beautiful," he whispered sleepily, studying her face, "I love…I love you."

"I'll take care of you," she said. "Mary and I will take care of you."

"I never…hated you," he fought to stay awake. "I know you thought...I did. I was mad…and hurt…but I always loved you."

She kissed him for that, unable to hold back the tears any longer. "I always loved you too. From that first night I met you, I just wouldn't accept it," she whimpered. "I was such a fool."

He heard her but felt himself drifting away, not wanting to leave her just yet.

"Are you any pain," she asked, seeing his eyes close.

He grinned slowly, "Not anymore," his voice trailing off, pleased that he got to say what he needed to for her benefit and his peace of mind, struggling to open his eyes so he could see her, needing to say just one more thing but feeling his whole body succumb to the medicine. "Marry me," he mumbled incoherently as he drifted off.

"Steve!" Tracy called out, looking over her shoulder as Trevor pulled her back.

"That's it, he's out!"

"Wait!" she said almost panic stricken.

"No!" Trevor said as Joey and the men moved in around them. "Time to go."

She jumped as they fired up the machines to get him out. The noise was deafening and she looked back down at him, wondering why he didn't wake up from the noise. Her heart sank believing he was dead. "Steve!" she screamed, grabbing Trevor by the arm, "Help him!"

"He's medicated! He won't wake up and he can't hear you anymore!" he practically drug her from the area, not wanting her to be there incase their plan didn't work out and the cement collapsed down on him. He handed her off to another Fireman and ran back over to help.

She barely felt the steps of the ladder as they pulled her up and hurried her away from the house. The helmet fell off her head somewhere in between and all she could think was that she couldn't lose him too, not so soon after Mark. She wouldn't be able to take it. Danny met her halfway and led her back over to them, taking the heavy jacket off of her. She saw Mary and needed to hold her, taking her from Chin and moving behind the cars out of sight of the house that vibrated from the commotion of the machines as they hammered away at the blockade that held him entombed. She leaned against the car and slid down on the ground holding Mary tightly against her chest, praying that he would be all right.

Danny came around the backside and squatted down in front of her, putting a hand on Mary's back trying to calm the crying that had erupted from the unfamiliar and scary chaos that was all around her. She didn't understand what was happening but didn't like the feel of it either. "Did you talk to him," he asked Tracy, needing to know that Steve was still ok.

She nodded, "He's so weak. He looked so helpless." She started to cry, "I didn't cry," she assured him. "I didn't cry."

He put an arm around her as he sat down next to her, hugging she and Mary. He wanted to tell her about Steve's marriage confession just to ease some of her pain, but was afraid that if it didn't work out, then it might do more bad than good. So he said nothing and just held her.

Chin came around the front of the car. "Here they come! I think they have him!"

Danny jumped to his feet, pulling Tracy and Mary up by her hand. They looked over the hood of Chin's car seeing Trevor, Joey and the others moving quickly toward a waiting ambulance carrying a stretcher.

Before any of them could get there, Trevor climbed in the back. The doors were closed and it was driving off. Danny grabbed Joey by the arm as he backed away from it. "Is he ok?"

Joey's smile revealed his answer, "We got him out and he's stable, but the rod is still in there. He'll have to have surgery to get it out. They're headed to Queens hospital." He put a hand on the back of Danny's neck, gently squeezing it. "I told you I'd get him out." He said pleases with himself. He looked beyond him to Tracy, Chin and Kono. "You guys should head over to the hospital. We'll deal with this later. The bomb squad is here and ready to investigate. We'll let you know what they find out."

"Thanks man. You did a good job, Joey," Danny said thankfully.

"He's a tough son-of-a-bitch, that's for sure." He motioned to Tracy and Mary. "I think he had some serious inspiration."

Danny agreed, shaking his hand first as the others did the same, except for Tracy who hugged him.

They piled in the cars and headed to Queens's hospital, knowing the worst was over, but it was still going to be a long night.


End file.
